Remus: Poems

12/1/14

Remus Dec 2014

12/1/14

It's your 15th birthday
and I wished for you to have
a happy one.

But I still get the feeling
you don't want me to
speak to you.

So your brother and I
begin to grow close
and all I wish is for you
to love me again.

#love #hate #scared #relationship #birthday #distant

12/12/14

Remus Dec 2014

12/12/14

Your girlfriend accepts me now.
We're apparently friends,
well we aren't
but she and I are.

You two casually
give each other
kisses in the
morning.
But once it came to
the afternoon you saw me
and gave her a hug before
leaving.

She yelled at you
to come back
and give her a proper
goodbye
but you wouldn't.

And I wonder why.

#sad #life #hate #friendship #relationship #break-up

7/3/15

Remus Jul 2015

7/3/15

I took photographs of you and me
as we embarked upon a journey.

Music blasted through the speakers
and the windows broke from me throwing out my sneakers.

We weren't happy anymore and you knew it.
I had to take the stand and break it off before we couldn't.

Now you hate me more than anyone you know,
but get over yourself and please just grow.

And I'm sorry that I can't love you,
but I've never been able to love anyone besides a couple few.

#sad #life #hate #pain #relationship #break-up

About You

Remus Jan 2015

About You

I watched you as
you tore apart
my countless journals of poems
You continuously told me that
writing poetry was a waste
of what I could be
doing.

You read each poem
before you tore them
and I wish I had seen
compassion grow in your eyes
but only hatred did.

Countless poems about you
about her
about him
about myself
about father
about the world
and all I heard was
"These are all pitiful."

It was well noted that I wouldn't
show you another of my poems
just incase you hated those too
and then I would be here
watching as the compassion drains from
your warm brown eyes and hatred
grows in them

#hatred #life #compassion #critics #unaccepting

Acquaintance

Remus Nov 2014

Acquaintance

Best Friends
We smiled at
each other and
inside jokes
were the
whole of the
both of us.

Our greetings
were hugs that
lasted up to
five seconds
and made
both of us
smile.

Distant
We haven't smiled
at each other in
weeks.
I ignore your
glances because
you refuse
my hugs as
a greeting since you
began dating her.

Acquaintance*
We don't speak now,
when around each other
our eyes never meet.
But I know if
either of us called out
the other would come
running.

*No matter what anyone else thought.

#friends #feelings #sad #life #depressed #ex-friends

Alone

Remus Jul 2014

Alone

You asked me if I loved you.
I didn't know how to reply
seeing that I don't know
what love is just yet.

You told me that you loved me
so I should love you back
and I don't think that's how it
works.

You told me that you
accepted me,
that no one else would
that I would be alone
without you.

Just because you accepted someone
does not mean you love them
because if it did then I would
love so many people.
And I know others accept me,
that I won't be alone if you
leave.

But let me ask you something.
How was I,
a sad little girl,
supposed to love you
when she couldn't
even love
herself?

#love #sad #death #depressed #you #i-miss-you #you-and-i

Band Director

Remus Jul 2014

Band Director

I have little to say in new environments.
I tend to act shy and forget how to form words.
So when I had to go to marching practice and was
surrounded by people I didn't know
I suffered.

Was it not obvious that I was flustered when I fell
five times in thirty minutes?
Maybe it wasn't obvious how I kept repeating the
same thing over and over again,
hoping people would stop staring.

But instead of caring you walked straight up to me
and made me look like a fool in front of
everyone.
"**** in, you're stomach is showing!" You exclaimed
before poking me with a drumstick and catching me off guard.
It hurt and my torso bent and all the upper classmen
laughed at me.

So thank you for embarrassing me, it will not be forgotten.
It won't be forgotten like the time you insulted me
in the seventh grade and I 'accepted' your apology.

But what do I know?
I'm just a kid and you're a
band director

#life #depressed #upset #band #teased #teasing #band-director #marching-practice

Beauty

Remus Apr 2015

Beauty

"Beauty is an
adjective
not a person."

A quote my mother
told me when
I said I wasn't
beautiful.

But when I met
you,
I believed that
my mother
was wrong.

Beauty isn't just
an adjective,
it was you.
You were beauty
and this
is not a
pick up line.

Your face was
pretty,
but what made
you beautiful
was your
soul.

#love #depression #life #pain #relationship #beauty

Before disaster

Remus Jun 2014

Before disaster

In the moments before disaster
I fell in love.

He was beautiful,
Why was he so beautiful?

I wanted to hold him close
And make sure he was alright
But in the end I was the one that
Crumbled and he,
Well he was the victor of disaster.

#love #beauty #him #you #care #disaster

Be Something

Remus Jan 2015

Be Something

Burn me.
Burn away the rotting flesh
of the bitterness left inside
my heart and soul.
Burn away the sadness
that is carved into my
mind.

