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Feb 2018 · 169
Its funny how crushes work
You just see a cute person
You like what they post
& BOOM! Imaginary wedding
I mean I wouldn't go that far
But **** Imma shoot my shot
& If that doesn't work, then I guess I'll let it go

Its when ya friends start crying about how cute they are is when you really realize you like them..
Like uh ***** when I liked him he "wasn't that cute" Now he is Michael Ealy in a Magic Mike scene

Funny how crushes work
Funny how you're jealous when none of you really has his attention
Girl, you still got time to shoot ya shot
You deserve to have fun
Feb 2018 · 253
Let Me Tell You
Let me tell you about this fine, chocolate boy
skin darker than Hershey's, teeth whiter than baking soda, & girl, he looks good in everything!
I can remember meeting him on one occasion but he will argue that its 2
1 whole year of madness and I am still in love with dude

Let me tell you about this fine, chocolate boy
When I see him out my heart just skips
I feel like I am still trying to win him, slowly playing my poker chips
Its like I haven't already snatched him & claimed him as mine
I'm still trying to impress him, I do all the time

Let me tell you about this boy
His skin so soft and so smooth
I get chills when he runs his hand up my side & kisses my back
When he ***** on my neck, I am most likely to drown
He smells like my favorite things-- Cologne, Henny, & Crown

Let me tell you about this chocolate boy
I'm so desperately in love
I want to be his first & only everything in the world
I want to be his first wife
I want to carry his first child
I want to be with him forever...  I know yall think that's wild!
Feb 2018 · 175
Fall Breeze
The season she came
The reason she left
2 things that were all for the best
I loved her
Then I hated her G
Just like a fall breeze
She came beautifully
But she was cold
Way too wishy washy
She was here & then she was gone
Somewhere moved on
I wish her the best
I pray for her to get better at certain things
Because she is such a special Autumn breeze
Poem 6-- Relations
Feb 2018 · 251
Like clockwork we would sit at the same table at 4am
Her, fresh of work. Me? Mind on 10
Crazy cause she was my best friend
Within a short year that came to an end
Allowing others around was more my thing than hers
My heart just held love more openly than hers would ever admit
I always find myself back at that IHOP table
Remembering every detailed conversation, every argument, every tear, every realization
I know it was real
I felt it
The world is selfish
& I learned the hard way that
good things don't last forever
Poem 5-- Relations
Jan 2018 · 209
Wild Fire
Have you ever felt yourself self destruct?
Killing your insides with the drinking & the drugs?
Can you even stand to look at yourself sober?
Given your all to help others get over?
Have you ever loved something so much,
That it hurts with even the slightest touch?
Has someone ever lit a flame within your soul?
A flame so powerful, you couldn't think to control?
A flame that has the tendencies of a wild fire...
Growing & growing, burning everything in sight.
A flame that makes it confusing to decipher wrong from right?
A flame so blinding that the sun has to hide...
Do you know what it feels like to watch that flame die?
Well just look me in my face, you can tell by my eyes...
He knew the difference.
He knew what was wrong & what was right...
I told him long ago, don't play with the light.
He didn't care... he knew it wasn't right
He still lit the match & watched the flame ignite.
Jan 2018 · 211
Quite Like You
I've never met someone quite like you
I've never been more attracted to a face like yours
Most of all
I've never fallen in love with a soul until I found yours
I'm sure you've never known a girl like me
Beautiful but filled with insecurity
On fire yet so meek
Strong minded but so sensitive
Never mistake me for weak
I enjoy your company
I love the feel of your body next to mine
I try not to get so down when you disappoint me
But I have nothing to do when you aren't around
I've never loved a soul quite like I love you
I just wish you saw it
I wish you could see how hard I am trying to be everything you desire
I never ask for too much because I don't want to put that pressure on you but its you
Its you I want to grow old with
Maybe a child
I could not imagine loving another
Because no one is quite like you
Jan 2018 · 193
Missing Lover
I really hate that I get so sad...
Words just cannot describe the ache I feel when I get this lonely...
Oh, how I miss the presence of my lover...
I miss the smell of his cologne...
The sound of his voice...
The taste of his chocolate skin...
How handsome he is...
But most of all...
The feel of his hands on my skin...
Why must I yearn for someone so much?
He is this giant piece of me...
When he isn't around I just feel so broken...
Who is he to walk into my life & mean so much to me?
I love him so much that when I think about it...
I get this overwhelming sensation...
Its a wonderful feeling...
Like diving into a swimming pool of love...
Jan 2018 · 131
Teach me to be strong, my mind is weak
Swinging moods like walking feet
Sometimes I feel broken
Sometimes I feel whole
Sometimes I, honestly, just don't know
Why push me away?
I need you now
Why be afraid?
I've never dogged you out
Why judge me?
You are not my creator
All I'm asking for is a little savior
Jan 2018 · 254
So funny how you love someone
In an effort to let them go
You latch onto someone else

My Muffin...

