I whisper 'i love you'
With a deafening silence
I caress every inch of your body
In my mind every minute of every day
But you turn away and nestle against
The one you chose to spend forever with
You and I both know you're not in love
But It's quiet there
It's safe
You're comfortable
While I, I am left with this love
Gnawing at my stubborn heart
I lay every night rapidly combusting
Wishing for the burning to end
So that the ashes that do remain
Will blow away, travel with a gust of wind
And settle upon
Your soft, conforming skin
Then you and I will finally become one
As you always promised we would

I no longer think hopes and dreams die
They float around this Earth waiting
Waiting until we give birth to our children
That's when they will reappear
Wrapping themselves around them
Creating an Impenetrable force field
Giving our children the strength we lacked
Helping them achieve the desires
That rumble in their bellies
They will allow the beam of light
The one we will pass down to them
To burst out of their chest
Not fearing the moon's envy
For their light will be the brightest
It will guide bodies
To their own hearts destinations
Stories will be written on staggering walls
About the children of failure who rose up
Who had so much passion
That they created their own light
Led love and happiness
To the doorsteps of many
Brought misery to its knees
With constant humble human nectar
That is what our children will be

I hate when you leave the toilet seat up
Or how you spill toothpaste over the sink
I hate finding your clothes hung over furniture
And how you sleep pushed up against my back
Radiating your heat all through the night
I hate even more waking and realizing you're gone
I still can't bring myself to erase the signs of you
It's been a hundred and twenty days since you left
A hundred and twenty days since I last saw you
A hundred and twenty days since I touched you
I remember staying up late at night
You said you'd travel to the most distant places
With or without me
I never thought you'd actually do it
A hundred and twenty days since you left
I still feel you pushed up against me at night
And I wake to an empty spot on the bed
With a matching pain in my heart
While grief is the only one I wake up to
A hundred and twenty days since your death

I could have
          sworn we were
                             meant to be

We argued
             so perfectly
                             together

I have gone on days
Stumbling down alleyways
Rummaging the ground to find
Any footprints you have left behind
To illuminate this path I've taken
And ease the pain of a love forsaken

In January I felt so free
Wanting to explore vast infinity

In February I started school
Ditching classes like any fool

In March I was at work and met you
A man with brown eyes and a gaze so blue

In April my heart did sing
With all the love you did bring

In May I felt brand new
******* for the first time in front of you

In June I was so uneasy
Fearing that you'd up and leave me

In July you ended it all
Telling me you'd never call

In August I wept through the season
Feeling like my life had no reason

In September I regained my strength
Deciding to cut my depression's length

In October we met again
Darkness in your eyes did reign

In November you tried to play with me
But your false words didn't drown me in misery

In December you told me about your cheating
When you found your heart wounded and bleeding

We lived so long
thinking you were
the body of my thoughts

The beauty mark that I
Loved and saw
As the best part of me

But you were malignant
When I showed you
In the light to the world

I turned you into
An ordinary freckle
That I wear upon my body

The day I decided
You'd be nothing more
Than a blemish in my memory

Devouring the ravaging portrayal of arousal
Humming at tunes only heard and misunderstood
While forming science from abstract and holding
Pencils with dreamy hands enveloping haunting
And daunting beauty from within
As cerebral impulses begin exploding

You're like the harmony in my sad song
Tapping my feet while my melancholy sings
I hold your name at the tip of my tongue
Savoring it like my new favorite dish
Your eyes are the ones I get lost in
Finding the peace to guide me home at last
The best thing I have ever done in my life
Was to let you to course and pulse within me
I was the bit of darkness in your bright room
But i want to be the log that feeds your fire
The one that keeps you well lit year round

I can renounce love and mock it for now
But one day I'll fall to my feet due to love
I'll smile at myself at the beautiful thoughts
Sigh every time my heart wakes up sore
From how much it exercises around you
When you whisper in my ear my reflex will be
To catch myself from falling head over heels
Rubbing my tummy to calm the wild flutters
That your presence is sure to elicit
I'm trying to stretch my tired legs
Before I run after love

These thoughts scream in my head
Keeping my dreams under my bed
Where they fornicate with idle time
Breeding failure and poems that don't even rhyme
I toss and turn every night
Knowing conformity dims my light
I lay there as time goes on and on and on
Remembering the love that's come and gone
Yet I still remain
Same name
Same everything
With nothing

If I could hold onto anything in this life
It would be to the end of each of your sentences
Or the corner of your smile
Those are the two things I never want to end

I want the sun to kiss me upon my forehead
To comfort the cold that stings inside of me
The one that overwhelms me with darkness
I want the wind to blow fresh air into my lungs
Since those are the ones to be tiring the fastest
Leaving me breathless like almost-lovers before

I feel a pain in my stomach in the form of you
And hear the rumbling of our future memories
I want to expel you from the void inside of me
And wish to see the beauty of us becoming
I taste the longing of you upon my tongue
And feel the growling of my ***** anticipating it

I can't take my eyes off of the brightest stars in the sky
Those are the ones that are burning out the quickest

I fear if you continue to gaze at me the way I gaze at them
You'll be just as sad realizing my light is burning out just the same

You were the water
   I needed to quench my thirst
   When the desert inside me was too cruel
You are the water
   Found overflowing in my lungs
   Collapsing my breathing, ending my life

Hold me as I silently sob
Rob me of my loneliness
Caress my empty flesh
Mesh your heart with mine
Dine on the small of my back
Lack in love as I also do
Glue our pain together
Forever we grow cold

I think about my past
In how I wanted you
I burn on the inside
To get rid of you
The flames cease
My ashes come into view
Spelling your name

Do you feel the once calm flames buried beneath your skin
Rapidly raging with the urgency of my nail?