Transform me.
Transforming the mind to believe
in love over hatred.
To believe that I can be something
more than just a common
girl living alone.

Love me.
I want to feel the love
radiate off you as you smile
or speak to me.
I want to know you love me
every day, even if it's just
three words that you tell me,
or the way you kiss my cheek
after asking me if you can.

Be something.
I want to be one
in breath and the beating of
our rapid hearts.
I want to feel the way you
shiver when I hold your hand
because I am too.
Because I love you, and I want
us to be something.
I want this, to be something that one day
you tell your wife and kids
if we take different ways.

I just want to live in the present,
not the past or future
but the now.

This is for you, I should've said it sooner.

#love #poem #depression #life #relationship #you

Boy

Remus Oct 2015

Boy

I stare in the mirror
and nothing is right.

well not for me.

Girls tell me how
blessed
I am to have these curves,
and they don't realize
that I would give them up
in a second.

Boys don't have
*******,
slim shoulders,
delicate figures,
doe eyes,
or anything that I have.

I want to look in the mirror
and see the person that I truly am
staring back
at me.

But I'm stuck looking at
a small girl
that everyone says is
*pretty

#sad #life #pain #boy #thoughts #genderfluid

Bright and Warm

Remus Jun 2016

Bright and Warm

My eyes watch you approvingly
while you only watch me foolishly.

I claim to love the constellations,
but only because their stations
are found upon your skin.

Who would I be to fall in love?
Would I fall above
someone who has never been?

Would your kiss
feel like pure bliss?

I know mine would not.

Is it possible to miss someone
when you're not a loved one?

Is it possible to miss you,
a boy who always looks blue.

I don't mean sad,
I mean the hottest form of fire where it appears mad.

Your bronze curls
shine like pearls.

You're blinding me,
and it's hurting me.

You're so bright and warm,
while I'm dim and a storm.

#love #sad #depressed #relationship #thoughts #you #carry-on #baz-pitch #simon-snow

Broken

Remus May 2015

Broken

My mind is shattered
as emotion tries
to conquer all of
my being.

My mind is malfunctioning
as depression slowly
overtakes it and makes me
believe that I cannot
do anything
correctly.

My voice is lost
when I see you
leave
because I'm
not what you wanted.

You didn't want some
broken person who
cries when their gender
isn't what is considered
normal some days.

You didn't want some
sad person who
screams at everyone
when life gets
tough.

You didn't want someone
like me,
you honestly just didn't want
me

#love #sad #depression #life #pain #gender #relationship #gender-fluid

Causes

Remus Jun 2014

Causes

Everyone believes in a
different cause.
Your cause could be
women's rights
and mine may be
if ranch is a breakfast food.

So if someone says that they
do not support your cause
do not get angry
because you may not support
theirs.

Just kind of open your eyes

#you #judgment #different #everything #them #causes #womens-rights #different-point-of-view

Celebrity

Remus Apr 2014

Celebrity

There was a point in time where you would've told me I would be in love.
I would ask questions like; why, how, why, with who?
The basic questions, and you would reply with "a celebrity."
I would find it silly and say that you were lying.
Now I see that there are certain celebrities that set you up for failure.
You fall in love with them and just become enchanted by them, but in the end they'll never love you.
And I believe that's what still gets me, that the person I love will never love me back.

#love #unknown #celebrity #famous

Center of Attention

Remus Aug 2014

Center of Attention

There was a time when you were caught up
on me instead of her.
That point of time made me feel
victorious.
It sounds awful hearing the words
come out of my mouth,
but I loved knowing I had you
wrapped around my finger.

Time passed and I actually grew
to like you.
You still liked me,
but I was dating
someone else.
I didn't know how to break up
with this person, so I didn't.
I declined dating you even though
I really badly wanted it.
So you moved on and that hurt me,
because I thought that maybe
you would fight for me.

Time kept going by and you were
dating someone new.
You really liked her and
she lived in a different state.
I hated this, the fact that you
didn't like me anymore.
I ignored you and I wanted you to realize;
you liked me, not her.

Finally she broke up with you
a month ago and you
were so ****
pathetic.
You claimed she was
the only one
for you.
I was confused,
why were you saying that
you had to still like me
right?

I was pathetic as well,
I constantly hoped maybe you
would ask me out.
That you would learn
to love me.
Maybe you would tell me that
you had fought and that I,
that I was too blind
to see.

You may have noticed
I must be
the center of attention.
I already know this,
and I know how bad it is.
But I honestly have forgotten
that maybe I should've cared
what everyone else
though instead of what
I thought.

