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Sep 2019 · 275
Sticks
Joz Sep 2019
I took the first stick out of its pack,
light it up and began to think back.
The 'hello' we had back then,
in the airport I went.

I took the second stick out of its pack,
light it up and began to think back.
The type of happiness that has gone for long;
as I realized your heart is a place I don't belong.

Anymore.
Wednesday, 04 September 2019
13:12
Dec 2018 · 256
Have you?
Joz Dec 2018
Have you ever loved someone?
And the feeling of those butterfly-things appear out of nowhere.

Have you ever been crazy about someone?
When every topic of discussion is connected with that someone.

Have you ever been so excited when you just woke up in the morning?
Because you are about to have a quality time with your one on that day.

But...

Have you ever lost those happily-silly things?
Like you are starving of those feelings to appear again on your days.
Monday, 17 December 2018
00:05
Oct 2018 · 208
Fear Not
Joz Oct 2018
Life is fun..ny

There is a phase
when you’re happy.

There is a phase
when you are sad.

Just like seasons;

There is time for summer.
There is time for rainy.

Sometimes life looks so nice
And in a blink of eyes,
Life looks so complicated.

To be still,
To be confident,
To be optimistics,

These are the things to keep life on its track,
Not being afraid, fear not.
Friday, 26 October 2018
23:33
Sep 2017 · 2.1k
Time
Joz Sep 2017
Why are you so rushing?

Let me take more time with her.
Or at least a proper dinner with a good chat.

Why are you so limiting?

Let me stay with her under the moonlight.
Or at least let her sleep on my shoulder for awhile.

Why are you forcing me to do things?

Let me stay young with her.
Or at least don't make us busy with our own things.

Why do you keep going?

Let me stuck with her in some moments.
Or at least let me have these moments again,
in the future.
Sunday, 03 September 2017
17:49
Apr 2017 · 205
Untitled
Joz Apr 2017
There is always
a hole,
in every road we take.

A mistake we made,
in every challenge we face.

A promise we broke,
in every relation we have.

Also, an emptiness we feel,
in parts of our life.
April, Tuesday 18, 2017.
00:06
Apr 2017 · 376
Iron Buddy
Joz Apr 2017
I got some friends,
I call them iron buddy.

The rusty one,
the shiny one,
and the fashionable one.

My rusty buddy teaches me
that to be strong I gotta
go through that ***** yellowish thing.

My shiny buddy proves me
that outlook is important but
it shall show the quality inside.

The last one, my fashionable buddy
whispers to me that although people like him,
not every person needs him.

From them,
I learn to be a better of me.
Wednesday, April 12, 2017.
22:36
Jan 2017 · 262
Dream
Joz Jan 2017
Playing with fantasy in the afternoon.
Make it happen at night.

Day dream, night game.

It wasn't you who appeared,
another creature with smooth hands.
The touch feels so real,
as it goes from my cheek to my shoulder.

Day dream, night game.

So I took the chance to break
the rule of my life.
A night with thousand stars above,
we play it slow.

Day dream, night game.

On that red sofa by the window,
you creep on top of me.
Give me your best blow,
end it with the best kiss.

Day dream, night game.

We don't dance
but we have our favourite move.
You still do it good,
make our body sweat a lot.

Day dream, night game.

And you said,
'Stay over tonight, please.'
I can't say no,
'but, no clothes tonight.'

Day dream, night game.
Monday, Jan. 30, 2017
12:17
Jan 2017 · 264
Memories
Joz Jan 2017
Running through the city lights,
inside a rock jazz with blues music.
They begin with holding hands,
driving with one hand.

As they're getting wild,
John Mayer's songs get loud.
He began to kiss her,
she continues to jump on him.

Again, through the city lights,
without no one knows
they make the best foreplay ever.

These little birds go for a movie,
get some alcohol.
Basically no alcohol needed to make it happen,
for they make the best game ever.

But that night, they are walking through
a bigger city with beautiful light.
End up on that bed that he miss,
with her make up on.

She stares at him with those eyes,
that he always trapped on.
He opens her buttons one by one,
end it by licking the last button.

