"skinnier" poems
I despise social media.
It's ugly, to state the obvious
Our lives are posted, retweeted, altered, reblogged, perfected, and photoshopped to exactly how we want to be perceived
We have the freedom to be exactly what they want us to be.
It starts with a few edits doesn't it,
pigmented our skin to seem smooth and sun kissed,
that would seem most acceptable right?
Maybe an extra like for the skinnier waist.
More reassurance for brighter colors.
Some more filters will hid the emptiness you feel with your friends
Another like
Flashier clothing, phones, shoes, cars, other simple words our eyes have latched on to
Another like
We urge ourselves to portray the life of leisure and effortless beauty, happiness, success,
Another like
But what are we enjoying?
Another like
Views of our changing world through a 3 by 8 view.
Another like
Events pass by swipe
Another like
and swipe
Another like
And when we managed to unlock ourselves from this grasp
We always come back
Like flies to light, more like scratches to a scab
Festering we find ourselves getting ****** back in
To an imaginary world, that if destroyed, would have no physical effects on their fictional beings
For without this world, maybe eyes will open
We will step past the boundaries,
and start to love our beings
unfiltered
Aug 10, 2018
Aug 10, 2018 at 4:40 PM UTC
I wish I were prettier
I wish I were younger
I wish I were smarter
I wish I was skinnier
I wish I did not have to love with all my heart
I wish someone would love me back
I wish that person would want to keep me and not just use me
I wish I could mean so much to someone
I wish I wasn't alone so **** much
Aug 19, 2019
Aug 19, 2019 at 9:57 PM UTC
I'm fat because my first boyfriend in seventh grade broke up with me for another girl and called me a fat ugly ***** over and over.
I'm fat because my best friend joined in and wouldn't lend me his jacket when I was cold because he'd rather give it to another girl because she was skinnier.
I'm fat because I'm too lazy to work out since depression hit.
I'm fat because I stress eat and have a bad sweet tooth.
I'm fat because my last ex wouldn't disagree when I asked him if I was fat.
I'm fat because he wouldn't let me eat.
I'm fat because he would see the plate of food and dramatically say, again?
I'm fat because I carved it into my stomach.
I'm fat because I have horrible mood swings and panic attacks and had to be put on antidepressants and birth control.
I'm fat because I don't look in the mirror anymore unless it's above my chest.
I'm fat because that's what I think everyone whispers when I'm not looking because I'm an anxious paranoid freak.
I'm fat because my parents say I shouldn't eat this or that.
I'm fat because I can't fit in my old pair of jeans.
I'm fat because I've always been scared to wear a bikini, now I refuse.
I'm fat because my mom says tells me she is fat, when she weighs less than me already.
I'm fat because no guys will look at me anymore.
I'm fat and I don't know what to do anymore.
Apr 6, 2015
Apr 6, 2015 at 12:11 AM UTC
“every time i feel my stomach convulse it’s a new wave of tears
take vitamins, she says
you should just eat, she says
you got skinnier, another says
“eat! eat! haven’t you been eating!? and this bandaid! quit cutting yourself, kalena”
and for a moment i think it’s truth
i think it’s honest
i shout “i do eat! they’re just cat scratches”
and if she would have lifted up that bandaid
she would have learned it was honest
it was truth
but it was melted away flesh that she would have found, not torn
but melted
and in the highlight of this moment i see all of my dreams come true
finally, someone notices!
finally, someone cares!
but yet she’s willing to stop eating. to make sure that i do.
my little thing. an entire 98 pounds, not by choice.
so unhealthy, so sick. all the time. so **** tired.
she would stop eating for me.
and though it doesn’t help, the thought is comforting. it should be disturbing.
it is. in the way that if she stopped eating…
she would lose weight.
and then i would fight harder and harder until my rib bones were sticking out so far they were larger than my chest.
emaciated.
bony fingers that boys don’t want to hold and girls don’t want to kiss.
hair that slides out with the slightest tug.
no one wants that.
except me, of course.
i want that.
i want to weigh 85 pounds.
i want to die.
i want to be so high on the emptiness that i die.
i faint. and they cannot wake me up.
eternal sleep. forever peace. and the best part of all?
I would be horrifically tiny in even the smallest coffin. “
Oct 23, 2012
Oct 23, 2012 at 9:01 PM UTC
all my life I’ve felt
never
good
enough
she’s skinnier than me
she has better skin
than me
she has prettier hair than me
I’m always second best
first loser
runner up
second thought
this marks the start of my journey
to self acceptance
Apr 1, 2015
Apr 1, 2015 at 7:54 PM UTC
I can see why,
you chose her.
