freshman year
Happy, scared, young, full, and ready for whatever it is thats about to hit you.
You loose your bestfriend, and your virginity.
You gain a new clique, and a body count.

sophomore year
your freshman expertise kick in and you think youve got the feel for the highschool life.
You fail chemistry, and go to your first party.
you are now a ****
You think youre cooler than your ex
bestfriend because you have ten bucks saying that shes never had a boy see her underwear or that shes never been as drunk at you.

junior year
You spent your summer in therapy, in
and out of mental hospitals because your eating disorder became deadly, and all of the friends you partied with cut you off because your newest bestfriend convinced you to sleep with one of their exs.
You come back to school as dead as
you have ever been and you spend every lunch period in the art room painting your sorrows away and you spend every night at home doing the same only this time your wrist becomes the canvas.

seinor year**
Your down to one medication a day now and you have commited social suicide all summer by staying in to gaurd yourself from turning to drugs and alcohol again to hide the pain. Graduation is arround the corner and you realize you could finally be happy once this is all over.

im not trying to cause a riot
but no more nice girl being quiet
im telling my story this time
and its not my fault you commited the crime
i've been hiding in the dark
healing on my own
but im not that same girl anymore
im not going to pick up my phone

it wasn't "one little mistake"
no, you knew i was barely awake
you took away my choice
but you didn't take away my voice
i'm ready to use it now
to speak up for the truth despite
the backlash i know i will inevitably face
when i look you in the eyes tonight

you told me what happened
while your hand was on my thigh
"its embarrassing you got that drunk"
even my friends turned a blind eye
it took me years to process
a simple caress would cause distress
but now i can say
nothing makes it okay
and nothing gave you the right
when i was passed out
6 years ago, midnight

Why when we ask someone their orientation,
Why do we look down on bisexuals?
we see their attraction to both genders as a negative,
When we should be free to be and love whoever we choose,
Without this bi hatred dragging us down,
It's unfair and downright ugly,
To assume the chances of someone cheating is higher if they're bi,
No a loving, commited bi person is not bound to cheat
Oh there's more people to cheat with if they like both genders.
If they're commited to their partner that should be enough.
No, they're still trying to figure themselves out, it's a phase.
Give them a break, ****** orientation and attraction is fluid.
It can't be guessed or pigeon holed into one category.
Just choose already,
Like hell will I choose because you tell me to,
I'll choose when I fall in love.
Be that with a man or woman.

I feel lost at times,
Like I'm losing my mind
Everybody else letting loose,
**** dropping, pill popping
'*****' on pelvis grinds
Joint sharing, sniffing ******* lines
Unemployed but still no one has time
Everyone is commited,
But nobody knows why.

I feel lost because
The education system taught us
Mathematics, English
And a bunch of other stuff
But not how to apply for a job
Behave in an interview or
Maintain and mindset
That actually gives a ****
How our voting system works,
Whether we elect our leaders
Or if the system is really corrupt
So was it enough?

Hello? Germaine, you there?
It's been a little over a year since you left us all
I miss you so much
You have no idea how much I miss you
I wish I could have talked to you that night
I wish I had given you more hugs
More smiles
More laughs
I wonder every night why you killed yourself
And I feel so lost
You were the one to hug me, make me laugh, make me smile when I was sad
And now I know you can never come back
It makes me so sad
I wish I had hung out with you more
And I wish I was there for you when you needed me the most
Please forgive me, Germaine.
I love you and miss you.
Hope it's nice up there in heaven.

