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Emily Pidduck Jan 2016
I knew it would hurt to see you again.
Did I stop loving you?
but I mistook my heart for that of a wanderer's
my eyes would get lost in the distance
I never saw yours begging that I'd stay
that soft chant
reste   reste   reste
I hear the calling now
et mon coeur, I am sorry
Je suis très désolée mon bébé
because I lost you though you never strayed
or because your heart was put to rest
while I became wordly
and lonley
et j'ai decouvert
you were the only one who'd ever matter
e vorrei ritornare ma
les mots don't get through

I think it hurts most to keep a pull in your heart
your mind letting you know that quelquechose
was forgotten that held unparalled significance
in all those should have beens

Je ne t'ai jamais oublié
mais tu as fait
et c'est bon pour tu

but now I have to float away
parce que je ne peux pas observer
tu et elle
                                                            ­        è mi e ti
                                                                ­  o ti e nessuno

on that first date
I'll shatter glass if I see you kiss

but darling, know I'll always return
I'll keep waiting until your alone
wait to see you eyes shine with our memories
caro mio, I'll be standing in front of you très vite

                le dico      per piacere

Reste     Reste    Reste

I wouldn't take a single step away again, my love.

Should you present her with a ring
I wouldn't ever greet home again
and if I'm able to keep strong
I'd meet people in my travels.
I'd try, only for you, resist the graveyard

but even now, your voice sometimes crackles
my heart hears, rest   rest   rest
I'd give anything you wish

                     Don't let my unstable mind bind your decision
                       It's a part of my soul that was never your fault
                         It wavers and crashes and gently glides
                            Don't let my turmoil ruin your sand

        **Ti voglio bene
rough draft, A girl who followed her heart on the wrong path.
Emily Pidduck Sep 2015
No, my Darling
I shan't ever hate you
for being led astray

Yes, pure beauty
I forgive what you do
when I have gone away

No, my honey
I still find you lovely
at your Siren's ending note

Yes, sweet baby
I know parts of you heavenly
this isn't what you wish I wrote

            former lover

I did never love you
Tis why the pain's so soft
It was never much a cost
Emily Pidduck Sep 2015
because I ache for you to stay with me.
The fear of commitment
Emily Pidduck Aug 2015
This pounding is much too harsh. Always aching with the drum of my truth as it slaps me in the face. My fat jiggles in a horrendous fashion, I don't move with grace, but thunder. I blunder, wishing to keep up with your pace. I want the stride of your beautiful. I want to stay youthful, but my metabolism is slacking and I hear the snickers, so I'll keep my eyes glued down. At least I keep score; I see days I don't eat, versus days of defeat, I'm a fat-*** puppy always sniffing for treats. And I get sick of the stale lines telling me I'm beautiful. Because only awfully gorgeous people are the ones to speak, and they tell me to gain more? It's not a chore, I'm not resisting when I secretly want to snack. NO, I just forget for a moment and shove some in like a zombie extra-diseased as fat.
I agree, I'm pathetically weak, but people don't understand that it hurts more to know that my power of will is low than to see this mass of mountainous freak.
Some insight on what annerexia can murmur in someone's thoughts. No I don't think these thoughts are a good outlook, but too many people who want to help attempt to convince them they aren't fat, instead of saying they are beautiful because everyone has beauty that outshines any possible ugly.
Emily Pidduck Mar 2015
on that hill she wept
forgetting the dove
the promise, the Lord
remembers love

the bird remains white
washing the sky
with wing tips black
souls to molded glass

a bruised, wicked people
no longer crass
transparency calls remorse
the vicious change course

love in abundance
dark sins pardoned
humanity's chance
we must not harden

I urge her tears of delight
grass will manage growth
in His assurance: that
tenderness will flourish
Emily Pidduck Mar 2015
I would say I'm only mortal
bitter winds bite
flower petals fall
I'm left with half of a silky rose
and I never know if I loved her or not

I'll only ever be mortal
my pain is not my gain
I crave
all the time
but not for time
not for forever
because the wind was once bitter
filling my soul with the litter
of human remains
the ones who stayed

I wish I wasn't mortal
fate and destiny mean nothing
I'd be born for something great
because my wounds would be soft memories
memories I needn't speak
I save that for the weak
and my weak days
if I wasn't mortal

It's tearful, this amount of joy
I am Mortal.
Time counts
choices matter
and my value rises
Rough, fix it later
Emily Pidduck Jan 2015
An empty locket is not hard to find
take a look at the neck
and you can find a chain
take a glimpse of their eyes
don't get lost in the void*

I know Lisa didn't believe in a lost cause
she had stout faith ingrained within her
that she could charge strong against a throng of men
who fated her to be wrapped tight in white gauze
who left the soldiers that couldn't be found in the fog
those riddled with led, disease and debris
to fill the bellies of those starving dogs

and now that my baby's in the hospital
locked in a state of alive but not living
I caress the locket she always wore
and I laugh where the tears come out
because it's a picture of my face
I laugh because if my little girl woke up
she would not stay in her place
she does not believe in fate
all she'd know is that her daddy hasn't
been helping people recently
would tell me I'm a disgrace

And I too wear a locket, the heart is pink
I've never wanted to ink it black, it's a gift
I received from my brave baby girl who used
her tooth fairy money when she was thirteen

I recall her saying I could put Sarah's photo there
but I said no, little Queen
there are pictures all over the house I can see,
right now all I need is you and me

that was that last time I felt strong
over and over, she opened my eyes
I kept learning I was wrong
I wasn't supposed to wait for cries
she said holding someone up is not enough
once they've broken on the inside

I have heard many more lectures from my princess
but I need her to wake up and make me remember
because I have been forgetting all my good parts
that came from her teachings of surrendering
your body and your heart in hopes you'll give
the multitudes a better start

so, Lisa
whenever you're ready
open your eyes

I'm all set to stop withering
I'll stop sitting here as I've done for three years
and you can return exactly as you were
in all of your glittering
definitely, fix this up later :). Of course use whichever people are more effective for you, for me this is a silent commentary from a single father about his only daughter who is lying in a coma. The girl was a soldier.
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