Crazy how people effect your life
It has only been a month &
He is a distant yet present memory

I was in love with a man that I could not be with
So I found myself wrapped up in

My Muffin...

Such a big prize wrapped in a small package

How would you feel if you held it in your hands &
Then were told you couldn't have it?

Its Tragic!

I refused to cry over men long ago
But this one?
It hurt... I still didn't cry
Now it is hard to remember what it was like
The good times
Like my mind completely blocked the memory
I can tell you everything i know about him
But phone calls are faint...
Imagine it from my eyes for a moment

My Muffin....

He is this gem.
I researched it once or twice but never thought of collecting it
You learn more through a familiar source
Then it is in your possession
You hold it delicately at arms length
So precious yet so dangerous, you think
How will you ever handle such a thing?
You eventually build up the courage to
bring it closer to your chest
Then the Jeweler comes & says
"Sorry, they didn't tell you, you were only here to babysit?"
Even after i had polished it
grown attached to it
willing to call it mine
It wasn't even an option the entire time
That is when you learn that not all things that glitter, shine
Poem 8-- Muffin
Completes Collection
Jan 2018 · 146
You changed my life & you don't even know it...
It is quite unfortunate that you are unsure
What about me makes you shy away?
Have I poisoned your thoughts with insane ideologies?
Have I become attached too fast?
Men never tell you the truth
It is imperative for them to lie
You, my doll, just need to open your eyes
He USED you
Who did he think he was?
Come into your life, wreck ****, & then act like he doesn't give a ****!
Miss Kitty has been under the weather...
Should we call the vet?
She hasn't been purring even though she has been wet
It was never your fault
Men are truly selfish creatures
Now all the love you held for them is gone...
I suggest we take a breather
It has been a while since we have truly expressed anger
Sit down, grab a notebook, & jump right in...
Poem 6-- Muffin
Jan 2018 · 180
I Don't Want This
I don't want to be that girl he calls in the middle of the night, although I enjoy the attention.
I don't want to be the girl in her feelings about him talking to other girls when I am not even his.
I don't want to be the girl who gets drunk and blows up his phone because he decided not to answer.
I don't want to be the girl who write poetry about a guy who can't respond to her text messages.
I don't want to be the girl who's heart hurts when she thinks of distancing herself.
I don't want to be the girl who falls so easily in love with the potential & future success she sees in beautiful men.
I don't want this...
This lonely feeling, this sorrow to know that all that potential you love doesn't see the same within you.
Poem  7-- Muffin
Jan 2018 · 330
The good. The bad. The ugly
All happening in the same location
My bed was taken
Preoccupied by sweat
The bed wet
I have a hot box
I'll rock your socks off
But only if I like you
I'll get some head but you gotta be good
Men made me hate ***
Too fast. No pleasure
I don't like to feel rushed
I like it slow, hard, rough
Choke me while you slide it in slow
Do your best to let me know
Own this cat
Not too many can do that
Only 2 have proven that
But I took Miss Kitty back
She straightened up real fast
Now she hasn't had that
Jaw dropping, leggin popping
Ouuu can I have your babies?
Nah, keep that ****** on daddy
I ain't tryna be crazy
Knock out ***
Make sure I walk funky for 2 days
I've had a lot of ***
I've been high from it
Some might call that addiction
But it has to be the right person or its a waste of skill
I want to showcase this pornstar worthy talent
With someone who had magic to share with me
I want to be pretzelized
Push my legs back as far as they will go
Make me feel it in my stomach
Eat my car until tears of pure satisfaction leak from my eyes
Sensational ecstasy 10x
It's magical . As it should be.
Poem 7— Self Preservation
Jan 2018 · 160
Self Doubt
Why do I fill my head with these thoughts?
Sometimes I'm afraid I'm too open with people
I don't just let everyone know that nasty side of me but I'm honest
Miss Kitty?
She's Live & well
I talk about beer in 3rd person
Sometimes the thoughts I have are questionable
I can get down right disgusting with the right person
I love my body
My beautifully intricate mind
I love me
But that part of me that wants to be loved
By a soul other than my own
Insists on letting me know
My sins may not be worth forgiveness
