You told me
I was like a crime scene;
intriguing, but you couldn't
handle getting too close.
So I wrapped my existence
in neon yellow caution tape
and hung a "keep back" sign
above my heart.
You only wanted
to view me from afar.
To stare and mimic
the generic "how sad".
Sometimes the killer stays around
to witness what they've done.
Tell me,
what do you see?

The crescent moons of my
fingernails are set in my palms
permanently
and my feelings are splayed
across my face like a black eye.
Now I feel my teeth cracking
from my painfully clenched jaw
after holding back
everything that I can.
My body is breaking and I
am praying to anyone who
will listen that this
is the last time.

You make me want to confess
my deepest fears,
my darkest secrets.
Trade in my life as a sinner
and become faithful to
you and you alone.
Please, lay your hands
upon me, soothe my demons
and calm my heart.
I am only just
beginning to live.

How long do I have to scream before
I can no longer speak?
There will be nothing left
of my tongue, should I
continue to bite it.
I cannot seem to regain the
sweetness that once sat
on my lips,
so I will stay in silence
until that day comes.

-R. H.

I cannot comprehend
that there are still numerous
people who wish death upon me
and my brothers and sisters,
simply because of who we love.
'Not straight' is not synonymous
with 'not human'.
We exist in a world that
has made it very clear
that we should feel unwelcome.
That we should cower and hide.
What more has to happen
before things change?
I am tired and
I refuse to be silent.
Even if my voice become hoarse,
and the words barely
trickle out of my mouth.
I encourage everyone
to stand together.
Love is love
and no amount of hate
can change that.

"You should smile more"
No, I should be happy more,
but now we're both
asking for things we don't have.
I'm not a selfish person,
I accept what I've got.
For some people, it comes like
a gift on Christmas morning;
I am living in a house that Santa
doesn't visit.
"I'm sad today" is not
a lifetime commitment,
I know.
But a consistently happy person
is never asked to frown.

Years, I think it was,
that you told me you
wanted me.
I just wasn't ready
for that kind of love.
Still you stayed in my life.
The day I knew was like
the sun being pulled out from
months of overcast skies.
Loving you was the
easiest thing I've ever done.
Some days I think
leaving me
was the easiest thing
you've ever done.
I should have known
when you started comparing
your paper cuts to
bullet holes,
convinced I was holding
the gun.
Desperate
for what you didn't have
and nothing changed
when you got it.
You were nothing
but sunshine
that couldn't handle
the rain.

4:30 a.m.
I wake up to a text.
She says "I miss you".
Heart says "I miss you more than anything".
Pride goes back to sleep.
Heart opens the text again at 11, then 2,
then 8 at night.
Pride responds the next day.
Pride says "I hope you're well."
Heart says "I want to see you. I want to be us again."
Pride slowly starts to remove you
from all my social media.
Heart keeps the cards you gave me,
and the ring.
Pride keeps them in a box hidden
under my bed.
Pride stops talking about you.
Heart aches to hear from you
so I have a reason to
talk about you.
Pride makes a face at the
word "love".
Heart wants to know real love.
Heart pleads with
wanting hands for affection,
for attention.
Pride locks Heart in a
steel cage for
protection, for
my safety.
Pride says, "This is for your own good".
Heart weeps.
Pride is worn on my sleeve,
pulled down to
cover the bracelet you gave me.
Pride says, "This is good enough".

I couldn't bear to tell you how I
really felt when you left, because
if I spilled my guts, there
would be nothing left inside of me.

I became attached
to you,
the way some people tend
to do.
I let you in and you took root
in my bones.
Last night you told me you were leaving
and now
there is a hurricane I cannot control
uprooting you from me.
And I would do anything to be able to dig my toes
into this earth and make you stay.

- R. H.

I have but one match left,
to ignite a flame in the darkened
heart you call home. I know that after
becoming as cold as it seems
you have, the fire can be difficult
to feel. But I promise, I swear,
should that light go out,
your hand shall remain in mine and
I will stay in the dark with you.

I swear, even on my deathbed,
I would remember
exactly where you lived.
How your room looked
and which side of the bed
was yours.
And even if all of me
knows you're gone,
I would still knock on the door
and ask if you were around.

Lucky in love was never something
I considered myself,
before you.
Even when I spent two years
engaged to someone
who I thought was "the one".
Even when I swore I
couldn't live without
my first boyfriend.
And then came you.
Suddenly, everyone I thought I
had ever loved just
disappeared.
Because there you were,
making something click in
my heart.
A switch turning on a spotlight.
A sigh of relief.
It was just you,
exactly how you are.
Somehow I think it was
always you.