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laura Sep 2017
got a condo in manhattan
but it's empty unless i want to be
cold in the winter
and alone; comfortable

used to call an old flame up around that
area and just vibe
no words, pure concentration on
the movements of our energies

and how they connect to the stars
above or maybe we were just high
out of our minds and being warm
next to each other watching the rain

was something we both could take
home with nostalgic feelings
silence so comforting and numbing
I remember vividly,
The days of my tender immaturity,
That complemented an air of naivety I had.
But now I have learnt,
How to maintain a reticent manner,
An agreeable countenance,
And an unceasing anesthesia.

I have tamed my heart not to beat fast at the sight of you,
But it still needs practice.
It needs practice because it has never known how to face its fears calmly.
So, it remains hidden right here in my chest,
Eavesdropping on you.

I have taught the sinews of my wrinkled lips to smile freely.
I have taught them to smile freely because sorrow chokes me.
Sorrow chokes me because I cannot resist the thoughts of your indifference,
Running wildly down the nerves into each sombre inch of my skin,
And every inch of my skin mutilating itself,
Tattooing your name,
A little inspiration from Sabrina Benaim.
L Sep 2015
of all the things i've ever loved
you deserve it most,
and i am inadequate.
if drinking's a sin
and drugs are expensive
how am i to numb this?
i've never craved anesthesia
until tonight

school taught me about bones
but it never mentioned
how caged they would make me feel
i'm trapped in this body
restricted by the only thing that's truly mine

no one likes a broken mind
everyone pities the girl with scars

and i don't understand
why some are born happy
and others with a deathwish

and maybe i'm not meant
for this life
mariella Apr 8
grape juice is numbing
like anesthesia.

it can make you
forget like amnesia.

I am just living
in a world of
social media.
Kylie Cannon Apr 19
I've swallowed the uncertainty of all impending doom
I've left the doors wide open to this dark and hallowed room
I feel I'm slowly dying as my body fails me everyday
Anxiety and pain, I'm tired, but it's mostly you in my way
I can not cast blame onto a soul suffering as equal
But I need a way to break through the places that died before the sequel
Literal anesthesia is becoming a part of me
It makes me fear I'll never again feel the center of my heart beat
I have no energy left to make time and room for any hate
Just promise before I pass that you'll open up that gate
indigochild Feb 11
we live in foggy car windows, spitting out white lies that turn in vain,
white lies that turn black
like your hair, as it caresses your shoulders
like my hands, as every cell in my being reaches for you
but the cytoplasm current is too strong, and swallows me whole
like if your words were quicksand
i would sink
i wouldn’t fight the pull
i would let each needle and thread stitch me to the right side of your brain
with no anesthesia
nothing can hurt more than tiny paper cuts that we don’t know about,
you are the hand sanitizer and lemon juice that drips into my open wounds
i try, and try to shake you away
i don’t recognize my own bed when i sleep alone
my dreams are more of a reality than the actual person laying next to me

i feel the cliff under our feet, i push you first,
but your sweaty palms grab my wild fang t-shirt
and i’ve never felt more alive than when falling to my death
leave the world behind
i don’t know if that is a blessing or a curse
leave me behind?
i don’t know if you are a blessing or a curse
let my lungs fill with each particle of quicksand until it overflows into my throat, spills out of my mouth
onto your lap

babe, i’m not trying to fix you even though i always try to fix people
you like me with makeup and rose petals
i still take rolls of tinfoil, clump them together, and swallow them whole
to fill my aching hunger, the number on the scale means nothing when you are dyslexic
please don’t see me with hives and weeds
that grow from my ankles, straps on me
with a ***** on the end
begging you to call out my name
with mouths open, and gentle kisses in the elevator after i met your mom
pull the bandaid off, rip my onion layers off

i still feel more at home
on crowded buses where i am the only, white person
white person walking in low lit alleys with gazing, men
men beckoning me to come closer till their hands slip, in
in hidden closets dating the opposite, ***
*** in unfamiliar places with temporary, homes
homes in hospital beds and drugs pumped into my, veins
veins in your arms, is where i am still trying to feel at home
trying to feel

honey, i’m sorry if i held your hand too long
if this can’t be as good for you as it is for me
cut me from my shambles
you didn’t have to say you loved me
i read it between your poetry
yet, i still hold my own hand, draped across my torso
sometimes gravity pulls my hand up my ribs, to my breast
so i can feel my heartbeat
maybe this time i won’t forget how to...breath
i will stop digging up my own grave
just to inspect my broken corpse, to try and rebuild this temple
the bricks don’t fit anymore
too many fragments taken away