She's much more prettier than me.
She's much more funnier than me.
She's much more smarter than me.
She's much more cuter than me.
She's much more skinnier than me.
She's just much more than me.
I guess I'll never be more to you.
(e.i)
Mar 20, 2016
Mar 20, 2016 at 12:48 PM UTC
3AM
3AM thoughts are not a thing of beauty.
3AM thoughts haunt you.
They do not care if you have school the next day.
They do not care if you have to wake up early the next day.
Hell, they do not care if you've stayed up the past week because of them.
3AM thoughts are romanticized.
They are not something you want.
They are not something you need.
They are not something you desire.
3AM thoughts chill you to the bone
They cause anxiety
They cause bad grades
They cause chaos
3AM thoughts cause tears.
They do not fill you with happiness
They do not fill you with hope
They do not fill you with future goals.
3AM thoughts haunt you
With "what ifs"
With "why wasn't I good enough"
With "will I ever be good enough"
3AM thoughts fill you with questions that will never be answered.
"What if I was skinnier"
"What if I was prettier"
"What did I do"
3AM thoughts are all about you.
Apr 1, 2015
Apr 1, 2015 at 7:48 PM UTC
when i look
in the mirror,
i do not see the
“oh my god, you’re so skinny,”
i do not see the
“you need to eat more,”
not the
“there’s no way you’re not anorexic,”
not the
“i wish my body looked like yours.”
when i look
in the mirror,
i see the
“you’re fat,”
i see the
“she’s skinnier than you,”
i see the
“you need to be skinny, or you won’t get a husband,”
i see the
“eat less,”
i see the
"you need to be the skinniest one in your friend group,"
i see the
trans fat
saturated fat
cholesterol
sodium
dietary fiber
sugar
protein
Calorie Count.
Apr 27, 2018
Apr 27, 2018 at 4:32 PM UTC
Every girl deserves to be reminded of how beautiful they are.
Every girl deserves be told they are loved.
Every girl deserves to know that someone is always there for them.
Every girl deserves support.
Every girl deserves someone to talk to in the middle of the night.
Every girl deserves to know how amazing they are.
Every girl deserves someone that makes them happy.
Every girl deserves a shoulder to cry on.
Every girl deserves to be treated like a lady.
Every girl deserves to know how special they are.
Every girl deserves to have fun.
Every girl deserves to be happy.
Every girl deserves to be told that they are perfect.
Every girl deserves to be loved.
But sadly,
Not every girl has that.
Most girls sit alone in their rooms at night,
And cry.
Because no one is really there for them.
No one reminds them of their assets.
No one sees their beauty
People take advantage of them.
And when those girls look in the mirror,
All they see is their flaws and imperfections.
They look at themselves in the reflection,
And hate what they see.
They cry for what seems like forever.
Then wish that they were someone else.
Someone prettier,
Someone better,
Someone happier,
Someone skinnier,
Someone richer,
Someone with a better life than their own.
But they don't see their strengths.
And most of the time,
They never will.
Girls only see their ugliness,
And that's always what they will see.
Society has formed an image of women.
You have to look like models and celebrities,
Or else you're considered ugly.
You have to have a perfect body,
Or else you're considered fat.
But all a girl really needs is someone to tell them they are beautiful the way they are.
They may never actually believe it,
But at least they know that you think that,
And it makes them start to transform their vision of themselves,
Into what they actually are,
Which is a beautiful girl who is perfect in every single way.
Jun 7, 2013
Jun 7, 2013 at 1:13 PM UTC
I used to be scared of monsters under my bed
Now I'm just scared of the ones in the mirror
Sometimes I wish I could just be dead
Than seeing them come closer and closer
Each and every day, they misled
Made me think I was a horror
Implanting these thoughts in my head
That I needed to be better
That I needed to be taller,
That i should be prettier,
That i needed to be skinnier.
Those monsters in the mirror,
they were actually just myself
Speaking the truth, reading the thread
Of society's standards, inside my head
Jun 15, 2014
Jun 15, 2014 at 5:02 PM UTC
I would take pictures
of myself on facebook but I would rarely ever wear a smile.
I would not take selfies not for attention and not for love from any love else.
They were just daily reminders and the cruel reality was that I have always hated the way I looked.
I obsessed over my weight and thought if I did look skinnier that I would look great.
A few times in my life I had to face my inner battle head on
it has won me an few times in my life.
