i don't believe in love
but i believe in rock and roll
and how music can save your mortal soul
i don't know how to dance
but i can feel the flow

the same place i used to play with my toy trains i get drunk alone at 230 in the morning
thats a sobering thought

love can be real and love can be fake
cause there's only one word for the feeling you create
inside of the person who left themselves open
to the words you have spoken
to leave them mended or broken
so when you think you can fake with the best
when your heart skips no beats when she touches your chest
she's there for one reason, to fill some emptiness
she there for you, but you couldn't care less
the butterflies in your stomach have all lost their wings
you know you have lost the most marvelous thing
you took love, and made it boring

love can be real and love can be fake
cause there's only one word for the feeling i create
inside of the person who left themselves open
to the words i have spoken
to leave them mended or broken
so when i think i can fake with the best
when my heart skips no beats when she touches my chest
she's there for one reason, to fill some emptiness
she there for me, but i couldn't care less
the butterflies in my stomach have all lost their wings
i now know i have lost the most marvelous thing
i took love, and made it boring

what would you say. if i said. that i thought. that you loved me
just for a second in time. but for now you’re above me
picking chrysanthemums by the lake never felt so appealing
teaching me how to speak cause you're a decent human being
those peachy rose cheeks would you mind if i picked one
surrounded by that soft tan from playing in that big sun
and your name should be Pooh cause your persona is honey
my queen bee yessiree she makes the stickiest worries funny
though hey. yes i know. that you don’t really love me
but one day. it will pass. like the spring. blossom lovely

agape
i give you my hands
do what you please
just don't forget
i also have dreams

dried blood all over your hands
when will you stop trying to fight the man
we both know its just paint

drunk and alone at night
i find solitude in your name
drunk and alone at night
i feel no pain
i remember you're still living
and i’m breathing on the same world
it gives me hope
you could still be my girl

but i know there's no ghost on this island
cause his hands would be all covered in bud
not much else but a sight for the red eyed
a reality that seems real enough

everything you could want you can find by the beach
but after the music stops it seems everything dies
I've had my fun but I know its so empty
think i’ll just lay here until the sunrise

the dark waves of the night try to calm me
a drunk drag, lungs swell with liquid black
drowning in these thoughts on this island
hoping the waves will carry me back

smother me in my sleep
leave me in my dreams forever
i can find peace in the dark
meaning in overrated anyway

if i don't use big words
does it hide my simple message
like the fog over the river
you're my city in the valley
you fit like a size too large
and make me feel small
but I'm always warm

walking down the street it's getting dark
wishing i hadn't forgot where i parked
i've never really been to to your neighborhood anyway

you're still sitting on your roof
smokin' a cigarette
already forgotten that i'd left
I never really was your hero anyway

and never have you ever really needed savin'
i just wanted to be someone you could hide in
you always thought there was something beautiful bout being alone
so i'll never know

walking to my door, get a buzz on my phone
you say never have you ever felt so alone
and he never really felt as good as you anyway
come save the day

but she never really ever needed savin'
and i just wanted to be someone she could hide in
she always thought there was something beautiful bout being alone
so she'll never know

i wanna understand art like i wanna understand you

i dont understand either but i really want too

all the secrets and mysteries

the scratches and tears

the colors and the hues

but my minds not quite there

it feels like a chase

falling into the floating maze of your head

im losing this race

and losing myself instead

trying to understand why you do the things you do

or do the things you say

feeling like i pay

for just a little ray

of your attention throughout the day

but why try to understand one girl

when there are alcohol and drugs

sorority girls everywhere

my life’s an open jug

i’ve filled it with sadness gladness and love

the liquid of sadness blue like mourning

the solid of gladness like a sunrise the next morning

and the gas of love, that sprays you without warning

this jug is a mess, with nothing to hide

it shows everything it is, it’s hurt, it’s ambitions, it’s pride

maybe thats art, pure genuine feeling

a symbol of something that stirs emotion or healing

maybe i’ll start to understand art

maybe i’ll start to understand you

cause you’ve opened my jug

and i don’t know what to do

i don't think I'm ready to see you walk across my room
i don't think I'm ready to see you walk across my room and look you in the eyes and see you need me
i don't think I'm ready to see you walk across my room and look you in the eyes and see you need me when i don't think I'm ready to see you walk across my room and look you in the eyes and see you need me
i think everything i tell myself is nonsense

