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Anivel Aidan Sep 2018
sometimes i wonder if we'll make it -
after all misscomunications that leads to fights
that leads to tears that at the end
always ends up with us tangled
around each other.

i swear sometimes my anxieties, insecurities
and monsters got the best of me
and turned me into a villain
and break his heart over and over again
"there's a thin line between
loyalty and stupidity"
i always tell him
but still he stays
and still he fights for us

"i do this because i love you. that's it.
i love you and your difficulities.
i love you because you're the best
thing that has ever happened to me
and i want to be with you forever,"
he says.

forever.
what a silly word.

at the end i do love him, though,
i love him with all my soul.
i can lie to myself and say that
it's better for him to be apart from me -
but i want him.

at the end of the day,
i'd still kiss his forehead and
hug him in his sleep.

i know i do love him, though,
because even in my madness
and carelessness
i still don't want to leave
and when i've upset him too much,
even with my stubborn pride,
i'd hug him
still mad
but walls crumbling by the seconds.
Anivel Aidan Aug 2018
Love wasn't how I imagined it was.
Love wasn't like those romance books I read.
Love is complicated but trying.
Love wasn't all happiness and butterflies.
Love is sometimes fighting, wanting to run away but knowing everything is still better when standing by their side.
Love didn't mean you won't ever be alone again.
Love is sometimes lonely, lying in your own bed, willing time to go faster.
Love is sometimes being alone because you know you can't ask them to be there with you all the time.
Love didn't cure my sadness.
Love comforted it.
Love is trying to understand and understanding even when it's breaking your heart.
Love wasn't easy.
Love is hard.
Love isn't what I wanted, but love is enough.
Love cares.
Love loves.
Love isn't perfect but it is still beautiful.
My love.
Anivel Aidan Apr 2018
one day someone will sing you lyrics
of a song that you despise
and your heart would
still flutter
cause it's them.
you you you you you
Anivel Aidan Apr 2018
we were lying in my bed - legs tangled together, his head on my chest. it had been a long day but all i felt was warmth in this cold winter night and all i could think about was him. there's this boy, looking up at me, holding me tight to his body. illuminated by the night light, he looks like an angel sent to earth just for me.
and at that moment, i could see a lifetime of this. a lifetime of cuddles after a hard day. a lifetime with him.
and suddenly i wasn't scared anymore.
stay.
Anivel Aidan Dec 2017
I was at a place where sadness became comfort. Sadness became the cozy home I never had. A place where I belong - a home that welcomed and accepted me. It was where I came back to at the end of the day. It was the only thing that waited for me and the only thing that wanted me. These days whenever I'm near the edge - I can hear them calling me. Malevolent croonings telling me to come back home.
"I wanna let go but there's comfort in the panic."
Anivel Aidan Oct 2017
i like it
when you say my name
as if it's yours
as if it soothes your soul
it drips from your lips
so sweetly
like something fragile
that you're afraid to drop
i like it
when you call me yours
something inside me flutters
in silence -
a sense of belonging
- i've never belonged
to anything and
anyone before
for you;)
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