Its funny how crushes work
You just see a cute person
You like what they post
& BOOM! Imaginary wedding
I mean I wouldn't go that far
But **** Imma shoot my shot
& If that doesn't work, then I guess I'll let it go

Its when ya friends start crying about how cute they are is when you really realize you like them..
Like uh ***** when I liked him he "wasn't that cute" Now he is Michael Ealy in a Magic Mike scene

Funny how crushes work
Funny how you're jealous when none of you really has his attention
Girl, you still got time to shoot ya shot
You deserve to have fun

Let me tell you about this fine, chocolate boy
skin darker than Hershey's, teeth whiter than baking soda, & girl, he looks good in everything!
I can remember meeting him on one occasion but he will argue that its 2
1 whole year of madness and I am still in love with dude

Let me tell you about this fine, chocolate boy
When I see him out my heart just skips
I feel like I am still trying to win him, slowly playing my poker chips
Its like I haven't already snatched him & claimed him as mine
I'm still trying to impress him, I do all the time

Let me tell you about this boy
His skin so soft and so smooth
I get chills when he runs his hand up my side & kisses my back
When he ***** on my neck, I am most likely to drown
He smells like my favorite things-- Cologne, Henny, & Crown

Let me tell you about this chocolate boy
I'm so desperately in love
I want to be his first & only everything in the world
I want to be his first wife
I want to carry his first child
I want to be with him forever...  I know yall think that's wild!

The season she came
The reason she left
2 things that were all for the best
I loved her
Then I hated her G
Just like a fall breeze
She came beautifully
But she was cold
Way too wishy washy
She was here & then she was gone
Somewhere moved on
I wish her the best
I pray for her to get better at certain things
Because she is such a special Autumn breeze

I really hate that I get so sad...
Words just cannot describe the ache I feel when I get this lonely...
Oh, how I miss the presence of my lover...
I miss the smell of his cologne...
The sound of his voice...
The taste of his chocolate skin...
How handsome he is...
But most of all...
The feel of his hands on my skin...
Why must I yearn for someone so much?
He is this giant piece of me...
When he isn't around I just feel so broken...
Who is he to walk into my life & mean so much to me?
I love him so much that when I think about it...
I get this overwhelming sensation...
Its a wonderful feeling...
Like diving into a swimming pool of love...

You changed my life & you don't even know it...
It is quite unfortunate that you are unsure
What about me makes you shy away?
Have I poisoned your thoughts with insane ideologies?
Have I become attached too fast?
Men never tell you the truth
It is imperative for them to lie
You, my doll, just need to open your eyes
He USED you
He PLAYED you
Who did he think he was?
Come into your life, wreck ****, & then act like he doesn't give a ****!
Miss Kitty has been under the weather...
Should we call the vet?
She hasn't been purring even though she has been wet
It was never your fault
Men are truly selfish creatures
Now all the love you held for them is gone...
I suggest we take a breather
It has been a while since we have truly expressed anger
Sit down, grab a notebook, & jump right in...
Upset

Have you ever vibed so comfortably that you ached to be in their presence?
I hung out with ***** after *****
Man after man
Boy after boy
Just to see if I could move on from a man who treated me differently
Spiritually I was broken
I'm never going to say I'm Anti- ***** but I was sure feeling a way
Then he showed up & boy is he showing out
Who told you to come into my life & be amazing?
I look at him & that's all I see
Such a positive soul
Who I don't think is completely open with me
He hasn't lied but he hasn't let me in
It's like looking into a house through giant glass windows
I see you but I need to know you
I want to know all of him
I try to be honest with myself & I try not to get my hopes up
I know about me & disappointment
We don't work well
My brain spins with this every day
But when he is in my face
I just need him to touch me
Fill my soul with the light of his vibe
& maybe, also **** me
I need that personal intimacy
I sometimes yearned to be wanted
That's the submissive side of me..
That freaky, scary, hidden side
That side of me that wants a fairy tale
I wish to be wanted. Cherished. Loved.
Pin me against the wall & **** me like a stranger but let's get dinner after & maybe watch some soaps
I am also a realist
My soul is so old
My years will never catch up
So I spend my time trapped trying to play catch up
I'm learning to manage money better
I have goals to move
I want to eat better. Look better. Feel better
I want to be better for myself
But now that I've caught this frequency
I think I like it a bit too much
But I am going to ride it as long as I can
Little NIK, you carchbheart eyes so fast but is this different?
I understand the love of a challenge but be honest with me
Everything sends a vibration
From the rough scratch of his working hands on my thighs
Our tilted kisses so we don't bump noses
My lips covering his... as full as they are
The feel of his healthy beard which always smells nice
Especially when coming from between my legs
I like how he can call me every day
come lay with no ****** intent
It's all new to me
I feel kind of drunk
Anyone who knows me knows how I love my alcohol
I'm not trying to be too drunk to see.. this is a different kind of personal intimacy...

