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Mateuš Conrad Nov 2018
.oh ****! now i remember, now i remember that other school of English thought... pragmatism! everything is so rational these days, no wonder that so many mental illness diagnoses exist... apparently every deviance of, "success" is, "magically" worthy of psychiatric scrutiny... but then you get psychopaths in the upper eschallance of society... and they're immune to psychiatric scrutiny... so much for pragmatism... whatever that means these days... what?! e-scha-llan-ce... usher-lance?! oh right, ****, i was going for an adjective... echelon... my adjective? feeling up to the level / rank within an organization, and subsequently, perfecting stated rank with robust, pompousness and erudition, matching up to a pedantic exercise within the confines of either, grammar, or, diction; my bad. see... i don't get it... i could somehow couple up the ancient Greek concept of the Stoic school, and the Epicurean school (of thought)... it became crystal clear... but... but when it comes to the English school of thought? i can't make the logical-leap of a worded multiplication concerning the schools of: egalitarianism, and... pragmatism... maybe i'm just *******... but i... i sometimes can't come at a worded equals sign, or at least: a mutually inclusive / mutually exclusive sharing processor of looking at both attempts to revise 1 + 1 = 2... then again, i'm not bothered... English liberalism doesn't bother me... the English were never libertarian in letting go... who are the English? they have their equivalence among the Prussians... but, yes... i was looking for this noun, this last remaining school of thought from the Anglophone world... i was thinking... what goes well with the cognitive spaghetti that exfoliates egalitarianism? ****... what else? pragmatism! so help me god, i can't concede making this dualism of ideas, perhaps contradictory, perhaps not, as i did with classical thinking... stoicism and Epicurean school i can justify... but the English, somehow complimenting within the realm of pragmatism, and egalitarianism?! good luck, i can't do it.

currently i only identify two schools
of thought in English...
i might change my opinion
in the future...

how, just how petrified people
are of exploring dialectics,
the fear stemming out
from... having opinions that
do not deserve questioning,
such blatant solipsism...

but i do identify two schools
of thought from the English
speaking world...
o.k. three... ****...
four...

egalitarianism...
egalitarian idealism...
unitarism...
utopian-ism...        

****... four, five...
how many in total?

scholasticism, in general...

  there's one more...
i'm sure there's one more...
it's related to egalitarianism...

what's the word i'm looking
for?
a morphed liberalism
of: one freedom can eventually
over-compensate
another statement of freedom
and deride the former liberty
with a... ore ******-up
liberty...

but there was another mode of thinking,
i'm sure of it...

you know that people
are afraid of experiencing dialectics,
when they have to phrase
their opinions:
but these are my personal
opinions...
   yep... stated in a public sphere...
why is it that i don't
make videos?
      your freedom of speech
is one thing...
mine? constricted to the comment
section...
   this? an extension of thought,
since i'm bashing a blank piece
of "paper"...

what was the other root of the English
school of thought?!
no... it wasn't universalism...
England, given the stated terms...
is a covert communist state...
a subdued communist state...
a dubiousness from the empirically
tested experiment...
where did Marx and Engels
concentrate their observational
capacities if not in England?
weird...

  communism originated in England
under, said, sociological observations,
was tested in Mongolia...
and then returned via Russia to
Eastern Europe...

*****... gets to my head...
it might come to be two days later,
but i'm sure i wanted
to work with another school of thought
from the English demand
for the egalitarian take on things...

looking at the English,
i see a people burdened by a desire
to make "things"... fair...
          i see people teasing Utopia...
a people who haven't experienced
a momentary transition period
of a quasi-Utopia of communism....
within the countries that
received the Bolshevik mantra
and not the Marshall Plan payout...
even Sweden (neutral, source of inspiration
for the Nazis) and Switzerland
received Marshall Plan funds...

       but the English...
              what an oddity...
oh i don't imply a demeaning
interpretation...
       but the English are teasing
a revival of socialism...
you know how many archetypical
human emotions socialism curbs?
you can't do it unless
subjected to foreign rule...
given the current Brexit agreements:
now's your chance...

but socialism really did originate
in this fine, fine land...
Marx didn't look alongside
Engels outside of England...
they looked at Liverpool...
and children being employed...
German children had Krampus...
English children had
work in the factories...

this probably is an over-simplification
of history, but all the details
are there...
personally?
i find English existentialism
(if there is such a "thing")
over-powered by Darwinism's
over-simplifications...
Darwinism, having killed modern
or pre-modern history,
having to expand beyond
our known, and kept history...

a big bang theory i can deal
with...
i can congest it into a subscript
of words, via a conceptualization
of atoms...
and bigger atoms,
suns... protons, neutrons,
planets...
and electrons...
lost in the realm of sub-atomic
particles and antimatter...

but when i go back to Poland?
you know what i don't hear much of?
overly simplified existential
explanations pivoting on
nothing, but Darwinism...
in England it's all Darwinism,
and not much more...
i guess when Einstein disproved
Newton,
the only thing motivating
English culture boiled down
to focusing and pivoting on Darwin...

outside of England?
you know how important Darwin
is?
          in Poland... Mickiewicz...
a poet...
                         Copernicus...
            a astronomer...
            and in Russia?
Dostoyevsky...
          Tolstoy...
                     Mendeleev,
Tchaikovsky,
Rasputin,
                      Prokofiev­,
Bulgakov...
        Kandinsky...
               Anna Andreyevna...
Chekov...
                      how much is
Michael Faraday worth these
days in England,
if you're going to celebrate
only the scientists
and shove every artist
into the shadow of Shakespeare?!

i really shouldn't drink
*****...
                       i go crazy crude,
mad and... it's *****!
       you can't mellow out like
you could mellow out with
ms. amber, of the Scottish highlands!
Shiv Pratap Pal Jan 2019
Questions Please
Put up a question please
Throw me a question please
Question, any question

Burning or sensational
big or small or silly
easy or tough or absurd
hypothetical or factual

All questions are invited.
Only and only questions
No Answers at all
As I already have answers

I have answers to all the questions
that ever existed, but ceased to exist today.
I have the answers to prevailing questions
that are making us crazy day by day

I even have the answers to the questions
which are still in the future's belly
waiting to be born one day
in this beautiful and ugly world

Questions please
All sorts of questions
May be from geography or philosophy
Or from religion to defence studies

It may be from medical science or history
Or from space research too
Animal husbandry is no taboo
Questions on skydiving are also welcome

Politics is my all-time favourite
although I can answer sports or adventure
Questions on corruption are also solicited
You can ask on oceanography or calligraphy too

I know everything, literally everything
but neither I am 'Google' nor 'Bing'
I am not even 'Duck Duck Go'
nor I claim to be 'Baidu'

I guessed your question.
You are wondering – "Who am I?"
It's very-very simple Man!
I am a nasty spokesperson from the ruling party

I may be found mostly in television debates
as a panelist, as a debator, as a joker
as a disturbing element, as a liar
as a person making hue and cries

You may or may not like my answers,
but, please like me, please love me
Raise slogans for me, Praise me
Make me famous, make me a celebrity

But even if you dislike me
I don't care, I have my media
I have my own followers
I also own a troll army

I train them perfectly
I pay them heavily
I spend too much on
News media and Social media

I have my own trustworthy mob
who is always ready for violence
anytime and anywhere
at any cost whatsoever

Beware, I am from the ruling party
I inherit a complete readymade system
of Investigating agencies, Ready to book anyone
on false and frivolous grounds.

And it will take years to prove innocence
Innocence may be proved, may be disproved
This also depends on Money, Power and Links
Or the nasty arithmetic of alliance with us in future

So if you still chose to dislike me
It's your choice, but wait
I can still become a minister
Or even a prime minister

I have the quality to lure voters
I have the answers to all the questions
That ever existed or are existing
Or that are stilling waiting to be born.
I have all the answers  so please throw a question to me.
Deh-bee.  Deh-bee.  Deh-bee.  I sit entranced by the rhythmic force of the cargo train rolling by.  This is the third train in 25 minutes, and with each pass, the sound of the heartbeat steals my attention away from the drunken chaos around me.  I glance at the north wall where a small, golden, shadow flickers with each pulsation.  Deh-bee.  Deh-bee.  Deh-bee.   The cargo train seems to disappear as unexpectedly as it arrived, and now I am pulled back into the scene around me – drunk, rowdy bar-hags and middle-aged men with bellies expanding at a rate too fast than can be restrained by their tucked-in Milwaukee Brewers t-shirts and their ******* Green Bay Packers jerseys.  I re-focus my attention to the crew with whom I share this table.

The CEO’s.  How is it that God blessed me with such an opportunity as to break bread with these four great, inspiring, and humble men?  NO WAY IN HELL is this a coincidence - this is undoubtedly God’s work at hand.  Our waitress walks quickly by, and I notice the uncomfortable glance she casts in our direction, her eyes focused on Vince’s t-shirt that reads in large, red letters, “CEO. Christians Encouraging Others.”

Vince. Boisterous and fearless, he can be relied upon to know everything about anything, and for the benefit of all within ear-shot, he never shuts-the-****-up about his faith or about those who lack it.  Thank God for Vince because without his leadership during our five-hour drive here, I would know nothing about tire pressure, ideal gas mileage, ****, the meaning of great music (a.k.a. R.E.M.), or how to deal with nagging kids. He is a truly model Christian, taking every opportunity to remind us of our calling in this world, passionately ending most conversations with, “This is Satan’s domain - the end of the world as we know it.”  When we were one hour away from the campgrounds, Vince disproved my previously-developed theory that he could not possibly be any more of a puke.  After making sure he still had everyone’s attention, he pulled out his favorite hat and enthusiastically adjusted it on his head.  Featuring another clever acronym, the oversized, navy-blue trucker mesh cap accented with gold rope trimming proudly sports, “C.I.A.”  Christian in Action.  

I share a cabin with Vince and these other heads of households.  These fellows come here once a year “to get away from the wives.”  One of the other fellows with whom I have the pleasure of sharing the cabin is Paul.  Paul forewarned us that he suffers from irritable bowel syndrome, a claim substantiated by the bag of “**** powder” that he proudly held up in the air during the ride here for all to see.  My brother Tom also comes along in order to partake in the outdoor activities, trip paid in full by my older brother, Richard, who has financially supported Tom for as long as Tom has been able to utter the words, “I can’t afford it.”  Thanks to ****’s Christian generosity, Tom’s soul has been saved along with all of Tom’s money as his mortgage was paid off over a decade ago.  Unlike Tom, **** is a tortured soul who suffers from PTSD.  He is also a recovering (to be more accurate, “recovered”) addict, having been cured “just like that” (snap!) when he found Christ in the 70’s.  

