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ashley Nov 2013
I hate that moment where
all of a sudden, sadness
hits you like a ton of bricks --
envelopes itself around
you like a cocoon
until it's so tight
you can't get out

It starts to smother you,
drown you,
fill you with thoughts
and images you tried
so hard to forget

If it gets bad enough,
the thoughts will taunt
you until you want to
claw at your flesh
and rip your hair out
one by one

and that is the worst
sadness of all --
one that happens
when it's least welcomed
for no reason at all

ashley Nov 2013
I never really knew
what love was
until I met someone
whose love for me
spilled endlessly from
every crack and crevice
of his body

Now my love for you
flows from the strands
of my delicate hair to
the tips of my toes

and I can't help
but want to spend
every second
of every day
with you

ashley Nov 2013
I don't know why
I cried so hard when
we broke up, because
truth is, I didn't love you

I just forced myself
into believing I did
so I could feel
besides sadness

ashley Nov 2013
I left scratches on his skin
and clawed at his flesh
simply because I couldn't
take it anymore.

I had to touch him,
feel him, breathe him in
to know it was real,
that I wasn't just dreaming
up a fantasy
that could be crushed
with the touch
of a fingertip.

ashley Nov 2013
My blood was boiling underneath
my transparent flesh and I dug
angry red lines into my arms,
clawed at them with my
fingernails so they resembled
the red lines left behind by a lover

And technically, they were.
Because it is you who has
caused this, all this built up
anger and pain and self-hatred
that clogged every single pore
in my fragile body

Anger turned to sadness
and puddles formed
in my eyes,
falling with each memory
of you

Who knew you'd be
the one to **** me
instead of be my savior?

ashley Nov 2013
They say your body is a temple
and that you shouldn't burn
it down. But how
can I not when all it
makes me do is frown?

My lips are too chapped
and my fingers too thin;
my features are the pet peeves
that get under my skin.
My eyebrows are thick
and my thighs are too wide,
and when I look in the mirror
all I want to do is cry.
My tummy isn't flat,
my nose is awkwardly shaped,
I somehow wish I could
find an escape.

My body is a temple and I
shouldn't burn it down

but I can't help
but want to be the one
to light the match.

ashley Nov 2013
I caught myself staring
at your braid today, sneaking
glances at you whenever
I had the chance.
I noticed things about you,
things I've grown to love,
like your gauges (you
alternate colors each day,
green or orange),
your lip piercing, your
tomboyish walk, bright
green bookbag.
The way you moved,
the way your lips fell into
a smile, the way your arms
and legs and body moved --
it was all so wonderful.
Almost like magic.

I don't know what it is
about you, but something
intrigues me, makes me
want to know you.
And I won't stop
until that is what
I have achieved.

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