At certain points in my life I rejected eating and enjoying my food.
All the fat comments took my joy of eating away, they were
so vile and rude.
Being shouted at in the street and called the fat loser.
In this period of my life I had an year of self hatered and defeat.
The eating issue was hard to beat.
I would get triggered
if anyone mentioned anything relating to my weight if it was just another joke.
The echo of the rude comments
would stand out in my brain
repeating the same rude line.
"Your a fat loser"
Even when people in my family
said I was looking fine and were more concerned about my health.
The voice in my head would keep shouting that these are all lies.
I said to people around me
please do not keep mentioning
about my weight and just talk
about other topics.
Dont keep feeding the hate that is already there when there are plenty of things out than just talking about my weight.
It only magnifies the issue of the ED
and this makes it tougher to fight inside my mind.
I have accepted my ED and dealt
with some of my inner pain
that is only half the battle, in my own head I must learn to accept and love my body, be happier and eat more regularly without feeling any dread, guilt and remorse.
Love my self, ignore the haters and horrible cruel comments that have always stood out in my mind.
The comments and thoughts
are always going to be there
but I now I know I really dont care as much about this
and to not let it control my life.
The rude people in the street
might have won the battle at the time
for a short while
but they never won the whole war over me.
I have choose now to accept my fate, eat again and be more health. Learning to love myself again and that is the final score.
Feb 1, 2022
Feb 1, 2022 at 2:23 AM UTC
Behind me and my daughter
In line for the Ferris wheel
Perhaps when you are older
You will find breastfeeding
Is the least nasty thing
Your child will do
Wait for the projectile *****
The diaper explosions
Snot handed to you
So kindly like a present
Wait for the strangers to ask you
"So when do you plan to get your body back?"
My body never left
It did the most badass thing
Any body could ever do
What have you done
With the beautiful sharp mind and body
God has given you?
Used your eyes and words
To judge other women
Looked at your tummy in the mirror and thought
"I should be skinnier."
It is a shame,
Women ought to stick together
So I'm going to tell you now
Your bodies are amazing
Magical, you might say
Life giving, you're **** right
Do not judge me
Say that my nursing toddler is nasty
Look at her face,
How can you be so cruel?
For ***** sake,
It's just a ******
I can see more of you
Pre-thirteen
In your crop top and skinny jeans
Than you can of me
May 25, 2015
May 25, 2015 at 10:19 PM UTC
I've always felt "too big."
I have never felt small.
Even when I was little
I was always fat.
I never remember
Being referred to as "little."
My brothers
They always called me fat
My friends, too
And I was always too tall
Just too big, in general
And I hated it
Still do
Cause all my friends,
They're ******* tiny
And they complain.
"Oh, this [insert name of clothing]
It makes me look fat."
Or
"I need to lose weight
I'm at 130 now."
Or the classic,
"My [insert body part] is too fat."
It makes me want to strangle them
Cause they have no idea
What it feels like
To have the only color you look good in
Be the color black
And be labled
As "gothic" or "emo"
Because you can only wear black.
They have no idea
What it feels like
To be anxious around scales
Or anything that has a weight limit
*They have no ******* clue.*
And my name?
I get called ****** Felicia"
Or
"Felicia the ****** sometimes
Cause of how big I am
And I ******* hate it!
No one knows
How much I hate myself
Because of my weight
And how insecure I am about how big I am
It is seriously why I wish I wasn't me
It makes me wish I was someone else
And it always has
Ever since I can remember,
I have always wanted to be littler
Skinnier.
Just anything
But "too big."
Apr 22, 2014
Apr 22, 2014 at 3:45 PM UTC
There is a line
between
pain and
pleasure.
But when that line blurs-
When the pleasure overthrows
your inhibitions
and the pain numbs your body,
When pain becomes pleasure
and pleasure becomes pain,
how do you know when to stop.
I glorify it.
I crave the taste
of the sickness.
of the disease rippling across my skin,
boiling in my veins
and flowing through my blood.
Is it Healthy?
I love you,
I love it,
but is it healthy
To walk the streets at night
in constant fear
not only of what lurks in the shadows
but of you too.
Anorexic bodies
falling all around us.
Mine included.
Skinnier by the day,
yellow nails chipping and peeling,
grinding of the teeth
to procure a never ending headache.
Pale skin;
cold to the touch
from lack of circulation.
Weak in your arms
an intoxicated mind
and a heart struck through with daggers.
Blasting screams
and beats
to block out the world
and create a throbbing in our heads.