Deh-bee. Deh-bee. Deh-bee.  Another cargo train…  Why did I agree to this?  The waitress comes by again, this time with our food.  “Thanks, doll,” Vince says with a wink.  Embarrassed for her, I look away, staring once again at the flickering light on the north wall.  My gaze is suddenly disrupted by the steamy, ivory dish of food placed in front of me.  French fries, bathed in a lake of runny ketchup, sit enticingly in the middle of my plate.  To the left are mountains of milky-white coleslaw, and to the right sit boulders of golden-baked cod stacked one upon the other, towering high as if built to honor to the gods.

Without hesitation I grab the pale, cloth napkin and blanket my legs.  I find myself clenching the sparkling fork as I drive it into the base of the cod shrine.  Ketchup runs everywhere, and as I lift the bloodied mess above my plate, I become too distracted by the sound of Vince’s voice to notice that the cod never makes it to my mouth.  Vince stops and stares at the blunder of food now back on my plate, laughter erupting from the bowels of his cholesterol-encased belly.  

Debbie. Debbie. Debbie.  No train.  I look down at my plate again, the contents of my plate further bathed in ketchup.  My appetite is gone.  All I can think about is that frigid November night two years ago when I found her lying dead, body still warm, in our gazebo. When I saw the back of her head all over the floor, I knew it was too late.  “Debbie and I were going to go out for fish that Friday, but I didn't get home early enough…”  I hadn’t realized that I said anything aloud, but the sudden silence around the table quickly awakens me to reality.  

With a mouth full of chewed cod, Vince looks intently at me and raises his arms. “Man, don’t let him trick you!  He’s out for everyone, and he’s toying with ya.  Shoo him away. Christ is in you. This is Satan’s domain, and he’s messing with your head.”  

His voice trails off as my mind wanders back to that night.

“Greg, are you listening to me?  Cast these thoughts away, man!  The devil is trying to ensnare you. Call upon…”

“Hey, Vince.”  I cut him off.  “The other day I saw this sign in front of a church, and your hat just reminded me of it. The sign said, ‘It’s hard to stumble when you’re down on your knees.’  You know why your hat reminds me of that sign?  

"Let me tell you, Vince.  Let me tell you why your ******' hat reminds me of that ******' sign. Cause your hat says, ‘C.I.A.’”

Vince, silent for the first time since I’ve known him, responds to my comment with a blank stare.

“C.I.A.  ****... In… ***…  Get it?  You see, you’re never going to stumble, Vince.  You’re already head down, on your knees, taking it hard in the ***.”
Thank you to my wife for your patience in editing this piece for me.  I love you, Hannah Klein.
Poetic T Oct 2019
He was the child with the magnifying glass that lingered
in the exhalation of the heavens. Always holding it on
those of weaker statue than himself. Insects were his
starting point, as they were barbecued under the influence
of what was focused between light and glass and what
lived became inanimate just a blackened smear that he
smothered words into the dirt
        
                           I'LL BURN THE WORLD,

His parents saw this and in jest laughed it off as the
Immaturity of a child's frustration. That all was but a
a boy finding his place within the many echoes of manhood.
A child was maturing, and they assumed that he was not
ready for the collision of what was in-between the moments
of childhood and adulthood.

One cold and sodden night where the only things that were dry.
Were submerged in the cover of roofs and foliage.
But even the penetrating raindrops gathered in haste to soak
the earth beneath the leaves protection. All drowned within
nights flourish of immersed air. Where it felt that breath was only
in-between the flurry of h20's deluge.

Within the house, within the rooms crept a silence.
            It wasn't alone, for it wept unseen streams between the  
crisp white borderlines,  were doused in clear liquids,
Draping the curtains in non received  heavy remorse,
the only things that were burdensome were the drapes as the weight of the liquid pulled at the seams holding them aloft.

Remorse was neither felt or given. just a feeling of accomplishment.  
Felt it in the moments that succeeded between this
gathering of dead lights as a flame was lit.
But not a whisper was echoed this flame was lifeless
in the eyes of its beneficiary.
But it lept upon the walls like a ballerina, gentle,
and dancing within the confides of its given dance.

He stood in the hallway the flashback was unexpected,
but he still stood there gazing and the beauty of something
given with such frailty that a breath could extinguish
its potential. His parents had no idea, they were slumbering
within the confines of blankets that entombed the warmth.
Clasping hand even in sleep love was a subconscious yearning.
The thing with these old houses some had decretive metal over
the wind bars in beauty crafted to keep things out.


But this was his plan, what cant get in cant get out.
He'd gone in there room and stole the key.
He took a last glance, and said,
             "I Love You
,Before sealing them within. The flames were silent like
a stalker watching waiting, till the inevitable conclusion.

As things started to burn more passionately, caressing every
thing it was touching. So the smoke started to thicken like
A heavy smog it got into places the fire had not reached.
Moans could be heard, then screams at the realisation of
what was happening. He Could hear them, he could see them.
For even though a teenager he was intuitively cunning,
tinkering with everything and anything.

And small cameras were dotted around the house,
looking listening to everything that was seen and spoken.
It had come to fruition due to one such thing he had heard
being discussed by his parents.

"I saw him in the woods,

                 "Doing what darling?

"He didn't see me but the neighbours cat,
                                  "you know soot,

"What did he do, nothing bad!

                "He tied it up,
"Then threw what I thought was water on it,
                  I thought it was nasty but then!!!  

"Then what, your scaring me,

"He lit a cigarette, I didn't even know he smoked,
  "Then he discarded the match,

       "
The cat, oh my god the cat,

"
But he recorded its screams, he recorded it dying,

"
I couldn't move I was so angry, so humiliated,
        "
I wanted to throttle him there and then,

"
But ill phone the police tomorrow,
                  "He's not right, who would do that,

How dare they think that I can just be fobbed off,
         discarded.

                                             I was making music,
the screams were a delicate symphony,
            acoustics that's couldn't be reproduced.
It had to be from the source.

That laid, the plans for what now enveloped that house,
recording every noise, every scream. But what he needed
was for them to burn, to release the music he needed to
hear to complete his work. And they like parents gave it
there all, he had goose bumps as he heard there terror.
his eyes welled up, not in regret but the beauty that his
parent last words were given to him, so personal was this
moment that he'd never forget it.
                                                        
                                                                ­          "Thank Mum & Dad,

After this he released a mix tape, that could be only
conceived from an artist, in the womb of excellence.
That's the reviews he had, it brought shudders to your
heart and mind. It was if your humanity was crying out to it.

As so forth and more were sewn in the adulation of his work.

Now he needed to make more music, but he needed more
screams to make his next piece two were not enough..

So he wandered the night, dressed in unclean wear
so not to be confused with who, or what he was..
He hung around the homeless parts of town,
plastic sheeting for roofs.. and combustible bedding.
It was as if he'd planned himself. but he had to be smart.
for this was if ill planned he would have a needle in his
arm within the year. But he took his time tiny cameras
recording visually and sound.

He had gathered the combustible elements needed to
make this a orchestra of his needing, not a duet like before.
He didn't down play his past offering, but this would make
an album of despair and monument to the flame.

It had been raining, but only lightly as he needed some
dampness in the air on there sheets cardboard mattresses.
So not to raise suspicion on the dampness of there homes.

As they moved away from the embers of barrel fires,
yes he'd thought about that. Not every home was a
crematorium a cardboard and plastic coffin of there
choosing. He waited clasping his hands together breathing
on them as it was cold night. He liked to watch, a voguer
of sort, but his wasn't the fantasy of death it was to hear the
music that was about to be sung with smoke filled lungs.

He'd set up a unique but rudimentary way to light the fire,
a small gas hob with liquid within. it needed to be a certain
temperature ignite, he had tried it before in a field out west.
Deserted he'd made a mock up of this humble place.
And he wasn't mistaken it was fascinating, the flame spread
like the wind enveloping everything but, it was a dull for even
though the flames wept of everything, its tears turning all to
ash..

It was silent, deafening, he cried for a while, there should never
be censorship of the flame, for what is a log fire without the cracking of its inner self being consumed. This was just smoke
and regret. But he now looked down at the camp, his watch
counting down the precious moments.
                                                             He whispered.
                                              

                                                  "Thankyou,
­
And then like a super nova the darkness was ingulfed in
the aurora of flame, gliding over the ground as if a stream
of conscious reckoning. Those near by the civilians that were
                        across the street were transfixed.
As screams embellished the flames, this was my orchestra
of light and noise. Those across the street were either screaming
or videoing the scene.
I looked at them and wondered where there humanity
had gone to, as to film this moment rather than to rush in
and save the few that they could.

I watched as the engines came, extinguishing my masterpiece
choosing the night was always preferable to the day as flames
dance better when there is less light to contaminate there beauty.

My music, I had become quite the remixer, of vocal and rhythmic
sounds.
                               Within a week I had mad nine new songs.

I named them each as deserved, making them in memory of
those who perished that dreadful night.
            It was well received, a few thought it was a haunting
melody of humanity's struggle, while a few thought it was
over ambitious, and lacked the passion of my first piece.

All together it went down well, and the adulation of the
flame was kept, to honour that which gives as much as
takes the breath of life away.
A year had past and the door rang, it was an officer.

                 "Could you come to the station please,

Had I become the victim of my own success, had someone
broke down the acoustics of my music and realised what
they were?? So many thoughts went through the calm
exterior of my persona. But inside the flame dimmed,
had I lit the last candle. I was taken in to a room,
and questioned evasive not to the point but gathering
speed to the answer, where were you on the
                                                             ­       30th April 2019.

Alabi's were a fantastic thing to plan ahead, I had laced
my date with sleeping tablets to leave her in perpetual
slumber. And got back before she awoke, we made love
we were the flame and the wick.. and our sweat was the wax dripping from our form. The next week I dumped her.

They asked if I recognised a picture, blurry and ill framed
but I could make out the figure was me. No sir I don't why.
This person of interest is wearing your jacket, your logo!
I smiled and was truthful to a degree.
                                                             Planning is everything.

I threw maybe fifty into the crowd when I did a concert
in the city, when we drove past some homeless persons.
We donated what was left to them, do you realise how
cold these streets are, who am I to steal warmth away.
I don't wear my own merchandise what do you think I
am egotistical, no I wanted to help those who I could
have been if not for my music. I lost my parents I know
what its like to be alone.

