"backslide" poems
Collaboration with Alyssa Underwood!
*I'm not getting much from life,
it makes me want to scream!
Won't achieve my smallest goal...
let alone my dreams!*.
**Your life's hidden in Christ's hands
and your competence comes from Him.
His Spirit's working His purpose in you...
despite how things may seem.**.
*I'm frail and I'm weak,
I'm sorry. I'm not strong.
You say I can handle this test...
You couldn't be more wrong!*.
**Frailty's the best start
for watching our egos flee.
Once we know WE can't do it...
we begin to get set free.**.
*I am sick and tired
of the daily drudge!
And fellow believers?
All they do is JUDGE!*.
**So lay it all down.
Jesus died to bear
the indomitable weight...
of every burden you wear.**.
*Does God answer prayers?
I wonder if HE DOES!
If you go and backslide
He seems to hold a grudge!*.
**I find He answers differently
than what I might seek first,
for what's pleasant now...
May not fill my deepest thirst.**.
*Alright. He makes us patient.
But I can believe the lies!
He has no provision
to make me savvy... WISE!*.
**If wisdom like the world
is what the soul most craves,
where's the contentment...
in those who are its slaves?**
*The believer is the candle
Jesus is the flame.
Thank you sister for your help...
I'm calling on His Name!
I will heed your sayings.
I have been absurd!
He's good to all His promises...
They're written in HIS WORD.*.
**It's not absurd to question
or probe into our doubts.
HIS WORD can stand resistance...
through every skeptic's shouts.
We're here to help each other
find truth along the way.
JESUS IS THE WAY AND TRUTH
AND LIFE WE LIVE EACH DAY!
Alyssa Underwood (the voice of Truth)**.
SoulSurvivor (the doubtful believer)
Jan 5, 2016
Jan 5, 2016 at 7:59 PM UTC
Part one
When the boy at the bus stop whistles at you on your way home from the Take Back the Night march,
Give him the finger.
When your boyfriend tells you he only likes long hair,
Shave your head.
When a stranger calls you a ****
Say thank you.
When your mother tells you not to write the poem,
write it anyway. Perform it. Take the criticism, take the prize.
When they target your hometown with hate crimes,
Explain calmly. They are mistaken.
When that doesn't work,
Fight. Yell. Make them afraid to cross you.
When your best friend needs to cry,
Be quiet.
When the world tries to ignore you,
Don't let them.
Be strong, be proud, be courageous.
You are a role model.
Part two
The first time he hits you,
Stay with him.
When he asks for your forgiveness for the sixth time,
Give it to him.
When he does not stop at no,
Close your eyes. Wait until he's finished.
When the girl tears down years worth of built up confidence with one number,
Starve yourself.
When a boy whistles in your direction.
Give him the finger. Turn away. Hide your smile.
It shouldn't matter that he was the only one who noticed the colour of your lipstick.
When your lover sheds kisses on your wounds,
Laugh. He will not ask you to stop.
You would not ask him to stop unless this was somehow different.
When you begin to backslide,
Do not ask for help.
Break down in public.
Love them when they start to worry.
Love them like you never learned to hate,
Make them scared that you will.
You were supposed to know better.
Part three
You are an abstract work of art.
A compilation of every sort of experience wrapped up in one.
You have made mistakes, you can make up for them.
Be proud.
When they try to lock you up,
be proud.
When they try to hold you back,
Be proud.
When they call you a hypocrite,
Do not run, do not be ashamed.
Forgive them.
Forgive yourself.
Sep 27, 2013
Sep 27, 2013 at 4:28 PM UTC
I just felt a raindrop
I just felt a drop of rain
it won't make the pain stop
nothing can stop the pain
it's like a slowdown
and I am going down slow
I feel so lowdown
I feel so down low
I start to backslide
when memories slide back
it's like a black mind
it makes my mind black
Dec 14, 2013
Dec 14, 2013 at 9:08 PM UTC
i like everything about you just the way you are as you are when i met you. point blank.
i don’t have any preconception of who you feel you once were but aren’t now, that you wish you still were. that person doesn’t exist in my mind. the past doesn’t settle into my conscious. it’s just faint musings of something that doesn’t seem real or tangible to reality.
the person you currently loathe, i adore. the person you pine after, i feel nothing for other than what i feel about you now, because i don’t see him and you as separate or different selves the way you do. you are you. no matter what you perceive yourself as being, you are yourself perfectly.