Your freak show;
My guilty little pleasure.
So sick
So satanic
So tenebrific
So twisted
so disturbed
so disgusting
so beautiful
so broken.
cradled by poison,
hold me in your arms,
a monster in the shadows
with thanatognomonic eyes.
With my thanatophobia
You manage to keep me alive.
You do it to feel the pain,
as a confirmation that you're still alive,
But I do it to feel nothing,
to feel all this pain
all these repressed emotions
disappear.
Overall we do it to stay alive,
and shred away
our pitiful sorrows
one by one,
piece by piece.
For inch by inch
we come closer
to meeting the same
fate
of our cold,
useless,
easily forgotten bodies
lying on a metal slab.
Soon to be greeted
by the maltreated Earth.
Sep 29, 2013
Sep 29, 2013 at 2:32 AM UTC
How long will it take you
To forget the smell on my hair?
How long before you stop coming to my room
Out of habit?
How quickly will your heart stop aching
At the mention of my name?
A month? A week? A day?
Did you ever need me?
Will you miss me at all?
While I lie here alone
Crying for your touch,
Will you move on?
How long will it take you
To find another?
Prettier. Skinnier. Smarter.
More talented. Better.
Will her smile outshine
All your memories of me?
Will her hands be softer,
Her feet prettier,
Will she be bolder and brighter
Than I ever was?
How long will it take you
To replace me?
Jun 7, 2014
Jun 7, 2014 at 4:12 AM UTC
I really dont know how much time you have
Your bags are getting lower and I'm loving you a little too late
You're getting skinnier
You've lossed 30 lbs in 1 one month and I think this is your last year standing on earth
I think these are the months to pray
It's a little too late
Don't deny your sickness, when even you know you're ill
You once told my mom you dont pay the consequences here on earth, you pay them in the afterlife
You're paying them now
It must be horrible to live what you were planning to live in the afterlife
You're 25 x2 and I'm the mistake you love the most
Everytime I listen to Guilt Trip by Kanye West I shiver when Kid Cudi comes in
The line "If you loved me so much then why'd you let me go" hurts me so much
I remember you calling me a good for nothing
I think those words have become permanent to my thoughts
I think that's why I saw my self standing in a place for the hopeless a month and a half ago
I dont think I'll ever tell you that I love you face to face with pride in those words
Your figure is starting to become weak, and I'm beginning to worry
It's too late for that, I've come so far with a rope pulling me back
I think I've been walking backwards these passed 5 years
I didn't realize it before then
I don't think I know you well enough
I wish I knew who you truly are, soon to be were
What I do know is that you always pointed at my mother and yelled negativity
Now you're pointing at what grave you want to get buried in
You're paying death in my world you caused hell in
Consequences come in unexpected ways
I guess thats why death is catching you offguard
8 straight years hearing yells I hated
I was tired of it, but used to it as well
I'll always be your son.... dad
I wish things turned out differently
I wish you knew that deep down, I love you
The love you didn't show is slowly tying a rope around your neck
You'll always be my dad, you'll always be the monster I was scared of when I was little
You'll always be the screams of negativity in my ears that keep me awake some nights
You'll always be the July 29th I remember, always
You'll always be what made me who I am now
A suicidal passionate artist
And my friends will always try to defeat my inner war with their consoling words
What they don't know is that you'll always be with me
Even when I'm experiencing success
You'll always be there, to bring me down
And I love you for that..... dad
You'll always be my dad
And I'll always be your son you never showed love to
I love you
Jan 10, 2014
Jan 10, 2014 at 11:01 PM UTC
I wear baggy clothes so that I can feel skinnier.
I reread all of the notes I've saved almost every night.
I write really loopy because it's hard for me to let go.
I close my eyes and imagine things, constantly.
I paint with black because colors are too interesting.
I rub my face when I'm stressed, or I claw at my skin.
I wear my hair over my face so I can't see people staring.
I hate liquid eyeliner, insincerity, and pomegranates.
I love being in the rain because it stings, cleans, drenches.
I want to either die young or marry young, always have.
I try to walk everywhere I go so I can lose more weight.
I wish I remembered how to be happy.
Jan 2, 2015
Jan 2, 2015 at 4:26 PM UTC
I wish I could tell you
Tell you all my secrets
So I wouldn't have to face them alone
I have anxiety
Which seems to be an overused term
By people who will never understand the feeling
Of never wanting to wake up
Where reality is too much
I'm asexual
Meaning a lack of ****** attraction
Easy right?