I think the show went well, as I was released before
reporters even got a sniff. But I knew that my time
was a wick trying to keep the flame lit but dying out
anyway. I had made preparations for this time.

I had brought a club only for gigs, cheesy as hell but
had that 80's disco vibe the entire floor was light up.
But I had brought  the ingredients for thermite,
amazing what you learn in school and the internet.
But I never used mine different libraries in different
cities so not raise suspicion. I  invited the music critics
and others which I had personally disproved of.
its was going to be free drinks and themed 80's night.

Who can not want free drinks, well I wasn't going to be
disappointed 90% came, how lucky the few.
Phones were confiscated, no video, but more
importantly no phone calls to the outside world.
I told them at the end of the night that I was realising
a new song, they were like vultures to flesh.
As the night progressed some wanted to leave,
but we offered them the VIP section also lit flooring.

Now was the time, I had put heating elements under the floor
to ignite the thermite. A supernova of heat even though brief
would ignite the choir of harmony needed. I asked them,
                                                           ­ "Are you ready,

And then silence, I put on my welding glasses,
                                                        ­         I wasn't stupid.
Never look into the heart of the flame unless you want
to be blinded by its beauty.
I pressed a button and it was magnificent, it was like a tide of sunlight, they tried to scramble but all exits were locked.
It was like the wizard of Oz, and the witch I'm meltinggggg..
But this wasn't a fairy tale.. The adulation I had for these
chosen few. What excitement the others had missed.

I'd made my booth flame and smoke proof, I had my own
walkway but I knew that this was the last time I could pay
homage to the flame. As the screams died down.
The wicks smouldered and the floor looked more like a battle
field of  WWII. I began I knew I didn't have a lot of time.
But this was just a single I'd already got the backing music
ready. And as I worked away, I could hear the banging on
the reinforced doors. They gave me a breather to get my
work fulfilled.

I heard the doors start to give way but no matter
I'd only needed this time to tweak the music.
Given I'd started this over an hour ago, it was good
on my part for this not to be broadcast till I saw fit.
As the police burst through, gazing at the flaming
effigies that lied before them, some threw up, gross..

While others saw me smiling I pressed the button and
my new song was word wide.. its was called the critics
tried to burn me down. The response was gratifying.
Likes reached the hundreds of thousands in mere minutes.
Well it was only three minutes twenty five seconds long.
As they shoot at the booth I wiggled my finger at them.
I do like to plan ahead but dam was that loud against the
glass. Got to be said some had wicked aim, made me flinch
a few times.

But alas all things come to an end, I uploaded my videos
of what I had done. I was proud of my contribution to
my legacy and empowering others with my music.
As I looked down at the puddle, I tap danced in it for
a moment and then lit the lighter, I looked a them
and once again waved, I was like a funeral pyre.
A crematorium of silence and then I was gone.
                                                I didn't scream,
I was in her embrace and had done her proud.
Mikaila Sep 2013
What must you think of me?
Dark
Hungry eyes
Full of hurt and hope,
And
All
That love,
So sudden.
I've never met someone like you.
I know you see it,
And yet somehow I think you believe it,
Receive it,
Understand.
And I don't know what to do,
Because
Nobody's ever known that
And not flinched from me
The way you recoil when your hand rests accidentally on a hot stove.
In your eyes I saw...
Joy.
I saw that you wanted
What was in
Mine.
And god,
I've been trying to recover from that ever since.
It makes no sense to me.
No sense.
You saw
You saw the secret.
It spilled out at your feet
And I wanted to fall to my knees there
And beg you to forgive it.
But your eyes never shamed me-
They glowed
(god I cannot unsee them)
With excitement,
As if maybe my touch shocked you
The way yours shocked me.
In that moment
You must understand,
And every other moment since
When your eyes have found mine
And burned my disguises to dust within seconds,
Every single thing I ever knew about myself
Was overturned.
That's why I can't get you out of my head.
Why I'm scared,
Why everything I do now is a little shaky and uncertain in my mind,
Because everything
Is new.
I based my life on the knowledge that I had to hide.
Everything I was sure of, everything that had been
Proven
Time and again to me
By never being disproved
Dissolved in that moment.
You razed it to ash.
When you touched me with tenderness,
I fell apart.
When you kissed me,
I lost everything
I've been wanting to shed
For my entire life.
svdgrl Dec 2015
I miss loving you-
because I know you did not love me
and my love was all that kept us alive.
I'm going to pretend we are dead and gone,
so that this new me can learn to thrive.
I'll mourn at our gravestone, until I can't anymore.
Take all the stops and write you **** poetry.
Find the dead flowers you've left in your trash.
I won't take our last name off of your door.
I still sleep on the right side of the bed,
and search for your toes.
I search for your snores.
How do you block someone from your head?
You were good at it.
Or at least it looked like it.
Your fingers moved quickly,
deleted and removed,
deceived and disproved.
Rubbed ******* over your heart.
You never looked at me when I cried.
You just asked me why.
Called me pathetic.
Told me to die.
You knew I'd never know.
That you just cheated on me...
You just cheated on me.
You knew I'd never know,
you forgot about me.
Forgot about us.
I can't forget.
But I know I am so much bigger than what we were.
EC Pollick Feb 2013
We’ve accepted that we’re already dead.

Like the soldier
Like the victim
No, the veteran of love
(and subsequent heartbreak)
We’ve accepted we’re already dead
So we can keep on living.

I was broken.
No longer working
No longer dreaming
No longer wanting
Pushing away
The hands that tried to help me
The encounters that didn’t last broke me.
I was embattled.
In the trenches of my own existence.

Those we met
Under picture-perfect circumstances
When we thought utopia could be real
woefully disproved this theory.
Rude awakening to what agony feels like

And sleeping all day so we could self-medicate
all night.
Self-medicating with ***** and cigarettes
Not because we needed to but
For respite
For the moment
For a friend in the bottle
Or the lighter.

Life is war
Survival is the only option
Death, inevitable and imminent

We are the ones in the ring
We have lived here
We will die here.

There are those who are weak
Succumbing to the needles
The tap tap tap on veins
Or worse
Ordinariness
Boring as the 8x11’s
found in printers
All around the world.

I will not be ordinary.
Surrender is not an option.
Because I am a gladiator
I have adapted.
I’m still in the ring
But I will defend myself now.
They are the lions;
The king of their race
But I
I am a gladiator in a Gap V-Neck Tee shirt.
I will die with love in my heart,
Belief in my soul
My ashes will spell out the word Hope.

Nothing will break me ever again.
I wrote this as an abstraction, but I mean, if you want to think of me as a literal gladiator, I'm not going to stop you.
Guss Jan 2014
I quantify the challenges I face every day,
by simple math.
Drought, starvation, disease and death.
They still never really add up.
Doorways to the nether neither proved,
nor disproved my sanctity.
So I trudge on.
The holy portals of tomorrow still guiding me.
Now, I’m not making any choices.
They are defined by a divination of the ancient form.
I just listen to the voices.
Bones and dice turn men to mice.
My situation defined simultaneously as I transform.
From a man to a mouse,
and still human.
Well hardly,
but we're not here to read of that.
Just close your wanting eyes and see the prophecies.  
Both at the end and at the beginning.
A fresh start to my advances.
This is the end and the beginning.
To Philip K. ****
aar505n Apr 2015
All roads lead to Calvary
It's three hours of agony
away from friends and family
To get there you'll need more than bravery.
A man did died there
for baring our sins
so we wouldn't have to.
We remember him in glory
for dying for us.
And we sinners turn to prayers
But this is a fallacy
Appeal to the stone
because it cannot be disproved.
I have no time for circular logic.
So live in ignorance
That only the dead man on the cross
can provide salvation.
Born to sin and die in sin.
Pin down by fervent belief
Even though he spilled blood
for us, makes no difference.
Say your prayers.
Meaningless repetition
Just as bad as the pagans
So repeat it till the day you die.

"Pray for us sinners, now and at the hour our deaths, Amen."
*ad nauseam
3rd April 33AD, Jesus of Nazareth, King of the Jews, did died
Syd Aug 2014
it took me many years to figure out
why your love of math was so prevalent
to understand that you developed
a passion for consistency
and certainty
an assuring stability that you were
sure to find with the order of operations
or the apothecary system
a kind of reassurance that wasn't
compatible with me
and i have since come to terms with
my hatred of chemistry
because things in science cannot
be proven
only disproved
just like your love for me cannot be proven
only disproved over time and
with old age
and how someday i know i will
resemble a cold mug of coffee sitting
immotile on your kitchen counter
waiting for the occasional stir which
i know all too well will eventually
stop coming
as i watch with the utmost silence
you sip from your piping hot tea.
Brian Payamps Jan 2015
"Your eyes are my weakness"

I see right through you
Exploit the fact you're blind without me

"Your scent is my pronesness"

My humanly aroma can turn you off
So I mask it with axe after shave and Gucci guilty cologne even when we home

"Your lips are my vulnerability"

I understand when you ramble on you want me to grab you by the face and kiss you like our first date.
It reminds you why you fell in the first place.

"Your hair is my susceptibility"

So like Samson let Delilah cut it off. A man of God blinded by she who he called his third wife. Became a weak for sin so legs I grabbed like pillars and let them fall on me.

"Your touch is my humility"

I know where to feel to bring you back to me. The power of being your first and only. As my hands run through your body like a ship in an ocean.

"Your lust is my inferiority"

Bring you to your knees when the tides are high. Tell you that I love you right before I....

"Your love is my superiority"

Cheat. The fact that I know you love me gives power to the lies I feed... you. Stories I tell that can't be disproved even if you looked well.