like my body was used for science
the doctors diagnosed me with a hypothesis
it read if with you, then without me
what is a hypothesis without the theory?
theorize goodbye kisses at red lights
research the car filled with the smell of *** and morning
question **** stains on my sheets
or tear stains on my shirt you wear

i cried for the first time with you there
you were laying next to me in bed, my arms around you
you were asleep
and i wiped my tears on your shoulder without you knowing
i cried to the rhythm of your breathing
spoke hymns in your ear you would never hear
confessed my love, gave you my all
your eyes never opened
weaved your hair in my hands
while i unthreaded stories of my past traumas,
giving you one piece at a time
your heart never flickered
tinkerbell lost her flicker when she didn’t get attention
but how much was too much until it suffocated her?
my thighs in knots from straddling you
- did i suffocate you, sweetheart?
Leydis Jun 2018
Oh sweet boy, Angel of God
on earth you have completed your task.
To other world’s you now must fly to,
we are keeping your feathers
as you begin your ascension .

Oh sweet child of God
Such clear vision at your tender age,
to serve and protect was your end game,
but now we are left…with a confused and hazed
apology to a shroud of teddy bears and lit candles.
The spilled wax is a reminder, that
deep inside we are all cowards
and we forgot that you were the prey
and needed protection.
The burning wick is not for you –
it’s to remind us of your light
and that humans by nature are dangerously dark…

I am sorry Junior, for we have failed you.
I am sorry that it was fear that came to your rescue,
I’m sorry your eyes witnessed the malice of creation,
I’m sorry people recorded instead of calling the operator,
I am sorry your cry for help did not connect…
You know mijo…the line was ringing-but the world is deaf.

!Oh, sweet child of God!,
Some called you Junior in life,
You were an angel with wings so wide
that in these concrete streets, you could not fly.
The Bathgate would be your access to heaven
you’ve left us your wings in a city corner,
so that we can remember to look up above
and find surrender and forgiveness in clashing clouds.

I don’t know what to say,
your departure causes so much grief and pain,
yet, you did not die in vain…I think you are still
working with humanity from far away;
You woke up a community that had been sleeping,
you woke us up from the anesthesia, the numbness
Is no longer acceptable, our youth need a BEACON.

A new door we must create so
that our youth’s future is not slain
in the mumble jumble of irresponsible adults.
Makes space for youth in the world,
So that every Junior in our lives,
can live without fear in their backyard.

Oh sweet child of God,
We are not there yet but with you..,we’ll RISE again.
Thank you for every day you arose,
for loving your mother so much,
for inspiring a movement of love,
for showing us courage and hope,
your sweet little face will live in our hearts.

Oh sweet child of God,
your name we will not forget
I think you set the stage,
we must act and rise again.

© LeydisProse
Sundiegoguy Nov 2018
Life is like a suicide hike,
Although it's a beautiful trail
It's scary to think one day we'll fall.
We fall because we walk on edges,
Some worth walking on, some not.
Ultimately, we learn from both.

Be careful who you choose to walk with,
Be careful who you choose to sit with.
Because they may just push you off
And way down you'll be falling down.
But sometimes it wasn't them who pushed you off
But it was them you thought would help you up.

And when we've hit our lowest point in life
We start looking for the root of our pain,
But it's dark and empty, it stings we feel lost.
It's no paradise down here, the pain feeds on our strength.
It's a tragic accident that breaks all of our bones.
With no paramedics or anesthesia, we've got to operate ourselves.
We don't know which injury is killing us more,
But we know a slow death is coming for us.
Our blood no more, regret is what the heart pumps now,
We scream and cry away our mistakes
But down here is a curse playing our fall in a loop,

I don't know when it stops
I'm drowning myself in my pain.
I've stained my soul with too much hate
I'm no longer the person who I used to be.
I've been down in the dark for too many days  
But when I start my hike again  
I hope to go further than yesterday.
robin Sep 2018
green river
wet thighs
white towels
yellow lines
street signs
cracked pavement
City lights
Ambulance siren
hospital lights
dog barks
water drips from the faucet
running out of time
grey leather seats
wheel chairs and nurses
galking people
wet eyes
hands, shaking
sharp turns
down the hall
cold floor
green river
hospital tissue paper
phone calls
too much
can’t breathe
nurses laughing
hands on your shoulder
Happy for you
three centimeters dilated
nurses talk
cold hands
heart beating fast
can’t breathe
Fluorescent lights
green river
where’s babies heart beat
Cold hands
Creeky bed
Oxygen mask
Can’t breathe
can’t breathe
all fours like a dog
Blue Shower cap
Running down the hall
wet eyes
Green river
Florescent lights
hand sanitizer smell
Can’t breathe can’t breathe
hospital room
no blanket
shaking nervous scared
heart rate dropping
Galking eyes
cold air
Fuzzy vision