it was like a single wave lapping the shore of north ave beach on a humid chicago night
the atmosphere filled with explosions and lights, a dizzying display of color up in the sky reflecting back down in a single wave kissing the sand below
the city swallowed all feelings whole on the 4th that night and for a few more after
until the show ended and the sun didn't come up the next morning, leaving the air filled with a smokey haze, awkward remnants mixed with what happened before & questions of what happens next
and the wave retreated back into the lake as quickly as it came
but even for just a few moments, it all seemed new and exciting
one summer in the city

what kind of life is a life on the edge of a word
to fall or stay standing on the thin line of “hey”
balancing a tight rope across letter after letter
finally walking off the side & down into the oblivion
waiting for your safety net

i'm stuck
not free falling but forever falling
nowhere to begin or end
i don't know how i got here
its lonely

what do you think she looks like sitting out on the edge of a dock
as the sun is just beginning to creep down below the trees on the other side of the shore?
light washes just the right side her face as she looks up from dangling her toes in the water
seeing her through the fire pit you're warming yourself by
it crackles and grows, the flames in front of you dance around her messy hair in the distance
the loons coo & the waves slosh against the beach
her feet rise above the water
& she begins to float towards you above the tide
until she’s above the fire
the tallest embers flicker at her feet
she leans down and slowly runs her hand down your cheek
“i wished you loved yourself when you met me”

I think she feels like when the sun has gone down
and the fire is minutes from dying
and me alone

you can drown in the ocean
but people still flock to the beach
mostly when it's sunny
not so much when the sky is filled with clouds
or when a storm is brewing
but the ocean
it stays the same
the tide will come to the edge of the pier
and back down again
though the passion and strength of the waves changes
from forces sent from god to the gentlest whitecap kiss
rain or shine i'll stay with my feet in the water
pull me down if you want to

you can't find me in a summer dream
darling
i'm a 3 a.m. cold sweat scream
darling
you won't remember me like a soft breeze
darling
i'm a force that'll bring you to your knees
darling

while we’re inside, you’re in the clouds
and you can't see past the tree line
even when the sea parts in your eyes
and you can pass
all you see is red and you fold
and fold and fold and fold
till you've made something to consume you whole
you never wanna eat though so your bowls always full
weren't you supposed to be something more in this world
wasn't i supposed to stand out not burn out
maybe you can still see me as you drift into sleep
cause in my dreams i just see me falling in the deep

devotion to the idea of your mystique
the drama you pretend that doesn't matter
pluck my strings one more time
let it ring through my thoughts
never leave me alone
never tell me who you really are

maybe you'll never
get over that first love
that first free fall, but something
that can triumph over those achy feelings
is meeting someone after who doesn't make those feelings
go away
but makes you feel like those feelings don't matter, and gives you
a platform to stand and then slowly rise from whatever hole you were
trapped in

i don't know if you need me
its just dark out
and i wanna walk you home
but you're crying and shaking in the room upstairs
i'm scared

because i have no control
while someone took all of yours

now there's only silence between your wailing screams
shattering the notions of these broken dreams
of you and our friends believing nothing bad could happen to us

we were just joking around in the same **** room
that you ran too

after their after hours took too **** long
and it all happened way too fast
i wanna kick his ***
i wanna fight, i wanna cry, i need to step outside

you didn't deserve this

now its quiet because my friend took you away
and the next day
when you leave the hospital i want to say
I still don't know if you need me
but i need you
to tell me you're ok

when someone says they'll do anything for you
they're lying
unless they want to quit every second but don't as
they're crying
inside at the mere thought of letting you down while
they're dying
because they want to see you live life like you should