I will tell you a story please don't think me bad
Concerning myself and the ******* clads.
I was just a young man, easily led,
They sent me to paint the gardener's shed
I looked around what did I see?
The ******* clads looking back at me!
Pictures of scantilys everywhere
Standing about in their underwear.
What I saw I found rather appealing
I commited a sin resulting in stealing.
The gardener would return that  day
Only to find a book gone astray.
So please please, don't think of me bad
Blame it all on the ******* clads
Then I made a big mistake
Into my room the book I would take.
My mind got lost in fantasy
Those ******* clads got the better of me.
I was only a young man stuck in a rut
I should never have entered the gardener's hut.
Then something happened that made me sad
The book ended up there in the hands of my dad.
"Tell me son where did this come from?
Good job I found it instead of your mom".
"Please dad don't think of me bad
I am only a young man easily led
They sent me to paint the gardener's shed.
I looked around and what did I see?
Those ******* clads looking back at me!
And what I saw I found appealing
So, I commited a sin resulting in stealing".
My dad was not angry but rather, concerned,
He said in a calm voice
Son there is a lesson you must learn
What you have stolen you must return.

The room was filled with burnout nuts who looked half crazy dear lord what was someone as normal as me doing here.
Yeah dont laugh im being serious or however ya spell it.

The group slash cult leader approached the mic.
Hello im Dan .
Hello Dan.

Dear lord these people were some brainwashed hampsters almost as bad
as that voodoo priestest Taylor Swift yeah Her new song sounds just like her last okay.
the only people who like her are kids and perverts that reminds me gotta put that video on mute when i
watch it it really messes up the mood what!
Im talking bout when im writting ya perves haha no im not.

Enough with the foreplay kids.
The man went into his speech how he used to snort lines that went from here to texas
picked up hookers drank till he passed out.
Hey No wonder this man was a leader he was soon becoming my hero.

But then I hit rock bottem and stopped found Jesus once honestly i didnt know he was lost.
Now he hadnt had a dam bit of fun in four years i couldnt contain my laughter
what a ***** huh?
I said to the old drunk beside me.

Hey what you got in that cup there grandpa.
He just looked at me in a strange manner must be on a hell of a trip lucky *******.
He spoke slow in a ***** old seductive kinda scared shitless by me manner
It's Koolaide.

Yeah weird mixer what ya trying to pick up kids ya nut what else is in it?
This oldman was playing a game yeah  sure dont share you old ***** hound
my flask was nearly empty and my patience was fading with every sober ***** that took the stage Jesus people it was listening to Jeff Foxworthy it's great if your ******* but honestly its one step above a ******* puppet.

The group of lame areses was almost done when they looked at me hey there friend feel like sharing?
It was something I should fight but a mic and stage was as tempting as a
wild turkey and college keg party.

Why not.

Hey Kids Im Gonzo!
Hey Gonzo jesus it was like dealing with a human parrot or Brittney Spears really
you've  seen one mindless drone ya seem em all.

I took a deep sip from my coffee with a little something extra cup
mmm acid and folgers it goes togather like teens and ****** reallity  shows ******* MTV!

Well Im Gonzo , Hello Gonzo.
Look meeting of the living braindead it's funny the first time okay.
Okay jesus these people were bad as a boy band dam three tenors yeah your all
hot and can sing opera but wants to party to that ****.

Look here  Ive been drinking since 12  umm commited alotta fun crimes
Once paid the babysitter to show me her *******  yeah I know winning.
Ive been in 20  car crashes some of em not just other peoples cars  like I can afford one.

Ive done every drug known to man and some that arent made by people named skull and eightball.
dated strippers snorted coke off of more than just a table  get your mind outta the
gutter cause if ya dont your gonna end up like me serious!

My wife is full of life and strung out on pills that reminds me
i gotta pick her up after cheerleading practice.
Ive been in the iron bar hotel many a night yeah that ****** but he hairy guys are great to cuddle with
like big teddy bears who'll **** you yeah that ****** so ive herd well yeah.

The group was silent till DR Downer spoke up but when did you hit bottom.
Sir thats my personal life okay and besides i not that hung okay.
But you stopped right.

Stopped what are you high on crack Bobby Brown?  
First off amigo its cheap second I aint stopping till im dead yeah i could work out have no
fun and spend the rest of my life speaking in front of nuts who used to be cool
Like you Irene hey personally i wish i had seen you in the ******* cause you seem
like a nice lady and really easy to get into bed okay yeah im
sensative I always pay after that's manners.