Love blinds the eyes, since one thinks with the ***** that beats. Led by impulse all it does is repeat. Witness my parents split after 25. For the last ten only kissed on New Year and valentine's.
Why we live a lie, we can fall in and out of love over night. So I rather lay with you her, and her in these hotel sheets and avoid being heart broke like my father is. Smelling like great *** guided by lust. Is what a good stroke does.
Inspired by ThePoet. The other side of the coin. Everything in quotes was written by ThePoet.
I.
We received a letter from the Writers’ War Board the other day asking for a statement on “The Meaning of Democracy.” It presumably is our duty to comply with such a request, and it is certainly our pleasure. Surely the Board knows what democracy is. It is the line that forms on the right. It is the don’t in don’t shove. It is the hole in the stuffed shirt through which the sawdust slowly trickles; it is the dent in the high hat. Democracy is the recurrent suspicion that more than half of the people are right more than half of the time. It is the feeling of privacy in the voting booths, the feeling of communion in the libraries, the feeling of vitality everywhere. Democracy is a letter to the editor. Democracy is the score at the beginning of the ninth. It is an idea which hasn’t been disproved yet, a song the words of which have not gone bad. It’s the mustard on the hot dog and the cream in the rationed coffee. Democracy is a request from a War Board, in the middle of a morning in the middle of a war, wanting to know what democracy is.
—E. B. White

II.
Ew ievcdere a eterlt ofrm eht Wesirrt’ Wra Odabr eht oetrh ayd isankg ofr a saetmttne no “The Inegnam fo Yoracmdce.” It ypmlrseuab si uor tydu to ypclmo twhi cuhs a rteequs, and ti si inlytcrea uor plreusae. Elusry the Odbar nwosk htaw dymcercao si. Ti si het enli that froms on hte trghi. It si eht ond’t in nod’t hesvo. Ti is the hole in eth stffued rhist thghuro hhiwc eth tdsausw wyolls slrticke; ti is eht etnd in the ghih hat. Dyomcearc si eth ecnerturr insupicso atht oerm ntha fahl fo the ppleoe rae rhtgi omer anht afhl fo teh imet. Ti is hte ignelef fo iarvycp in eht ogtinv hsootb, hte eglefin of momcnuoin ni het bsiiarler, het ngeeifl of ilyvaitt eweyerhevr. Merdccayo is a lrette to eth eidort. Mdeccyaro is eht csroe at hte ninbginge fo eth nthin. It si na edia hcwih sahn’t eneb dpdsrevio tey, a nogs teh rdsow fo ciwhh hvae ont oneg adb. Ti’s teh damtrsu on hte hot dgo dna hte ermca ni teh deoanrit efcoef. Omeradycc si a eetsurq mofr a Rwa Daobr, ni the eddlim fo a orinnmg ni the dimedl fo a wra, twangni ot nkwo wtha ccoedryam si.
—B. E. Ithwe

III.
ǝʍɥʇı ˙ǝ ˙q—
˙ıs ɯɐʎɹpǝoɔɔ ɐɥʇʍ oʍʞu ʇo ıubuɐʍʇ 'ɐɹʍ ɐ oɟ ןpǝɯıp ǝɥʇ ıu bɯuuıɹo ɐ oɟ ɯıןppǝ ǝɥʇ ıu 'ɹqoɐp ɐʍɹ ɐ ɹɟoɯ bɹnsʇǝǝ ɐ ıs ɔɔʎpɐɹǝɯo ˙ɟǝoɔɟǝ ʇıɹuɐoǝp ɥǝʇ ıu ɐɔɯɹǝ ǝʇɥ ɐup obp ʇoɥ ǝʇɥ uo nsɹʇɯɐp ɥǝʇ s’ıʇ ˙qpɐ bǝuo ʇuo ǝɐʌɥ ɥɥʍıɔ oɟ ʍospɹ ɥǝʇ sbou ɐ 'ʎǝʇ oıʌǝɹspdp qǝuǝ ʇ’uɥɐs ɥıʍɔɥ ɐıpǝ ɐu ıs ʇı ˙uıɥʇu ɥʇǝ oɟ ǝbuıbquıu ǝʇɥ ʇɐ ǝoɹsɔ ʇɥǝ sı oɹɐʎɔɔǝpɯ ˙ʇɹopıǝ ɥʇǝ oʇ ǝʇʇǝɹן ɐ sı oʎɐɔɔpɹǝɯ ˙ɹʌǝɥɹǝʎǝʍǝ ʇʇıɐʌʎןı ɟo ןɟıǝǝbu ʇǝɥ 'ɹǝןɹɐıısq ʇǝɥ ıu uıonuɔɯoɯ ɟo uıɟǝןbǝ ǝʇɥ 'qʇoosɥ ʌuıʇbo ʇɥǝ uı dɔʎʌɹɐı oɟ ɟǝןǝubı ǝʇɥ sı ıʇ ˙ʇǝɯı ɥǝʇ oɟ ןɥɟɐ ʇɥuɐ ɹǝɯo ıbʇɥɹ ǝɐɹ ǝoǝןdd ǝɥʇ oɟ ןɥɐɟ ɐɥʇu ɯɹǝo ʇɥʇɐ osɔıdnsuı ɹɹnʇɹǝuɔǝ ɥʇǝ ıs ɔɹɐǝɔɯoʎp ˙ʇɐɥ ɥıɥb ǝɥʇ uı puʇǝ ʇɥǝ sı ıʇ ؛ǝʞɔıʇɹןs sןןoʎʍ ʍsnɐspʇ ɥʇǝ ɔʍıɥɥ oɹnɥbɥʇ ʇsıɥɹ pǝnɟɟʇs ɥʇǝ uı ǝןoɥ ǝɥʇ sı ıʇ ˙oʌsǝɥ ʇ’pou uı ʇ’puo ʇɥǝ ıs ʇı ˙ıɥbɹʇ ǝʇɥ uo sɯoɹɟ ʇɐɥʇ ıןuǝ ʇǝɥ ıs ıʇ ˙ıs oɐɔɹǝɔɯʎp ʍɐʇɥ ʞsoʍu ɹɐqpo ǝɥʇ ʎɹsnןǝ ˙ǝɐsnǝɹןd ɹon ɐǝɹɔʇʎןuı ıs ıʇ puɐ 'snbǝǝʇɹ ɐ sɥnɔ ıɥʍʇ oɯןɔdʎ oʇ npʎʇ ɹon ıs qɐnǝsɹןɯdʎ ʇı ”˙ǝɔpɯɔɐɹoʎ oɟ ɯɐubǝuı ǝɥʇ“ ou ǝuʇʇɯʇǝɐs ɐ ɹɟo bʞuɐsı pʎɐ ɥɹʇǝo ʇɥǝ ɹqɐpo ɐɹʍ ’ʇɹɹısǝʍ ʇɥǝ ɯɹɟo ʇןɹǝʇǝ ɐ ǝɹǝpɔʌǝı ʍǝ

IV.
˙ǝ ǝoɹsɔ ʇʇıɐʌʎןı;
Ʌuıʇbo ǝɥʇ ǝʇɥ bǝuo.
Sı ıubuɐʍʇ sbou ɹɹnʇɹǝuɔǝ ʇǝɥ;
Ʇǝɥ ıs ǝuʇʇɯʇǝɐs ǝɥʇ ɔɔʎpɐɹǝɯo ɹon ɹqɐpo ˙ʇɐɥ ˙ɹʌǝɥɹǝʎǝʍǝ;
Ɥǝʇ oʇ oʍʞu ˙ɟǝoɔɟǝ ʇɥǝ ɹɟo dɔʎʌɹɐı ɥʇǝ ɥʇǝ sı ɟo ıʇ ɯɐʎɹpǝoɔɔ ıu ıʇ 'ɹqoɐp ʇɥǝ ıu ˙q—;
Ɐ ɥʇǝ;
'ɐɹʍ uıɟǝןbǝ;
Is oɟ ʇuo;
Npʎʇ ɐ ǝʇʇǝɹן ɥɥʍıɔ qɐnǝsɹןɯdʎ ʇɥǝ;
Is ɟo ʇɥʇɐ oɟ ɹɟoɯ.
Ǝɹǝpɔʌǝı oʇ ǝoǝןdd ɐʍɹ ǝɐʌɥ;
ʍɐʇɥ ןɥɐɟ puɐ.
ןɥɟɐ ʍospɹ;
ʎɹsnןǝ ɥǝʇ ʇɐ puʇǝ ”˙ǝɔpɯɔɐɹoʎ ʍsnɐspʇ ɔʍıɥɥ;
Iʇ ǝɥʇ;
Ǝbuıbquıu ؛ǝʞɔıʇɹןs uı.
˙ʇǝɯı ʇɥuɐ ɐup.
Ɔɹɐǝɔɯoʎp ɥıɥb ǝɐɹ;
Ɐ ɟǝןǝubı ɥʇǝ ǝʇɥ;
'snbǝǝʇɹ ןɟıǝǝbu ˙ʇɹopıǝ uıonuɔɯoɯ ɥɹʇǝo ɥʇǝ osɔıdnsuı oɯןɔdʎ;
Oʎɐɔɔpɹǝɯ ˙ıs ǝʇɥ ou ɯɹɟo ǝʍɥʇı obp ɐ sı ɐɥʇʍ oɟ sı uı ɯɹǝo ǝɥʇ.
Ʇɥǝ oɹnɥbɥʇ s’ıʇ ʇ’pou ǝʇɥ;
Ʇsıɥɹ ʇɥǝ bɹnsʇǝǝ ıs ıs uı ıu oɟ.
Ʇı ɥǝʇ.
Ɯɐubǝuı ıɥʍʇ ʇ’puo 'ɹǝןɹɐıısq.
ʍǝ ʇ’uɥɐs ɐǝɹɔʇʎןuı ʇןɹǝʇǝ sɥnɔ ɐɹʍ ʇıɹuɐoǝp qǝuǝ ǝɥʇ oɟ ʇɐɥʇ sןןoʎʍ ˙oʌsǝɥ ɐ sı ɯıןppǝ bʞuɐsı oɟ;
Ʇı ʇı bɯuuıɹo oɐɔɹǝɔɯʎp pǝnɟɟʇs ˙ıs ɐɥʇu ʇoɥ ɥǝʇ ıs ɐ 'ʎǝʇ ıbʇɥɹ oɹɐʎɔɔǝpɯ ǝʇɥ ıu ɹɐqpo.
Ǝןoɥ pʎɐ ˙qpɐ.
ןpǝɯıp ıןuǝ ɐ.
Ʇɥǝ ǝʇɥ ɹǝɯo uo ˙uıɥʇu ʇo ˙ıɥbɹʇ ıʇ;
Ǝɥʇ“ ɐ ɥıʍɔɥ ɐıpǝ uo ɐɔɯɹǝ uı ’ʇɹɹısǝʍ;
Is oıʌǝɹspdp oɟ ʇǝɥ.
Iʇ oɟ.
Sɯoɹɟ 'qʇoosɥ ɐu ɹon ˙ǝɐsnǝɹןd ɐ ǝɥʇ nsɹʇɯɐp.
Ʞsoʍu