and yet at the same time actually, i see you as very separate internally, with the work you’ve been doing, even if you don’t totally see that yet, because i know if him and i met when he existed in that state of mind we have both previously occupied in loneliness, neither of us would have been able to make sense of the other the way we can now. we both would have been too lost.
if that makes any sense. self vs internal self. treading water vs being swallowed alive. together vs loneliness. you vs a shell of who you are now.
it’s such a complicated balancing act but i wouldn’t have it any other way. when we backslide we are betraying no one but ourselves, even when it feels like we’re accomplishing and internalizing something greater than ourselves. we’re emptying our lives with our bodies, and it’s not fair to the selves we’re struggling to keep intact now for us to do that. we have things to live for. you have things to live for.
i like you now, not then. even if you see things flipped around. i don’t see any see-saw or scale that tips or drops to equal self-acceptance, nowadays with this disorder, i just see an hourglass. i know. i know it’s not that simple. but you’re the only one who sees value in what was. the people who love you now don’t see that, only how it has hurt and tortured you for far too long, and how much the person you are right now deserves to be free of it.
Feb 20, 2014
Feb 20, 2014 at 4:05 AM UTC
This isn't news
It's Newport News
It makes you dance
Bill Bailey
And the moon walks
from sweet Virginia
never from Neverland
Bill Bailey
The first flight
In Apollo
blew up the night
Bill Bailey
Call it what you want
You can't walk on the moon
without the backslide
Bill Bailey
Oct 7, 2020
Oct 7, 2020 at 2:57 PM UTC
Backslide, the tongue, tracing the stitches on the
Toltec pyramid I've erected to you.
I've begged permission,
let me walk into it's depths,
desecrate it,
splatter this *****
across the inner walls in hieroglyphics
that spell out the simple joy of our shared muscular spasms.
The hair on your
arms,
back of neck,
belly,
is standing *****
I can feel it.
Sep 6, 2014
Sep 6, 2014 at 4:05 AM UTC
By: Cedric McClester
I’ve been around the bend before
Hung out at the bar to score
I was rotten to the core
But I don’t do that anymore
That was in my past life
Before my kids and wife
Back then you couldn’t tell me
That I was the marrying type
I’ve been a sinner and deceiver
A charlatan now I’m a believer
See I never did conceive her
Comin’ in my life
Never thought she’d be my wife
Given my past and my history
Which was a little blistery
To some I’m still a mystery
And all the girls I’ve kissed ya see
I was rotten to the core
But I don’t do that anymore
That was in my past life
Before my kids and wife
I’ve been a sinner and deceiver
A charlatan now I’m a believer
See I never did conceive her
Comin’ in my life
Never thought she’d be my wife
Lord knows the girl was patient
She waited for my transformation
Though I’d backslide on occasion
She was still my soul’s salvation
It’s amazing that you’d ask
Do I miss my sordid past
Back when I lived too fast
And thought it was a blast
I was rotten to the core
But I don’t do that anymore
That was in my past life
Before my kids and wife
I’ve been a sinner and deceiver
A charlatan now I’m a believer
See I never did conceive her
Comin’ in my life
Never thought she’d be my wife
Cedric McClester, Copyright (c)_2016. All rights reserved.
Feb 29, 2016
Feb 29, 2016 at 5:55 PM UTC
actually, my mother never told me about boys like you. she never said anything about boys at all. all i knew is that i had to be careful around them. she never told me that their "i love yous" are just words and not metaphors they see in your eyes. she never told me that them kissing you is just to **** your soul out and leave you dry. empty. desolate. and she sure as hell never told me that their hugs are only so they could play checkers on your spine. you see, some of us have allowed others to come in through the front and out through the back and well, your heart is the front door and you're so distorted they backslide out the same way they came in. he should've said good morning and never good night. he should've never sat down, he broke the chairs. you see, you're just standing on ice and your problems weigh too ******* much. you should've told him that seat wasn't for him. you should've told him it's been used and used and used and now it's worn out. you should have warned him that you haven't been taking care of yourself lately and the books you've collected throughout the years are filled with pollen. you should have told him that the footprints on the floors aren't of those who have fallen in love with you but rather have come in and walked all over you. when you introduced him to your mother, you should have noticed that no he wasn't smiling, he was smirking. and also, you should have noticed that your mother wasn't trembling because she was happy for you but rather because she feared for you. when you walked off with him, you should have n,oticed when he started rubbing your back and he never ******* held your hand. you should've noticed when you were aching in bed, you were actually dreaming about yourself. you're aching now aren't you. AREN'T YOU. my mother never warned me about boys like those. she never told me that they come inside you and play hopscotch on the bed sheets. you should've noticed the first time he told you he loves like a playground. you should've noticed when he said he loves playing "Don't Step On The White Tiles." you should've noticed when he told you he spent his lifetime playing board games. oh what does your heart print look like now?
