"When I die I'll go to heaven because I've spent my time in hell"
But shush, perse your lips,
Don't you ever tell.

This life has been a wicked spell,
A curse in the mirror,
A twist in my head,

Miss fortune in my luck,
Bad luck in my heart,
For when my time comes
It is in fact hell
that I shall depart.

wake up every 5 am with coffee stains under your eyes
the bitter analytic was once a child with daisies in her hair but now there's only demons in her head
she wasn't beautiful as the ocean but she had the depth
the type that always noticed the shift in the air after midnight
bright eyes turned into her mother's, sullen and pitiless
they told her to stop looking at the stars and to start looking at her future
soft hands turned into her father's, brutal and calloused
they told her to stop fixing people and to start fixing herself
there was a child with roots in her veins and hands softer than flower petals
she talked about the universes stamped on her fingerprints and compared them to the bark of trees
but now she only talks to her demons
the ones that ripped the daisies out of her hair
you watch the news, think "oh, how horrible", when someone's been murdered and feel horrible when you realize you didn't feel a thing
grab a coffee, always black, rub your eyes and hope you get through the day without malfunctioning
the earth gave her a youth her parents couldn't offer her but the world took that away
this isn't growing up, this is oblivion

No matter HOW many times or how DEEPLY I explain to you my problems or feelings you can NEVER help me.

You can never
End my internal suffering,
Which is like a heavy vine suffocating
My SOUL.

Do words mean nothing?

Because in other words I AM BEGGING you for help, find me a psychiatrist or some medication.

I can NOT constantly fight against myself ANYMORE.

My mind gets weaker each time I try and HOLD UP.

Will no one save me from my own misery?

I AM HELPLESS.... v.v

What is life if not one big lie
You're told stories of Santa as a child only to find he doesn't exist
He can't get you the pony you wanted, nor the spy kit
You're told you can be anything you want to be then later discover you can't
You can't snap your fingers and have enough money for the proper education to be what you want
You most likely weren't born into a role suitable for your liking
You're told that if you stay true to yourself you'll be happy
Yet, if you eat how you want, dress how you want, listen to the music you want, even love who you want, you will be judged and ridiculed which brings nothing but a downward spiral of depression
You're told i love you by a lot of people, but when you really need them where are they
You're told that you're lucky to live in the land of the free, however, we're trillions of dollars in dept and there are people in shelters because they haven't a home
So tell me
Where is the truth in life

1909, on top of the dragon.
Marigolds whipping a tepid fug in this small room of stringy daylight.
That place where we fell in love. Where I dropped a hot cup of tea on my pants
And we ate sushi on the beach. I love the beach.

I am not ready for the ice festival or your new boyfriend.
He smells like bad disco and old people.
This piano concerto that I play before bed, before awakening,
I have your black dresser drawer in my bedroom,
It glistens of our days of Jasmine and Roses.

My mind blurs stories of you, her, and the other girl.
Rad violin songs, a friend from Argentina has introduced me to
Mystify me, I cannot hear straight or stand still. I have acquired
A gift for shivering. Still I can feel your talons raking up my spine.
*******! Where? Why? How did you do that thing with your mouth?

I count upwards from you and in my peaking hours of misfortune, I
Never come back down to earth's giant centrality of duel existence.
My gut expands into my chest, my nervous system and anxiety is
All of you, a lot of her, and none of the other girl.
I make half inch black markings on the wall, this curse of feeling and not forgetting
That never goes away.