I feel it in my chest
Tightening of muscles as you clench your teeth
A feeling so strong you feel it in your feet
Push it off, push it off, push it off
Ignore those wearing signs & go about your life
Avoid confrontation
Bad idea
You are a simmering ***
If someone doesn't turn off the fire
You'll get too hot
But these people, these things, this life we live
They all apply this pressure
A tightly sealed lid
Overflow
An explosion
You shouldn't let it but it's a build up of pain
This deep anger never let's you feel the same....

Sometimes these special frequencies invade our space & we latch on blending it with our own
Together these frequencies create these shock waves of happiness & force the Vibes nearest to become flooded with positivity
I knew when God dropped the frequency called Sonia, my life was going to change
All it took was a second...
I bumped into it at the mall & it just stuck
When we played together— the sound? Impeccable!
So crazy how new & fascinating it was... now I can't imagine life without it.

It's crazy to me how you can be blinded by a single person's aura
It's crazy how you can love someone so much that it hurts to even think about not loving them
You let a lot slide
You let life pass you by
Then you look at the time....
You wonder where it went
Where is all that sunshine?
It this a new season? All I see are clouds
A whole year gone and it still feels like day 1
Until I met him
I was once wrapped in this aura that made me believe I was progressing
When truly I was stagnant
You never realize how badly you've been treated until someone treats you better
It's a luxury
What does it mean to be a queen when you've been a servant?
Is he a knight in shining armor?
A blessing in disguise?
Is he just like the rest?
Will he pass the test?
When someone opens a window and shines light on your world... its euphoria
Every day I want more and more of that energy
I need to be engrossed in it
Even though my heart still cries for her first love, I cannot reverse
I don't want to get attached too fast but Ava has an immaculate work ethic...

Such a beautiful little shapeshifter
A modern day siren
It's hard to picture her face now
She's so distant
I loved her
It's wicked how fast my heart grows attached to those I frequently see
It's as if she ignores the wary signs
She just jumps
Victoria was special to me
A real life movie
She opened doors to hinges I knew not existed
Party... people... alcohol
She had connections
She had problems
I took them all
I didn't think that one day that beautiful one would shift on me
She was an adapter
She played a role to get what she needed
She could be as soft as a kitten
As helpless as a mouse
Clever as a fox
Angry as a bear
I had seen her become many things but the day she changed
I couldn't recognize her
She was this form I had never seen before
Though her face is distant in my mind
I still get a chill in my spine
From the memory of her presence
Sometimes it makes my bones ache

Love— such a short word yet so complex
Love is that queasy feeling you get when someone makes you laugh
It's that overbearing happiness you feel around those you care for
Love is puppy dogs, roses, & all things sweet
...
Love also has a dark side
Love is fighting with yourself to define wrong from right
Love is accepting heartaches & mistakes
Love is letting go when you don't want to
Love can hurt you
Love is this emotional roller coaster that no matter how many times you ride, you cannot prepare for
It hits you at random & you follow the flow
You will never be sure if you get light, dark, or both...

I've been wearing socks for 3 days straight
Icky, sticky socks make me irate
There's just something freeing about feeling the ground beneath you...
I feel you!
The flow of energy
The boost of adrenaline you get—
Heart beat quickens
Breath in breath out
Breath in breath out
Breath in breath out
Faster, faster, faster,
And then
STOP
I'm smiling— beautiful adrenaline rush...

What defines a family?
Is it the blood that we share?
Is it the love that we've been taught?
Is it the similarities in our skin and hair?
When you were born, you were taught that family is everything...
But what happens when family breaks your heart?
What happens when family tears your entire foundation apart?
And then pretends like it never existed?
Growing up you were told love your family because that's all you have...
What happens when that same family turns their backs?
What happens when family assaults you?
Touches you inappropriately?
What happens when they all turn to you and say you are crazy?
We were TAUGHT that family is the foundation of life but they never TAUGHT us that sometimes family just isn't right...
You follow blindly without questioning
You take the pain and you move on
You grow older & you learn
You knew they were wrong
But instead of speaking up
You keep moving along
The cycle continues
Generational wedges are placed
But who will stand up and say it to their face?
Out with old and in with the new
Your job was to protect ME
& What did you do?
You decided to protect the family
Thinking these walls won't fall
But the foundation is corrupted
So it's time to let go
This house has been flooded
We can start from scratch
Family should listen
Family should learn
Family should protect each other
Even from their own..
Can we rebuild family?
Can we recreate unconditional love?
Can we stop pretending that bad doesn't happen?
Because it most definitely does...
What defines a family?
I seem to have lost it
Somewhere between disappointment and down right exhausted...