No. Nothing can be that easy to understand
Some of my friends have left me
My family doesn't seem to understand
How I can be asexual and have a girlfriend
My mom wouldn't let me get pride shirts
She allowed me a hair bow with my pride colors
Because it's subtle and maybe no one will notice
I have an eating disorder
Binge-Eating Disorder to be exact
My mom says I'm chubby
My doctor says I'm approaching overweight status
My friends are concerned
For they know how long I can go without food
They know how much I can eat
It's not by choice
I wish I was skinnier
I wish I could control myself
I wish I had control
I talk to myself
Like a whisper
I shut out my surroundings
To listen to the voices in my head
And this can lead to two things
Resolution or Destruction
For my mind has no middle ground
Struggling to resolve a situation
That I've poured over with gasoline
And the voices have lit the match
One false move
And the voices will win
I'm too smart for my own good
But not academically
I use animals to imprint scars upon my skin
I ride my scooter too fast down a hill
So my knee slides across the pavement
Ripping out flesh
A permanent reminder
That 1200 pound horse that stepped on my foot?
Not an accident.
When I sprained both my ankles at the same time?
Not an accident.
I have a gender that I can't identify
I feel mostly feminine
But some days I just want to be able to relax
In baggy sweatpants
With a muscle shirt
And short hair
Yet I know that if I cut my hair
I will regret it the next day
For my gender never seems to stay masculine for long
I had a journal
One that I would write in since 5th grade
It wasn't a diary
But it knew exactly how I felt
And when the bullying became worse
Turning from verbal to emotional
Emotional to physical
My journal suffered the waves of my tears
The fissures of the ripped pages
The erasure shavings left on every page
Until I burned it
Lit it on fire
Erasing any trace of who I am
So who am I you ask?
My secrets lie within this poem
So don't lose it
For this,
This is my last journal
Apr 26, 2015
Apr 26, 2015 at 9:14 PM UTC
I don't know if it's the whiskey or the cigarettes or the one night stands or the phony lovers phoning you for self affirmation that they too - can **** like a professional star on a cheap website.
I don't know if everything I've ever been told was only a regurgitation of everything someone else has ever been told. If we all function solely through heresy and political agendas.
Blood stains on freshly lit cigarettes, they say those'll **** you - but I'm already dead inside.
Starve myself because the scale hates me
because the models in the magazines are what my lover fancies
because every photograph I've seen within the past several years were of girls resembling holocaust victims - who most likely suffered in the same way that most of those victims have. But only in the sense that, they themselves were the German Nazis malnourishing their Jewish bodies of food.
How awful it must feel, to embody both the **** and the Jewish girl. But I've never actually read Anne Frank's memoir - so what the **** do I know.
If I were skinnier, if I were prettier, if I were smarter, if I read more non fiction and russian literature - if I listened to radio talk shows about politics and found scifi equally as enjoyable as I find raunchy cult classics that make up the subculture stereotype.
Would I then, capture your attention?
I've already lost my own, truthfully. But everything is only temporary anyways.
Oct 27, 2014
Oct 27, 2014 at 6:56 AM UTC
Expression.
It’s all in how we look,
How we act.
Society.
Limits our expression,
Shows us what we can and can’t be.
Women.
We are told to be perfect,
Told what to look like and how to act.
Each day, something new is added
whether it is something to be skinnier,
Or something to change our face.
We are roped into a battle,
Being dragged by society's standards.
The words used are like guns.
Each hurtful phrase heard
is like a bullet tearing through the heart.
It hurts to hear society’s views,
Society’s opinions.
What do we follow?
We are told to be ourselves,
But who is that?
Ourselves. Myself. Yourself.
The people we are trying to figure out.
The people who we want to find,
But can’t.
We are pressured and indoctrinated with styles,
With trends,
With things that are “normal.”
Normal.
What is Normal?
Who came up with this silly term?
Normal.
Something everyone is striving to be,
But lose themselves trying to find.
Something everyone longs to be called,
Even if it hurts their reality.
Something everyone is forced into,
With nobody knowing the true outcome.
Weird.
Is what people think when they see people who are not “normal.”
People who do not fit society’s standards,
Society’s expression.
What people don’t see, is the happiness.
The people who you deem “not normal,”
Have found themselves.
Have found who they truly are,
Happiness.
Is what you get when you finally find yourself,
When you can express who you are freely,
Without fear of being hurt, or judged.
Happiness.
