I want to hold his hand
I want to call him mine
He says not tomorrow
But if not then, than when

I say the wrong things at the wrong time
Like when 'I love you' is thrown around at the drop of a dime

stiletto heels and heartbreak
singing songs of falling in love
when you're stuck and unable to regain balance

I have two best friends
That my boyfriend doesn't seem to like
They have my attention all throughout the day
He only gets me in the night time
I choke all day
And don't breath until theres no light
Am I real around them
Or my boyfriend
Time will find out
Whether I'm honest with myself

relying on somebody else
all hope had deteriorated
misery
trouble bearthing
devastation
something was obliterated
her single sustaining thought
you are alone
suicide

Dear Future Friends,
Please don't treat me like my last
I dream that I'll find support
And not need memories from my past
I hope that you won't find me annoying
And I hope that my sarcasm and humor is
understood and taken with a grain of salt
I pray that you don't treat me like a little girl
And that you understand that just because I don't look broken doesn't mean your words don't hurt
The things that people before you have said have damaged me
I don't believe I can be loved but assume that everyone loves me
Because I don't see a reason to be hated
And if you do please go now before our bond becomes a friendship
I don't think I deserve my time wasted
But people before you have shown that I do
The way I was treated feels unfair and unjust
I'm left in despair
and I don't deserve
The love
The happiness
The joy
And the support
Because sadly I'm nothing
Future friends that's exactly what they made me feel
I'm sorry I'm so damaged
I'm sorry that every future text that I send feels like I'm clinging onto moments before you leave
I'm sorry if I make you feel bad
I don't want you to go like the last
I don't
And friends before
I'm sorry you didn't think I was good for you
I'm sorry that I relied on you a little too much
I'm sorry that I didn't listen when you spoke up
And I'm sorry that I'll never be enough

heartbroken sundays
and gloomy mondays
she cared for you
but you didn't care
he cared for you
and he was your king

the color of my hair
the color of my heart
the color of the feeling
i feel when we're apart

every day i cry
is one more until you’re mine

love and possession can not be the same things
you can not hold a girl as an object and a queen
she deserves a real man
not a boy with scarred hands

you said that it would hurt
but i didn't believe
that it would hurt just as much as it did

the fear we seek is what we ignore
the fear we have for the people we love to hate
and love to love
a mirror loves to capture our faces but not what's behind the eyes
your love is what i see flood into mine
and though the look of your reflection is a bit scary to me at first because i haven't been in love for quite some time
the sound of your voice and the care that you give breaks the mirror
i have imaginary feelings for your reflection
and real feelings for what's behind your eyes.

silk webs surround her heart
that was left unused for years
daggers and swords surround my heart
and my wrists
and my thighs
and my lips
used, used, used again.

her smile tastes like apple juice
so crisp and colored in red
let's hope she survives another night
when she feels she's better off dead

anyone: are you alright?
my mind: maybe they won't see the secrets inside
my mind: maybe they can't hear the lies that I hide
my mind: maybe they can't hear the pain and the sorrow
my mind: maybe they can't hear my cries for tomorrow
my mind: maybe they know i know im not enough
my mind: maybe they know that i've begun to give up
my mind: maybe they think that im just an allusion
my mind: my words and thoughts are all based on confusion
my mind: will somebody please help me out
me: i'm just fine

The sensation of your lips

That I can't feel anymore

The movement of your hips

That I had previously longed for

The feeling of your f*

That I yearned for
   before


I went numb



and the emotion drained for my lips
from my lips to my heart
oh where will pins and needles become a thing again
lost sight through my eyes
the power of my brain
all because you hurt me
every time
all the same
I begin to be worried
for you
not myself
and then i realized
my empathy for you doesn't matter
if i can't feel anything for myself

i scrub the thoughts away with water and acid
soap isn't enough so bleach in cuts it's all that should remain
in the damaged figure that has begun to become my body
my heart aches at the sight of blood but it opens me up for more opportunities
chest
school
arms
career
thighs
hobbies
heart
money­
ears
family
eyes
success
lungs
     lungs
          lungs
               lungs
                    lungs
in my body grows the leaves of the others
who have been waiting to be set free
branches bring my lungs to collapse
as my body becomes life for two others
she was a tree
The tree of life

Curled up in blankets
And at times being scared of
Who I'd be without

we were waiting on a miracle
a rainbow through the clouds
but all there was was a drought
and queens killed for their thrones

She makes me glad to be alive
Though her power dangles over me
I have an infatuation with her
And yet she hopes I don't stay till morrow

I don't like the person I'm becoming
Or the person that I was
My heart is given to her
She doesn't take it back

you hurt me
so i cry
and i scream
and i bleed
but for some reason
you're still the only voice i want to hear

red
orange
yellow
blue
she doesn't belong with you
pink
maroon
black
green
with another boy her heart is seen

I can't control who I fall in love with
And falling in love with you was the worst thing I could do
With your glimmering smile
Your sunkissed skin
A hand that could only hold mine
And a heart that was built to be alone
I wish I could have you
I wish you'd be mine
But for once in my life
I'm let down

I like a girl
Who doesn't like me
She doesn't not like girls
She just won't like me

my anxiety is a gunman
a man strapped with weapons
all of them pointed at ne