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Mary Kate Jul 29
you tear me to shreds.
you rip apart my soul,
piece by piece.

both of you do.

the tug of war between you two has got to end,
because i can’t take much more.

one day, my heart will be torn in half,
and then no one can have me.

and the devastation will sink into your soft skin.
you’ll realize what a mistake you’ve made by putting me through this
with your beautiful eyes.
with your soft hair.
with your toned arms.
with that **** smile.

we’ll meet again,
sometime soon,
but it won’t be the same.

because i will have been lamenting the moment you return for weeks.
because i will take one look at you and lose myself all over again.
because i missed you so much, and you tore me in half.
Mary Kate Jul 29

you pulled me in the first time i met you,
and now i can’t quit you.

i keep telling myself that this time i’m done,
but i keep taking another hit.

stop dragging me along.
i don’t know how much more i can take.

you’re like a sweet escape from life,
one that pushes me against the wall and takes control. i love it.
it’s addictive.
so addictive.

i started you and now i can’t possibly quit you.

Mary Kate Jul 29

i’m falling.

save me.

oh wait,
you’re falling too.

looks like we’re falling,
except i have someone to catch me;
you don’t have anyone’s arms to fall into.

oh no.
this isn’t good.
i don’t want to see you crash.
i guess all i can do,
is hold your hand,
until you hit the ground
and i land safely.

i wish that i could catch you
before you hit.
Mary Kate Nov 2018
do you ever feel like life just isn't going your way?
i feel that way every day.
no matter how good my day is,
there's always something that brings me back to the pain.

i'm feel as though i'm just going to let go one day,
as though all emotions will just leave my body.
and i'll just be a husk of a person.
i kind of hope that it will happen.

i miss the old days.
the days when all i had to worry about was scraping my knee on the driveway.

but those days are gone.
and i feel like an adult.
i've had to deal with so much death, loss, hate, sorrow, pain,
that i'm beginning to think that it would be better for me just to die right now.

because i feel like i'm already grown up.
and i know that i'm not.
but i am.
Mary Kate Nov 2018
hello nightmares.
it's almost comforting to see you again.
no matter how much pain you bring me
it feels as though you're the only thing that i know will always be there.

just when i feel i've wrestled free from the vicious grip
you come back and wrap your arms around me again.
and it's almost comforting to see you again.

i've tried to chase you away.
i've tried to fight back.

i'm done chasing.
i'm done fighting back.

take me.
Mary Kate Aug 2018
i can still hear the plane taking off.
i can still hear the busy people rushing around the airport.
i can still hear the doors to the shuttle closing.
i can still hear the friendly receptionists at the hotel.

i can still feel the air sweeping past me while waiting for the metro.
i can still feel the wooden banisters at the library of congress.
i can still feel the cool october breeze.
i can still feel the awe of seeing the washington monument.

i can still see my smile while watching bobby flay's cooking show.
i can still see the intricate floral pattern on the hallway floor.
i can still see my smile fade when you approach me in the hallway.
i can still see your black eyes as you force your hand down my pants.

i can still smell your cologne on my pajamas.
i can still smell my chai tea latte and cake pop.
i can still smell the old air in ford's theatre.
i can still smell the mini burgers i ate that night.

i can still taste the cold concrete in the stairwell.
i can still ******* dinner coming up as you choked me.
i can still taste the salty tears dripping onto my tongue.
i can still taste the bitter mucus that i vengefully spat at you.

i hate you.
Mary Kate Apr 2018
when i look
in the mirror,
i do not see the
“oh my god, you’re so skinny,”
i do not see the
“you need to eat more,”
not the
“there’s no way you’re not anorexic,”
not the
“i wish my body looked like yours.”
when i look
in the mirror,
i see the
“you’re fat,”
i see the
“she’s skinnier than you,”
i see the
“you need to be skinny, or you won’t get a husband,”
i see the
“eat less,”
i see the
"you need to be the skinniest one in your friend group,"
i see the
trans fat
saturated fat
dietary fiber
Calorie Count.
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