The crowd was filled with something what was this place Jonestown
Look at what ya all become eating cookies and drinking **** I wouldnt even
drink when i was ******* five okay.

And you ****** Dave well okay it's kinda weird ya hung out in park restrooms
But if only you had met George Micheal maybe then he'd still be making good  records but ya gotta have faith im just saying.

Sure you can be nice live good yeah then one day ya cross the street and some *******
spoiled brat   teenager  who just got his license runs over your *** cause he's texting sally
asking to see her **** to share e with the rest of the football team okay.

Hey whatever happend to *** drugs and rock n roll kids.
**** living forever.
Lets party now and ***** tommorow cheers I kicked back the last
of the wild turkey hitting that liver like a sledge

The group was silent yet again **** I had crossed the line yet again ahh someone needs a spanking
but enough bout lady gaga.

Sir there leader said leave now!
Just then like something off of saturday night pro wrestling.
A folding chair hit the
hugging preachy nut over the head.

***** this guy the old drunk exclaimed lets go get trashed my life ***** lets get some ***** drugs and
Irene crank the music.

And like something outta a stupid wholsome after school special my heart grew
okay aybe thats a bit much .

We were off like fellow addicts set lose in a world as ******* up as us
And everything was as messed up as us we partyed laughed made some movies of are own that probaly wont be seen on tv anytime soon.

And we lived in the moment cause its all we ever have.
And this perves gonna make sure his is
******* fun stay crazy and avoid the clap love always
Gonzo

On late nights like these, days when I don’t have dates, I rest on my balcony and smoke my life away, reliving the memories of my childhood. Feeling myself drift away into the cloud from my cigarette. I watched the thin wisp of smoke trailing away, up into the polluted 21st century air before reaching the tiny patch of the clear night sky amongst all the buildings and dissolving.
Molding myself into the body of a child, and trying to retrieve, to reach out and grasp, my pure innocence from seventeen years ago. I close my eyes and imagine that all my childhood memories will wash up right here in my mind as I stood on my balcony.
I used to have a life. I had parents, I had a name, I had friends; I was a someone. But as you grow older in Tokyo, you become a noone. My father was a no one, as well as my mom. My father had always been a businessman, and every morning he would change into his business suit. He was impossible to distinguish amongst thousands of other buisnessmen that made up the sea of Tokyo. He wore the same suit, like thousands, day after day, life becoming more dull as each day passed. Hour after hour, he sat in front of the soft glow of the computer screen, mersemized; brainwashed. In the world where everything were made of pixels, nothing was real anymore. It would become dark, and he would go to a bar alone, drinking his life away. He sometimes arrived home from a taxi, being sent by someone for being so drunk.
One day, he jumped in front of a train and killed himself- didn't even leave a note. I don't even remember what day it was when he commited suicide. In a place where you have no position, you stop keeping track of days.
And I remember my mother crying and saying, "Kaori, don't ever do what your father did."
My mother was in the same position as my father, not much better than him. She was an office lady, leading the same life as my father had. She left 1000 yen on the table for me to buy dinner at the convenience store. She came home late.
School was not much different, and I asked myself, "Why am I getting an education only to end up like my mother and father, the people of Tokyo?" I could see myself in the future, a figure exactly as my mother.
I stopped going to school and decided, why not get an early start? I got into hostessing, where I received a new name: Akiko.
I don't have a name anymore.
I am not recognized by anybody.
I do not know who I am,
nor do others know that I am.

I.

Let me tell you right now that red is my favourite colour
But I got it on with blue, some would say that that’s a blunder
I wonder is… infidelity the vibe of this poem?
Some secret guilt in my mind, that I’ve decided to be owning

Up to, I've got to, spill it out of my heart
I've had no idea what to say, but I've commited to start
A statement that’s an indictment to romantic commitment-
So let’s face it: when it comes to love, haven't all of us been sinning?

