A freak and fruitful flower
I twirled in a frantic field of dandelions
The roots felt like the bald skin crawling on my bones
as they ****** the sunlight off of the structure of my stems
With the wisdom that the asphodels would find out
About the moment I planted myself in a hurricane last summer
He asked me to stay until the lilies grew back
Then his garden began to grow inside of me
during the spring time, and I think I must have drowned
Or maybe it was Autumn, when I found my piece of mind
I sat still long enough to allow myself to stay
If I refused to swallow the worms who ******* my tongue
If I was pure enough to drink the poison out of my vines
In a diligent essence of dignity, I might have tried
but in a clear perception of reality, I realized
I would always remain
A freak and fruitful flower
Same as I was, same as I ever would be.

dandelions
I sail to you through the great unknown
And tip toe on your white lines of gray matter
An acidic, atomic baby light blonde
  with a heart of stone trapped in a yellow rain cloud  

dandelions
In the syndicate of the hazel night moon
I smell their broken stems of wire
Wrapping my thighs in a sealed cocoon
Dancing in a brimstone fire

Melting in the midnight winds

dandelions
She can’t wait to roam free tonight
Feel the air flow between the thistle of my thyme    
And find her midtown morphine  
To soothe the demons, dancing in her mind

dandelions
Dispersing on a front porch swing
I scatter in the wisp of an ivory snow
Break a rhyme scheme, scream for rain
Pray for laughter,  bleed for growth

Manic mimosas
On a syndicate smile
Bourbon scotch cherry blossoms
With cinnamon eyes
He’s the only one who knows
how deeply he affects me.

Tonight I need to drown in you
Feel the loneliness consume me
With no desire to grow
From the garden I was planted in
Staring at Louisiana’s root -
how deeply he affects me.


I don’t want to be beautiful
I don’t want to be happy
I don’t want to be skinny
I don’t want to be strong
Let me drown drown drown

With the sheer knowledge
I’ll be laughing like God
After freezing a man
who sings my name
for him, I will return

To manic mimosas
On a syndicate smile
Bourbon scotch cherry blossoms
With cinnamon eyes
He’s the only one who knows
how deeply he affects me.

With tangled toes and tasseled twirls  
You spoke to me in silence
Alone
you are invincible
Together
we are unstoppable
and I realize
how much I need you.

In twenty days I will be back in Georgia

and I will feel the cold air pierce through my lungs as I stroll through the streets of downtown Atlanta

I will hear the sound of thick, southern drawls singing country songs by a diminished campfire, releasing the smell of burning leaves and Tennessee whiskey

I will see my grandmamas gaze as she welcomes me home with a *** of steaming Jambalaya and White Diamonds perfume

And my sweet souls will smile at me with their crooked teeth that look like mine
They will approach me with their fast paced walks that move like mine
They will laugh at me with innocence, light, and love

Their simple love  
their pure, loyal love
The kind of love that liberates
The kind of love that frees me
from the solitude I hold
So deeply within myself

And I will return to my little apartment
on the eastside of the city

with a memory of enlightenment
With a memory of gratitude
With a memory of grace

To shower you in
To nurture you with
To guide you to
The clear light of day

He knows me by my first name

The boy who works at the drugstore

near the end of the street.

When I shovel out the crumbled twenty from my left pocket
he doesn’t even bother to say


Will that be all-
Or
Which pump are you at -


His simple smile spreads across his face,

And he calls me by my first name-

I am no longer the girl at the drugstore

near the end of the street.

I think we were born to be

a purple red tangerine smile

You make me speak out loud

Baby, you taste like innocence  

When you kiss me with your eyes

And make me love you

Enough to grow old



In our revelations of ecstasy

You reminded me of the angel in my soul

Instead of the woman who I turned out to be

A mellow euphoria of eternal light

I think we were born to be

a purple red, tangerine smile

You make me speak out loud

My sweet honey

You’ve become my home.

I can still see you and your Crowne Royal sitting on your throne after drowning in the tequila sunrise you left behind yesterday morning
You are my home, you are my salvation
You are my hell, you are my damnation
And I realize I can’t heal you.

It’s March now and you’ve been drowning in your sorrow for ten months, praying she can keep you from reaching the bottom of your bottle
She is your home, she is your salvation
She is your hell, she is your damnation
And she realizes she can’t heal you.