Every breath, every soft sound, every mimic
she makes just drives him crazy.
And he admitted it, *the *** is great.
Friday, Jan. 20, 2017
16:16
Jan 2017 · 664
1/365
Joz Jan 2017
2016, how are you?
You finished yours.
A huge thank for you,
to bring me to many places,
that 2015 did not allow.

2016, are you satisfied?
For all the abundant blessings.
A healthy family,
a bunch of kind friends,
and especially that one little angel.

2016, have you told 2017?
To make me a stronger man,
a committed person,
a discipline figure,
and a traveler.

2016, have you forgiven me?
For being weak.
For being fractious.
For being an unthankful person.

2017, are you ready to shape me?
because I am ready to be shaped.
Sunday, Jan. 01, 2017
09:08
Dec 2016 · 486
If Only(s)
Joz Dec 2016
If only I could love 2016.
If only I could understand all these connections.
If only I was wise enough.
I would love 2016.

If only I could handle 2016.
If only I had what it took.
If only I knew how.
I would handle 2016.

If only I could make a deal with 2016.
If I had a wish to grant.
I wish 2016 did not exist.

*but well.. I made it through, at least almost for now..
Tuesday, Dec. 27, 2016
00:03
Dec 2016 · 1.2k
Leopard
Joz Dec 2016
The beauty of Leopard;
Crawling elegantly with her beautiful coat.

Don't close your eyes,
don't even wink,
for she is dangerous.
Her beauty may fool you.

You can't run from her,
for she runs faster than you.
Monday, Dec. 19, 2016
16:43
Dec 2016 · 236
Seasons
Joz Dec 2016
It was Spring,
everything was so beautiful.
I saw how we bloomed,
like a pair of pink flowers in the garden
;we used to go.

Then Summer came,
when everything was so warm.
All things were clear,
for the sun sends the brightness.
Although sometimes it hurts,
for it burns our skins.

Fall appeared,
We lost all the beauty.
It wasn't colourful anymore,
yet people still liked it that way.
We went through the road,
when all the leaves laid down.

And now, it is Winter.
When we are freezing,
we feel nothing,
yet we still get its coolness.

Do you know when the Winter ends?
Friday, Dec. 16, 2016
17:17
Oct 2016 · 178
Now
Joz Oct 2016
Now
As the sun goes and the moon comes,
you walk away leaving me behind.

And the bird sings early morning,
I know there's someone's else in your heart.

As your love fades, I got replaced.
I close my eyes, hoping it's just a dream

I don't even wanna see your face.
I don't even wanna hear your voice.
I don't even wanna read your name.
I don't want to think 'bout memories that we made.

Now I hate you, really hate you.
I wish I could turn back the time.
September 2016
Oct 2016 · 1.3k
An Aquarian
Joz Oct 2016
A wind element never shows;
when they fall in love,
for they are never sure
on their own feeling.
They want to go deeper
and
it will never deep enough
but
when they reach there,
they can't stop loving you.

It is hard to understand an aquarian
for they are unreachable
but trust me,
you can trust them unconditionally.
You don't need to do lot of things
for these aquarians,
just a balanced respect for them
is always enough.
Tuesday, Oct. 11, 2016
10:55
Sep 2016 · 214
23:23
Joz Sep 2016
Got nothing to write but
this breath is hard to take.

Well, I know something
is happening now.
Either good or bad,
or neither one.

Sometimes, this heart thinks about a thing,
that I don't even know what.
A thing that my brain
can't even sense.
Sep 2016 · 1.5k
Phlegmatic-Melancholic
Joz Sep 2016
I am a Phlegmatic,
the one who will be careless
with my surrounding.
Anybody will hate me,
for me being selfish with
my me time,
time for myself doing nothing.

I am a Melancholic,
a creature that is sensitive
with people’s feelings.
A person who will be hated
for giving a ‘fake chance’
to my surrounding
as I just wanna comfort them.

I am me,
a human that is judged
by other humans.
A creature,
that is loved
by other creatures.

*If you wanna judge me, don't forget to love me.
Sept. 26, 2016
23:10
Jul 2016 · 247
As the Rain Goes
Joz Jul 2016
A dream,
that used to be a beautiful dream,
becomes a nightmare.

I couldn’t wake up,
as the rain kept singing for me,
my old favourite verse.

My scream,
shouting 'it’s only a dream',
once woke me up.

As the rain laid me back,
I closed my eyes,
with the same nightmare.