At some point, nobody can claim to never ever have smirked
At their own version of the colour red in hoping that it might work
Even though your girl’s colour is blue and you know that this much is true…
You kinda now desire sunsets instead of plain skies; and thus seek a more maroon hue


Skies change with the sun, time influences that
But listen, honestly, what I feel, it’s deeper than that

Blue and red seem only to be opposite colours of the visible spectrum
But actually flow into one another, from point A to B, like a pendulum

So my real problem is denial: I'm not really interested in swinging back
Because whenever I see red again…I can't help thinking that blue is just a fade to black.


And black scares me because it represents…
And black scares me because it represents…
And black scares me because it represents…
And black scares me because it represents…


II.

Literature taught me that cheating is immoral but understandable
From the point of Gatsby and Daisy it’s not even that reprehensible
The thing is, I still see the American Dream in another colour
No red, white and blue and great starry flag of wonder

But being honest to the context I should only omit the white
And keep red and blue; so it follows that my greed is merely self-directed spite
In this way I am suggesting a hint of hatred towards myself
As I’m unable to colour-block my view of my colourless self

I mean that I'm disappointed in being able to reduce
Myself to old, novel characters…as a result I have deduced
That blue and red don't matter when my true colours are grey
I’m ashamed in having even having tried (and failed) to pick (just one).
But all the same…


Skies change with the sun, time influences that
But listen, honestly, what I feel, it’s deeper than that

Blue and red seem only to be opposite colours of the visible spectrum
But actually flow into one another, from point A to B, like a pendulum

So my real problem is denial: I'm not really interested in swinging back
Because whenever I see red again…I can't help thinking that blue is just a fade to black.


And black scares me because it represents…
And black scares me because it represents…
And black scares me because it represents…
And black scares me because it represents…


III.

Though I'm still wishing that… her sunset becomes my sunrise, and envelops the sky
But regretting… her blue fades away, painfully, I’m left to die
As the sun will too soon turn to night, driving me to gentle panic
I know this now: colourless people always beg for a rainbow because they can never have it.

...******.

I apologize to blue for making her feel even bluer.
I apologize to red for using her to make me feel better.
I’m sorry to myself for making myself so bitter.
So suddenly has my soul, become colder than this winter...

Thus the part of the poem where I conclude with the theme
Of the echoes within me which of course are only dead dreams
I had looked to you, red and/or blue, in hoping you could redeem
Me to your world of colour. But present reality is different, which can only mean
That...


Skies changed with the sun, time influenced that
But listen, honestly, what I felt, was deeper than that

Blue and red seemed only to be opposite colours of the visible spectrum
But actually flowed into one another, from point A to B, like a pendulum

So my real problem was denial, I wasn't really interested in swinging back
Because whenever I saw red again… I couldn't help thinking that blue was just a fade to black.


And black scared me because it represented…
And black scared me because it represented…
And black scared me because it represented…
And black scared me because it represented…

Seductive being.
You have captured my eyes.
Blown away by an angel.
Tricked by diguise.

I'm lead astray by this angel.
The way she courses with grace.
So I follow the shadow.
Fooled by the veil on her face.

I have commited a crime.
I have visualized this affair.
Acknowledging this moment.
This innocent state of mind.

I admitt that this diversion.
Has corrupted me inside.
Leaving me empty.
Leaving me alive.

I'm drawn by her beauty.
Harmonizing her rythm.
While she harmonizes with mine.
Concious of this unlawful act.
Acheiving the impossible.
Acheiving this lie.

