You never thought you would feel that way about another person
All you feel is guilt and torture
You don't believe in god, yet it is the biggest sin
All you know is that you don't deserve to be loved

You never thought you'd feel a rush go through your body over a simple touch
All you feel is confusion and stress
You don't believe you care ever do this, and his eyes make me crutch
All you know is love is not easy

You never thought the warm would consume you just from a look
All you feel is stuck and uneasy
You don't believe someone could make you feel a thousand rushes at once
All you know is you can't leave him

You always thought you would find the right person
All you feel is betrayal
You  believe that you could never love another man
All you know is that he does mean as much as the first

Feeling a tightened crush to your veins
Feeling a drop of happiness fall from your wish
Knowing if you look down, your heart will be in chains
And hearing the tension inside my mind if I listen

Feeling anger rise from your blood
Feeling a shake in resisting thoughts
Knowing your tears hit the floor into a flood
And sensing a confusion that is stuck in knots

Feeling the darkened soothing torture
Feeling as if nothing could be a fix
Knowing the flames hurt your feelings like a scorcher
And all the emotions that come with time is a trick

You look in the mirror and know bloating is your enemy
You have people tell you, you are too flat
You are not skinny, you are not fat
When food can be your frenemy

You put in all this work
You have people tell you it will never be enough
You are not strong, you are not weak
When your body can call your bluff

You always try and stick to the rules
You have people tell you that you could do better and include this and that
You are not memorable, you are not forgetful
When your diet looks like something you do not get at

Looking in the mirror wishing you could change
Knowing it will be a process, but results are in range
Feeling like you cannot breathe, telling yourself it's okay
Touching your heart and knowing it will push you, and stay

It is okay to feel tired, to feel worn down
That does not mean give up, that means stick around
It is hard to be in a newly routine but your mind is there to help
Do not let the darkness take over for even a second

You may want to quit, but today is not the day
Get up and realize your worth, this is for you and you only
So lose your energy in something that will make you better
It is better to have a healthier half than to be a shadow lonely

Stay Strong

To be happy.

She stared at me, the message of control
Wanting a dream life, isn't it my turn?
She shook in question, why I would her
Needing to be let go, escape it should be my turn?
She stabbed in delight of torture, she was winning
Craving love outside and to deserve, cannot it be my turn?
She sank within my veins, to close the gate to light
Urging to make purpose without noise, when will it be my turn?

To be happy.

My name is not special, nor does it roll of the tongue
My time is spent wasted, instead of being young
My life is not easy or strong, but knowing I am alone still stung
And my heart craves for it to be un-hung

My world is always frustrated, no matter who I am around
My voice is never tough, but independent is the special sound
My mind is wondering so far, it took it turn to the ground
And realized that hell is my only home, with fire I drowned

My relationships struggle no matter what I do
My mental-mess breaks tension between loneliness and what I've grew
My lips part with words that mean nothing to others, no matter how hard I threw
And wanting it to be over so no one doesn't recognize my face and ask who

My feelings get mixed with confusion that hold me under
My love for him make me feel butterflies as thunder
My life is just work, no matter how much I wonder
And I just want to live and be set free and be in love for her

Us

We drink alcohol
So we don't have to feel emotion
We smoke green
So we don't have to think about it
We party wildly
So we can have distractions
We keep secrets
So we never have to explain
We keep quiet
So we never have to argue
We pretend to be okay
So people don't leave
We fake a smile
So no one has to worry

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