Never took notice
But you trust this salvation
Caught in the uproar
Damnation
Clenched fist in hand
Whispers from lost lovers
We sink
You'll be permitted
You'll hit
And miss
That broken machine
Unwinding
When he said
Girl
You're young right now
But I'll wait
Because I don't want to be an escape

Smooth
Like you could walk every step alone
Quick glances in the alleyway
Pretentious but humble
Smoking
The tobacco folds away
In despair
Your destination
Not obvious in nature
However held true
Poisonous brew
Never slipping
Never falling
Always with turn
And swift feet to match

Must it remain?
I saw you
I saw you there
Floated away
For a minute
Held
My hand
You
You ghost
Goodbye

Why must you starve my love?
Impetuous
Resigned now
Being cast down upon the walls once more
A seemingly trudge
Royal blood you say
Waiting for a hero
Fairy tale ending
Hidden quietly
Behind your grin
Consciously ambiguous
Traveling
To the abysmal keep
Where your true feelings
Wither
Away
Hush now
Under broken glass
And trampled petals
Deep breaths for the taking

Campus streets
College jeans
Drinking
Excitement
Football teams
Tuition fees
Classroom leans
Confusion
Home
Dorm room dreams
Finals it seems
Ready to scream

Ease this margin with your brittle fingers
Touch and replenish
Nothing lost
Except your son
Waiting for you
On the staircase
Benevolent friend
Made clear
And your dreams
Cried out
Through the garden
My legs were made whole
My eyes
Track every particle
Till your lovely return

Please
Please let me get what I want
Be present
Shining down
Your eyes
Crouched
By the window frame
With mortal flesh
Beam light
Through the doorway
As you collapse
On my couch

Loss of fear
Inexplicably
Became fear of loss

You told it was important
Told me it was the last thing you had
A brutal honesty about you
Crying from denial
A broken keyboard
A fast laugh or two
Mostly from your brother
Or the girl behind the counter
Just at once
Your parents
Fast asleep
Watching the ball drop
My friend in the crowd
Stolen wine
Given time
How precious this was
So it was taken
Away

Oh we lay for a while
Bleaching in the city sun
Carefully awaiting
Reproach
The bustling traffic below
Chain-smoking a dozen Camels
Hearing for the first time
Our, call
Mall entrances
Cafe doorsteps
Bus stations
Even you
Even you didn't know you would go away
So for the first time
Let it be the last time
Gone

His younger brother died
Some time ago
So he sat and cried
Eating his happy meal
Ironically
Sitting on the fourth church pew
We sang hymns
He prayed curses
To a God that didn't seem to hear
Or a mother that wore too much make-up
A father that beat him every day
Wise eyes
Written on his face
At such a young age
Now
As I stroll the grounds
Feeling you six and a half feet beneath
I learned what you knew
All along
How can you not pity his place?
Should have known
For fear of the footsteps
At bedtime

Slip through the window
Undo the screen
Car parked outside
My friends are waiting
******* on cars
Midnight rise
Deep breaths
To heal
And feel
Again
Your voice slowed
And slurred with sleep
You never come
So I listen alone
Precise in impunity
But weak in stature
And I hope
That only once
Your need
Would have a cause
So great as this

This complex code
The love shared
Whispered through the pines
Back again
Is not as you think it is
Suddenly
But with gentle reprieve
Perverse lips
Stolen notebooks
The shelter
Felt by you
Alone
Love without gravity
In time
As I know you
Darling
Wait
Sleep still tonight
It will come
As you sit thinking
Praying and dreaming
Above
And with a sudden gasp
Your heart rampages
With no known destination

My memory
Used to be after eleven o'clock
No longer a loner
But with late night pool dives
And smoke and drinks
Shower conversations
Lingering emotions
Lost love
Fading voices
Be still
Complete

You swooped down
Hula hooped
And dropped for the kiss
Lit cigarette in hand
Laying down in the backseat
Feeling the cold air once more
Planes in the distance
We leave Tuesday
We could be there for each other
I would still sell my shoes

Puerto Rican ***
A long car drive
Neighborhood kids
Fireworks
Laughs given
And tears taken
Unfiltered cigarettes
And cardboard boxes
Your father was still a sociopath back then
And our apartment smelled like the ocean
My energy was only matched
By your good grace
Mostly I remember
When you told me I would be okay

She responded with a whisper of "no"
As the ship dragged on
The hull
Buried deep in dust
The navigation
Fast asleep
Traveling through space
To our home planet
Some years ago
War is over
Those we keep
Stay quiet and still
Those we don't
Do not speak until our return
Walking to the glass
We see the stars align
To spell our name out in the sky

