sometimes i wonder if we'll make it - after all misscomunications that leads to fights that leads to tears that at the end always ends up with us tangled around each other.
i swear sometimes my anxieties, insecurities and monsters got the best of me and turned me into a villain and break his heart over and over again "there's a thin line between loyalty and stupidity" i always tell him but still he stays and still he fights for us
"i do this because i love you. that's it. i love you and your difficulities. i love you because you're the best thing that has ever happened to me and i want to be with you forever," he says.
forever. what a silly word.
at the end i do love him, though, i love him with all my soul. i can lie to myself and say that it's better for him to be apart from me - but i want him.
at the end of the day, i'd still kiss his forehead and hug him in his sleep.
i know i do love him, though, because even in my madness and carelessness i still don't want to leave and when i've upset him too much, even with my stubborn pride, i'd hug him still mad but walls crumbling by the seconds.
Love wasn't how I imagined it was. Love wasn't like those romance books I read. Love is complicated but trying. Love wasn't all happiness and butterflies. Love is sometimes fighting, wanting to run away but knowing everything is still better when standing by their side. Love didn't mean you won't ever be alone again. Love is sometimes lonely, lying in your own bed, willing time to go faster. Love is sometimes being alone because you know you can't ask them to be there with you all the time. Love didn't cure my sadness. Love comforted it. Love is trying to understand and understanding even when it's breaking your heart. Love wasn't easy. Love is hard. Love isn't what I wanted, but love is enough. Love cares. Love loves. Love isn't perfect but it is still beautiful.
we were lying in my bed - legs tangled together, his head on my chest. it had been a long day but all i felt was warmth in this cold winter night and all i could think about was him. there's this boy, looking up at me, holding me tight to his body. illuminated by the night light, he looks like an angel sent to earth just for me. and at that moment, i could see a lifetime of this. a lifetime of cuddles after a hard day. a lifetime with him. and suddenly i wasn't scared anymore.
I was at a place where sadness became comfort. Sadness became the cozy home I never had. A place where I belong - a home that welcomed and accepted me. It was where I came back to at the end of the day. It was the only thing that waited for me and the only thing that wanted me. These days whenever I'm near the edge - I can hear them calling me. Malevolent croonings telling me to come back home.
"I wanna let go but there's comfort in the panic."
i like it when you say my name as if it's yours as if it soothes your soul it drips from your lips so sweetly like something fragile that you're afraid to drop i like it when you call me yours something inside me flutters in silence - a sense of belonging - i've never belonged to anything and anyone before