As the rain goes,
the dream ends,
my day begins.

What a bad morning.
20 July 2016
10:34
Jul 2016 · 278
Pray for a Friend
Joz Jul 2016
I make friends,
to anybody,
any kind of people,
any characteristics.

But I keep praying,
to have a friend,
in my morning prayer.

A friend,
who I can be me,
a pampered Sam,
a weak me.

To be strong,
to be kind,
to be funny,
are the determinations.

To be smart,
to be active,
to be neat,
are what they demand.

Oh, the Sender of the rain,
I pray for a friend,
who I can be me,
who will be my childrens' mom.
18 July 2016
23:51
Jul 2016 · 1.5k
Ketika Cinta Pergi
Joz Jul 2016
Terkadang bukan fisik yang terpenting.
Walaupun tanpa fisik, rasa tak kunjung muncul.

Mungkin aku menyayangkan cinta yang tak kian bersatu.
Keraguanmu menahanku bagai angin yang menderu.

Di penghujung jalan pun 'ku tersadar,
keraguanmu bukan untukku.
Karena cinta untukku sudah tiada sejak dulu.

Aku bukan pejuang cinta,
aku hanyalah pecinta yang setia.
Ketika cinta pergi,
itulah saat dimana pecinta undur diri.

Karena untukku,
cinta kita harus diperjuangkan
dan cintaku seorang haruslah dilenyapkan.
Bukan oleh waktu, tapi oleh angin dan debu
bercampur air mata.
17 Juni 2016
14.50
Jul 2016 · 147
Prayers
Joz Jul 2016
She came back in dreams these days.
These stitches are opened again.

I opened my bible
and
closed my eyes to pray.

I cried for a peace from the Lord.
I asked forgiveness from the Lord.
Then, these precious tears fell down,
as the rain came down.

This is my faith,
heaven heard my prayers.
July 08, 2016
10:30
Jun 2016 · 1.9k
A Pillow
Joz Jun 2016
If I should describe the best place now,
it will be my pillow.
The one who is there when I cry
and the one who wipes my tears.
The one who hear my stories
and my screams.

My accompany when I'm dreaming,
the greeter when I'm tired reaching my dreams.

Shall I give her a name?
June 21, 2016
21:06
Jun 2016 · 232
A Happy Sam
Joz Jun 2016
My first broken heart was big.
I thought I would't want to love again.
But it proves me wrong.
I'd love to love.

The next thief of my heart,
I will attack you harder.

I'll attack you with my love.
I'll blow you the wildest kisses,
on the red sofa
by the window.

We won't need fancy stuff
to be the happiest creatures.
Because when we are together,
I'll be a happy Sam.

The one you will always love.
Tuesday 14, 2016
19:54
Jun 2016 · 147
Untitled
Joz Jun 2016
Frozen moment,
laughter with no movement.
Shall we start, girl?
Or shall we not?
Those strange lovely lips,
come with an angelic face.
A smell of a baby,
that unforgettable smoothness.

Gracias dear, you made this day.
You took all my rejected feelings.
I ain't falling in love,
I just wanna know you more.

*I believe time will bridge a moment for us.
Joz May 2016
I woke up with a big smile,
bigger than the problem in this world.
For I dream a beautiful princess;
is she gonna be mine?

As tall as me
with watery lovely eyes
and elegant atmosphere;
will I meet her?

As warm as the campfire that night,
her long-black hair drives me crazy.
Those sharp lips;
am I allowed to taste them?

The aura of kindness,
the humbleness of heaven,
if only I can smell your skin;
but it was only a beautiful dream.

*I should haven't wake up today
May 31, 2016
10:19
May 2016 · 151
Geranting
Joz May 2016
Thank you,
to the artistic God I know
for the little smiles
of Your creations..

..kids of Geranting

The wind that whispers,
the sun that hugs,
the the wave that sings,
from a little Island..

..Geranting
May 23, 2016
12:42
May 2016 · 287
The Silver Line
Joz May 2016
I thought my way was right.
I guessed that was the only line.
I did not see another track.

and I realised..

I was inside a small box
and
faced it unwisely.

Then, Jehovah Rapha blew my line
and
made it straight.