Ante, Shuffle, Deal me in
You should know that I came to win
Perfect smile, low cut dress
You'll reveal everything
Cut the deck and deal the cards
I cant win until this thing starts
We both know this is my last game

Place your bets, raises, calls
I bet my blind you're a queen of hearts
Pocket Aces, bluff and call
I'd chase the river from this start
No one wins until one of us ends
Play the slow game and stay your hand
There's no way I can lose this game
My chips are all in when you're playing with my heart

I chased my queen down the river
*** commited and I'm all in
Cashing in on my losings
Neither of us can ever win
We could run away together
We'd have to leave right now
Let them chase us for forever
And burn this card house down

Time to make a decision
This has gone on way too long
Stay, fold, or raise me
Cant hide behind your cards
When you gave me your heart, baby
You said it was safe to play
But my hearts set on arson
And you love this game

Burn the card, throw the flop
Every tell reveals what your chasing
Say the words, we can stop
Let my jack baby be your king
After this we wont be the same
I'm the wildcard you cant tame
If we'd both win I'd throw the game
I would.

Texas-hold my
broken heart
We were always meant to end like this
A game of chance,
a deck of cards
Our love staked on a
game -  of - risk
What the hell,
just roll the dice
Someone else could be just as nice
No more buy backs,
you cant re-buy-in
I'll burn this house down to ensure the house never wins

I'll chase my queen down the river
I committed and went all in
Now I'm cashing in on my losings
Cause its like I never win
We can run away together
We'd have to leave right now
We'll run until forever
And let them chase us down

Time to make a decision
We're both sick of playing games
Thought I'd win on the gamble
I wont buy your poker face
You've got a decision, baby
I've loved you from the start
Or is everything I've dreamed of
A bad hand of cards

(Your clever highness
usher out the bards
try to hide the bluff in
hide the bluff in your house of cards)

Time to make a decision
It'll never be the same
Thought I played a safe gamble
But you lit the flame

You decide if we chase the river
And if you'll lose this game
But if you're gonna chase that rabbit
This house - goes up - in flames

Chase me to the river
It'll cost you everything
Chase me for forever
But you know I'm all in

You've got to make a decision
I've loved you from the start
Or is everything I've played for
A bad hand of cards

The path of
A peace warrior
Is often misunderstood
This power, focused intention
Must be endured
By the peace warrior
For she is commited to peace

To love, to that above
To us
She, the warrior of light
Of sanctuary, peacefully
Outstretched before we
Lined with sparkling things.
She guides thee,
Her wings light and free.
Soaring through the heavens
Watching carefully, closely,
Whole heartedly. Dipping
Fingertips, sensory system abled,
Deep into the surface of  the woes
The heart aches
Soothing through the presence of self.

Energy focused, clarity surfaced.
Stand the tests alone...
Until another from the Sun arrives
Open your heart, for the
Unity is the rise, the prize of the day!
Nourished just under the presence
Of skin,
Just beyond the weight of wind.
The system that touches us all,
Releasing all degrees of separation.
Illusionary precognitions.
Only One.

The peace warrior knows the way
Her counsel gathers round her
And fixes to smother her burn,
Only to encourage new light
To emit.
Squeezing out the rays
The ways of the
Peaceful warrior,
To be spread along with the wind
And the breath of God.
I welcome all that is within.
I set myself on fire!
Focused on the light

I choose this path
The steps clearer now

There we stood falsly charged   of crimes  we had not commited
or at least  thought  no one had seen.

Jack Horner.
acussed of  lewd acts with a horse   well least he had a ride home afterwards
also acussed  ******  insanity   arson   petty theft   double dipping  
car jacking hey if the cars into it i see no harm in it.
truelley  he's a all around good guy.

Chris Smith.
For being a well okay  he's probaly the innocent one

Gary la Budha.
For selling to many books and drinking my last beer
and  for  ******* on thee toilet seat.

John Patrick Robbins AKA  Gonzo
For serving minors inciting a riot  farting in church  spiking the punch and creating a mess at the highschool prom.
200 drunken publics   3000 dui's    public ******   dam sports event's do it every time  ******* chess matches.

Breaking and entering **** i wondred why my house was locked
and some man was sleeping with my wife hell
here i find i have one and she's already cheating on me.
no woder thoose kids look nothing like me.

And for being such a good looking crazy *******  I added that one.