She isn’t like the woman you’re used to
She doesn’t have that plump, patient, strawberry smile and wide eyes with a wolf howl in her throat
She doesn’t have that serenity and solitude, walking out of the kitchen with Tennessee whiskey and dried up roux on her apron towards her white Pickett fence, reminiscing on the days when the walls were made of barb wire

She doesn’t have her freedom when she roams, barefoot in nothing but your long ***** flannel as she calls the babies in for supper, kicking up red Georgia clay towards the Milky Way sky

But she’s a somebody
She’s a somebody with her long, fake eyelashes curled up towards the ceiling and her plumped up lips with a price tag on her Cupid’s bow

She’s a somebody who’s hair falls flat in the morning, and even though she doesn’t know what it’s like to pull twigs out of her curls when she wakes up after dancing around with you in the barn at three o clock, laughing in whispers so her babies don’t hear her

I love her

And I hope that she at least believes she can heal you
And I hope that I at least believe she can heal you
And I hope that one day, you reach your hands up to heaven and remember what it’s like to hold the heart of God on a Sunday morning, and be forgiven

And I hope that you’ll believe that he can heal you
Because he is our home, he is our salvation
He is our hell, he is our damnation
And one day, I know he will heal you.

Tonight I’ve felt the switch go off fifteen hundred times

Swinging like a pendulum, crawling through the vines

I spoke in tongues of laughter in the fields of chlorimine

My bones are broken bruises as i'm missing you as mine

But I don’t want to go back to you.



I look up at squinting blue eyes in an autumn meadow

Stare at the widows in the aquamarine sky

I’m tired of it’s blinding rays
I'm tired of begging myself to be

More stable

More subtle

More sweet

Like a Valencia picture tacked up on to a cardboard wall

When I’m cracking around the edges

Of being the woman who I’m not again



I think I’ll just cry tonight

Through the cravings of my mania

On fascination street

******* and alive

Singing by the ocean

Trying to survive

I think I’ll just die tonight



They always leave me when I’m silent

Swerving on the highways

wild and fragile

Fading in to outer space

Losing track of time  



Tonight I’ve felt the switch go off fifteen hundred times

Swinging like a pendulum, crawling through the vines

But I don’t want to go back to you.

Meanings of masculinity
Do you beat a woman until she’s raw?
Do you pound her brain until she bleeds?
Do you take her home and hold her when you’re through?

In your apology for disrupting my development
You told me I would never be enough
I traced the corners of the ceiling with my eyes
Five, or maybe six times that night

Meanings of masculinity
Do you search for open wounds?
Do you **** her poison sweetly?
Do you send her home and leave her when you’re through?

Memorizing triangles of sanity
Forgetting the man who bruised me
Knowing I would have to stand up again
A fallen angel who was once a saint

In question of

Meanings of masculinity
Do you feel the same way I do?
Do you drink the open air?
Do you go home feeling broken and tired when you’re through?

I left Billy last summer, and at first it was hard
To not feel her blankets weigh me down
into a pentagon pool of starches and creams
To not feel her sugar rush supreme
through the highs and the lows
of an extra-large platform
Until she resurfaced, kissing my lips
raw until my throat burned dry
And I knew she had to let me go.

The color of passion, the color of pain



The color of delusion, the color of flames



I slip my swollen soles into your hallow hysteria



Cracked, fragile feet from the frost bite



  of a West Virginia snow



Size six, ruby red stilettos



and I push



and I pull



and I scream



and I sigh



and I try and I try and I try



In my six, ruby red stilettos



Freezing poetic lullabies



Until I can find a place to call my own



  

Sparks of scarlet bloodlines



Dripping down my spine



Wrestling through rivers



between the spaces in my mind


My heart is much too loud for a place like this



My lips are much too quiet for a place like this



I dance with him in



The color of courage

The color of fame

The color of charisma

The color of strength



The color of my lipstick when its fading through my lies



Much too broken



Much too bold



Bursting into a violet plum



until I am in pieces—



until I decide to throw myself back together again



In my size six, ruby red stilettos



and it wasn't my intention to force them to fit



and I push



and I pull



and I scream



and I sigh



and I sell dignity of my poverty



to get them to come off of me



but once I started dancing



I fell in love with the sound



of my heels clicking



the surface of the floor



and I made myself a home



in my size six, ruby red stilettos.

Coming back into my body

Every inch of flesh  

Building on my bones

Strong enough to run

Strong enough to dance

Strong enough to smile

Strong enough to laugh

Looking in the mirror and seeing myself again

Through clear, hazel eyes with blue on the brim

And I think to myself

My reflection is beautiful

My reflection is clean

My reflection is calm

My reflection is kind

My reflection is me

And I love my crooked smile

And I love my tiny waist

And I love my sweet hips

And I love my big heart

And the way I laugh

It’s like God is blessing my body
with a thousand kisses
every time someone tells a joke

When I feel myself

Coming back into my body

And even if I’m just some ***** headed, cherry sipping, Coca Cola drinking wildflower

Even if I’m just someone’s woman,

Someone’s daughter, someone’s sister, and someone’s friend

I can feel myself

Coming back into my body

Where I am free

Water in my roots
And once again, my stems bleed me out of an aquamarine cyclone
Flying through every cloud, floating through the dopamine daydreams
manias and monotones
After a decade of droughts
I twirled in a tornado
While the demons ate my brain
So I designed a tavern
To lock myself in