He called me through them,
to open my eyes
and I began to see
the Silver Line.
May 10, 2016
01:05
May 2016 · 158
iSuck
Joz May 2016
I am the most idiot person in the world,
according to her.

I need to stop reaching you,
according to him.

I shall not miss you,
according to my brain.

I really miss you,
according to my heart.

...and according to me,
I should **** something inside me...
May 4, 2016
19.43
May 2016 · 159
Decision
Joz May 2016
I am never sure
with anything.

But I can carelessly jump
and rock anything.

Leaving this feeling behind
is not a sure decision.

Still, I will rock it out,
whatever it takes.
May 2, 2016
12:21
Apr 2016 · 462
Note from My Parents
Joz Apr 2016
If there's no commitment,
don't ever hope.
If there's no agreement,
expect nothing.

If both of you don't want to find the way,
don't settle.
If you are the one who is clinging and needy,
fix your mind.
April 2, 2016
13:27
Apr 2016 · 502
A Little Step
Joz Apr 2016
Every step I take does not assure my success
but
to keep going is what I need to do.

Different directions I go do not make me forget you
but
at least I'm not stuck with my own fantasy.

I believe in love just simply because I'm a product of love
but
these days I'm thirsty of love.

I take every little step not to find that love
but
to let that love finds me.

A love that can make me, a greater me
does not
need to be reached, it comes by itself.
April 26, 2016
09:23
Apr 2016 · 276
Tomorrow
Joz Apr 2016
Every little thing I did
is a memory for today.
The things I'm doing right now
will be memories for tomorrow.

And now, I am creating memories for tomorrow.
I'm leaving the past and creating the future.
April 24, 2016
00:23
Apr 2016 · 462
Sing
Joz Apr 2016
I envy people
who can sing nicely
Their heavenly voice
create a graceful charisma

Listening to their voice
Enjoying the atmosphere
Feeling the cry of their heart
Going deeper to the lyric

If only I could sing,
I don't need falling in love
April 21, 2016
11:15
Apr 2016 · 222
Untitled
Joz Apr 2016
It is too early to cry
The sun has not even set
I lost nothing
I earned nothing

No more smooth hand
that used to wipe my tears
No more soft whisper
that says 'Stop crying, I love you.'

I regret what I did
but I felt rejected now
I knew what I should have done
but I did not

I blame myself but I don't change
Let's say I am not a gentlemen
because I stop reaching her
when I felt it is not mutual

Call me a *****
for hurting her
Stare at me as a ****
for making her crying

I start looking a way to move on
when she said I loved him as a friend
and  he loved me too as a friend
I am just selfish for wanting that word for me only

Then again, I recall what she told me
You are nobody
And again, more tears  drop
I am nobody

I don't own her heart anymore
but she still owns mine
When I met another her,
I won't give my heart

*I would just love her as nobody
April 18, 2016 17:30
Apr 2016 · 262
Night Prayer
Joz Apr 2016
Click clock..
I slept in midnight
Click clock..
3 AM I woke up

Boom..
She opened that letter
Was not from me
From someone she always admires

Me..
Just someone who ALWAYS hurt her
Me..
Just... nobody

Me..
Just a place to blame on
Me..
Just a mistake she took

Oh heaven listen up!
I'm craving of loving
Lemme love someone once again
but don't let me hurt her

I've been trying to love people
More.. and more..
But I knew it was different
Maybe I just forget how to love that way again

*God, teach me how to love once again.
Apr 2016 · 615
Alcohol
Joz Apr 2016
Whiskey is my favourite
***** is not my type

Wine is the one that she dislikes
She is the one I love

Laughter is the thing I miss from us
Hatred is something we always try to avoid

Grow up is something I'm afraid of
Missing her is the disaster I got everyday

One..
Two..
Three..
Four shots..