We sat on rustic patio chairs
In the middle of a brightly shining neon sign
I lean back and lit a cigarette for both of us
As you exhale the smoke through your mouth
It projects a cloud
That floats over the red neon letters
Dimming it for a few seconds
And releasing light once more on my gaze
Smoke portals through my nose
And casts a screen between you and I
All I can do to keep silent
Is to stare in your eyes
Sometimes when I look back
In my memory of that night
We're sitting on a balcony
Or inside a vintage boutique
Or walking endlessly through brick paved side-streets
But I know the truth
And somehow it comforts me till this very day
We chit-chat a while
Politics
Your mother
The weather
Until you took me home
And I drift asleep
In your
Passenger seat

Mentioning the word "forever",
Feels like an excuse
Whether it's in terms of commitment
Or the future held between you and another person
There really is no forever
I knew this as I stepped out of your car
Turning to look around the parking garage
Somewhat hesitant to be there
We agreed to take a moment and catch our breath
In the here and now of our busy lives
So we drove to Medley Park
It was late afternoon,
And the masses of people had started to die down
Allowing a flood of teenagers and twenty-somethings
To walk around and talk in serious ways
All throughout the promenades
The scene felt reminiscent of a Paris strip
As night fell, she and I strolled hand in hand
Around the gardens and cobblestone sidewalks
Smiling at strangers
And gazing at the neon lights
That illuminated the alleyways
Of this glazed over palace of noir architecture
Strange now,
How I forget I was too nervous
Nor remember when you touched my hand

Your window rolled down
The smoke
Pouring out of my mouth
Like your chimney in winter
And yet
The whole time
I perceive things moving slow
My grinning face
Your laugh
All the lights from driving down the highway
That every few seconds
Light up our faces horizontally
And flash in terrific blinding orange stripes
But still
Moving slowly
Softly
Like the gentle waves of foam at night
The car slows
The engine dies
I climb out dizzily
I realize we've arrived at the ocean
Just in time for a midnight swim, you say

Days passed with no regard to time or events
I'm on my own
No strings attached
As much as people tell small things do not matter,
I cannot reckon with those thoughts
Everything matters
The time, the place, the story
The room, the people, the looks
It all comes together
Life isn't as simple as everyone around me wants it to be
And so I meet her
She walks into my apartment
Comments on how clean it is
Immaculate, is the word I liked better
She changes clothes
And we head out for a night of bliss
Dancing, drinks,
Gaslight lounging in booths that stuck out in a nostalgic way
I became awestruck
With a magnitude of euphoria that pumped through my veins
Ribbed through my head to toes and back
I was dizzy
I was happy
I knew this is what should take place,
At least once in every person's life
Give yourself that one night
And your fever sweats itself out

How can a person live
With the mundane?
With the trivial?
It knocks into your precious thoughts
And breaks the fine china of your sanity
The glass pouring in light
Becomes muggy
Nod into the direction of freedom
Run away
Take whatever is in store for you

Consider my dues paid
Brewed with freedom
Pain melancholy
Intricately woven in
With a severe lack of care
I somehow guessed
We would part ways
Finally

Finding myself
With no keeper
No doors closed
I sway
Move into the night
With fervor
For what lies ahead
The delicate instruments
Grinding
Stowing away
The secrets kept
From the surrounding cities
Turmoil
Building up
Releasing an uplift of spirits
I could hardly imagine

I want to believe
I will find home

I never thought you would pray
For things to stay the same
So now you will lay
With your guilt
And never say
The song is complete
Listen
Hear each refrain
They go quietly
And without much shame
Never know
Never show
Never ever grow
Stay the same
Carved in the tree is your name
Without me
Once again
You will not win
Try as you may

Only one more time
And you will be sane
Only two more times
And you will gain
Never knowing
Never wanting
But always made
Now is the time for the weak
As Frost said
Promises to keep
Trench along till you sleep
Many souls lost
None that weep

How I feel
Slicing through the pain
The swine and the game
Knowing the worry of disdain
The nights long
And filled with pain
Killing many lovers with my name
Holding each other tight
With chains
Now
Onto the change

Fulfill
And wait for those
Who do not keep friends long
Or drench their cruelty
With the malice
Held tightly behind their teeth
Keep close for now
And the silence may guide you
After all this time
The sea swept away everything else
Ounces of stupor born from a bottle
And the weight thereof
Made gold
By wisdom far away

Bold
Years ago,
I had three words for that night
Or was it six?
They'll come back
I'm sure
Rather, I'll find them
Unsure during the search
Years ago,
I see warmth
My throat goes numb
I open a red door
Face flushed
Structural purity
Fusing cells with mine
Discomfort
Something quiet
From the end

Worship the words I don't say
Until light
That which is contained
And not squandered
And that which is
Leave behind
Tonight we drink deep
Colorado weather
Texas treasure
Keep up now
Daring monolith
Rise up
Transform
With me
Tonight

Can it be just you and I tonight?