so afraid of getting wet you stress yourself
to the the point you soak yourself in your own sweat
& it's so simple yet so extreme
not being able to drink in the world so you get lost..
in stupid ******* metaphors about a liquid
that gives and takes life which is the same
as fear, risk and love..
why don't you love me

i’m waiting for you
i’m seeing you
but i’m dead to you

you haven’t seen me yet
you haven’t felt me yet
or loved me yet

and when you ever find me
i’ll be there
just for you

if you've ever seen me
if you’ve ever felt me
if you’ve ever hurt me

you haven’t really seen me
you haven’t really felt me
you haven’t really hurt me

because you have never really known me

i’m still waiting for you
i’m still thinking of you
i’m still here, just for you

not used to the changing tides
so high at the dawn
so low in the dark
the moon shines down past the beach
leading me adrift into the moonlight
until the submerged sun leaps from the sea
and the moon fades into blue
there i find myself alone in an ocean of doubts
ready to paddle back home

your sweet emotion is the ink with which i write
the longing energy to be
baby you’re a piece of art
but the picture in my head
and the words in which you speak
scramble into a jumble
it's either the most beautiful thing i’ve ever seen
or nothing at all

didn't you know
couldn't you tell
all the things i was trying to tell you in my head
but instead
you ignored
and got bored
by all the thing i actually said
thats not me
couldn't we
start all over again just one last time
you could be mine
but no
its not so
you’re gone away
so far away
its just me
quietly
with all the things i was trying to tell you in my head
i should go to bed
but instead
i’ll ignore
walk out my door
and get bored
by saying all the things i actually said
in my head

i'm just as you painted me
lazy strokes behind ****** poetry
finish and place me beneath the bed
now i've left your head

I have the deepest sense of love
But it's so stupid
Cause i won't get it back
What
It's just empty
I've gave
Everything I am
So I
Am hollow
Like any word I'll try to say
To her
Cause she
Is already gone

you've breathed life into my dreams
and ****** any security from my mind

you remind me of death
every time you talk
you're always taking my breath

i just wanna rip my head off and run 100 miles to somewhere far away baby i feel great but i need to go and forget everything I've ever learned and remember how to feel like someone i wanted to be

we stood there on the dock, the waves coming in slow

the most familiar feeling, but you, I’d hardly known

your red hair looked like a campfire

dancing on your head

while your words warmed me deeply

as you frowned at me and said



“there’s no fish in this lake, I wanna go inside”

I laughed as we sat there, smiled and replied

“I was just like you when my grandpa took me to this dock

give it 10 more minutes, if there’s no bites, then we’ll stop”



you grabbed my hand and sat down, feet over the side

gave me your pink fishing pole, little eyes opened wide

looking for the fish, but it was too dark to see down there

leaned against my side, as the springtime breeze cooled the air



it didn’t seem so long ago, I was here with someone else

and he smiled like I smiled at you, while we fished by ourselves

he taught me to be patient and he taught me to live slow

while all I might’ve taught you, was that the fish don’t always show



after that, we went back in the house and said our quick goodbyes

I ruffled the fire on your head as you hugged around my side

kind of like I did when I let my grandpa go,

but I didn’t think this would be the last time, I’d see you again



though



as quickly as you came in my life

that’s as quickly you both went out

it’s all the same anyway, that’s how family things go about



but I’ll never forget that little smile and your little dig

when I lied and said, “I think we’ve got one, and it’s pretty big”

you said “Johnny it’s been 10 minutes and we haven’t caught a fish,

I’m getting really cold and I think we’re pretty bad at this”



I wish he could teach me again so then we’d actually catch a few

but he’s gone away, and now so have you

sometimes people die, and sometimes people’s parents get divorced

now you’re just a little stranger, who I fished with once before

if the multitudes of my anger
ever met the layers of my love
they’d split the sadness
deep within me

Instead they cower and swim away
desperate to avoid creating
this hurricane that’s been due for months

but I’m already underwater
& have found I can’t drown
so I just float
out of breathe and out of hope

How am I terrified?
What could be more than this
This solemn emptiness
Sunk to the bottom of a siren song
Created on shore
But now I’m sure
Anchored to the blue
I’m still better off w/o you