You're what I want, not what I need
He's what I need
which is what I want..

We hibernate our self like the seasons sometimes the roulette city pulsates us out of our circadian rhythms
Destined by epigenetic movement
Humans becoming gutted fish dandelions missing the wish part and just being stem Sometimes I wonder if it'll be an eternal fall

Endangered self awareness
Sleep is a drug as consciousness dims in everyday life

Butterflies and pills
Broken window sills
You left me here
With the wind
If I jump
Is it a sin?

I built a nest out of telephone wires
Waiting for a text message
That never came
          like the lover in the 1930's
          and the boy at war

   *He's never coming Home

I wish I could free my hands from the
Weight of
                Materialism
It's all sticky

This concept of living is confusing
Separating
Order and Chaos
One, Same, Membrane

I reach for the radio
tuning to the perfect Static
Brown noise to free my life

I left currency and clocks
In a safe
To protect myself from it

Walk into the ocean
Kate Chopin style
Like Sylvia to the Oven
But I'm more metaphorical than these literals

I'm committing self genocide
Of this false ocean
I am a rebeling tide

Trapped on an island
Becomes the best time of my Mind

I'll be the pyramids you'll be the sky

The clothing shorn
In wasteland we are born

Where do we go now
Forgotten places
Forgotten time

Love and love me not
Wilted flowers and lost thoughts

The radio is in the street
Columns creaking in defeat
We're feeding ourselves to the fire
Injecting dreams
self dissonance

We walk in the desert calling it home
In fire born
In wasteland
The clothes are shorn

I'll be the sky you'll be the pyramids

Testing
Yeah this things on
But you can't hear me
a deaf mime telling the best joke of your life
Because the joke is you

You call the girl
You sit next to in class
"The weird girl with the glasses"

How dare you insult someone you do not know
How dare you call someone weird when you do not understand them
Who gave you a right to an opinion in the first place?
I think God made a mistake

Thanks for misundersnding me
Gives me a lot of clarity

Sky can't be without some rain
Experiences perspectives change
From sunshine to anger issues

Psychotic look whose wearing the
shoes
Could run crop circles around you
Foreign realities unspoken
Wonder or never land
Figures we were just playing pretend

Fresh peace paved onto the steeple of your memories
In the church of your lost belongings
I tasted scripture
But I need a stronger drink than God

Are you a pro at processing?
Digesting information

If so the brainwashing station
    **Might just be for you!

Kaleidoscope kites
Crashing into your hair
You windburnt indigo child
Beneath the blindfold over your third eye

crystal necklace under your button up
blessed in moon blood and ocean
You sought your parents in a room of forest
Laying rest by the sacred tree of your heritage
waking in this world with memory

Outcast of humanity
Embodiment of infinity
Ripple through time with time machines of shared consciousness
Find me in the future
I'll wait on the hill
Where sun yolk breaks
I know this from that dream ten years ago

Liar, Liar
One I desire
Cast me in brimstone
Light me with fire

Second chances are
Self-impairing with a lance
Limbs and bones, dead hand of the past.
I am remnants.

Silky bed sheets of alcohol
Crystal embedded flower
Bloom
Feel clean air through skin so tight
Morphine wanna be
Feeling so light

Bliss
anti abyss
Kiss
Miss
No more tense

Oblivious
sleep so deep
next to death without end
drugged on happiness

Nostalgia a ***** word
Hot air balloon spa in Shangrila
Above reality, pure from the taint of Original Thought
Above God's concept/ above God/ Above forever
Infinite in moments childhood relived fresh apples of knowledge laced with Ignorance

Watch my words
Wash away

I wish i
Could make you
Stop & listen
Like an electric
                 fence

And hold you
        there

But i can't
i can't do anything

So i is screaming
In Cyberspace

A lonely representation
artificial creation of
            my own
      Consciousness

Trapped between
these walls
called Skull

Most trivial 20 moments
https://youtu.be/MmdyqeM_FLM

Then there were parks
Now there's just picnic benches.