We were some fine upstanding  kinda ****** up guys.
The trial was a joke thr key witness Drew .D  glared at us
I felt violated as i knew mentally she undressed me  with her eye's

The video was the real kicker  ****** I told you Jack that
wasnt  Mr Es  barn we broke into  hippos dont wear  dresses .
Yes mate but there so dam **** he replied.

what do you have to say for yourselfs the man in his black Pajamas asked.
Once was kinda strange i had to get dressed up yet this senile old man thought we  were at a pajama party.

Order in the court yes your honor i'll have a martini.
We were found guilty but even a courts wall cant contain crazy.
  
With a spark of unplanned drunken brillance  like a **** between friends  we sprang into action Jack taking on the  officers  
Chris you take the judge   I'll handle the she devil  Drew.

In a battle fitting for saturday night pro wrestiling we
faught like  wild animals and drunk women chairs flew
ears  were bitten  body parts fonddled  
Drew screamed hey pervert get your hands off my ***.

No time for foreplay now satan  and i sure hope  you smuggled
a gun or salami in here thats just wrong.

Grabbing the curtian and  that hot court lady who insisted on typing through the whole dam trial  like a drunken pirate  who shops at walmart  a called to my brothers were blowing this popstand  slash pajama party.

Through the window we flew crashing through the roof of  a well placed mini van below  we could hear the pixie like screams above As Mr E
screamed goddamit thats my ******* van.

Into the sunset like mighty drunken legends we rode
hey you guys ever been to Atlantic City?
bound for trouble and and a few rest stops inbetween
hey were drinkers   and nobody likes to smell like ***.

Untill next time were the always guilty
Were the G team.

I am deaf, blind, and mute
Though that's untrue, physically speaking
I still feel it deep within me
Blinding my eyes from truth
From reality
Deafening my ears from hearing others' encouraging words
And their feelings of warmth and love
Muting my replies and true thoughts
From ever springing up
To prevent me from prying my fingers off the cusp of this palpable insanity
Ah, this addiction is overwhelming

I need a moment
Just one second
Of truth to burst in and scream into my ears
Crying and begging me to come to my senses
Reminding me of the past failures
And how I said this time would be different
Just one moment of honest truth
But, you see, I'm deaf
I can't hear anything

Edging on this addiction
Knowing I'll fall
And have to start all over
I just need a moment...
A brief time of clarity
To open my eyes
So I can see clearly
That all the excuses I'm spewing out are lies
A memory I can view
Something that jogs my memory
And reminds me of why I wanted to stop in the first place
But you see...
I'm blind
I can't see even this truth that lies right in front me

The addiction is winning
Knocked me out so hard
My head is spinning
I need to convince myself to escape this battle
Its power is so terrifying
And I can't even speak
I choke out pleas
But they are unintelligible
The addiction hears nothing
And nor do I
But I need just a moment...
Of someone's words to recite
To clear my mind
And be who I was before I commited this sin
Please, I beg of you, Me
Speak, speak, speak!
But I am mute
I can't say a single thing...

...

Oh, what a tragedy
To be deaf, blind, and mute

DEAR MOM I AM HOMOPHOBIC

   Dear mother
My guardian angel and protector
Am afraid to tell you
He was staring at me
When i went to the loo
His cold gaze pierced my back
And his unblinking eyes sent jitters down my spine
A creeping feeling enwrapped my whole being
When i turned his charming stare held me prisoner and he smiled at me

Mother i could feel his look perusing me like an art book
From head to toe i was studied
I felt naked as his hungry stare undressed me
To him i was a piece of an apple pie
I could make out gurgling sounds as he swallowed dry saliva and licked his death black lips
Lust was painted all over his mane covered face
Mom i was really scared
I regretted stepping in that club

When i returned to my seat he bought me beer
My liqour thirst was hard to bear
I betrayed my masculinity
And accepted drink from a **** sapien of male fraternity
My mind was having a cold war with my soul
Wierd thoughts tormented my intoxicated body
Where did i stand???