Water in my roots
And once again, a blurred vision of ecstasy blinds my eyesight
Looking in opaque mirrors, pressing the pearls of the pendulum
sepias and saxophones
I danced through a hurricane
While the angels saved my torso
So I tore the broken chains
To let myself out

We met on the corner of Saxon and 95 south
During one of those nights I was crawling out of my anaphoric daydream
I was a broken down bride in my sheets of white linen
When  I noticed the light in your eyes were as dull as mine
When the moon sculpted a mirage in the center of your ashtray
When you told me you needed me to stay a moment longer
I traded you a Chevy ride for a song of sweet surrender
As you blessed the burning willows that bled through my black and mild soul
Firing the sparks inside of me that had never seen a flame  
As I drowned in a carcass of rapids that never seemed to lay still
I reached into my lillies and pulled out a candle
To lighten your vision until you reached home
Until you were strong enough to love her again
And you thanked me with a smile and a tank of gas
I drove until midnight, staring at the moonlight
listening to the sighs of my breathe against the wind
And the sweet little woman who lives inside of my bones  
Reminds me of the way old Georgia worshipped my vines
I chose to abandon his comfort and wisdom
For the freedom of white lines on an open road
And while it soothes me to see him settle without me
I can’t help but wonder if I’ll always be a withdrawn vagabond
With my toes in the sand, with my head in clouds
Writing lines in a blank verse of commitment.

Four walls through a first person point of view.



That’s how I saw it, laying in the center of the empty room on the bamboo floor board my daddy laid.  



Staring at the ceiling, tracing the corners with raw and broken eyes.



I would be the last person to leave this place, and rightfully so. The last person to say goodbye. The last person to lock the door, and let the house go.



Four walls through a first person point of view. I spoke to the woman inside of my bones gently, as my voice cracked for the last time.



In this room, I became a warrior. In this room, I became a woman. In this room, I became a writer. In this room, I became a wanderer.



Four walls through a first person point of view.  I carried the weight of the world with me as I walked out that door.

Have you ever tasted her between your teeth?
The midnight cowgirl with a suicide smile
She’ll love you until the sun rises
if you can play your cards right

Love you like linen, rose, and sugar
I stared at her through the broken glass
Of mirrors shattered white
In filthy rags

The colors of my daydreams
And I can’t help but wonder
Have they ever tasted her between their teeth?
The midnight cowgirl with a suicide smile

What does it feel like to drown the same way you do?
I tied anchors to my feet
for five days to understand
And roamed the earth
in rose gold petals

In pursuit of the mistress in my fantasies
Black, white, and gray stones flicker
Do they feel the same way I do?
This morning I can write like god

With the knowledge that in twelve hours
I won’t have enough breath to ask
Have they ever tasted her between their teeth?
The midnight cowgirl with a suicide smile

I hope you have the night of a king

With your freedom and your fire

I hope she blesses you

While the world is retired  



You're floating in my memories

Like the smoke, flying towards the sky

And I remember when I loved you

Through the mountains and the vines



*******, I can’t wait to roam free tonight

Feel the wind run through my thighs

And find some cross road country boy

To serenade my mind



But I’ll wish he was you


I’d  leave my sickness behind

if you'd just come home

Because I need you tonight

To fill the cracks in my bones


I woke you up in an apocalyptic suicide

To tell you I loved you underneath the shade

Of an Ohio mulberry tree

And I wondered if you knew I was staring at you

When I looked up at the sky

Lily Kesha Gump

Sittin' on the curb of Bronx and Main Street

How I wish I could wrap my arms around you

Sweet little lady, lookin’ grown with a picture of her mama’s stare frozen on her face

Wrists slung through the spaces of her thighs, waiting for a daydream

And she sees me as I’m twirling by in my ruby reds and thigh high leather grace



There you go darlin,

She says to me  

Scoring on my indigo smile

She bites men to sleep

With the crevices of her curves

As her voice weakens wicked

she pulls me out of my gloom



There you go darlin,

She says to me

With a time bomb ticking

On my pain pain pain

And the pen is in my hand

Before she even leaves my sight



I love this city

I love these women

I love their shoes

I love their smiles

Cheeky little laughs  



Someone once recommended

When I was dancing under the shades of a neon lamp  

From Homeless to Harvard

by a woman named Liz or Marie

Or maybe I read the title off of a screen
when I walking with Maryanne on north Peachtree street


And I remember


Lily Kesha Gump

How I wish I could wrap my arms around you

And give you the life some white woman

who doesn’t even know you

Thinks you desire.

Visions, visions of sanity
Aching from your chest
Crazy, crazy girl
Your mind’s a mess

Pick your poison
Drink your wine
You’ll be here
Until the end of time

In a vision
Vision of sanity
I’m dancing freely
In the sunshine

Let it be done in madness
Let it be done in rage
Let my voice sound
Like a moan of desire
When I’m in misery or strength

When my mind falls under Aphrodite’s spell
And temptation leads the way
Just know that ill commit to eternity in hell
If this sanity will stay.