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Em or Finn May 2020
When I was young
You were  my entire world
You built me up
And gave me confidence I never knew I had

Even when you began cracking under the pressure
You stayed strong for me
Guiding me
And showing me that I could find strength in anything

The more I grew up
The more that image of you began to fade
Small scratches turned into small cracks
Until the glass began to shatter entirely

Other people never made it easy for you
Breaking you down
Until nothing was left but the hope that one day,
One day it would get better

I watched your world fall apart in front of you
Almost like the Black Plague
Everything was dying around you
And you were convinced it was because you touched it

Tell me that you'll be okay
Because without you, I am nothing
I depend on you for my happiness
But I know that I shouldn't

So, I started looking for happiness in others
Until I found out that their smiles were fake
Their friendship was fake
Everything was fake

So ... I started walking alone
Who needs three musketeers
When I can trust only one
And even that one I'm suspicious of

You were my entire world
But when that world came crashing down
I wasn't strong enough to build one
With you still in it

So ... dear self
It's been a long time without you
But I still have hope that one day
You'll return home
Em or Finn Dec 2019
Why ...

Why is it that I wake up
And can already hear you arguing
Your voices implanted in my mind
Where no one else can listen

You control me
But I like to think you don't complete me
Because if you did
I'd be aggressive, mean, and everything I don't want to be

So I have to ask
Since I'm the only one that can see you
That can hear you
Why do you destroy me?

Your words affect me
You tell me how to dress
How to walk
How to talk
How to live

But I don't know if I'd call this living
Being stuck in my head,
You must not consider yourselves living either
Yet you have all the power

One day, you'll be in harmony
Rather than at war
One day we'll be a family
I just hope it's before you **** me
Gender feelings.
Sometimes it feels like I have a feminine and masculine version of me at war in my head. And since they've been a bit loud lately, I thought I'd write about them.
Em or Finn Mar 2019
I can't breathe
The silence is suffocating
But no one is coming to my rescue

I'm left with myself
But when I look in a mirror
All I see are demons

I talk to myself
To create noise, any noise
That can drown out the voices in my head

For if I hear them
I might just do what they ask
And be out to sleep
Em or Finn Feb 2019
Late nights
Where I'm most productive
Where my mind comes up
With new ideas

Late nights
Where my mind runs free
Where my imagination take precedence
To create things I never thought I could

Late nights
Where the lights from my room
Turn into dark shadows
When the lights goes out

Late nights
Where I can't sleep
The insomnia turning shadows
Into monsters

Late nights
Where my night terrors feel like reality
Where the sweating never stops
And the fear never sleeps

Late nights
Where my brain is so tired
That it contemplates the craziest things
The deadliest things

Late nights
Creativity turned to Horror
Imagination turned to Monsters
Light turned to Darkness
Currently writing this at 3:15AM my time, because I just can't seem to sleep.
Em or Finn Jan 2019
"Is this really how you want to present yourself?"

I know I'm fat
I know the clothes are clinging to my body rolls
I know I have a muffin top
I know that I have to shop in the "big" section

Because my body was never good enough
And in those rare moments when it was enough for me
Someone would make my confidence
Crash to the ground

Even if I like the clothes
Even if I like shape
My body will always fail for being
"too big"

If I stop eating, will it be enough?
If I go to the gym until I faint, will it be enough?
If you can see my ribs, will it be enough?
When will I be enough for you ...

Em or Finn Jan 2019
I'm trapped in a corner
Confronted on all sides
I don't even try to leave
I just let them eat me alive

My demons
Too many for this small mind
Making my brain black
And leaving myself behind

I've been squashed
I've been killed
I've been left by all my loved ones
But still

Living is more painful than dying
Yet I want to live
Where I've been lately ...
Em or Finn Dec 2018
I'm told it takes less muscles to smile
Yet I frown more

I have friends that want to hang out
Yet I stay in my room

The sun shines outside
Yet I hide in my shadows

I was born to live
Yet I long to die
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