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"Is this really how you want to present yourself?"

I know I'm fat
I know the clothes are clinging to my body rolls
I know I have a muffin top
I know that I have to shop in the "big" section

Because my body was never good enough
And in those rare moments when it was enough for me
Someone would make my confidence
Crash to the ground

Even if I like the clothes
Even if I like shape
My body will always fail for being
"too big"

If I stop eating, will it be enough?
If I go to the gym until I faint, will it be enough?
If you can see my ribs, will it be enough?
When will I be enough for you ...

Mom
Em or Finn Jan 11
I'm trapped in a corner
Confronted on all sides
I don't even try to leave
I just let them eat me alive

My demons
Too many for this small mind
Making my brain black
And leaving myself behind

I've been squashed
I've been killed
I've been left by all my loved ones
But still

Living is more painful than dying
Yet I want to live
Where I've been lately ...
Em or Finn Dec 2018
Yet
I'm told it takes less muscles to smile
Yet I frown more

I have friends that want to hang out
Yet I stay in my room

The sun shines outside
Yet I hide in my shadows

I was born to live
Yet I long to die
Em or Finn Dec 2018
You feel like you've lost me
That I'm someone new
But I've always been this way
Just hiding from you

I was told I was a freak
That no one was like me
But that's when I found and became part of
the LGBT
Em or Finn Nov 2018
I'm isolated
I'm lonely
I'm lost
I'm gone

I don't know when I'll be back
But something tells me
That until I see something but black
I'll never be free

So here I wait
For someone to save me
Taking love as bait
That ends up being deadly

I'm isolated, lonely
Lost, gone
I don't see anything for me
You won't see me until your dawn
Em or Finn Nov 2018
I haven't slept in days
Trying to figure out why
I have a monster living in my head

Telling me sweet lullabies
Of how I'm not good enough
How I'm not who I want to be
How I'm a failure

I haven't been able to sleep
Relax
Have a moment of peace to myself
Without the monster screaming and screaming

This monster isn't new
I say hello to them every day
I say goodnight to them every night
Before they keep me awake with their yelling and disapproval

I haven't slept in days
Because my brain
Is a monster
I need sleep, and I'm hoping it will come some day.
Em or Finn Jun 2018
I wish I wasn't so afraid
So shy
So worried about everyone else
And what they think of me

I had the courage beaten out of me
I've walked home with bruises
Both physically and mentally
I've never been the same

But maybe I don't want to be
Just like everyone else
Fake smiles plaguing my universe
I wish I could be
Honest

Every smile you've seen
Has been fake
I'm a liar
It's been a night
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