V.
˙ʇɐɥ ɥɥʍıɔ ʇɐ oɟ. Ʇı ʇ’uɥɐs
ɹɟo puʇǝ ɯɹɟo ıs oɟ ǝʇɥ oɟ. Sɯoɹɟ
ɐ ɐɹʍ ɥǝʇ ɐ oıʌǝɹspdp
˙ʇɐɥ ıʇ ؛ǝʞɔıʇɹןs ɟǝןǝubı ǝʍɥʇı ıu ıɥʍʇ
ıu ɹɟoɯ. Ǝɹǝpɔʌǝı ǝɥʇ; Ǝbuıbquıu ɥʇǝ bʞuɐsı
ɹon ıʇ ”˙ǝɔpɯɔɐɹoʎ uıonuɔɯoɯ ǝɥʇ. Ʇɥǝ ɐɥʇu ’ʇɹɹısǝʍ; Is

ıubuɐʍʇ ıu puʇǝ ıu 'ʎǝʇ
qɐnǝsɹןɯdʎ ɥʇǝ osɔıdnsuı ʇ’pou ʇןɹǝʇǝ ɐɥʇu ɐ. Ʇɥǝ
ǝɥʇ ʇɐɥʇ ıs oɹɐʎɔɔǝpɯ 'qʇoosɥ
ǝɥʇ ıs ʇɥʇɐ ǝʇɥ; Ʇsıɥɹ uı pǝnɟɟʇs ǝʇɥ
˙ʇɐɥ ؛ǝʞɔıʇɹןs uıonuɔɯoɯ ɯɹǝo oɹnɥbɥʇ
˙ǝ ǝuʇʇɯʇǝɐs sı ʇɥuɐ ou ʇo ɐ

uı. ˙ʇǝɯı ɐɥʇu ıs ʇo oɟ. Sɯoɹɟ
ʇǝɥ; Ʇǝɥ oɟ oʇ puɐ. ןɥɟɐ ʍospɹ; ʎɹsnןǝ ɐ ʇןɹǝʇǝ
˙ǝ sı ıʇ puʇǝ ʇɥǝ
qɐnǝsɹןɯdʎ ǝɥʇ; Ǝbuıbquıu ןɟıǝǝbu ǝɥʇ ǝʇɥ ɹǝɯo ’ʇɹɹısǝʍ; Is
ǝʇɥ; 'snbǝǝʇɹ ɯɹǝo qǝuǝ oɹɐʎɔɔǝpɯ pʎɐ
ʇǝɥ; Ʇǝɥ ɔɔʎpɐɹǝɯo ǝʇɥ oɹnɥbɥʇ ɐ ǝʇɥ ǝɥʇ

uıɟǝןbǝ; Is ɟǝןǝubı s’ıʇ ʇıɹuɐoǝp ıןuǝ
ɹon ”˙ǝɔpɯɔɐɹoʎ ǝʇɥ; 'snbǝǝʇɹ ɥʇǝ sı ɥǝʇ. Ɯɐubǝuı oɟ
ɐ ˙ʇɹopıǝ ıןuǝ ɹǝɯo ıʇ; Ǝɥʇ“
ɹɹnʇɹǝuɔǝ ıʇ ɥǝʇ ǝʇɥ ɯɹǝo ɐ oɟ. Sɯoɹɟ
ɥʇǝ ǝɐɹ; Ɐ sɥnɔ ɐ ǝɥʇ
؛ǝʞɔıʇɹןs ɯɹǝo s’ıʇ uı ʇןɹǝʇǝ oɹɐʎɔɔǝpɯ ˙uıɥʇu

bǝuo. Sı ʍospɹ; ʎɹsnןǝ ؛ǝʞɔıʇɹןs ʇɥuɐ uo
ıu ןɥɐɟ uı ʇɐɥʇ bʞuɐsı ıu ʇo
ǝɥʇ dɔʎʌɹɐı ɟo uo ɐıpǝ
ɔɔʎpɐɹǝɯo ˙ʇɐɥ sı ou ıu ʇı 'ʎǝʇ
bǝuo. Sı ʇɥǝ uı ʇıɹuɐoǝp oɟ
ǝoɹsɔ ɹɹnʇɹǝuɔǝ ʇɥǝ oɹnɥbɥʇ ıɥʍʇ ɥǝʇ uo

ǝʇɥ ʍospɹ; ʎɹsnןǝ oɟ ıbʇɥɹ ǝɥʇ
ɥʇǝ ɟo ʇuo; Npʎʇ oɟ ʇɐ qǝuǝ ˙qpɐ. ןpǝɯıp
ʇʇıɐʌʎןı; Ʌuıʇbo ɟo uı ɯıןppǝ ɐu
ʇʇıɐʌʎןı; Ʌuıʇbo ǝɥʇ oʍʞu ɥʇǝ ɥʇǝ; 'ɐɹʍ oɟ ʇɥʇɐ
ʇɥʇɐ ǝɥʇ; Ǝbuıbquıu ɟǝןǝubı sı ɹɐqpo. Ǝןoɥ
ʇɐ ɐup. Ɔɹɐǝɔɯoʎp oɟ ʇı ıu ʇo ɹon

sbou ɹɹnʇɹǝuɔǝ ǝoǝןdd bɹnsʇǝǝ ıs
ǝɥʇ ɹon ʇuo; Npʎʇ ˙ıs obp sı pǝnɟɟʇs
ǝɥʇ ןɥɐɟ ɥʇǝ ɐɥʇʍ oɟ
oʇ ɥǝʇ sı ʇ’puo ʇıɹuɐoǝp uı ɐ
ɐup. Ɔɹɐǝɔɯoʎp ou ʇ’pou ǝʇɥ uı
˙ʇɐɥ ǝɐʌɥ; ʍɐʇɥ ɥʇǝ ɹǝɯo ɐ oɟ. Sɯoɹɟ ǝɥʇ

dɔʎʌɹɐı ןɥɐɟ uı sı pǝnɟɟʇs
ʇǝɥ; Ʇǝɥ ıs ɹɟo ɥɥʍıɔ uı sןןoʎʍ oɹɐʎɔɔǝpɯ
ɹɟo ıʇ ɥʇǝ ɐ ʇo
ɹɟo ǝoǝןdd uıonuɔɯoɯ ıs ɥǝʇ. Ɯɐubǝuı ɐ ’ʇɹɹısǝʍ; Is
ıs ʇ’pou qǝuǝ 'ʎǝʇ pʎɐ
ǝʇɥ ʇǝɥ; Ʇǝɥ oʇ ʍsnɐspʇ ɐup. Ɔɹɐǝɔɯoʎp ɥıɥb ʇǝɥ. Iʇ
kyle Shirley Feb 2015
Sadness when there should be joy,
To the people that try and change who I am and what I believe...
Yes I'm stubborn,
Yes I believe in a god
And I believe in what I believe because I believe it in that way.
Stop pushing on what your way is that works for you and that you think is right.... god gave us free will to choose and think freely in what we think. The bible (to unpopular belief) wasnt written by god or Jesus... but by man interpreted by man from the "words of god" which how could it be that so many religious beliefs are in Christianity...? From all over the world all at once...? A higher power god yes.. but a god in form of a man such as Jesus to prove that there is in fact a god...? If thats the case then what happened to the greek mythology of gods? Wasnt disproved... just "out dated"... back to my original thought process... stop with this ******* "im better then you because iv found god he opened my eyes and what you believe is not even close to gods eye opener"... well truth be told I put my faith and my prayers into one basket... my father. I will selfishly give my self to eternal damnation to make sure my last breath and thought would be " I hope dad is alright" and if my god cant see that act of love for someone other then myself maybe I wasn't ment for eternal paradise... to the friends that will never read this, I say to you, its not a ******* to your face persae but a I respect that you believe is right for you and I understand why you believe it that way... but if you cant respect me or how I think or what I believe... then you have no right to sit and argue the right and wrong with me and  not give me the same respect I gave you for you beliefs when I tell you mine.
Maple Mathers May 2016
G'day from prison!*
(before I knew he lives on):

I see you there, My Maple.

Your little skirts; your peroxide hair.  Sweet, quiet Maple... I see your fishnet, maroon, little sweater. How I loved that thrift-store garment; it gave purpose to us both. For you, an excuse to see, without being seen. A voyeuristic excuse, for myself, to see without being seen.

If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t be here. If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t know this.

I picture your starkness. Dark, ten year old Maple. Listening with wide eyes - as I validated you.

As no one else had before.

I nurtured that Goth infatuation that no one wanted, fed you music: your Evanescence covet. Your black fingernails... Even then, I understood what no one else could.

Yummy, tasty, Maple.

How good you smelled; how fresh you smelled. Clean, and sad. Searching for reassurance. Searching eye's, searching for me.

Searching for someone. Anyone. A real person; content to SEE you, and love you anyways. Not like the rest; all of them - who'd only ever cast you aside - pick you last - call you names, spit in your face, lock you out and alienate you; who’d kick and shove you.
The *someones
behind why you, at age ten, began to wish you were dead.
I was there, and I was your best friend.

Me.

I was the best friend you'll  ever have. Someone who loved an anomaly, and understood, and loved you best; over your mother - your sister - I told you I had a crush; a crush for only you.

10 years have lived and died between us.

10 years without me.

And the weight of time has yet to alleviate.

You still wish you were dead.

I still feel your warmth; the little bundle of you.

You.

You in your cozy, blue bed, with your
curious eyes and porcelain face. I would slip five dollar bills under your pillow; tell you, “I’ve hidden something secret.”  

I adorned you with money, pampered you with special trinkets, allowed rare privileges disproved by your mother... A mother who hadn’t a clue you’d worshipped angry rap since the age of eight. She didn’t know. You idolized Eminem. She’d yet to learn his name. You wanted to see 8 Mile; your mother said no – Rated R – so it was our little secret.

But you betrayed our secrets, didn't you?

We have no secrets anymore.



I see you there.

The soft, supple skin of your back . . . of your stomach . . . and of what lay below.

“What’s down there?” I’d inquired.

So enamored, exploring the secrets of your little body.

My demure, sad Maple.

I was your one and only true companion.

I was your one, and only friend.

Yet, here, in this cell, you will never see your best friend again.

You will never have a best friend again.

For in this cell, I have nothing left, but to remember.

I have nothing left but to write.

All my love, my presents, my company. All to end up here.

Here, behind bars.

And the weight of time has yet to alleviate.

You still wish you were dead.

But you and I - we've become synonymous.

Together, forever.

Just as I said, ten years ago. For, no matter what, my existence will always define you; and yours - you will define mine.

Forever.

You'll never be rid of me, and you can never leave me.

For I'll never leave you.

Our bond is solidified.

Perpetually.