Do I deserve to be loved?
Am I cursed to be lonely?
Will my self love be enough?
Poem 6— Self Preservation
Jan 2018 · 153
Personal Intimacy
Have you ever vibed so comfortably that you ached to be in their presence?
I hung out with ***** after *****
Man after man
Boy after boy
Just to see if I could move on from a man who treated me differently
Spiritually I was broken
I'm never going to say I'm Anti- ***** but I was sure feeling a way
Then he showed up & boy is he showing out
Who told you to come into my life & be amazing?
I look at him & that's all I see
Such a positive soul
Who I don't think is completely open with me
He hasn't lied but he hasn't let me in
It's like looking into a house through giant glass windows
I see you but I need to know you
I want to know all of him
I try to be honest with myself & I try not to get my hopes up
I know about me & disappointment
We don't work well
My brain spins with this every day
But when he is in my face
I just need him to touch me
Fill my soul with the light of his vibe
& maybe, also **** me
I need that personal intimacy
I sometimes yearned to be wanted
That's the submissive side of me..
That freaky, scary, hidden side
That side of me that wants a fairy tale
I wish to be wanted. Cherished. Loved.
Pin me against the wall & **** me like a stranger but let's get dinner after & maybe watch some soaps
I am also a realist
My soul is so old
My years will never catch up
So I spend my time trapped trying to play catch up
I'm learning to manage money better
I have goals to move
I want to eat better. Look better. Feel better
I want to be better for myself
But now that I've caught this frequency
I think I like it a bit too much
But I am going to ride it as long as I can
Little NIK, you carchbheart eyes so fast but is this different?
I understand the love of a challenge but be honest with me
Everything sends a vibration
From the rough scratch of his working hands on my thighs
Our tilted kisses so we don't bump noses
My lips covering his... as full as they are
The feel of his healthy beard which always smells nice
Especially when coming from between my legs
I like how he can call me every day
come lay with no ****** intent
It's all new to me
I feel kind of drunk
Anyone who knows me knows how I love my alcohol
I'm not trying to be too drunk to see.. this is a different kind of personal intimacy...
Poem 5— Muffin
Jan 2018 · 476
Who Am I?
Got a cig going
Running around the house naked
A pair of shorts & a cami
No bra. No *******.
Skin like butter— smooth
Thighs thicker than turkey
Got a little ham & some pineapples too
I look at myself often
I never thought I was this cute
Maybe I'm not
Maybe I'm just high enough to think I am
I love it though
This version of me
This smaller, chill *** *****
I like the peace
I like when my head is settled
Who am I?
I'm sure
I like her
Poem 5— Self Preservation
Jan 2018 · 166
I feel it in my chest
Tightening of muscles as you clench your teeth
A feeling so strong you feel it in your feet
Push it off, push it off, push it off
Ignore those wearing signs & go about your life
Avoid confrontation
Bad idea
You are a simmering ***
If someone doesn't turn off the fire
You'll get too hot
But these people, these things, this life we live
They all apply this pressure
A tightly sealed lid
An explosion
You shouldn't let it but it's a build up of pain
This deep anger never let's you feel the same....
Poem 3— Self Preservation
Jan 2018 · 174
Could you imagine someone that made you shiver with excitement?
I never thought I could until I met him
He is so normal but so extraordinary
I yearn to know his thoughts
I yearn to know him
All these questions in my head An get overwhelming
Sometimes I'm afraid I'm too forward.. too open
It worries me how quickly I latch onto a frequency...
Frequencies have the potential to change but I'm risky
Im going to jump with no shame
His voice is calming
His touch is soothing
In his presence I feel safe
Even though I have no idea what I'm doing
Poem 3— Muffin
Jan 2018 · 190
Frequency Called Sonia
Sometimes these special frequencies invade our space & we latch on blending it with our own
Together these frequencies create these shock waves of happiness & force the Vibes nearest to become flooded with positivity
I knew when God dropped the frequency called Sonia, my life was going to change
All it took was a second...
I bumped into it at the mall & it just stuck
When we played together— the sound? Impeccable!
So crazy how new & fascinating it was... now I can't imagine life without it.
Poem 4— Relations
Jan 2018 · 255
Cocoa Palace
