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There I am
Pretending
Forever lost
Forever confused

I hear the words that you speak
And it all sounds good to me
But I am the critical one
The cynic

I want what you got
I am the envious one
I see the glow on your face
The twinkle in your eyes
It is working out for you
I am so glad

But I am enslaved to the darkness
No beauty where I go inside my head
It's hard to let go of the voices
Telling me to join the dark prism
Where rainbows turn into nothingness
But maybe there is beauty in the dark hole
In my soul. Just maybe even the song being
Sung ignites a power that is forever beautiful

Just maybe the black rose being laid by the altar
Will never wilt and die because in the darkness there is beauty.
I have felt the pain from others
Does that mean I whine
I have felt the wringer and sting
Does that mean I've cried
My dreams have sunken in the soil
And it does make my blood boil
Who do I come to trust
To listen to and make a fuss
If all is out for number one
That they really don't care about me
They would rather me burn up in the sun
And cross over in the never regions
Should I waste my time on them
Should I give a ******* ****
I feel I shouldn't care anymore
Start locking my door
Get my shotgun and wait by the window
Because they're going to try to break in
There's no more love out there
Everything is superficial
They're coming
They're coming
They don't want my things
They want my soul
I'm not giving it up so easily
Life. With all of its complexities, can we break free of the normal and see this thing called life in a new and vibrant light. My attitude has not been the greatest toward life, thinking I'm the only one who is going through struggles. Everyone is going through pain of some sort, whether imagined or real. Love. Where does it all fit in in this thing called life. When we can love without judgement will be the greatest thing of all, still have to be careful. But once we can touch each others hearts and make someone feel better, to feel good. That's the greatest love of all.
I don't remember
Hurting you this bad
I must done a wallop to your heart for you not to return my calls or text messages.
I must of made you cry for hours on end and days to come.
It could of happened that way
But I totally doubt it.
Oh. Hurting your heart is a possibility cause we have a daughter together and to get back at me is to not return my calls and text messages for months on end. You know how
Much that bothers me and it does ****** me off but there's nothing
I can do about it if you want to act like a little baby. All I want is to talk to my daughter. Why is it that the children are the ones who suffers and the more one tries not to make that happen the more it seems like everything is just gets lost in the wind.  And I can't remember everything that made you angry about me. Apparently you was taking notes.
I have felt your lips on mine
Kissing me ever so sweetly
And telling me you love me
And I ***** everything up
I never tend to
Oh, not by a long shot
But I would open my mouth
And spew masked words your way
You always felt the sting of what I said
And you would tell me that you never do that
Of course I never cared cause I am selfish
I always wanted things to go my way
How can a relationship be built on that?
It couldn't. I don't even know why I ever spoke
A lot of things are meant to be unsaid
And words are beautiful if spoken as such
But I open my mouth and you get hurt
Why did you stay with me as long as you did
I don't even understand it
If it was me getting verbally attacked
I would of been long gone from the first moment
And yet you stayed
Now we have a daughter and you are quiet
We are apart and that was bound to happen
But now you have cut ties with me
And use our daughter as a ****
To hurt me over and over again
I can't even talk to her cause you're not
Saying a word. Not answering my calls
Or my text messages. You are staying quiet
So quiet like a mouse hunting for cheese
Is this all that is left for me
Quiet.
And it is painful
I hear no laughter from my daughter
Because you just won't let me talk to her
Is this the way it's going to be
What is left for me
I hear no calls from you
I hear no text messages from you
Just the endless darkness of quietness
Quietness
Painful
There once was a child
He heard the sound of the smack
On his **** and felt the stinging pain
He got a bad impression of his aunt
As soon after he felt the pain
From then on he stayed away
As much as he could from her
In hindsight, after years of reflection
It wasn't her place to do that
The grown man and the boy inside
Never got to know his aunt, truly know
What kind of person she was because
He held a grudge all those many years
And this anger has fostered love
She can never undo that act
And he can never get those years
Of hating her back
I get this feeling on my brain
That I'm swimming out to sea
I'm all disoriented and such
I've felt this feeling time and time again
It will disappear for a time and then
Come back with a vengeance
I tend to forget about it and then
It will show its **** face
Scare me and scare me some more
As it feels like its never going to go away
I pray and I pray some more
Just wanting an answer why it's here
I pray to whomever that will listen
I plead and I will plead some more
But nothing happens and I am lost
Maybe this feeling I have wants me lost
And confused, forever trying to figure
Things out. I'm so trying to figure this
One out and where it ties into my life.
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