You look in the mirror and know bloating is your enemy
You have people tell you, you are too flat
You are not skinny, you are not fat
When food can be your frenemy

You put in all this work
You have people tell you it will never be enough
You are not strong, you are not weak
When your body can call your bluff

You always try and stick to the rules
You have people tell you that you could do better and include this and that
You are not memorable, you are not forgetful
When your diet looks like something you do not get at

Just knowing you looked into another mans eyes and felt comfort
You know it is wrong, but cannot help yourself
You feel the sense of danger and adventure with every breath he takes
And the rush of your veins surprises you

Just knowing you are hurting everyone to the point of break
You know it is evil, but cannot stop doing things for you
You feel the sense of loyalty and commitment you are ready to give
And the shock of feelings confuses you

Just knowing you are trying so hard just to be happy
You know it is wrong to be selfish, but cannot stop the pain
You feel the sense of love and care you have around you
And know how wrong you really are

I love sleep
Alice and Wonderland dances in my head
Drowsiness is my best friend
I took a journey with Aurora
It has my imagination creeping and crawling to me
Forgetting the pain and stress, while your eyes stay closed for hours
It is time to go under, my soul is tired
It is like being dead, but without commitment or try
My light bulb is at a dim murmur
There is no expressions, only tosses and turns at first, my journey just began
Under my covers, soothing myself with darkness from my eye lids
It is my favorite meditation
I am embracing myself for the next day to come
I am decorating my memories

I mix up the meaning of lust and lost
Nothing seems right, no matter what choice
I just have a specialty in wasted youth and that is the cost
Of having no source of happiness, and no voice

I never learn from my mistakes, I repeat
I look at is as it "just who i am"
But the taste of trying hard is so sweet
But all I do is make more fire, more flame

I just wanted to fix my mind
But I look to others to hear my answer that never comes
But they won't be honest, or they are blind
I walked away, embrace my difference and take my comfort outside

I cope with measures of society with opinion
I stand tall for the one's that have no intention of knowing me
All my mind is, is a trouble maker in prison
But I wake up and never know which me will come out
Who will I be

I used to be scared of other people
But now I am terrified of myself

I used to hide my skin from other's eyes
But now I hide my mind, and dress how I want

I used to never speak out
But now I want to make friends laugh

I used to beg for happiness
But now half accept it, along with a complaint

I used to crave love from anyone
But now I look at the bigger picture- that no one cares

I used to need acceptance
But now I could care less, as long as I smiled today

I used to depend on others for help or guidance
But now I know I only have myself

I used to annoy others with my O-C-D
But now all I do is annoy myself

When brought to you it brings you undue stress
unwelcome guest that turns the soul to red
It comes upon you in your mind's address
a barrier with chains that have been bled

Suffocation that starts a loudly tick
you wrap the condition around your life
you rustle the sheets, and no sleep- lungs kick
and throw away chances-- sharp as a knife

One will claw you, and another will pull
an endless battle-- only you alone
mind is scattered, try to keep a handful
words can not escape, I miss my own tone

At my own hands I sink and fall and drown
surrendering to the trench that keeps me down

Soaking up chemicals just to feel numb
Freezing your mind in pure seconds
Just to wait for emotion to come
My veins are the ones wrecking

Sleeping for too long just to feel escape
Stopping your breath from the future
But all there is is ****** torture
But all the love I was allowed to give turned to fewer

Screeching and scratching away at craving
Digging just to see if your time is over
But under water I feel like I'm saving
My own lungs from making a routine of combusting

No one can help to end the battle
No one can understand to even help
But my scars prove I tried to ask
But people are blind if they only look on your skin for them
Even though your pain is at welp

Feeling a tightened crush to your veins
Feeling a drop of happiness fall from your wish
Knowing if you look down, your heart will be in chains
And hearing the tension inside my mind if I listen

Feeling anger rise from your blood
Feeling a shake in resisting thoughts
Knowing your tears hit the floor into a flood
And sensing a confusion that is stuck in knots

Feeling the darkened soothing torture
Feeling as if nothing could be a fix
Knowing the flames hurt your feelings like a scorcher
And all the emotions that come with time is a trick

Mixed personalities stuck within one
You are only scared of yourself, the faithful in none
Vision getting blurred with your mind turning always
She never gets better, no thrill with her days
She craves the sight of blood, it meant control
Begging if one day she will become whole,
Cleaning and scraping the darkness gone from your sight
She could look up and see the hazzy psychedelic light
Getting out of bed is a chore of its own, like breathing
But not even herself can give her any meaning
No one can handle the weight the soul brings her
Licking her lips tasting nicotine and liquor
Her identity is faded, and she wants to lose control
Courage was foreign, and her happiness she stole
There is something that will always not be okay
And the notion of her whole body being wrong, she cannot stay
Caged but her second soul, she never had a good life
People say it is easy to turn off, but the toxicity will strife
Forever will she be confused,
Forever she will be used.