Jun 3, 2014
Jun 3, 2014 at 7:43 PM UTC
I'm Possible
I am possible because of God
I am possible because two forces or unacquainted love, was brought together to create greatness ME!
We are all possible and uniquely designed, Fat, tall, skinny, short, ugly, cute who are you to judge we are possibly the greatest thing God has ever created and powerful.
I’m possible and exonerated from the sins of my past in fact was told I was lazy, I'd amount to nothing, poor with no class……. Low self-esteem stupid giving up the ***
It’s possible to change and be someone of good character, however, those demons never let you forget what you were & who and perhaps what you did.
I’m possible, God changed me and I will admit I have my setbacks, I backslide but it’s possible to ask for forgiveness and move on.
We are all possible and anything is possible if you believe that your dreams and our goals are attainable.
Be possible be great
We are here because God made it possible.
Thinking out loud, written by Monica Chrisandtras Hines
Mar 3, 2016
Mar 3, 2016 at 9:12 PM UTC
When all the joyful casualness faded away
& the awkwardness of unfamiliarity crept back in;
that’s when I knew,
we had reached an eternal plateau.
All I could pray for was that there wasn’t going to be a backslide.
Aug 3, 2013
Aug 3, 2013 at 3:41 AM UTC
seminal sediment
choking on the grains
7 hole wall
on a backslide ride
carry rest on your shoulders
on your chest, holding boulders
crank down the bank shaft
hold er closer going down
crack rock
dark bock
framed my **** on a pulpit
golden toothache in wall streets jaws
tripping over roses
in a cold hand hold
rancid apples, candied roaches
shackled down, tenfold
Sep 2, 2016
Sep 2, 2016 at 2:02 AM UTC
Love is a mending of two hearts
I am a forest fire,
a rickety fan that will never run quite right,
a cup of coffee that warms your soul.
I burn too bright, but fade too fast.
I crave a different tune to which nobody knows.
I want,
No I need,
a steady hum to learn to beat next to,
to walk side by side as equals.
I want to burn in passion, but I need
to breath slowly as we lay in a sheet of knowledge.
I want an outreached arm, but I need
a mountain of freedom to climb.
I want to fit perfectly, but I need
to fit as crookedly as bent spoons.
Give me strength but don’t take away my essence.
Let me be free, but be free with me.
Find my heart but only touch it.
May 23, 2018
May 23, 2018 at 9:28 PM UTC
The way you cried, "don't go home yet"
As you laced your warm hand,
Around my shaking forearm,
And I could've sworn it could've sworn,
Swearings bad for the heart,
I would've rather climbed Mount Everest,
Than fall in love with you,
At least I would've accomplished something,
Not that we weren't anything,
Just a cold refreshing swig,
Of something sweet,
It left my mouth dry,
& my stomach empty,
My living room is a jungle,
You a lion,
Stuck in the vines of life,
Don't free fall into anything but yourself,
Ghosts cannot love,
Anyone but themselves,
How can two free thinkers be together,
I smoked with the astronaut on the bench,
He was just a news paper,
Dated 1979,
He wasn't fishing for anything but luck,
And the universe died that night,
It's all just imagination with the limitation,
Of realism,
You freak,
I look in the mirror and wander back,
Into the irises,
To the eyes of the beholder,
Residing in me,
Big empty nothing,
Cultureal decline,
Political backslide,
Prepare you for everything.