Is what you get when everyone is equal,
When everyone was the same rights,
Without loopholes and sly backdoors.
Happiness,
is you.
Who you are.
Not society’s view,
But your own expression.
You.
Who is Free.
Who is Joyful.
You, who is Happy.
Oct 17, 2016
Oct 17, 2016 at 12:01 PM UTC
Ana, Ana
my best friend
i'm sorry to say
we've come to an end
you see I loved you
alot more than I should
you always stayed
when no one would
it was very hard
we've been through thick & thin
our golden rule
eating is a sin
on my knees
fingers down my throat
whatever's in my stomach
the toilet it'll coat
the number on the scale
decides what you'll say
whether I get to eat or not
usually I starve everyday
you know my family
but they don't know you
they'll never see you
in my point of view
you're beautiful & amazing
everything I want to be
or so I thought
why couldn't I see
you weren't who you said you were
you were a wolf in sheep's fur
I was fragile & insecure
did that ever occur
I was 16 & 80 pounds
but you didn't care
when my ribs started showing
you continued to dare
skinner & skinnier
I was so sick & small
I couldn't even stand
I used support from a wall
but I no longer need support
you see my coffins closed
I never knew I was perfect
from my head to my toes
Ana I let you win
there is no more me
I finally got thin
but i'm dead can't you see
our friendship is over
you finally won
but you don't even care
you're on to another one
Oct 2, 2015
Oct 2, 2015 at 9:37 AM UTC
Do you ever feel like you're drowning
with anchors tied to your feet
and you just feel so lost in this world of hatred
and there aren't enough words to speak
up to the authority and give them all you've got
but you've been turned down so many
and your stomach's bunched in a knot
as you hold back your tears and your eyes welt up
thinking to yourself what am i really made of
and i wish i was skinnier,
i wish i was strong enough to not eat
but i also wish i loved myself ,
or had someone to love me.
They say it all gets better
and tell me its going to be okay
but what if its not.
and i know it won't be today,
or tomorrow, the day after, and the next
and then i think to myself
what will i have left.
i want to change so badly
but I'm scared as hell
because you always hear them say
you have got to love yourself.
but society is so ****** and contradictory
how can i love myself, if i can't truly be me.
and i wish i was skinnier,
i wish i was strong enough to not eat
but i also wish i loved myself ,
or had someone to love me.
so please do me this,
and promise me dearly
that you will love me for me,
and not for what i should be.
because i will love you for who you are
not for who you aren't
and i swear to the moon and back
you'll always know where my heart is.
Dec 4, 2012
Dec 4, 2012 at 3:09 PM UTC
"i can't box you" he says to me
narrowing his firewood eyes
the silver air breathing spring
i get closer to the warmth of his body
and smile-
because i can box myself so ******* perfectly
it's the thing i hate the most
i'm your typical straight A
anghsty teenager
who never called herself a poet
but spends her days writing
to boys who never loved her
and a dad who was never there
i had a photography phase-
which girl hasn't?
took pictures of people
when they weren't looking
finding beauty in others
when what i needed most
was to find beauty in myself
went through an anorexic phase
i'm better now-
skinnier than before, but,
i eat a single 1200 calorie meal
but take my coffee without sugar
(saving the dime and spending the dollar)
tried finding myself by hurting myself
and even though the blades disappeared after a while
the pain kinda lasted
but you know, it's not all that bad
i mean, i eat, i sleep, i jog, i read
i sing in the shower
i live in a house with a mom who loves me
a sister who loves me so much that she hates me
i'm your typical kid
stuck between self-worship and self-loathing
loved taylor swift,
loved fallout boy
get the picture now?
thought that rebelling would give me fulfillment
cut my hair and dyed it orange
ran away to my best friend's house
watched her have *** with boys twice her age
sat alone in a corner away from their embraces
because the black eyeliner and leather jacket
still hadn't seeped their way into my heart
(don't touch me i'm afraid)
i had my first kiss at 16
i had *** at 17
i had my first pregnancy scare at 18
(don't worry we used protection)
i promised to marry him
but kept him a secret because my parents wouldn't approve
come on-
does it get more 'boxable' than that?
'you're so different.' he mumbles
between breaths tainted with the taste of my skin
i play with his fingers
(i think i'm in love with the birthmark on his knuckles)
he takes my silence for agreement
and i kiss him goodnight
driving back to my white-picket fence house
taking off my shoes before entering
my mom doesn't like ***** shoes on the carpet.
Mar 30, 2017
Mar 30, 2017 at 11:20 AM UTC