Upside down moon
Spinning room called planet
Tension seeping from exposed pores

Forgiveness fake
Neurotic conversation playground
Hands moving in unholy direction
Loyalty fiction affliction
Contempt without absolution

Lullabies children stories
Lost an eye
From good intention

We grow to stone
Moss will not come
To ease these cold states

From uncertainty to disloyalty
Reminisce to young times
Pain still present in all phases of memory

My voice seems stolen
By what you call affection

Shadow in the mirror
See through powers of invisibility you granted me
How carelessly I invited you in
For the tide you are washing me away

Stolen voice
Locked away
Constriction for the caffeine you are
And call me addicted
Because I guess I wanna
           Disappear

Frustruated that the only way to make me believe that I love you
By only believing the rest of the world isn't here

My hollowing bones are the windchimes you call annoying
My insecurities the toothpicks from the flesh you tear
With gritted teeth
False belief in upside down
This is Folie á deux
That has become
              me & you

I am lonely in thoughts
And practice
Like sport without training
And I will die knowing less than I have learned
Transparent in form & nature
Giving birth to myself in ways my mother couldn't
On stumbling ground
With no grace to be lost or found
I tremble in my humble footsteps.

I learned bravery when my first kiss
Was the one who used force
Who took advantage of my developing body
And turned my morals into mind rot
When my body became cavernous
With stalactites and stalagmites skewering me from the inside
And my heart poured out through a hole
Like soup
And you
Swallowed it whole

Post Script:

You devoured me on first sight
You saw my craving for knowledge
And my body as an advantage
You did not know this then

You gave up your current
For a new model
Gave me letters and flowers
And then trouble and hate
Pain and ‘no lipstick’ ohh wait that was the other guy
It matters not because you both fall into the same category
Mistake
Your strength could never match mine
Because I grew from my past
I learned from my flaws
I turned them into armor
While you turned them into excuses
You left me broken in other ways,
But not as broken as you’ve made yourself
You turned to drugs and alcohol
Looking for answers in acid
And lost your soul in the process
Not that you believed in one in the first place

Study sleepy water
Build bricks in your showers
Try to find some balanced ground

Streets crawl like rivers
Buddha is the new potassium
Black is the new fast track

Try to find some Hometown

Tennis Courts are tea tables
              the places we sit and think
      Inside the box

Leave your scars/mistakes/All the pieces of you that are plates
                                       Fragile, easy to break
In the car, locked, just like your keys

Stand on rooftops with umbrellas
             Waiting for Meteorites        
Find some Peace of Mind

Or Open & Close them
  Like S.O.S
And signal for Help

Build houses like Sandcastles
To realize time is eternal
           But you aren't

Keep your childhood like a locket

You aren't a puppet
      Socks are

Find some confidence
      And let sheep be for counting only

Death Valley
Seasoned time
mischief makers
playing catch with fire
Matchsticks always go out

So kiss me darling
Before the sun goes down
Tattoo the memories

Else
Fading breeze

So kiss me darling
Before the stars steal the show

My ashes
After ember
Will taste like cinnamon
Something that you can miss
So kiss me darling
Seasoned time

Dishes growing cold
Aging better like wine
One last dinner
Old time

Kiss me darling
Sunflowers wilting
Into dandelions

Fireplace settling down
Lantern running low
Batteries dead
Even the sundial doesn't know

Just kiss me, darling
Before there's no tomorrow

"Don't you think those shorts are too short for you?"
He says
He dictates my decisions
And like a puppet master
He forces his will inside my body
Hollows out my soul
To make room for his own desires
Carves out my humanity to make me a puppet
A play toy
An objectification
While still saying "I love you."

With broken wings
I feel so low
The blade a reminder
This is no nightmare, this is reality
And the only dreams I have anymore
are "Why am I still here?"
The escape is subtle

How I survived
The suffocating blanket of "no more"
Parachuting away from your curly hair
And hands that mimic: thief
When my body, is a no trespassing sign
And I finally respect that law

Too late, the walls are peeling
Insides decaying
A lost building
Not taken care of
When will the demolition begin?

Mother nature finds her decay
Caresses her vines around her broken frame
Pulling her down, but inward
Trying to rescue her from the enemy: man

She develops a fear
Her shyness morphed
Into distrust

She stumbles for a tomorrow
Watching for the spears of remembrance
That lurk
                                                In her reflection

The subtle tea of time and books
Help her
Physics and light shows
Burning glass and cloud towers
The amnesia dissipates
The hate remains
But behind so many walls
You find her

The man who speaks the language of my mind
With shaking fingers
And adamant statements that I'm not damaged goods
You place the straw back
In this scarecrow body
You find my heart

I forgot I had one in the first place
You adorn me with your smiles
Grace me with acceptance
And tell me "You look cute in those shorts."

#love   #suicide   #sad   #anger   #life   #heart   #pain

You read me like a book that just falls open.

