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Jonathan Keeley Jul 2020
if the multitudes of my anger
ever met the layers of my love
they’d split the sadness
deep within me

Instead they cower and swim away
desperate to avoid creating
this hurricane that’s been due for months

but I’m already underwater
& have found I can’t drown
so I just float
out of breathe and out of hope

How am I terrified?
What could be more than this
This solemn emptiness
Sunk to the bottom of a siren song
Created on shore
But now I’m sure
Anchored to the blue
I’m still better off w/o you
Jonathan Keeley Nov 2019
we stood there on the dock, the waves coming in slow

the most familiar feeling, but you, I’d hardly known

your red hair looked like a campfire

dancing on your head

while your words warmed me deeply

as you frowned at me and said



“there’s no fish in this lake, I wanna go inside”

I laughed as we sat there, smiled and replied

“I was just like you when my grandpa took me to this dock

give it 10 more minutes, if there’s no bites, then we’ll stop”



you grabbed my hand and sat down, feet over the side

gave me your pink fishing pole, little eyes opened wide

looking for the fish, but it was too dark to see down there

leaned against my side, as the springtime breeze cooled the air



it didn’t seem so long ago, I was here with someone else

and he smiled like I smiled at you, while we fished by ourselves

he taught me to be patient and he taught me to live slow

while all I might’ve taught you, was that the fish don’t always show



after that, we went back in the house and said our quick goodbyes

I ruffled the fire on your head as you hugged around my side

kind of like I did when I let my grandpa go,

but I didn’t think this would be the last time, I’d see you again



though



as quickly as you came in my life

that’s as quickly you both went out

it’s all the same anyway, that’s how family things go about



but I’ll never forget that little smile and your little dig

when I lied and said, “I think we’ve got one, and it’s pretty big”

you said “Johnny it’s been 10 minutes and we haven’t caught a fish,

I’m getting really cold and I think we’re pretty bad at this”



I wish he could teach me again so then we’d actually catch a few

but he’s gone away, and now so have you

sometimes people die, and sometimes people’s parents get divorced

now you’re just a little stranger, who I fished with once before
Jonathan Keeley Nov 2017
I'm cursed to be the late night daydream
that floats from the back of your head
without precaution or warning
as you sweat alone in your bed
for you no longer know me
left me still standing but so spurned
you're the one I got caught up in, spun up on and churned
into the softest of feelings, left to harden in the earth
down in the fire of it slowly gaining self worth in dirt
but for now when you glide your hand across the my bottom of my cheek,
I'll turn my neck slowly, slightly feeling less weak
eye to eye till I fix on your grin
eye to eye as you move your fingers down my chin
then thrusting your fist firmly into my guts
twisting my insides
pulling out thoughtless words and blood
please just leave enough vitals for me to whisper to you
I'm fine, I'll be ok
in 20 years tops
for now I'm just cursed
but you could make it all stop
Jonathan Keeley Mar 2017
what do you think she looks like sitting out on the edge of a dock
as the sun is just beginning to creep down below the trees on the other side of the shore?
light washes just the right side her face as she looks up from dangling her toes in the water
seeing her through the fire pit you're warming yourself by
it crackles and grows, the flames in front of you dance around her messy hair in the distance
the loons coo & the waves slosh against the beach
her feet rise above the water
& she begins to float towards you above the tide
until she’s above the fire
the tallest embers flicker at her feet
she leans down and slowly runs her hand down your cheek
“i wished you loved yourself when you met me”

I think she feels like when the sun has gone down
and the fire is minutes from dying
and me alone
Jonathan Keeley Oct 2016
maybe you'll never
get over that first love
that first free fall, but something
that can triumph over those achy feelings
is meeting someone after who doesn't make those feelings
go away
but makes you feel like those feelings don't matter, and gives you
a platform to stand and then slowly rise from whatever hole you were
trapped in
i've never been in love
Jonathan Keeley Aug 2016
it was like a single wave lapping the shore of north ave beach on a humid chicago night
the atmosphere filled with explosions and lights, a dizzying display of color up in the sky reflecting back down in a single wave kissing the sand below
the city swallowed all feelings whole on the 4th that night and for a few more after
until the show ended and the sun didn't come up the next morning, leaving the air filled with a smokey haze, awkward remnants mixed with what happened before & questions of what happens next
and the wave retreated back into the lake as quickly as it came
but even for just a few moments, it all seemed new and exciting
one summer in the city
Jonathan Keeley Jul 2016
i don't think I'm ready to see you walk across my room
i don't think I'm ready to see you walk across my room and look you in the eyes and see you need me
i don't think I'm ready to see you walk across my room and look you in the eyes and see you need me when i don't think I'm ready to see you walk across my room and look you in the eyes and see you need me
i think everything i tell myself is nonsense
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