Wondering how your life would be if you did not mess up
It is the epitome of my heart and what I can give
Scrapping pain ache at my veins but I dont stop
Not enough time to even feel like I live

Questioning if you even deserve being loved
It is the screeching screaming that you always hear
Looking down knowing you cant give your feelings a shove
But I am insane and that's okay because WE are

Another kiss you step away from because you feel it's wrong
But realizing it is your heart getting ripped out, not his
There is something about love you can't have, but you try and stay strong
And trying to wrap your head around care never works

Another hug you feel attached to
But realizing it won't be the same one after amount of time
There is something about the warmth you crave, the pain you chew
And knowing the struggles you have to overcome and climb

Just knowing you looked into another mans eyes and felt comfort
You know it is wrong, but cannot help yourself
You feel the sense of danger and adventure with every breath he takes
And the rush of your veins surprises you

Just knowing you are hurting everyone to the point of break
You know it is evil, but cannot stop doing things for you
You feel the sense of loyalty and commitment you are ready to give
And the shock of feelings confuses you

Just knowing you are trying so hard just to be happy
You know it is wrong to be selfish, but cannot stop the pain
You feel the sense of love and care you have around you
And know how wrong you really are

You never thought you would feel that way about another person
All you feel is guilt and torture
You don't believe in god, yet it is the biggest sin
All you know is that you don't deserve to be loved

You never thought you'd feel a rush go through your body over a simple touch
All you feel is confusion and stress
You don't believe you care ever do this, and his eyes make you crutch
All you know is love is not easy

You never thought the warm would consume you just from a look
All you feel is stuck and uneasy
You don't believe someone could make you feel a thousand rushes at once
All you know is you can't leave him

You always thought you would find the right person
All you feel is betrayal
You  believed that you could  never love another man
All you know is that he does, mean as much as the first

Feeling a tightened crush to your veins
Feeling a drop of happiness fall from your wish
Knowing if you look down, your heart will be in chains
And hearing the tension inside my mind if I listen

Feeling anger rise from your blood
Feeling a shake in resisting thoughts
Knowing your tears hit the floor into a flood
And sensing a confusion that is stuck in knots

Feeling the darkened soothing torture
Feeling as if nothing could be a fix
Knowing the flames hurt your feelings like a scorcher
And all the emotions that come with time is a trick

You look in the mirror and know bloating is your enemy
You have people tell you, you are too flat
You are not skinny, you are not fat
When food can be your frenemy

You put in all this work
You have people tell you it will never be enough
You are not strong, you are not weak
When your body can call your bluff

You always try and stick to the rules
You have people tell you that you could do better and include this and that
You are not memorable, you are not forgetful
When your diet looks like something you do not get at

Looking in the mirror wishing you could change
Knowing it will be a process, but results are in range
Feeling like you cannot breathe, telling yourself it's okay
Touching your heart and knowing it will push you, and stay

It is okay to feel tired, to feel worn down
That does not mean give up, that means stick around
It is hard to be in a newly routine but your mind is there to help
Do not let the darkness take over for even a second

You may want to quit, but today is not the day
Get up and realize your worth, this is for you and you only
So lose your energy in something that will make you better
It is better to have a healthier half than to be a shadow lonely

Stay Strong

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