I don’t want to give you my emotional baggage.
I’m terrified of weighing others down with my pain
That maybe it’s just enough to submerge you in darkness
And you're so kind
And I should have chosen you
But I wanted to get to know you more
But America’s education system *****
And a barrier or roads and work and things that don't matter in the long run of this ohh so ephemeral existence
Kept a fate of past existence
From repeating itself
Like an Egyptian tomb never uncovered

When an electrical outlet
Looks like an answer
How do you stop yourself from questioning?

There is a man with a TV head
And he is screaming
But no one can hear
Because he's on mute

I would have been burned at the stake
Had I been born then
So God didn't send me there

You undress my thoughts in such a violating manner.

Girl with the red shoes
Why are your lips stained with blood
Could you not hold all that matter in
Were you emotions just overflowing?

Girl with the black jacket
Do you know how to smile?
Or take care of your skin
Your secrets are showing

Girl in the mirror
Have you forgotten who you are?
Your eyes seem dark, no light in them, do you take it on the chin?
Toeing the line of the building, with your body towing in line

The sky opens wide
Waiting to hold you
Girl with the red shoes

i sit on the bed
naked
eating spaghetti

Sometimes the differences between us
Are grand landscapes of mistakes
Fence the grand canyon and pretend there's no hole there
Like blind is a contagious disease people don't receive with grace
Is ignorance on pedestal pearly white abyss
Hollow shell statues
Replicating Atlantis and Greek myths like fools
Moving in frames too quick for the camera
Moving so fast we erase ourselves
Playing pretend as adults
We throw the match on our paper future

Less than the rust of time
We are weathered by our whittling hands
Carving into sawdust
As we live this life of self consumption
Like we're trying to mimic the big bang in reverse and
make ourselves disappear

Mirror mirror no one's there

Exhibition devoted to relativity
Looks like it could be genetic and luck
Experts believe it's not repressed
Rescuers evacuated

Such an animal
Soft
We make attempts in a single field placement

Because there in nothing to language
It becomes as simple as a beacon of eternal
Wake up the body the mind will follow home
Spend sometime within half an apocalypse
Otherwise live lives of the ordinary

We are green and private
The breakfasts and feasts of each other
They being sweet and fresh coffee with spices
Closer to the light
Compatibility is so little simply become the window

Set fire
Creating the edge
All absolutely somehow magnetically mythical
This stolen memory surfaced
Neurons sacrificing is the process of forgetting
This time is local association
Remembering is asphyxiation

If it is comfortable
Heat the impression
Then they shall come for you
Otherwise it is a Winter morning

At the entrance time is new and can be branches
Seasons can procrastinate too
Take advantage of every day

That is the forest of approach
Some outweighed by different states of transmit
We were lost even just reversed versions of ourselves
Confused in a network
In which lover is theater

Adopted in the desert I do not addition to this quiet
my favorite light
Falter not in daydreams
A place of stumbling
Paradoxing lost and found
In early morning

He puts his trophies in
Parks and the neighbors yard
Like the world is his

And feeds pebbles to pigeons
He does not know his transgressions

He dresses in orange with polka dot pants and snake boots
And is Happy
Free from thin panes of ego and never having to worry about Windex

At night
It is day
They are same to him, just like radio and t.v.
He gets tired one way or the other
Time is a concept we see

His vision is x-ray
And not only does he see through
          you
but everything

He is blind
But we are the one's
Missing things

Tribe men are dancing the good fire
Radios on stakes, just as kings men.
Amish will break bread
Rejoicing as cosmonauts
peer down at a world without light

She is silent
My first love
She was the First woman

I felt her tendril of
her being tickled
        by sunlight

Wind making her dance
Hurricanes, that hot shower
Yes, sometimes she bathes in
                                     blood
Human is the most toxic element
        known to man

My love is living in
a burning house
Called Pollution

A drug unknown to her system
Human condition

I love her, so let her go!
        She is wild
not to be tamed
But remember her
remember her name

I drink and I drown
lose myself to my friend
who pretends to be Aphrodite
I indulge him
let him merry go round
my body without sober hands
pulling me like a kraken
till air is the separation between coherent thought
and consent
You are sleeping
in another town
Never dreaming
even of me
(we aren't together)
So i sleep with a friend
who doesn't want to be alone
who feels like a crop circle gone wrong
fooled by their own conspiracies
and i make myself small
hoping secrets sink like
Anchors

I am seran wrap
See through
You are tinfoil
But I can't see what's underneath

We sit in your car
Brains in the console
'Cause this is a heart to heart

There's creak and cracking
In the ancient structure
Of getting older
Body tightens its grip
Flirting with eventual end

Scenic route
Sighs to broken bones
On this open road
Superficial souls

Can't have a birthday
Always gotta look ****
Digital manifestation
There's no mystery left to the world