He welcomed himself in my table
With a gecko like grin etched on his face
"You are handsome"those were the ugliest words i had ever heard from a man
My owl like eyes bore onto him with blazing anger dancing on my eyelids
I was shaking not because i was cold but murdering instincts were elecrocuting my adrenaline
He mistook my silence and commited a cardinal sin by placing his manicured hand on my thighs
He winked as his blinking broke the speed record
I cleared my throat and i knew it was time to recorn

He thought his tactics had worked
I withdrew my hand from my pocket raised beer bottle as if to toast
He hastefully followed suit
"Chee....he never finished as i bathed him with my beer
"Hey ****** am straight"i yelped as i crushed the beer bottle on his thick skull
I heard a deafening yell
The rest i remember is being frog matched into a police car
So dear mom its not my fault am in jail
Am here because i fought
Mom am not a law breaker
Am here because i am homophobic

... We were surrounded by the blue sky,
by the mountains and the white lights.
... I was looking at you like no one else has ever done,
and that was good enough,
to make me forget where I came from.
... I felt something strange in my heart,
like if someone had pressed the button "Re-Start".
That made me feel different,
as if my ****** had been commited.

a drunken **** head knocking my door

a glimpse through my window my eyes saw more

a bald headed hunk covered in ink

heart beating so fast i couldnt think.

a drunken **** head coming inside

that wolvo accent helping me to decide

a kiss to my lips sealing my fate

an overnight stay by now it was too late.

two weeks of pure bliss passed so fast

gossiping folk saying we wouldnt last

soon there will be violence i heard them say

hiding their heads and shuffling away.

so what if hes commited violence before

hes with me now and i mean more

hes always assured me that hed never hurt me

his past is his past and that they will soon see.

friends in for drinks and that was the first time

me pulling faces getting ****** on red wine

but the ******* he saw me a reflection in glass

a punch to my nose i fell on my ****.

apologies kisses sorries never ending

me knowing it wont happen again or pretending

waking in the mornings treading on eggshells

me with experiance i should have known so well.

but do we learn women like us

hearing their words and giving our trust

thinking things will get better in time

when do we stop and draw a line.

broken cheek bones two black eyes

split open lips ****** thighs

bruises covering the surface skin

enternal bruising hiding within.

pregnant with your gorgeous son

look at what ive now become

trapped indoors head hangs in shame

its not my fault its you whos to blame.

all i done wrong was to show you love

you the man needed boxing gloves

to keep me tame and where you wanted me

under control to prove your credibility.

imagine this.
you experience something
with another person
that typically involves
a great deal of
love and commitment.
but, you didnt want to.
this person didn't love you
nor were they commited to you.
this moment
is usually special
and meaningful.
but, you can't even tell me
if it was because
you dont know.
you dont remember.

welcome to my life.
i was the mere age
of fifteen.
i thought i loved him.

afterwords,
i didn't tell anybody.
instead,
i made excuses.
“i remember.”
“i wasn't drunk.”
“i wanted to.”
i spent six long months
suffering,
burying everything,
before i finally decided
it was time to tell my mom.

last month
my mom told me
i had a doctors appointment.
you see,
i have been consistently
losing weight and
i hadn't been sleeping at night.
when my doctor asked if
my mom could come in too,
i instantly knew something was wrong.
my mom looked into my eyes
and told me i needed to be honest.
i had no idea
what she was talking about.
“she was *****,”
my mom blurted.

you see,
after spending
six. *******. months.
alone,
burying everything
that i didn't want to think about,
just to have all that hard work
ripped apart
was heartbreaking.
no,
having someone i
loved and trusted
do something so awful,
so wrong,
that was heartbreaking.
but digging it all back up?
that was torture.

Goodbye goodbye
I commited the crime
I had a try
But I just cry
Not worth a dime
So I die
its my time
Goodbye goodbye

Sometime in the dead of night,
Whilst i was out like a light,
I experienced an awfully depressing and sorrowful dream.