Apr 30, 2015
Apr 30, 2015 at 10:47 AM UTC
did you ever want to shake out the skies
to watch the stars fall, catch one and fix
it on a ring with kudzu
did you ever think that fear
is just a gate without locks,
driven into the yard with father's strong arms--
so I dream about the day the man
died on highway 50, the road up to salida
away from Kansas City
saying thank you to the cadence of mississippi *******
star-watching till the early cold 1 am
i've been a little too hard on my soul
a vice on a child that don't know where else to go
and she ain't even physical, just an analogy for heart
but I whisper that, we can't keep holdin' on that way,
like there's no where else to hold,
cause that bridge has fingerprints set in stone
the places where god tried to take me home
and i dug in between the bricks to go no further.
but there's no difference in where I am,
runnin' up the sides of mosaic canyons
settin' fire to the brush, with matchstick palms
walking the line to hell on white hot sand,
widowbird feathers streamin' in my hair
drilling post holes with heels that can't stay above ground
on the backslide with promises hanging off my lips
gold drillbit tassels swinging against my hips
and he's close there behind me
waiting for the right misstep
'cause god don't catch but is one for reachin'
and i'm tired of tellin' him i'm ****** about his mercy
the way things are, the way i am, the things I can't
change without his help
anymore, the loneliness at local bars
when i'm sittin' by myself up
in the stands watchin' bulls
as honest as the colorado weather
throwin weak men off their backs
looking for the real challenge
prolly the way he seeks me out
to wear me down till all i can
do is stop and look back
away from the gates
kick off the mud
stop buckin', tossin'
sleepin' on the watch.
Mar 5, 2017
Mar 5, 2017 at 9:53 AM UTC
What the actual
**** I sit like a
sit if sit were a noun.
Where are the words
to write? If there's a
muse, then **** you.
Backslide like the sting of
belt hide against my
black backside
Oct 29, 2015
Oct 29, 2015 at 7:27 PM UTC
So the rules say to stand strong
With feet on the floor, in the storm
In front of him, facing the same side
And let your body falling in backslide
Here you will be taking the risk
Your free fall should be really brisk
If your partner is able to catch
He is called your perfect match!!
"Okay, so I'm ready!" I said.
Standing straight in this empty ground
With arms crossed and nothing around
I closed my eyes, the day was turning dark
Me in my veins experiencing a different spark
With open arms, calculating the distance
You behind me stood in persistence
Saying: "Hey dear!
I will not let you fall in these farms
Trust me I will have you in my arms"
As I leaned back a little, my legs flattered
I wanted to trust you, but my mind staggered
So I took a deep breath and closed my eyes
And let myself fell under those yonder skies
My heart can hear it's pulsating sound
I was totally sinking in you when I found
Wohhhh!
How gratifying it was falling down slow
The pause at the moment when I know
That I fell exactly into your hands
The reassurance of not landing on land
And amongst all, the best part
Not letting your trust fall apart
As I fell in harmonious white light
I finally found you, my mister right!!
Jun 2, 2020
Jun 2, 2020 at 1:25 AM UTC
I can't believe in me
Don't know what to say
So many words are racing
Through this crazy mind
I don't know how to face the day
If I wasn't such a lunatic
I would be alright
If I wasn't such a freak
I would be able to understand me
Right now I'm just trying to get by
And find a little hope in the day and night
Is it out there, a reason to live?
I look up into the starry sky
And wonder who made all of this
I have searched for the answer
Only to backslide down an empty road
I don't want to continue this ****** life
No, I want to be happy and free
I want to be saved from this broken heart
It is in shambles and ripped apart
So many tears waiting to be cried
I want not to feel this anymore in my life
Apr 6, 2016
Apr 6, 2016 at 7:48 PM UTC
I've been happy lately
so most mornings
I wake up and it's all
sunshine and ******* rainbows.
But then a day like today
creeps in
for no apparent reason.
I awaken from restless,
terror-filled sleep,
melancholy and questioning
the worth of it all.
The penultimate question:
what's the point?
And I'm haunted
by my past escapes,
but I can't backslide.
I've come too **** far,
and that's the problem.
It would be too easy,
far too easy,
for me to get back
into those patterns.
But ****
do they pound my head,
taunting me
in this moment of weakness.
And days like this
I question, second-guess,
criticize every ******* thing,
no matter how small,
seemingly insignificant.
I have somehow
transformed,
become worthless
in just a night's time.
And I know,
I know it's not fair
to everyone else
around me
because they get caught
in the crossfire
of my mind.
Poor things,
they hadn't a clue
this was coming.