Will the loneliness caged in the dip above your collarbone
Latch onto my lips with anticipation to be freed?

Can you sense the warmth of your love between your *****
Pulsating and growing with every movement?

You think you're too serious
Too shy
Complain about being too curious
Too sly

You say you're too independent
Too whimsical
Question why you're too impatient
Too analytical

I need you to realize and stop whining
You're the right amount of everything
With the most impeccable timing

An ocean of thoughts
My lonely ship sail
Collide with the iceberg
It is so you
So sharp and so cold
Wrap my metal around
The heaviness of us both
Rusted and old
Meets new and bold
Contrast is tragic and beautiful
We were brought here by waves
To crash to sink and to fail
Let us submerge together

I finish tearing the seams which lie
When they say you'll never be mine
You tear the stitching in the sky
As your body prepares for pleasure to dine
The pitch in your voice becomes high
As my fingers move down your spine
Weakened when against my ear you sigh
Let us blur and erase our cautious line
Bathe in this feeling and never ask why

I carry the
cruelty of Winter

Bleeds through all
of the seasons

Stops at your
heated Summer lips

My frostbitten lips
fear a kiss

The cold follows
with no reasons

Warm shivery sensation
like a splinter

On my mind
At the thought

Of both seasons
Meeting at once

I will always be the slippery *****
               they warn you not to go down
         I am the clutter in your closet
                           they ask you to clean out
                Forever the reason you look
                              both ways before crossing

They say I am not right for you
         But I want to be your happiness
              The world sees me rotten
                         I wish for you to help me
                  Paint the world with color
                        So we may prove them wrong

I'm too tired and too weak
From carrying all these worries
About things that may go wrong
Or things that never happened at all
I only have the will to take steady steps
Because my conquered failures hold me up

I'm too tired and too weak
I've lost my will to even breathe
Due to all the useless talking I do
And the inhaling of nothing I retain
I only now have the will to exhale
All the sweet moans I've swallowed whole

I'm too tired and too weak
To find the will to live the mundane
And excite flames from ashes as before
Or feed from the dull light in the dark
I only now continue this tired heartbeat
Because someone out there is feeding it life

I promise you that we will make love
On a bed full of philosophy books
So that the depth of our hunger
Matches the depth of our thinking

Every press of my nail upon your flesh
Will have you question your existence
You'll feel more alive with every thought
Then you will understand Rene Descartes

Our smoldering bodies radiating pleasure
Will have you disregard the material world
This passion will posses the highest reality
Then you'll understand Plato's forms

Amidst my guidance toward your ******
You will hold values and aspirations close
And form your most perfect self with me
Then you'll understand Friedrich Nietzsche

On this bed full of marvelous thoughts
We will lay tangled exhausted overjoyed
For our love our lust and our everything
Will have the immensity of philosophy itself

I was happy being a mountain range
Admired by those wishing to explore
One day I caught sight of quite a beauty
This mountain range made me eager
To explore peaks and run down slopes
Feel every dip and groove of rough terrain
And find my way through every cave
I want these plates beneath me to quake
So that my range can be with your range
Let me be the snow that covers you whole
To feel myself melt in your warmth
Say you'll have me and give into desire
Allow my prints on your wonderful earth
For the future explorers to envy
Maybe then my yearning for you will cease
Or maybe I'll stay exploring forever

You are the words I speak
The pause in between
Where I linger for a while

You are the thoughts I seek
The inspiration from within
Where I submerge denial

You are my heartbeat at its peak
The blood rush through ravine
Where all is cleansed of vile

You are the irrationality I tweak
The insanity that was forseen
Where I lose myself and smile

You are the glow that leaks
The inner beauty that they all mean
Where it paints all I see mile by mile

I was so in love with love
That I stopped loving myself
And refused to see you
For who you really are
Vile, arrogant and manipulative
But all I wanted to see in you was
Love, confidence and intelligence
I was wrong but I will learn

The night dips, crawls and falls at my feet
Hisses and rumbles as my attention it seek
I attempt to ignore it for I wish to behave
To uphold the morals my parents engrave
The night sprinkles white powder upon me
To try and wake me so with it I may flee
It casts a dark cloud just above my head
Tastes of whiskey and shame from which I was bred
Reminds me of the insatiable thirst I miss
Of flesh smoldering upon flesh with a kiss
The night tempts me to come out and play
But I want to be good so I elude it and stay

There are little worlds inside of me
Orbiting around my brain constantly
These worlds collide with eachother
Many tiny worlds exploding within me
Their remnants drape my fibers
Course within a stream of blood and ideas
Sometimes these collisions hurt
Sometimes these collisions bring joy
There are little world inside of me
They make me feel so alive
I hope they never die