Together forever.

Ten years. Eleven, twelve. The calendars change, but you and I? We’re right where we left each other.

So you'll never be anything. Anything at all. Anything else but mine.

The weight of time won't ever alleviate.

And you STILL wish you were dead.

- Thomas Gregory Brown, G'day from prison
(The perspective of a ****** predator; to be ballsy, but to wonder how ...and why. let's try?)

(All poems original Copyright of Eva Denali Will © 2015, 2016)
Nat Lipstadt Jul 2017
Sad,
but even surrounded
by my kids,
wonder what century this is.
where did my world go
all the values I once knew,
I'm sure I instilled them.
I'm out of touch I'm told,
I guess I am since women
now-a-days don't
work, cook, clean, Iron, *** I iron,
I'm patriotic, and I pray,
believe in meals on the table.
Yep I cook from scratch
not something boxed
that gets delivered daily.
Dayummmmmm
I am out of touch.
But it sure feels good
being able to
fend for myself,
able to cope,
with what the hell
ever is thrown at me.
Yep, I'm out of touch
with some of the
crap they watch on tv
Their reality is
not my reality.
passing the tissues.  
hugs
Patty m

•<>•

we wince inside,
more than smile,
when we venture outside,
outside being anywhere
our eyes take us

the simple notion we carried,
the simple notion given us,
see me, watch me, learn from me,
be like me, for my model is
a not-so-bad one, even if the
styling is so retro,
with its yes ma'am, no ma'am,
can I help you with that sir,
and with a wave and a smile,
let them go in front, cut in,
even though our time is far not, closer shorter,
and hurry is not in the
top ten list of our commandments

be not wistful,
or
unforgiving,
from your window
you can see a green land, well endowed,
where speech freedom yet lives,
not a half bad achievement

perhaps we did not suckle them perfect,
for they are and err in contented
perfect surety
intolerance of anything but newer ways,
that too oft are the discards
of older ideas born of a
disproved arrogant new math
of selfie-righteousness


but let us no croak too much
like old people croaked about us

for we both fear for them,
far more than we silent chide,
the days to come seem so fraught
with excesses we tolerated

wonder if
they will be forced to buy their manufactured water in masticated plastic,
drinking tap water a dangerous high, or food of any kind be plenty after
seven decades of famine

wonder if
they will work for the robots,
those labor saving devices that will
steal the honor of labor, the dignity of a paycheck's message, the honor of rising early to work

wonder if
the madmen we tolerated,
that we chose to ignore,
will return to them
a racked and ruined world

wonder if
they will recall, renember
the kindness of soft spokeness,
the tolerance for a well reasoned argument
and be open to the bounty of
thoughtful persuasion
and the relief in and of
hope

wonder if I despair?
do not!
for daily they come here,
where good word's rule,
tender their fears,
leaving behind the arrogance
perhaps reading these,
even these words
and realize that the good we have the good we struggled to bequeath,
was born from
good struggle,
in more struggle,
is the only way to be
less afraid

nattyman
July 6th
4:55 am
Patty srnds me a message which inspires, as much poem as message.
I take it abd write a counterpoint, contrapunto, or a contrepoint

She never knows when I am hatching this "duo"
till it is public and ergo, the oooh's, ahhh's and dayuuums of her genuine surprise.
One of these days I will be standing on your porch,
Facing a you with one of these babies in hand.
On that day, it will be my nape you see last
As by then you will have learned
Not to look into my eyes.

The memory you will salvage as you close the door of our tryst won’t be
         that time we bought the tube at a gas station with some Dr. Pepper,
Nor the forever we disproved in the name of circumstance,
                    Nor the never-ending ending,
               the looking like the bad guy, and the
          what-always-happens.

No -
what you’ll remember most with that tube of what-used-to-be chapstick
          Is the feeling of pretty pink petrolatum over the seams of your lips,
               The every time you didn’t pop the slippery white cap off,
                    The 23 flavors of us and then one,
               And the trembling, the ever so slightly and off-key apologetic,
          At the lingering taste of a something you yourself didn’t finish.
George Krokos Mar 2017
If looks could **** there would be no need to search any further
you would then surely be accused of that first degree ******.
But since you have such a deceptive and changing illusory face
it would be very hard indeed to substantiate and prove the case.

Many would be those who would even defend and plead for you
giving all manner of testimony in saying the evidence isn’t true.
They would also state that in support of their own ignorant belief
nobody could really tell the difference to avail of any other relief.

The allegations against you though would have to be disproved
for all of the suspicions and charges to be thoroughly removed.
There would also need to be absolutely no shadow of a doubt
in respect of your presence which was at the scene thereabout.

It seems that by the evidence available you've had a good run
what some observers would thereby call a ****** lot of fun;
for such a long time now you have been getting away with it all
but you have undermined the circumstances leading to your fall.

Sooner or later it may also happen that the table is turned around
and a suspect is apprehended with the accusations that are found.
The term of 'being innocent until proven guilty' then comes into play
a sure reminder that the system of justice is gradually making its way.
_____________
For all those who get apprehended for whatever reason and guilty or not. Written in 2014.
soul in torment Sep 2013
My heart is the meadow flowers
that bloom at your touch

my love is the diet coke
who's straws we clutch

my life is the empty void
your laughter fills

my soul is the sickness
and your kiss my pills

My everything and nothing
come but from you

whom disproved mathematics
As 1 + 1
is
always 1
+
never
2
Gwen Johnson Jul 2013
In a hushed tone
All things sweet came and
Talked for hours and hours on
Fighting away all that's scary
Telling me it's okay
That nothing will harm me
I let them comfort me
I gave them my trust
When they relaxed me enough
I drifted into the land of sleep
There I rest peacefully
Till the sweet things came
As the monsters they really are
Then came the things that were scary
They picked me up
And healed the bruises
Patched up the wounds
And it disproved what I was taught
That the pretty ones
Were the ones that deserved trust
Jewel Tiara Nov 2014
I change course everyday which is probably why I can't keep up.

my thoughts are moving at the speed of sound,
the speed of light
and they never slow down.
I can't seem to grasp pleasant thoughts, for they escape me too fast. I tend to catch the bad ones and exercise them to death.

I used to believe in catharsis in that the razor running across my thigh was simply an extension of the paintbrush across the canvas.  the blood was just tangible emotions dripping off of my razor, my paintbrush. "art" was painful but it was there for me no matter what.

I long ago disproved any theory of me fitting into a mold. I don't think any mold is deep enough to fit everything that comes with me. the day that they find such a mold will be the day i fully understand myself.

they'll never find it.
ZWS Jul 2015
I wish the big crunch theory was never disproved
Because I want to be unmade
I want to see myself going backwards
So my mistakes can be undone

Not so sure I want to be born again
Cause I'm sure I'll just waste all my dopamine
On pointless highs and someone I'd be coping on
Cause this human condition is something to cope with
Because hope doesn't exist it just works when you believe in it
And my mechanisms are missing gears
What do you do when the engineer is broken
So don't try and prune, just remove my stem

I'm the lonely astronaut
Because we're all just neurons in the mind of god
And I have no synapse friends
**** time, if I'm dead that's something I can break and bend
If I had more time, this broken repairman could mend
Linnea Wilson Nov 2013
When this beautiful gets lonely
and our temptations aren't so tempting
it's then we must break.
This existence becomes defined
by something other than our living
other than our breathing
or even our actions.
This beautiful is not so beautiful
it becomes dull and stagnant
and suffocating.
We must look for air.
The air, breath, and life
that doesn't lose shine or
its vibrance.
Where our lonely is not so lonely
but disproved
by love and sacrifice.
And where beautiful
is beautiful all the the time.
November 11, 2013
Geraldine Taylor Sep 2017
Aaran: Let sleeping lilies lie, come what may
Each season has its time
In a field of gold blossoming, promises of spring
Of quality delights, yet but one is mine
Selected at their prime
Time is of such essence, render my heart s-t-i-l-l
Enamoured by this quest
O’er craggy hills, set on high
A myriad of mountains, piercing the sky
Through valleys of low, sifting through the land
A humble search within, of untold promises
Of whom is it I seek?
With the choicest picks of many
A fresh vineyard of plenty
Of room for such bold gallantry

Pearl: If nature tells a tale, is it such truth that I will seek
Of incomparable promises, adoration from above
A sacred lavished love, freely unconditional
Let righteousness prevail
A redirected ship sets sail
To steer towards his ways
Lest I avert love’s true course
A freewill field of freedom
With the choicest picks of many
A fresh vineyard of plenty
Yet a tarnished trail, leads to solemn ruin

Aaran: With renewed clarity, I’ll endeavour to please
Yet only one can appease, unwholesome ways
Bless my earnest days
In seeking you
Of desiring truth
Draw me back to you
Present wonders and clues
Yet of whom could fathom
Of my own understanding
Dare I leaneth not
To acknowledge truly the king of kings
Yet will my offering be pleasing to thee?
With a patchwork of progress
Yet to digress!
Misguided in the mix
Would thou now fix
To so fill a void
Of actions mistimed
Such an opportune time
Yet in this vineyard of plenty
I have selected not

Pearl: With vivid retrospection, beyond a quick glance
To recapture redirection
Choices not to my betterment
Such steps lead to a
F
A
L
L
A calling forth to consciousness
A gentle quiet voice
To hasten towards unfolding arms
Re-establish the connection
My Sovereign protection
My keeper, my guide
Of unharnessed energy
Be rechannelled set me free
No longer captive, twas lost – now found
Now replanted on solid ground
Such land is lush, fertile for growth
The gift of grace, bestowed on me
Yet interlaced with love for me
Search my heart
Explore the depths of my soul
Of a contrite spirit, a new heart in me
A catalyst for change, rearrange my compartments
Renovate from within
With purposeful living
Let it be so declared
Replanted in the vineyard
Encircled in care

Aaran: Where is my equal, of mirrored completeness?
Rare unwinding roads, let me venture to find
With cascades of choice
Yet a still small voice
Calls me back to thee
To search so diligently
Of the selection
Beyond our protection
A compromised yield – from a field of choice
Of qualities unqualified
A diminished light
Yet captured in your sight
I could run ahead, but a thousand miles
With aims to hide
Strayed from the path
Yet you would find me!
Like whispering leaves – you follow me!
I am your child
“Draw back to me”
Such energy spent
A tent of retreat