At night
With clasped hands
Near the ocean
Trembling
The wind on our backs
Melted smile
One memory made
One cancer cured
Two notes burned
And six letters kept
Hazel eyes
Be mine tonight

To stare into darkness
Makes you understand
That sleeping is an escape

Be aware
No man has let their story
Become this real

And did you know?
Your mother was deathly sick
Yes, right till the end
Her whimpering your name
Her son has left far away
Your family and their questions
How I lied and said you were working
So long I convinced them of your piety
And so long I hated you
Not for your decision
But that you had a choice
I never did

And I'd never be whole again
To feel anything
I would like to encompass my past
Light silhouetting my face
Writing this to you
One last time
My stomach as a well
Forever dropping and pulling
Being emptied out
And your depths are unknown to me
I hear an echo
In the midst of the night
Haunting my bones
My lungs to ache
Rebuilt
From ages ago
In the mist
And the lights
Stirring
There
I wait for you
And no mortal may know

Fourth time writing you
Getting darker now
Living on roads
Existing at home
My second happy ending
Stimulate
Grey pain
Tear
Dreams of pure love
Awaiting your arrival
Writing on receipt paper
Friday's spent walking  
Much closer now
It seems
Fear became our constant
Breathe for me once more

I realize now
I should have gotten out

The width and depth of the ocean
Winds my spine upward
Sending distress signals
Of the souls
Lost for eternity
In lust
Speaking of the wisdom
Once held in fortresses
Beneath the waves
Haunting dreams
I have yet to fathom
And the thoughts
That escaped my head
During the lonely nights
I think of you my dear,
In the gasp of breath
Reaching out
Lingering on
Without remorse
Please help this drowning disaster

I just received your letter
It must be tough
Knowing you shouldn't be there
Figuring out you made a mistake
That's what it is, a mistake
I hope you're done
There is a very intelligent person inside you
I know it's your life and yours to live how you want
But I'm your father
I'm the only one you've got
You'll have to make the best of your situation
If I'm to speak honestly,
You need to accept help from the people that can
You know how I am
I know, that you're better than this
I hope you realize how much people care
Especially me
I'll send more money soon
I'm on leave from work,
But that will soon change
I'll write more in my next letter
I hope you're doing okay
Love, Pa

A rose appears
In heat I fall
Into chaos and a feral mixture
So close to pain
And smile
And to inhale
Inhale you
The touch beneath my flames
Oh I try, and do come undone
Dissolve

There was nothing
Nothing but loneliness
And the subtle
The desperate words
That never came forth
But in a moment of despair
That was all that had been offered
And the quietness
The few things that could be shown
As we sit and stare
In the eyes of the night sky

My soul
Not something to come and go with the wind
It's not something to be thrown on the tile floor
When it's been in a losing fight
So I'll sit here
And pretend that you know now
When I can't even tell you the correct word
You expect to sip lava through a straw
To fly while hiding in a cave
To know the utmost reach of my alignment to the stars
I cannot be tamed

I am burdened as a soul
With no flight path
No way out
No way in
The meaningless operation of my souls path
Was not really meant for earth
And how could I?
How could I really?
How could I die here?
I wasn't born here
My soul
Intangible

No one knows anyone anymore
Anyone knows
No one wants to know
Has life always been like that?
Funny now
That I should have known
That even within these feelings
They were but a stranger
Even to you

No, I'm fine
I can put it in a book one day
Burning spiral of a memoir
Crack the spine of the book
Leave it out in the rain
Ash my cigarettes on the pages
Burn holes through the red line
Drip coffee to the bottom
I can do this
I'm fine
God, I'm fine
I'll be okay
And in the time it takes to type this,
We can sit on the balcony while it rains
And I will have another cigarette
We can laugh
I will cry for myself
I will sit for a while
Missing her
Missing the lights
Not missing a thing
You never do brother
Our blood is so thick
Can you still smile into my eyes?

She left me
Leaving me
She saved me
Saving me
Killed her
Her death awoke me
Awaking me
I left her

I'm passing you
In the left lane
Moving slow
Molasses in winter
Charming beauty seen right through
Kissing booth in Vegas
Peyote sun in Jersey
And things change
People expire
The hurt consumes you
Remember when you were a child
When things lasted forever

Lay still
Intention to ****
Lies and ***
Taking pills like tex-mex
Your love is so cruel
Your arms held me like a fool
Dungeons dark and deep
My body lays and my eyes weep
I was ultimately worthless to keep
Goodnight my dear
Nothing but my mind to fear
So when you feel a little bit colder
I strongly suggest to look over your shoulder
With the blood on your hands you'll need a mop
And now this is where I think the poem should stop