I count my roses
before I go to sleep
Next day, I woke up, to one missing
A bit down, a bit blue,
Let them be, let them rest
it must have been
a thief's gift for his lover

-Kaya

I never thought
that I would be
able to go a day
without sunshine
It was the kind
of sunshine that
had a heart and
a beautiful mind

-Kaya

I felt like smooth sweet tea
poured into brittle porcelain
it was a sense of, I would say
a guilty, blue satisfaction-
of being consumed by others
I'll be gone, as the empty cup
hits the table, 'ting!' as the
sound strikes the white noise
the windows to the noisy world
all gone, shut again, no more
to my eyes, to my ears, no more
I have become the bitter stain
left on white beautiful porcelain
easy to spot, and wipe the last of me
as I sink into the terrible drain
I shall never be seen again
this time, this is the last change
life is lost to peace, that ends pain

-Kaya

As I close my eyes
to free myself from the suffering
of the external world
everything stops except
for the sound that
we don't hear during the day,
the tick tock,
The one that follows another, tick tock
I can hear it again,
again, again and again
it never stops
for it's the life of the clock
like the soul of a hollow body
life continues, as the needle moves
away from its past
tick tock, tick tock, tick to-

As the day comes to an end
I crave for an hour more of peace
Before the thoughts of the night
take my lungs away
While I still try to breathe

-Kaya

I'm in denial of my days death
the day in your eyes,
now all I see are your whites
but no light, there's no light

- Kaya

I travelled a long way
With a unique key and,
reached the end
to realize that,
The door does not exist

-Kaya

The knife, held by the mother
against an apple
Is know, held by the father
against the mother
What a happy family

-Kaya

I'm glad to have history to look back on
I'm glad my heart did not pass in the last
minute of my life that I created,
It was an unpleasant thrill to live
and let go and to live again just
to look back on how I did not let go,

I am the heart to my heart
"I cannot live without you
and you cannot live without me"
said my heart, through its cracks

I promise, I heard it within the spaces
of each beat, I heard it whisper 'don't go'

- Kaya

The needle
Completes a second

The needle
Completes a minute

The needle
Completes an hour

The needle
Completes and completes

Until the clock stops
Until silence arises,

the last tick tock

-Kaya

The back and forth pace
behind the seal to individuality
a blurred plastic vision of a
mystery that could be joy
or utter sadness that maddens
or utter madness that saddens
the very soul of the soul and
the only spark that lives within
this state of mind, now may
remain or may not, on the
other side

- Kaya

I wanted to be
I wanted to feel
I wanted to see
things as vast as a sea
in my pursuit- I lost myself
in this vast sea
I cannot see myself
find, or even be myself
deep down in this deep sea
i have lost myself to what i wanted
i could not see
i could not feel
i could not be
I have dissolved into these monstrous blues
I have become bait to these monstrous blues
I have become part of this deep sea
that i have always dreamt of- and now
I am afraid, I am not who i am
who am i, I asked again
In these million waves
the sea is in me
salt in my blood and bones
i am lost in myself- i have drowned
in this voyage of life

-Kaya

the pigeons here, they aren’t afraid
of the feet that walk past them
on this grey street,
they are aware of our stories
the places we go and the faces we meet
they are aware of the soggy tissues
that fall above, from the balconies
they are aware of the life and stories
that live in those used tissues - they examine it,
a tissue for a moment in the past,
they think, I believe, they know and hear the emotions in those tissues that dry and travel around in these streets,
they know the secrets and seen faces, that even our close ones, could not
and so
I don’t mind the falling objects
I don’t mind the speeding cars  
I don’t mind the distant face
that caused these distant scars

these pigeons, they see us from afar
they know my heart, they know your heart

-Kaya

It was like the shift
from noisy waves
to silent streams
that flow smoothly
over the calm chaos

The waves now have
settled to silent streams
with sunken ships
from the strong damage

-Kaya

I was a ship
You were an ocean
The storm was our home
Your humongous waves
made me tilt, side to side
and every time I did
My heart turned upside down