Pearl: If I am yours and you are mine
Here engrafted into the vine
With offers of replenishment
Drawn towards a living well
In essence to thirst, for a fragrant spring
From the wilderness, lest I return
With all that I yearn
I give to you!
There are no secrets hidden from view
You know my thoughts
You know my ways
You have carried me through all of my days
Sunlit rays of hope shines through
A maker of all things new
Apart from you – bereft of truth
Of magnitude
In wondrous awe of all you do
I surrender all to you



Aaran: Let their be none of me, but all of you
Without your workmanship – I build in vain
No substance of change
Effort exhaustion
To bear no truth
Outside of your will, no perfection of peace
Fruitful production will cease
Of majestic wonders, your sovereignty reigns
Your craftsmanship unparalleled
Emboldened tower of excellence
Such is your wisdom, of invested time
Creations of the divine
On the heights of love
Exceedingly above
All created things
Exhibited signs of majesty
Concerning me, you tend to my case
Casting all of my cares
Of honourable justice
Cocooned in compassion
Love unending
Continually the same
You reign on high
There is power in the name

Pearl: Soulfully renewed, with a sound mind
Confine the spirit of fear
Wash me with blessedness assured
Cloth me with sacred strength
Direct thy paths
Of intrinsic value placed in me
Keep me hidden and close to thee
Blossomed fruits of maturity
As a living vessel
Radiate your royalty
Of such a season as this
Rested beneath your wings
Guard my heart
A time of preparation
Be formed and refined
Yielded to the master’s plan
I shall seek your face
Of sovereign splendour
A veil of grace
In the midst of your shadow
For your appointed to find
Of your perfect timing
Of your perfect will
A laid foundation
A covering of silk
A precious pearl
A virtuous call
Of standards to surpass
With favour from high

Aaran: Instil in me, due diligence
To plough the field in solitude
Exuding excellence
In the accomplishment of a purposed will
Restorative rest
From tests and trials
Of requisite skills and character
Create room for special providence
A shadow of insight
Of your wondrous works
Let the vine be preserved
In season, to make the acquaintance of
A significant love
Of help to protect thee
Righteously reserved
To enlighten thee
A time of revealing
At a distance awaits
Preservation of patience
In your image created
Promises belated outside of your will
Of futile attempts to evade your plan
For I am not my own
There is help in you alone
Presented cares at your throne
In your presence may I stay

Pearl: One cannot underestimate motives established
In opposition to
For outsiders of the recognition
Of my true valuation
Let them locate me not
With casted lots they can but ill afford
You know my worth
You have me preserved
In safe keeping
Until an appointed time
True justice is thine
Let your kingdom advance
Counterfeit collectors
Of no business in here
Adorn me with your covering
Glory be to you
With humility and honour
To seek your truth
There is none like you
Blessed be the temple
I have been redeemed
For he is my keeper
Let me return to thee
A prized and treasured purchase
Such gems are rare
As a living sacrifice
Be pleasing to thee
Honour you in worship
With mindfulness take heed

Aaran: There is a ruler in the land
Of covenants and commands
A mighty love
With jealousy, of mercies that endure
He reigns forever more
Of the future and before
Of granted seasons
In spirit to discern
Of faithful steps where I am tested
To stretch established trust
“Will you walk with me, to a place that you know not”
With former ways forgot
A courageous look ahead
In spirit and in truth
Let me follow you
Every facet of my being
Awesome depths of knowledge, wisdom and understanding
Of paths to pursue
On ahead we shall go

Pearl: Do they possess your righteousness?
Were they sent in your name?
They have not your likeness
Conflicting with your plan
They bring no completeness
Disharmony abounds
With such fruitless planting
Upon rocky ground
Yokes of inequality to establish not
Presenting common gifts to exclusivity
Of access unauthorised
Of acts to displease
Claims of validation
Such will be disproved
Of a different team they are
Of their travels from afar
Of which of these can be after your own heart?
To see beyond the shell
Where favour cannot reside
Cast away their pride
Return from whence you came
Patience is a virtue
Let my life exemplify
With your gardening of reason
Of true love amplified

Aaran: To trust in your timing
Let your ways become my ways
Recharge my focus
The potter moulds the clay
A rebirth of integrity
A calling forth to lead
Of due responsibility
Opportunities embraced
So I shall arise
Evolving ever wise
Symbolising service
Blessed to be a blessing
Gracefully equipped
Faithfully serving
With reverence so aligned
Of seasons placed on time
Of suitable design
A man of the divine
A vessel of virtue
A good thing I will find

Pearl: An objective of order
Contemplating eyes
For whatsoever you find, that is unlike you
Be extracted, be removed
Reestablishment be loosed
One appointed master
Of obedience to you
Old ways be overturned
Of varied lessons learnt
Refurbish and restore
Bring your authority
Be the head about the door
Brought beyond brokenness
Restorer of joyfulness
Complement contentedness
Companion incomparable
Character in confidence
That of transformation
Faith in the intangible
Supernaturally sure
Intentional living
All of which I strive
No desire to arrive
Countering complacency
His bold divinity, will enhance my days
Divine provider of wealth
Of spiritual health
He stands in the gap
A bringer of true balance
His care is unabridged

Aaran: At such an appointed time
A climate of change
I will recognise my dearest
With opened eyes
Like the dawn of sunrise
I will be drawn to thee
Of natural beauty
He will spiritually advise
To have found the one
In accordance with your blueprint
Of events orchestrated
Of joyfulness elated
How precious is thee!
Seemingly hidden from view
With devotion to development
That our paths would cross
To begin our journey
In one accord
Of such blessings to afford
To one day so stand before
Our maker
Declarations of love and commitment to thee
Of such a blessed vision
One day realised
For until such a time
Let me wait upon the Lord
To seek first his righteousness
Before our holy covenant
I shall wait on thee

Pearl: As events unfold
Let all that you touch upon turn into gold
With wonders of mystery
Bold miraculous signs
Nature’s seasons ever changing
Truly divine
With no division of time
Of cares undivided
Due attention to you
Reveal to me your truths
As I soulfully meditate upon your daily word
Lest I depart from righteous ways
Lead me all of my days
May I cling to you
Love’s loyal devotion
Blissfully lost in your word
You guide me as light
By day and by night
Enlightened watchtower of constancy
Exalt you in your sanctuary
For you have created a work in me
For your word shall not return to you void
In you I shall prosper
Accomplish I will
Of promises spoken
Shall come to pass
Let your divine order take precedence
Let my cup runneth over
Bring wholesomeness
Your blessed investment concerning me
Left not alone
You called me as your own
Selectively sought and set apart
To kneel before you with humility
Your goodness washing over me
How much greater can this be?

Aaran: A creator above all
You catch me when I fall
Of whom could match the wondrous treasure I have found in you
The sacred gift of your beloved son
For my salvation
With victory already won
In fellowship with you
So to feast upon the bread of heaven
My daily fill
You are my strength and you are my shield
A fortified fortress that stands on high
There is none like you
No tower could be built, that could surpass you
Of whom could reach you with earthly hands
Or overrule your divine plans
To fathom the works of your mighty hands
Truly appointed before my formation
You laid the foundations
Of which to create
Blessedly ordained
For your holy purpose
Qualified
I will embrace
Thou art is divine......

To read the remainder of the poem please purchase on Amazon
Something strange happened when
I saw his knees.
I trembled and bit my lip,
but knowing he must be so cold,
I touched him,
and he disproved my judgement as
his heat transferred to my body,
and I lusted him from then on...
Matt Jul 2015
Mark 12:30-31

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’  31 The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.  There is no commandment greater than these.”

Well I talked with this person
About being a Christian
He explained he was agnostic

And told me that
He thought
The teachings
Of Jesus
Were wise

But he could not
Believe in the
****** birth
Or resurrection

I told him that was
Fine with me
And we could
Still be friends

I told him
"It's so easy, don't you know"
To show the love that Jesus shows"

He laughed and
Said I was a bit
Of an idiot

Nobody cares
He told me
And he said
I should
Just mind my
Own business

Don't go out of
Your way he told me

Well I told him
That in my life
I have found
That most people
Appreciated
The love I showed

Like how I always ask
How the gardener
And his family is
And how I offer
Him fresh fruit too

In the Christian's mind
Every thought
And action
Being written down

I told him according to Ecclesiastes 12:14

"For God will bring every deed into judgment, including every hidden thing, whether it is good or evil."

Well he enjoyed being
An agnostic
And I respected him
For it too

God can't be
Proved or disproved
I know

I just told him
I rather liked the
Idea of all lives
Being written down
Into eternity

And I told him
Well I just thirst
For judgment

People have done
Such evil
And terrible acts
And didn't care
At all

I told him
That I was quite
Pleased with a judgment day

With those people
Who had repented
Being separated
From those who had not

When in the Book Of Revelation
The Angel of the Lord
Came and reaped the earth
Separating the harvest
From the chaff
The chaff cast into the fire

Well he'll always be
An agnostic
And that's fine with me

He respects Jesus
And what he taught

If you're an agnostic
Or atheist too
I do respect you

I know many people
Will mock me
For being a Christian
And I'm okay with that
Mateuš Conrad Mar 2016
and so the syrian "samaritans", as the twin satans rose against king solomon's profundity in praying for wisdom but only unearthing the woad pigment for his people on their faces, striking a river-flow where no water should have abounded for them to congregate, yet congregate they did, as immigrants, to a flow of awaiting mingling of metaphors, such that the amassed people turned into a river, winding northward into the womb of the holocaust; and among many the lament, while sylvia took to expressing a stoic end, ending it all by amassing a respectable readership... she still reminds me of Eva Braun... who, after all, geneticists proved to be a Jewess - indeed that twinning of dichotomies against the practical linear expression of reincarnation disproved - the linear parallels of: one life, one life, this world; that, whatever that is, you name it god, you name it heaven, you name it hell... forget that, take hold of this.*

i am fasting all day,
but i drink,
i get the calorie intake
of fire first,
then i stuff my stomach
like geese or turkeys for
slaughter;
apparently i'm purified
that way;
no, i don't take lovers,
i take prostitutes into
the garden...
less hassle; they're like socks,
i'm the shoes with
that magnetised quote:
never judge a man by his shoes,
or try to wear them;
you might get a hex of excess
skin - basically wear your own
and leave a river of echoes where
you might.
sophia Dec 2018
the mist is frosty and cold
my finger draws upon it
tales and myths of old
i wonder if they bought it

the lies of loving who i am
slide from off my tongue
i ran and ran and ran and ran
to get away from blazing suns

my childhood calls like a mother
waiting for her precious child
as if she knew the others
had been abusing me with smiles