There's this little shop in heaven
They call it Cocoa Palace
It's where God creates the world's greatest chocolates!
Idris Elba was made there
Boris Kodjo too
This is where Tyrese was double dipped
& where 2 Chainz got the juice
This shop is open to the public
So all the little girls (& boys) in line can have a little of chocolate too!
I've been in line a few times cause you see
A girl, like me, has an allergy
Cocoa could literally **** me
So God sends me gifts
Every now & again
To see which chocolates my body can stand
There was mocha with nuts
A beautiful cheating candy bar
There was double dipped chocolate fudge
I knew that was going too far
I shouldn't press my luck
He even sent white chocolate macadamia
But even that didn't **** with my taste buds
Recently I turned 21
& I knew He had something special wrapped up
He sent an import with hints from the islands
The type of chocolate ordered by queens & stolen by pirates
A special order for me
Milk chocolate dipped in honey
Drizzled with black licorice
Coated with a mouth piece
It even came with instructions
Savor slowly please
Negative reaction? Not yet
So maybe it's meant to be
Was this God's Special recipe?
Of course not, baby, you have an allergy .
Poem 4— Muffin
Jan 2018 · 134
3 Feelings & A Blunt
I feel like a work of art
As I face this L
Leg cocked out the window
Thinking, what the hell?
All this negativity in life I can't even feel
Cause when I got this tree
I feel so light, so free
One puff, a whistle
Two puffs, a caged bird sings
Halfway through
Can you imagine me?
Thinking I'm soooooo fine
iPhone photo shoot please!
When I get up there, I am too numb to think
Had writing turns to ****
Miss Ava takes over
She loves everything
She has a cute little condo
Right behind my ribs in my chest
This girl think she knows best
When the THC slows Brandon down
blood pressure lowers
Ava starts to pound
Kiss & hugs, more love ooouuuu
She even woke Miss Kitty too
Hot. Bothered. ***** Asf
My body's a symphony
No need to **** up
But when the sound hits the ears too rough
Brandon wake up & says that's enough!
Miss Kitty back to bed
Ava stay out of her head
Now that we're through
Let's go get some food
3 feeling & A blunt
I only have 3 moods
Poem 3— Self Preservation
Jan 2018 · 190
It's crazy to me how you can be blinded by a single person's aura
It's crazy how you can love someone so much that it hurts to even think about not loving them
You let a lot slide
You let life pass you by
Then you look at the time....
You wonder where it went
Where is all that sunshine?
It this a new season? All I see are clouds
A whole year gone and it still feels like day 1
Until I met him
I was once wrapped in this aura that made me believe I was progressing
When truly I was stagnant
You never realize how badly you've been treated until someone treats you better
It's a luxury
What does it mean to be a queen when you've been a servant?
Is he a knight in shining armor?
A blessing in disguise?
Is he just like the rest?
Will he pass the test?
When someone opens a window and shines light on your world... its euphoria
Every day I want more and more of that energy
I need to be engrossed in it
Even though my heart still cries for her first love, I cannot reverse
I don't want to get attached too fast but Ava has an immaculate work ethic...
Poem 2— Muffin
Jan 2018 · 201
Beautiful Shapeshifter
Such a beautiful little shapeshifter
A modern day siren
It's hard to picture her face now
She's so distant
I loved her
It's wicked how fast my heart grows attached to those I frequently see
It's as if she ignores the wary signs
She just jumps
Victoria was special to me
A real life movie
She opened doors to hinges I knew not existed
Party... people... alcohol
She had connections
She had problems
I took them all
I didn't think that one day that beautiful one would shift on me
She was an adapter
She played a role to get what she needed
She could be as soft as a kitten
As helpless as a mouse
Clever as a fox
Angry as a bear
I had seen her become many things but the day she changed
I couldn't recognize her
She was this form I had never seen before
Though her face is distant in my mind
I still get a chill in my spine
From the memory of her presence
Sometimes it makes my bones ache
Poem 3— Relations
Jan 2018 · 218
My oldest friend of time
I never had too many as a child
She is my cookie
When I think of sass.. I think of her
"You want a cookie?"
She is simple yet so complex
Picky but she can get wild
She is that friend you crave often
Always seems to find you at the right moment
Everyone keeps cookies