I saw a girl dressed in white,
Who commited suicide,
When she found out the Internet turned her into a horrible meme.

i see myself in you
in everything you are and anything you hate

in the nervousness of your pleas
that brings stiffness to your neck - and mine
- and hides tremors from your voice

i have more faith in you
than you know;
more trust, in the soft longing of your eyes
than any of the pains you've commited
and your broken smile, teeth baring hate
for every single time you couldn't say no

i stack every ****** under one flag.

Like water, humans are
Or like white sheets
Waiting to be painted.
Between the endless 'individuals',
They're waiting to be labelled.

So asked,
Where are you from or
Who taught you?
Before they registered
An official name.
But not how they act
Nor what they like.

So will you
Lead the group
Because you are commited
Or for free tickets?
Liars will answer.
If you don't?
You're selfish?
Or are you one with disability?

Like echoes,
But not music they bought.
Humans will listen to echoes,
And start to copy each other.
Label, re-writing.
Laughing. Worshipping. Ignoring.
That's how,
An individual was created.

once upon a time I commited a sin
only it wasn't one you'd ever heard of
my sin was so great
they invented a name for it
and it became my heirloom
passed generation
to generation
a curse for all to recognize
it burned my soul away
and cleansed me of any good
left me to wander unconcerned
with whether I could be absolved
now I'm a jealous wraith
hellbent on serving justice

Yo guess who's bizzack
Attack the mens in black?
Where them ***** cops at?
Blastin' us for no **** reason
We at war with each other for no **** reason
Daily treason
Commited by the ******' senate
Masons evolve around the sun
Not the holy son
Open ya head cuz its brain dead
Knowledge is power im here to devour
Make my enemies bleed
From gun powder
Deep in the flesh hard for ya to ingest
Air into ya system
Takin' mad shots
Aint no missin' em
My style be simple
And complex
**** the chains the cars n the rolex
No plex
Cuz you dont wanna see
Me act a fool
Bring out the tool
Know the rules
To the game used be 48 now there's  50
Got every fool in the hood
Actin' shifty
When we gone break some leven
And embrace heaven
Naw i feel like im the only one
Left revengin' for the sons
Of satan
Watch me get blatant
No panic yea im growin frantic
I try to remain calm
Put theres an itch in my palms
****** after midnight
Gets the mind right game tight
Blurry vision
So i had to realign my sight
Now im focused no hocus pocus
Im back on top of thangs
Got my own biz in my own name
Still spreadin' luv
To all colors affliated cuz
We all in the same gang

N these for all my homies
Who i see when i hit the ******
Deaths on a creeper
No sleep i stay up most nights
Tryna figure out n fight
Why do we live like this?
Its ludicrous
Somebody tell me this?
Or is it they tryna bring slavery back
Fools aint even realizin'
That?
Too busy after the fame
I peep game
Wastin' time to maintain
Temporary fame
Only to end up in shame
Hearts full of flames
Cuz ya soul done burned out
Keep the smoke out
Uh out of my way hit the highway
Half a tank in my glasshouse
Make a stop to my spouse
Put a tag on tha ***
Then step back out
Once my feet hit the street
I bang original or *******
Loud music
So nigguhs can thank
But they say im crazy
And they phase me
Out the picture
Too busy drunk on  the spiritual liqour
I killed the ol me
Along time ago and now i know
Ain't no *** of gold on the end of the rainbow
We just inches below
Armageddon
Bring the heat
I bet i get them sweatin?
No more lettin'
Off this trigger man
CERN just waitin' to flip the script
Manifestin' demons into the light
Pretty aint it?
Got many believin' in dead things?
Reality aint what it used to be
Art imitates life
But all I'm painted with is strife
Roll the dice
Tryin' not to get" snake eyes"
Keep ya eyes on the prize they watchin'
You
Be vigilant and stay true
No matter what they do??
When they try to attack
Dont hold back??
Revolutionizin' the game black
Guess who's back???