We dive deep
Still minnows
Time calls our names
Never forget youths betrothed enemy
Time calls our names
Subjects to change

Superficial souls
Searching for rabbit holes

Scenic route
Sighs to Indian mounds
On this ending road
All souls grow old

Stagnant silence
From a boy who loves plants and the stars
His wonder so shallow in such grand things
I try but heart not wavelength overflow
Just sad attempts at a love story
I don't know how to overwrite

These feelings of flaws within myself and him a barrier between potential
A room not a house and this love can only grow so much without withering

I want to get high in a room with tapestry and record player
Till static
Sitting on a couch of content

I want sweetness and misunderstanding from a maple born

I want a love that tore me to shreds
With infinity in the ginko leaf I was growing in my left hand and coffee and stories and dreams in my right

But here I am settling
Like a sailboat
Forever without wave

Dear cancer plant loving boy
This room is full
This love is dry well
With parched desert skin
And the shadows we are becoming by the dimness of this love

I'm crying on my break.

My summer romance in winter died before leaves could even
Fall

My sister, younger
Cut her hair like mine
...for a boy

I wish I walked on air
So these footsteps
I tread with a leaking heart
Could not be easily followed

Your thoughts are so off brand
        I can't get them at the grocery store

I wanna watch from an astral projection
As we sit on the hood of your car
Melting into cloud shapes
Calling this first love

We are water
Laying out our thoughts as the bricks of intentions
As we build an octogonal home for the sake of feng sui
Slow dancing on our land
Where the kitchen will eventually be

Selling cricket cookies, used books, art
Some outliers of the social clockwork
We trace the wavelength between us
Seeing past lives
As we feel in love as a square and a circle
As a lighthouse and the wind
As sin and beginnings
As aliens natural to other worlds
We two fire quantumly entangled beings slow dance where the kitchen will eventually be
Where will fry eggs in a wood stove from the chickens we hypnotized with our guitar and banjo playing

Just southern girl
Remembering earth inbetween her hands
As a girl who caught toads and rabbits bare handed and was so small amongst a field of sunflowers

She grew up.

Never lost sight of her inner light
Even in the dark ages of her mind
She her made way to you
**** that southern girl's
Heart sure is true

We all grow up
I hope we don't forget to fall in love
To go on adventures
To be a kid

Cat shifty eyes
Stoner on the couch
Waking in a daze from forgotten last nights

The news runs and it didn't stop to say goodbye or ask you if you were ok
She makes flower crowns for park benches and doesn't take pictures for Instagram
The acid being handed out in pamphlets about God

This town

This town
Full of indecision of making better time
Windowsills lodged in your neighbors front teeth with his android programming gone wrong

Emotions like tsunamis hid in the quiet corners where the quiet girl tries to hide at the party from forgotten last nights

Love and letters becoming outdated in this desensitized versions of you and me
Glassy screens over our ideas
Injections of media are the immunizations for humanity
It's not just this town

Ambition
       becomes fear
When you're the one holding yourself back

                               ~~

The rain, drops
like seconds of a clock
And I rather keep my own time

                           ~~

The porch is stripped bare
like my opened robe
the full moon an umbrella
shining light on    my     own    pale skin
Another counterfeit
of the celestial globe

                           ~~

The shower spews meteors
burning fever, hot hot hot
like it's the one who's sick

                           ~~

I paint my nails with a
toothbrush
'Cause all I'm really doing
is trying to get Clean

                           ~~

Force fed thoughts
like baby food
when does motherly ad(vice)
Finally cut the cord

Wish I had a soundtrack of your heart beat.

The lines curve
like scissors,
like a paper doll
with dotted lines
and you're playing connect the dots

so you're     [  outside the box   ]
And now nobody can hear you
in this Space

Now you are cutting lines
carving gardens in your arms
hoping
coping
that these are just scars

The pumpkin smiled
Without me have putting the knife to its skin
I worried about ol' Jacky boy

Living one a night a year
Clear cold nights with bones like new, guts of orange
sticky candy hands

i kiss him
a ghost
Dating the afterlife is tricky
like magician
And I am Rabbit

Death tastes like the ashes of your grandmother being smoked and Reese's with peanut allergy

His costume is always better than mine
But I am imitation
Thankful for my expiration date

Corpse bride Beetlejuice witch hung suicide noose
loaded gun stairwell fall accidental terrorist bomb in the mail
One way or the other
We live to a great and grand farewell

Pumpkin head is the Orange is the new Black
Black cat crossing bad luck love blues
Hint: Your obituary is old news