Everyone loves cookies
I love her but I love her most because she is a friend I don't need to agree with to understand
She has her own way of cheering me up
Even when she doesn't understand why
She is my blue heart
She gives this tough yet soft love
A frequency I couldn't survive without
Jan 2018 · 150
Love— such a short word yet so complex
Love is that queasy feeling you get when someone makes you laugh
It's that overbearing happiness you feel around those you care for
Love is puppy dogs, roses, & all things sweet
Love also has a dark side
Love is fighting with yourself to define wrong from right
Love is accepting heartaches & mistakes
Love is letting go when you don't want to
Love can hurt you
Love is this emotional roller coaster that no matter how many times you ride, you cannot prepare for
It hits you at random & you follow the flow
You will never be sure if you get light, dark, or both...
Poem 1— Relations
Jan 2018 · 157
Sometimes I suffer these fits of paranoia
Could be the bipolar
Could be the government
Could be the aliens
Whatever it is— sometimes it gets crazy
I pour my water bottle into the bottle I already have because I trust my bottle
I get nervous right before a storm
I wake up at the same time EVERY night to check the house...
No sleep... yet so energetic
Why is everyone tying to play me?
Is my phone tapped
Sssshhhhh just listen.........
Poem 2— Self Preservation
Jan 2018 · 288
I've been wearing socks for 3 days straight
Icky, sticky socks make me irate
There's just something freeing about feeling the ground beneath you...
I feel you!
The flow of energy
The boost of adrenaline you get—
Heart beat quickens
Breath in breath out
Breath in breath out
Breath in breath out
Faster, faster, faster,
And then
I'm smiling— beautiful adrenaline rush...
Poem 1 — Self Preservation
Jan 2018 · 217
As I listen to SZAs Garden
Her melodic voice sending chills down my spine
I rush to the phone
It's crazy how a person can change your entire vibration
Pops asked me, why you so smitten
I feel like an adopted kitten
Soooo much affection
Thinking of him makes me happy
Within seconds he can change my mood
Pulsations in my chest aren't even the same
As the beat of my heart speeds up and slows down
I'm always overwhelmed, lost in thought
I want him to liiikkkkeee me so I'm nervous but I know he does so I'm filled with an overwhelming calm
He exciiiiitttteeesss me!
Have you ever wanted to **** **** in a DJ booth?
Me either buuut that knee ain't bad if he ask
It's just a bliss, a new experience
One that I can probably live in forever
I always say thank you thank you
Because you always stay grateful and always stay gracious
These are things your man is supposed to do?
Never had it til I met you
Soo Courteous Soo kind And Way too **** fineee
I most definitely have to claim what's mine
But that's in due time
At the moment We Can Just Vibe
Just letting you know you're on my mind ...
Poem 1 in Muffin Collection
Jan 2018 · 223
What defines a family?
Is it the blood that we share?
Is it the love that we've been taught?
Is it the similarities in our skin and hair?
When you were born, you were taught that family is everything...
But what happens when family breaks your heart?
What happens when family tears your entire foundation apart?
And then pretends like it never existed?
Growing up you were told love your family because that's all you have...
What happens when that same family turns their backs?
What happens when family assaults you?
Touches you inappropriately?
What happens when they all turn to you and say you are crazy?
We were TAUGHT that family is the foundation of life but they never TAUGHT us that sometimes family just isn't right...
You follow blindly without questioning
You take the pain and you move on
You grow older & you learn
You knew they were wrong
But instead of speaking up
You keep moving along
The cycle continues
Generational wedges are placed
But who will stand up and say it to their face?
Out with old and in with the new
Your job was to protect ME
& What did you do?
You decided to protect the family
Thinking these walls won't fall
But the foundation is corrupted
So it's time to let go
This house has been flooded
We can start from scratch
Family should listen
Family should learn
Family should protect each other
Even from their own..
Can we rebuild family?
Can we recreate unconditional love?
Can we stop pretending that bad doesn't happen?
Because it most definitely does...
What defines a family?
I seem to have lost it
Somewhere between disappointment and down right exhausted...

— The End —