-Kaya

All these books
took me to greater heights

higher to a place
where the demons bite

thinking in despair
wide awake at night

all we see is darkness
in the path of light

we are slaves
in the world we created
like innocents i caves
where the good is defeated

many alive, die
but the ones who don't
are the ones who lie

afraid to speak
because of fear
fear that tomorrow
we may shed a tear

-Kaya

Its too late
the only thing
i can depend on now,
is fate
never knew,
all my thoughts
could be erased
like words,
written on a slate
now all the things
that have turned black
are the things i thought
that would be great
all i can do now,
is be still in silence
and wait,
wait for the day
when i say,
that it's not too late

-Kaya

It hit me like a 220 pound wave, that swept over and engulfed me. It consumed me but, comforted me. I was unaware of what I felt, what I was supposed to feel and what I was made to feel. The wave I could not face, the wave that made my tongue and bones freeze, the wave that stiffened my muscles, the wave that stocked my lungs with thick healthy mud, there was no room to inhale my happiness and exhale my dejection.
My bones cracked like a startled iceberg, as I was struck and brought back to reality by a ship- another soul brought me back, back to reality, back to the world of changing faces. I froze in the same ocean I was born in. In the shifting realities of the world I felt like a deserted infant sitting still on the shore of a fierce and vicious ocean, commanding it's waves to attack. So it hit me again, again and again like a 220 pound wave, that swept over and engulfed me. Then again, It consumed me but, comforted me. I can always say, that the sea is at war, and we are the waves that sway, that give movement, and give life to the still world.  

- Kaya

Time is one thing
That I despise
Everyday, I see
New faces, new lives
But the people,
I saw yesterday
exist no where, no more
but in my eyes
They exist no where, no more
But, in the memories that lie
at the back of my mind

-Kaya

Today I wanted to step out
Today I wanted my feet
to feel the heat
of the blazing sun
I wanted them to burn
with goodness, I wanted
them to burn, creating thrill
and a new me

-Kaya

"Tomorrow, this time"
  Said I, the next day
"Tomorrow, this time"
  Said I, the next day
  This saying,
  is all that I ever say
  This saying is what,
  Gets me through everyday

  -Kaya

"You are like a train", they said
"you take us to places quickly
and show us beautiful sights to see
but sometimes,
you make us sick to the stomach"

-Kaya

let the disgust hide within
the transparent shells
of white crusty sin

They can see through
my dusty muddled skin
but cannot, of what is
engraved deep within

These shells, they are
fragile and blue
and in deep denial
that they belong to you

These shells, they do not crack
they grow old, to only
reminisce and bite your back

-Kaya

Am i being watched?
Are my thoughts being heard?
Are they laughing with me,
or at me?
Are they after me?
are questions,
i can't get off my mind
sometimes, i wish
i could just disappear
into the air
and be free
from the thing,
that i knew didn't exist
And i tell myself
It's such a bother
being afraid of something
that isn't real,
but then again,
i can't trust anyone
or anything,
including, myself

-Kaya

you stood upon a bright light
with innocent sparkly eyes

but all  your truths
were nothing but utter lies

all that walks
and all that fly's
were nothing great in your sight

smiling at passers
with hatred inside
you were nothing but an imbecile
with an extreme pride

you are a thought of superiority
but reality, inferiority

the person you were
made the person you are

and all that you want
can't be reached, its far

now all that you want can't be reached
its far

-Kaya

I crave your presence
during your absence
But, when you're present
I loathe your presence,
and crave solitude

-Kaya

A tear a day
keeps the pain away
but a smile a day
will show us the way

help us from being destroyed
by the sadness
we want to avoid
we are late
our happiness caught the bait
sent by the people we hate
guess it's decided by fate
guess it's decided by fate

Our minds, destroyed
by the evil society
our souls, devoid
by the worlds insanity

show us a way
to keep away the pain
show us a way
to help us laugh again

-Kaya

Will anyone hear me
will anyone see me
will anyone know
if i were gone

I knew i could swim
so, why did i drown
I knew i could fly
so, why did i fall
I said, why live
when we are all
bound to die

It's always the same
the good, die fast
but the ones who are not
are the ones , who die last
It's easy to say
forget the past
but, it's hard
when it follows you

-Kaya

Maybe i'm sad
Maybe i'm just mad
maybe happiness,
is one thing i have never had

leave me behind
go far away
but, don't wait for me
don't say i was late

Everyday is hell on earth
i'm walking on land
but, deep inside
burning in fire

They said,
it would be over
but i'm tired, because
a part of me has died
It died-  It died
because, they lied

-Kaya

I yell into a hole
A hole, that is
darker than coal
am i the only one down here
am i the only soul?