We drink alcohol
So we don't have to feel emotion
We smoke green
So we don't have to think about it
We party wildly
So we can have distractions
We keep secrets
So we never have to explain
We keep quiet
So we never have to argue
We pretend to be okay
So people don't leave
We fake a smile
So no one has to worry

When life makes you find out who you really are
You get twisted with no recognition of the wars becoming
But I believed that the devil made me look like a star
Drowning in your own misery and grasping for the challenging

I cant let her breathe if I want the chance
Pulling my under with the warmth of a thousand promises
But hearing the steering temptations are in a urging trance
Anger and lust is what the problem is

I froze into the thought of an actual beginning
The bruising of worry that is killing you
The struggle is not being within sinning
The demons are choking the fears out, through and through

The cuts in your soul will never heal unless you have it
You are never the normal, but way too off line
Getting higher than the world you want to be, too high to admit
They want to hide me and have a leader to call mine

Wondering how your life would be if you did not mess up
It is the epitome of my heart and what I can give
Scrapping pain ache at my veins but I dont stop
Not enough time to even feel like I live

Questioning if you even deserve being loved
It is the screeching screaming that you always hear
Looking down knowing you cant give your feelings a shove
But I am insane and that's okay because WE are

Another kiss you step away from because you feel it's wrong
But realizing it is your heart getting ripped out, not his
There is something about love you can't have, but you try and stay strong
And trying to wrap your head around care never works

Another hug you feel attached to
But realizing it won't be the same one after amount of time
There is something about the warmth you crave, the pain you chew
And knowing the struggles you have to overcome and climb

We all were made with
A different set of                                  Mind

Cruelty ganged up on
My heart because
Of my notions

Screeching temptations
Haunted my existence
Horror shifting links                             is
What it appears as a privilege

Scrapping metal nails pound               my
Joys and push in flames
Strangled images are the                      hardest
Glass silvers that
Damage you forever

Pounding sensations of                         battle
Creeps inside any level
Of humanity left

Blurring out the intentions make you want more
When all you do is wait for the next open door
You shut yourself out from society but you do not forget
The pain was not your crave, but it is what her body let
When you can not take it anymore, you have to feel free
She does not want to budge, to leave
Having the need to change or be fixed
But your mind and your soul do not mix
Are you okay ?

I like to take risks
Danger arises in my presence
Not thinking as I do the unthinkable
I disobey for being risky
I jump the fence and lose trust in people
I travel my mind and go where it takes me
I look through my eyes deeply and follow
Having courage to break the rules
Being adventurous in a different level
Taking a breath and being brace
Better than a mistake than an what if
Telling myself "Here goes nothing"
Being flexible with believing you can do it
It could end up being an achievement

Melt any time you have left of your day
So you have none for her

Peel away trust and gain excuses

Scramble your words to the wrong direction

Age her with powerful insults

Brush off her innocence

Pour your anger on her always

Toss your cares about her feelings away

Rise your friends over her

Reduce your attention towards her soul

Soak up too much self confidence

Breaking her heart in her recipe for disaster

When beauty comes in your life unannounced
Getting shivers from just your name being pronounced
Traveling emotions will always be scary
Even though some is pain that you needed to bury
Holding back is not the melody I would want to play
I’ve been waiting to love someone till i'm old and grey
I might not be a complete human piece
But after all this searching, your heart was released
I am on time’s side, hoping this could be it
My heart could fully be fixed, only if we do not quit
Your eyes were just enough to draw me in
Hoping craving your body is not a sin
Waiting might crawl up your spine
But my apologizes, I think you’re supposed to be mine.

Darkness lingers through and through
That is why I hide, in my bedroom
Lightness stands so far away
No matter how close I get I can never stay
Dimness that I have felt for so long
I can do my best and just stay strong
Dappledness as I grow to be this tall
Never made me feel at home at all