i told them over and over again
that i was grown and truly an adult
that i truly didn't need my friends
disproved sorely by my childish sulk

the window panes are cold
and it hurts to touch my memories
i felt so young i feel so old
i'm just a heartbroken trilogy

i was a babe and then a teen
i grew into my full grown skin
so hard-hearted and awfully mean
that i couldn't ever fit in

i hated growing pains
they reminded me of my age
that i was always always changing
always always a newly flipped page

it hurts it hurts it hurts
these unbearable window panes
it hurts it hurts it hurts
these horrible growing pains
The Nameless Sep 2016
Why
Life is one long strain of chemical sequence
Compiled in a trans neurological equation
Beginning with alpha and ending in binary
Infinitesimal mathematical truth of
Eternal division, internal tessellation of
Fission, fissures, halving into countless universes
Of possibility till nothing is left but the remainder,
Parts of the whole,
Expanding, not imploding, slow death
Spherical dimensions beyond
Comprehension
Improbable inventions,
Explosive beginnings with no beginning,
Particles creating life, cellular,
Molecular, birth in light,
Death in darkness
Ideas formed from eternal truths,
Theorems not yet disproved.
Cycles of growth and decay,
Meaningless processing
Lead those capable of thought
To the forever struggle of
Why.
M Aug 2014
what she told me,
by accident, laying there late at night in a bed not mine or hers
is too horrific to pen, the kind of grisly detail
that is sacred and ****** in a breath,
a red-stained skeleton, the reason for all I had believed was true,
but it has been disproved,
I will hold this intention in the silence of my heart
in between privacy and freedom
unexposed, sealed by the scars
a slit-like layer of muscle that writhes uncomfortably under the surface
I am wrong but I am right,
it is over, but how shall I go home
what kind of secret can I not write, or tell to my dearest friends?
what kind of secret demands to be buried and hidden,
for it must be; only Hell can contain this- it is not for earthy eyes
it is the only thing that must remain unwritten, the
only word that must remain unspoken,
even when all else fails and all truth comes to light,
I will retain one thing,
in the happiest of moments and most intimate of conversations,
I will not be completely there,
even in the poems that write out my heart,
they will trace every tendon and pulse every vein but they will not,
they cannot trespass into this realm,
it is forbidden, locked in the deepest cave of my soul,
never to be acknowledged or even comprehended
but I do not know how to live like this
and I do not know how will I ever be able to face him again.
Breeze-Mist Sep 2018
You say that your friends
Can find a welcoming ear
In their time of need

But I know
Of hundreds of shouting matches
Half as many protested more-than-hugs
Days in and out of manipulation and deceit on both sides
Years of saying "you have no right to feel that way"
Many doged questions
Minutes shouting down every expression that you disproved of
Several iterations of "you'll die alone"
Days and nights hidden in offside rooms for fear
A few good slaps
And a laptop against the wall at age eight
That all demand to differ
Don't you hate it when someone says "you can always come to me for help!" To all of their online friends when you know **** well that they've been a partial cause of your distress for years on end, not listening when you try to talk to them about it and making you feel crazy trying to talk to other people about it?
*This* is why I stay TF off of Facebook.
SELORM DEKU Apr 2017
The unnatural hunger for knowledge we picked,

Knowledge hunt in which we lose self,

Embracing the being offered by books,

Such a pursuit it is.

We harvest what they plant and rarely plant ours,

It’s a world teaching that knowledge is out there,

Knowledge that needs a refining,

The search keeps growing.

The newest and seeming sound knowledge,

Once researched may be refuted,

We’re rare successes in our job,

Right today, disproved before the morrow.

When counter-evidence makes our knowledge void,

Our fat egos get hurt and deflated,

But by our oath, we accept defeat,

But then we begin other searches.

Hopefully, we’d die before they find out,

That we were false academic prophets,

Like how we fought the ghosts of those gone,

May they continue our ghosts to fight unending.
Samantha Symonds May 2018
I’ve been given my yellow ticket of leave. Freedom tastes like burnt coffee and soggy toast; I just can’t make breakfast the way the NHS and 10years in psychiatric medicine at Oxford teaches you to.
Everyone in the neighbourhood knows The Housing. Even if they didn’t, the residents that arrive every few months and are gone after nights of screaming and wolf-howls give it away. These sounds will sing around suburbia until something stronger than insanity stops them. The pavements aren’t quite at peace and the buildings seem to sag in the satirical sun in shame. Even the streets just don’t seem quite sane. There are always the telltale signs. The closed curtains in the blazing heat on all the houses on only one side of the road. Or the grinning garden gnomes arranged in a straight line, crushing golden petals beneath their terracotta wellingtons (their smiles glisten like bear traps). Or the flash of a white coat in the sun, dissolving into crevices in the façade of identical houses, row after row.
I don’t think I was destined for dissolution row. But the same old story rears it’s ugly dead; been there, done that, found someone better. Her, not me. I always had an overactive imagination anyway. Like Tourette’s, but in my head. It’s all irrelevant now anyway, because I’ve been chosen.
On visiting The National Gallery of Google, I stumble upon Edvard Munch and absorb. Anxiety, love, death. The flowing figures restricted in brush strokes and paint, but free in immortality and fame, beguile me with their drooping, hooded eyes, until I can hear their delineated tongues like a choir.
Time to stop procrastinating, start prognosticating.

There is absolutely no doubt about it. The signs are clearer than a pool of melted diamonds. But no-one believes a person without a PHD in theology and a 2 foot beard.
The world is ending.
I tried to warn them again today, but they can’t see past insanity when they look at me; I seem to scream it in wild eyes, or perhaps the scent of crazy is leaking from my pores. Dark shadows around my eyes no extortionate amount of sleep or light could chase away. Once – before I’d gotten used to the insomnia – I took the razor to my head and freed the languid hairs; cleansing my own microcosmical globe of all irrelevant past discretions and pollutants. The human body usually purges the blood of most chemicals within 78 hours, but hair retains traces forever that will find you; bite you in the back. However, I still can’t sleep even though I should now be pure as a newborn baby and the chaos theory is thus disproved, and my ingenious-at-4am idea does nothing but further isolate me from any kind of credibility.
The world is still ending.
I can feel it in my bones, and taste it in my sweat. I may appear to be crazy, but under the surface I am still and so, so sane. The galactic metamorphism begins. A new seventh sense stirs within me. It takes a while to adjust but now I can see into the souls of anyone and everyone; I see their sins and their destinations. I can leave the house now, self–assured with a new burst of determination, laughing at all the five-sensed ****** without a clue. I will be the only one making the most of my final days. I walk along the pier, buy a six dollar ice-cream, and fill my hours with watching others. No-one stares anymore as if I am slowly fading into translucency. Those with evil deep-rooted are black, like coals waiting for a spark, any excuse to catalyse destruction and pain. ******, Stalin. Even without my monotone-rainbow sense it can be identified in the coldness of their pupils; their glassy exteriors. They will turn to the coal they are inside, literally, fuel hell and wish they’d listened to my warnings. The heroes of the world are white, pure white, but there aren’t very many of them. Most people are a ***** shade of grey. In between and undecided; neither here nor there. Purgatory. I am green, because I am sick. No-one cares where I’m going. I don’t care.
There isn’t long left now.
With life in black and white the sky becomes awash with colour. Shepherd’s delight tonight, and what a perfect night to die. The clouds are pink, painted coarsely over a glowing red azure sky. It makes sense to me. Finally, I am not alien, I am not in the dark, confused, alone. Instead, it is everyone else without foresight. They are isolated together, and I am solitarily integrated. I am told to go back to the pier, say goodbye, and watch the world literally, actually, flash by my eyes. It’s my gift, my reward for my broken brain; I am at the theatre and the only one with dramatic empathy for the characters led by convention. I float down the pier, and now I know I’m not mad. The sky pulsates, angry, vengeful. Particles expand, shrink, and re-inflate.  I can’t help but laugh at the beautiful hopelessness, and the ultimate despair. A song of delight, true, genuine, hilarity explodes out of me and spills into the thickening atmosphere. Two blacks, glare with their telescopic eyes, old me would’ve ran, hidden, driven by fear, but for the first time ever, all humankind is equal. Money and power, the drivers of society are null. Soon I know the men will turn to ash and blow away.
Mid-laugh, the sea swells, becomes beast, and swallows us whole.
Geraldine Taylor Jun 2017
The day of Pentecost had fully come, as they met in one accord

A sudden sound, a mighty wind, a token of the Lord

Cloven flames, tongues of fire, as thy sprit thus descent

Prepareth the soul for gentle gales, yet convicted to repent



A miracle yet of the mind, upon prophets of old

To preach to nations intelligibly, effects to thus unfold

Perplexed and thus bewildered, as languages be spake

Other tongues of utterance, the faith of Christ awake



A solemn feast brought to a halt, a mighty great concourse

To hear the good news of the Lord, observed with some remorse

To meaneth truth and yet be mocked, to claim they’re full of wine

God chose the weak to confound the wise, as branches of the vine



The day hereby thus prophesied, by Joel of centuries past

The miracles, signs and wonders, fulfillment brought to last

Peter’s message communicated restoreth divine favour

The fruit of Christ resurrection, he ascended our great saviour



Fully clothed with power, his rising yet not disproved

The supernatural phenomena, his word shall not be moved

The same Jesus who was crucified is both our Christ and Lord

As still proclaimed amongst the earth, which we could not afford



Allegiance owed to he who reigns, who sat on David’s throne

The highest honour in heaven, our hope in Christ alone

A sense of awe, an awesome joy, others joined to listen

As the multitudes were saved and to see the Lord’s love glisten


Written by Geraldine Taylor ©
Paul House Jun 2018
Astonished and made clumsy 
And faltering too often, 
The poet tires of these long 
Evenings of Chopin, Verlaine, 
And weird games upon the floor 
Where the law of averages 
Is consistently disproved.
 
Strange to think the girls I knew 
Are ladies now, and carrying 
Some small immortal baggage 
Inside, flickering with life. 
Crouching. Unsullied. With stumps 
For legs and eye like a fish. 
Sounds for all the world like love.
 
And I still in a rented room, 
Drenched with all this literature 
Which pumps me full of wild beliefs 
And the ability to squabble, 
Dare to wish I might have come 
And spilt my warmth into your life. 
And you smelling of babies.
 
Already the wind begins 
To creep through the heavy trees. 
The sunlight rummages across 
Some dull promontory where 
It is squandered and rubbed out. 
The poet tires of these long 
Evenings demanding nothing.

— The End —