*I miss us
Apr 2016 · 730
Jail of Love
Joz Apr 2016
It feels like I'm in the jail
Let's call it a jail of love
When you love somebody
But you are nobody

One, two, three girls passed by
But you are still in the jail
The door is widely open
But you just ain't going nowhere

I still remember this jail
As a beautiful haven for two of us
We used to stay in that haven
But time changed it into a jail

You went out and found a new haven
The new buddies that you love
Those who can make you happy
But me, I'm still in our haven

You said you loved me
But you are just too tired to get along again
You said you loved me
But your love is not for me

I'm stuck in this jail
I asked you to go out and find another haven
But you said no
I'm stuck in this opened-jail

Don't pity me
Hey somebody, but I hope she is you again
Take me out from this jail
Let's build the new one, the better one

I still love you but...
*you don't
I wish you still do
Mar 2016 · 1.0k
My Fault
Joz Mar 2016
I know you see all my fault clearly
You hold them to avoid another pain
But you should remember
You are not the only one hurt

I know I treated you wrong
I know I should have understood
I was inexperience and I still learnt
You are fed up with my unending learning

But please don't bring all my fault
In every fight we have
In every argument we discuss
In every bad day you get

but now it is useless
I  ain't **nobody
Mar 2016 · 688
The Game
Joz Mar 2016
It feels just like an updated game
Some feature are new
Guess what I should do
I need to adapt and enjoy it

It looks like the game is less fun
But I believe it is only the beginning
The more I adapt the more fun it is
Yes I lost but I won some as well

Not all features disadvantage me
A few of them benefit me
Maybe you create these new features
But I'm not gonna be played easily

You still control me for now
The more I learn the more ready I am
I will be ready to leave the game
If the next new feature is not updated

*I'll leave the game, not you
Mar 2016 · 333
No Status
Joz Mar 2016
I was the one
Who thought status was not important
I was the one
Who always felt status was just a word

Now I'm in this uncertain situation
Where I do not know my position
Should I demand something or not
Should I give it all or not

Why am I jealous?
Why should I complain?
Why do I need to feel loved?
Why am I suppose to care?

Then I relalized something
Statusless is not good
A thing must be firm
So you know what you should do
Mar 2016 · 1000
Breakfast
Joz Mar 2016
The sun stares at me this morning
It never forgets nor be angry
I am awful not to be grateful
I am sinful not to be peaceful

No hot tea in this moment
Nor even a bread
I just want to thank you
To the Creator of you

I want to praise the Author
For beautiful stories He writes in my life
I need to kiss You, my Designer
For the detail of complete family in my life

*I'm full now
Mar 2016 · 821
Wish
Joz Mar 2016
"I wish we are getting better"
What did you say again?
"I wish we are getting better"
Wake up man, there is no 'we'

Just remember, Mr We Wanna Be!
Everything has changed
Stop comparing present and past
"It is hard, I keep doing it."

No one says it is easy
No one cares it is hard
'We' do not even care
'We' is too lazy to think

Wake up Mr. We Wanna Be!
Upgrade yourself!
"I did"
But you stopped

"I'm trying to do it again"
Then stop thinking about 'we'
"I can't"
You are too weak then

Are you bothering about her friends?
"Yes"
They are more important than you
"I know"

Do you know why?
"Yes, they were always there"
Why weren't you?
"I was the trigger"

Conclusion?
"They are good, I am not"
Then?
"I should upgrade my self"

How about 'we'?
"I wish..."
What?
"It will exist.. again"

That's all?
"I wish the better 'we' will appear"
How about her friends?
"I wish they support the existence of 'we'"
Dec 2013 · 391
Also
Joz Dec 2013
Here I am..
Trying hard to sleep
Here I am..
Dreaming about fixing it

I also..
Tired of making up everything
Nauseous with your words
Feel this **** is boring

But look..
Have you tried as hard as I'v done?
Have you felt the pain that you've shot?
Have you heard the fearness in my mind?

I also..
Enough with you many times
Give it up and let it flows
Try to underatand your problems

But look..
I've been begging in every ****
I've been forcing my self in to ****
I've been looking many ways to fix ****

Now..
Do you give up?
And..
Are you that weak?
Dec 2013 · 367
A Cry of My Heart
Joz Dec 2013
I was walking with no fear
You made a joke
I tend to laugh than roar
I thought it was only a joke

Yeah, you still admire him
Somebody you used to maybe
You wander a story with him
And always him and not me

You're your father's daughter
And I'm not welcomed in his eyes
He does, somebody you admire
Now you just a friend in his sight

And this is a shout of my heart
I wanna be him
And this is a shout of my heart
No! I wanna be better than him

And this is a cry of my heart
Hey girl, don't leave me
And this is a cry of my heart
Share your pain with me

— The End —