Ahh, the friend zone. Have you ever been there? Stuck between wanting and not being wanted by who you are certain must be the love of your life? Well don't you worry your lonely little head any longer, because experts have finally developed a fool-proof way to escape this unfair wasteland void of affection.
Admit what has happened. You, friend, have been friend zoned. For some unfathomable reason, girl has deemed you, undesirable. Do not be discouraged when she calls you brother. Instead, accept the challenge of making ****** seem appealing.
Spend less time with her. Make her feel as if she values your company more than you do hers. She will begin to feel confused and lonely. When she calls, do not pick up until at least the fifth ring.
Up your flirting game. If she doesn't respond positively, send her a sarcastic remark via text guilting her into giving you more attention.
Change. Change everything about yourself until you lose the person she first befriended. When she sees you, it will be like looking in the face of a stranger.
Break the touch barrier. Invading a woman's personal space with unwarranted physical gestures is a sure way to make her used to your dominating body movements. Soon, she should submit to her instincts, and to you.
Stop doing things for her. You can't expect a girl to want to date you when you already give her everything a boyfriend would and she doesn't even have to put out. (I mean, the only reason women even have *** is to keep their man around). Instead, tell her to do something for you, like making a sandwich.
Explain to her why her boyfriend, girlfriend, other love interest, or singleness is not right for you. I mean, her. She is, after all, incapable of making her own decisions, or else she would not need to lean on you for advice. Understand that you are better than anything else she could want, she just doesn't know it yet.
Date other people. Women easily become jealous of other women. This will make her small mind react territorially. Much like step two, this will lead her to feel insecure around you, and she will begin to show you only her most formal, prettiest parts.
Confess your feelings for her. Humans in general can never tell when someone is romantically interested. Overstep boundaries, tell her how you are almost too good for her, and she will never find someone like you.
Congratulations! You've done it. You, sir, have escaped the friend zone.
She does not look at you when she walks by. She does not call.
You, are no longer her friend.
After Kait Rokowski's, How to Cure a Feminist.