Where’s my baby
where’s my baby?
headache- Pop two Advil
But we can do better than that

Down the whole Advil bottle with a handle of jack
and whiskey throttle into the worlds atmosphere

Stepping into the black hole that holds your life in fragments of their soul
Speeding in the fast lane riding in a limousine
When you’re the only passenger on board

The moon may seem like a cool place to venture
But give me the sun so I can sense what it feels like to be the center of attention and revolve into the shotgun of his heart

To burn and no one says anything about it because that’s the way the cookie crumbles

And no one knows how fresh that bakery is down the street on mars because it all tastes good so no one questions it

That’s funny though, isn’t it?
If everything is going as planned
And nothing is wrong
Life’s sweet memories taste sweeter than the last
And there’s never a bitter taste on your tongue, or in your brain,
No one questions it

But as soon as the sun stops shining into your tinted limousine
And the cookies aren’t as fresh as they used to be
We get all fussy and bent out of shape and start trying to fit the wooden square into the circle imprint
And wonder why the hell its not going in,
Our brain matter turns into the static of that old tv
And our eyes get flustered
Things start looking fuzzy
When we awaken after a long nights sleep and everything is blurry

A morphine drip hanging above our bed inserted into our arm
Anesthesia shoved needles into limbs

look I get it
We think we deserve better than the last
“You can do better than that”
But what if the last thing was the best thing
And what if,
it doesn’t get any better than that?
Zizaloom Oct 2018
Dandruff storm
Avalanche on the sofa of predilection
Hair string over hair root
By 3, by 5
We get stuffed in poisonous genes
And thym and broccoli
Rise and hate
Revolution against it all
Dream the dream
And zip your lips
Do not hum do not dare to
Carrots in my hair
Mosquito bites all over
Sensitive skin
Which were maybe
Meant to be
Goodnight kisses
Pictures followed by gaps and spaces
Paces cover the backs and fronts
Just to make them seem divine
Shiver against the satisfaction
Of your own foolishness
And go wild
Trim, skating, framing the pines
Snow-covered inflammations
While it is in action
Rolling, lurching
At a couple of indiscernible numbers
Per hour
Soft clouds of lies
Covering mountain peaks
Blow hard enough
And then fall back
Separating the air from the air
Take a sip
One last time
There is always
For you to fall
Holding on to grated cells
Just around the right corner
Hunter Green Feb 17
The anesthesia is setting in.
I can feel the numbness spreading through my limbs.
All the pain and struggle of the past is being clouded over now that I’ve given way to the same destructive desires.
It’s like nothing means anything anymore, but consequence every single broken moment still requires.
I don't know how conviction will find me in this crowd.
JaxSpade Jul 6
In my head
Shrieking around and pulling plugs
All my circuits

       So wild

I hear techno
And my eyes
Turn circles
Inside out
Ghost in my blood
Pulmonary pulling
My lungs
Breathing so wild
Beating my drums
All my circuits
Running wired
Dancing on Red Bulls
And I'm still tired
I'm so scared
Ghost in my head
Whispering anesthesia
Chanting sacred words
Form apparitions
Under my bed
Ghost in my invitation
Boo I love you
But I'm better off dead
Ghost in my
Ghost in my blood
Shrieking in love
Running through walls
All my curses

So wild

I hear techno
Giorgio Moroder
74 is the new 24
In my graveyard
Of pulley bones
Ghost in my
Ghost in my
Shrieking in dimensions
Of dementia and demons
All my purposes

So wild

I hear technologics
Advancing over
Common sense
Ghost in my
Ghost in my
My head
My misery
All my senses

So wild

I hear energy
Making me tired
Shrieking invisible
Fires of miserable
Wires short circuiting
Ghost in my peripheries
On the edge of mysteries
Blowing in ghastly winds
All my fears

So wild

I'll hear anything
Ghost in my ear
I hear techno
Glowing light sticks
In my head

I'd be better off dead

— The End —