I used to be so bold
never used to do what is told
now, here i am
in the cold
regretting the past
as i get old

-Kaya

In a void of darkness
where the sorrows remain
everything goes away
except for my pain

Tomorrow is a time
that i wait for today
just laying in silence
because, i have nothing to say

The mask i put on
hides all the truth behind
you don't know,
who i really am
but you would
if you were not that blind

As i stare in silence
at the blank white walls
I patiently wait,
for my people to call

-Kaya

You stood upon
A bright light
With innocent eyes
But all your truths
Were nothing but utter lies

All that walks
And all that flys
We're nothing great in your sight
Smiling at passers
With hatred inside
You were nothing
but an imbecile
With an extreme pride

You are a thought of superiority
But reality, inferiority
The person you were
Made the person you are
Now all that you wan't
Can't be reached, it's far
Oh it can't be reached, it's far

-Kaya

Staring out the window
Just trying to get rid
Of my sorrow
This loneliness makes me feel
like, I wouldn't be alive tomorrow

How long should I wait
For that blissful day
I feel like there's no way
I feel like I can't escape

It feels like
Being behind a barrier
Behind it, I stand
just waiting for happiness to call
But there is just a little time for me
Before I fall
Just a little time
Before I fall

-Kaya

Under the moon, I stood
The only thing
Close to me
Was my shadow
Casted by the light

I didn't know
What I was feeling
I didn't know
how an empty sky
could amuse me
I realized that,
there is beauty in
everything we see
It only takes a special eye
To witness the truth
hidden beneath the lie

-Kaya

You are the sun
Obscured by the common clouds
that everyone likes
But, what they didn't know is,
Your presence could
get rid of the darkness
Sometimes it just takes,
a little time,
and the world
will finally be yours
and you won't be alone

-Kaya

I'm falling forever,
in a deep dark well
the only thing,
i could see was
the darkness that dwells

i saw myself,
turn to dust
but, the part of me
that still remained
were ashes that roamed,
On the earths crust

                               -Kaya

It's their sadness
which saddens me,
not my own
I hear them cry
when i'm alone

-Kaya

I guess we are all drawn to a certain  light and sometimes, that light, is darkness

-Kaya

cursed with a blessing
made to feel alive, even
when I'm not breathing

-Kaya

A vague memory
of heaven behind me
I'll walk up,
I'll walk straight up with
cold teeth that shiver
blue gums, that bleed
cold nights with white sheets
and white eyes that don't sleep

with fire beneath my red feet
that bleed, bleed and bleed
Follow my footprints
don't be mistaken
for they do not lead

-Kaya

A thousand paper cuts
to hollow lungs- a void
mass loss of blood to blue
like blue ***** cricketing through
the vast red ocean

-Kaya

***** Tuesday, I write to you,

this time, help me stay afloat in this pool of life

for I, I can't swim being a messenger for my head

and my feet, I am parting - I'm parting for two escapes,

I'm parting - to put myself together,  

now tell me ***** Wednesday, what's in store 

Do I need to write to you as well, again?



- Kaya

I am a figure
molded in sorrow
i shed tears today
for happiness tomorrow

My eyes are dry
my eyes are sore
in a room
behind a door
Do you hear me?
A voice within
A demons scream

-Kaya

Tears fall like raindrops
in the sky
The stars sparkle
like a strained drenched eye

I look back at my past
and noticed how fast
the days have passed
and i realized that,
some things in life
just don't last

-Kaya

That was the day
When I couldn't move
That was the day
When I wished
My life wasn't this way

-Kaya

Alone in the darkness
The pain obscures reality
Drowning in my sorrow
With thoughts,
Of being dead tomorrow

-Kaya

Empty black house
With many rooms
No one lives there
But my mind

-Kaya

There are times
when we fall down
there are times
when we drown
but, all we can do
is look up to the people
who still stand
on the ground

we try reaching out to them
but, we can’t even make a sound
they can’t hear us
we are invisible
and the feeling of hopelessness
is growing stronger in us

As we fall deeper and deeper
into the darkness
our absence and our silence
will make them realize
that we no more exist
and we leave this earth
knowing that, no one
valued our existence

-Kaya

"When the eyes of the world are shut,
My mind awakens, and I make the best memories in my head"

-Kaya