****
neither did I.
Jul 25, 2014
Jul 25, 2014 at 7:10 PM UTC
YOU ARE HERE. ON THIS SP(HERE), NOT S(FEAR) . SO DO NOT FEAR; THE DIFFERENT OR THE QUEER. KEEP THEM NEAR AND DEAR OR SHOVE IT UP YOUR ******* REAR.
DO NOT DIVIDE WHAT WE USED TO PRIDE. FOR WHICH PEOPLE HAVE DIED. THAT'S CALLED A BACKSLIDE. LIKE "GO TO THE BLACK SLIDE". DON'T PUSH THEM OUTSIDE BECAUSE YOU'RE HATING INSIDE. THAT HATE IS JUST FEAR. BUT DO NOT HATE AND DO NOT FEAR.
BECAUSE YOU AND ME? WE. ARE. HERE.
Jan 28, 2017
Jan 28, 2017 at 7:12 PM UTC
092020
Faith isn't about competition,
We don't run this race to compare one's self to one another,
We don't run and bump each other.
We're not to offend those who fall and backslide,
We don't condemn people as the Spirit brings conviction.
But instead, we give a hand to the lost,
We should be building up each other
Instead of tearing each other down.
We run from the very beginning
'Coz we know what kind of battle we're facing,
And it's a battle against ourselves --
A battle with our own flesh
That will also soon die
And shall return into dust.
We live by grace
And we don't need to pretend we've never lied,
For in this world, everything is permissible
But not everything is beneficial.
So we choose our battle wisely,
We aim the target of not falling away
And remaining in what we've started --
Remaining in faith.
We fall and we rise;
But we are forgiven,
We are in Christ.
So we should no longer live in sin,
For sin has no hold on us
When Jesus becomes enough for us.
And like Jesus whose eyes are fixed on the Father,
We challenge ourselves each day,
To live a life with purpose,
With meaning and with hope --
That one day, we'll also rise
As we always proclaim by faith;
We'll also rise as Jesus did!
Glory and honor and power to the One who we're exalting!
Sep 7, 2020
Sep 7, 2020 at 8:38 PM UTC
It's getting bad again
Snuck up unexpectedly
Simple tasks leave me drained
Won't sing to my favorite songs
And the things that used to excite me
Just leave me feeling numb.
Laundry piling up
Dishes in the sink
Don't want to move
Too tired to think.
I have to try to push it down
Been doing too well to backslide
But I can't even mutter the words
Or fake a smile to hide behind
Doing the bare minimum
To keep myself alive
To satisfy my friends and family
But what if one of these days
That's not a good enough reason for me
Dec 4, 2020
Dec 4, 2020 at 1:58 AM UTC
Solemn and dignified I let the devil reach inside
To twist everything up with his twisted lies
Honey placed on my lips but a knife in my side
I let him slide past as he let me backslide
"I'm done with his lies" I lie to myself
Unless that lie is from him I can't tell anymore
Lines are so blurred like lines from tear stained poems
They're never good enough and I want to throw them
and throw up
Cuz I've never shaped up to the man I make myself out to be
It seems the seams of my dreams gets ripped apart by reality
My reality is I have no control and that scares me
Cuz holding on means safety
and I can't safely let go of things I'm too scared to fall
Let me talk myself out of this please
Reach inside and twist these lies
Just one more time
Jun 24, 2019
Jun 24, 2019 at 1:14 PM UTC
down into the depth they sank
with each click and clack and clank,
down into the mires deep
where the ghoulish spiders sleep
where the woodlice gnaw and prey
on the rotting and decay
where they fret on inner core
that once was but is no more
where the ooze is black and thick
the air, polluted venom,
smog that gasps, quick and sick,
like waist in too-tight denim
where their brain to automaton
less than child with a crayon
is crucified and ossified
their IQ in its backslide
less than beasts of underworld
that rule by law of jungle
each insult on other hurled
hiding their own bungle
then with eyes that barely open
project their views onto the world
all their morals sorely broken
on crippl'd world is unfurled
down into the depths we sink
with each clack and click 'n clink,
down into the mires deep
where the ghoulish spiders sleep
it's a mercy we're not gone yet
at the mercy of these guys
in dragnet of crazy mindset
underneath the dying skies
Oct 8, 2021
Oct 8, 2021 at 8:11 AM UTC