Maybe then I would've been dating you,
that maybe I wouldn't be so stupid.
Maybe I would be someone I wanted to be,
but I am still that little girl who
will always want you there for me
even if I hate you.
You are almost of my person.
You are almost my crush.
You are almost my best friend.
You are almost there.

#love #depression #life #hate #pathetic #relationship

Chances

Remus Aug 2014

Chances

Nightmares would be
better than this
silence you give
me.

How you only use me when
I can help you
with a problem.

My friends were right,
I shouldn't have given
you a second
chance.

But I couldn't help it,
you needed someone
and I always help
you.

It was an impulse
I suppose.
It was a ****** impulse.

And now I grow hatred
towards myself as I
keep giving you more
chances.

Why do I keep giving you
more chances.

#love #depression #life #hate #friendship #relationship

Close My Eyes

Remus Jun 2014

Close My Eyes

And if I close my eyes
even for a moment
you might be gone
and I'll be alone
again.

#love #alone #relationship #you #gone

Closeness

Remus Jan 2015

Closeness

Music is coursing
through my
blood vessels
as we danced
to some
slow song.

Your head was
against my chest
and my head
was leaning
on yours
and I loved
this feeling
of actual
closeness.

As a child I
dreamed for
this moment
when I felt actual
happiness.
I was told to
put whatever makes
me happy in my world,
so I put you
in my world.

I love you,
I'll never stop
even when we're 80
my emotions will remain
strong and steady,
because I know that
I love you more than
anyone should
love another
human being.

#love #life #heart #relationship #music #you #me

College Student

Remus Jul 2015

College Student

The sun hits my skin
and I feel the burning
sensation.

I've never known as a summer
as hot as this one.
Where people go outside
and it feel like it's
105 degrees.

You claimed you like hot girls,
am I hot enough for you now?
With my sweaty appearance
and the way I faint from
dehydration.

You laugh at my jokes
and you pet my wet hair,
you tell me that it's
going to be alright,
but I know it's not.

You're going to leave
in a year,
not even that long.
You're going to become
a college student and
explore the world
while I'll still be
a junior in
high school.

I don't want to hold you back,
it's the last thing I
honestly want to do.

What I want to do
is sing to you
and tell you how cute
you are.
I also want to write
romantic poems for you,
but this one isn't one you'd like.

This is me finally
telling myself
that we're over.
Sure,
I ended it to keep myself
safe,
but I still liked you
for the longest time after.

I'm done now,
I've moved on and
I hope you've done the same.

Its been over a month.

#love #sad #life #heart #pain #hurt #you

Colors

Remus Oct 2019

Colors

There was a time where the only color I could be was blue.
I was drenched within sadness and despair.
Everything crashed around me like waves crash against a ship.
I was only the color blue.

There was a time where the color I possessed was red.
All I could feel was anger.
My voice always raised and ready to snap.
The only thing I wanted to do was drench other people in the color blue.
I began to try to make purple.

The blue and red started to fade and yellow began to shine.
There was no sadness or anger inside me.
I wore a smile at all times, happy to be happy.
I loved so hard and gave everything my all.
Until I was no longer yellow.

Every color there could be would hit me.
Phases would come and go.
Some would even return
Until everything muddled together all at once.
Creating the color black.

I felt so hard, everything affected me in ways I did not like.
I was human, feeling multiple things at once and not one at a time.
The color black consumed me when I took my medication.
It consumed me when I tried to get better and succeeded.
It made me feel human.
It made me feel normal.
It made me feel hopeful.

#bipolar #depression #mania #recovery #anger #fear

Coma

Remus Apr 2014

Coma

I'm alone and it's killing me.
You cannot even speak, cry, sing, laugh, or do anything.
You cannot even breathe on your own.
I just want you to hold my hand again
But no, you are not allowed to.

I was to shake you awake, but I'm afraid that I cannot.
The doctors told me that it's time to let you go.
I don't want to though.
Can you please just open your eyes and say hello
So then they don't have to separate us.

Why must you be asleep?
Why must you be in a
Coma.

#sad #lonely #coma #i-love-you

Conquered

Remus Oct 2014

Conquered

Please ignore me
I'm nothing but
a small person
with a fragile
ego.

Please notice him
he deserves some
attention.
He is a small person
with a big
heart
that could crush
Manhattan.

Together we were
complete opposites,
with an orchestra
playing love songs
that had an edgy
feel to them,
we conquered
the world.

Well that was until
I ran away
in fear of
being hurt
again
by someone
I love.

#love #fear #life #hate #relationship #you #sorry #apologies

Crumbled Grave

Remus Feb 2018

Crumbled Grave

I was placed in a grave,
but I crawled out for you.

It wasn’t because you were
charming or handsome,
but how I felt as you spoke.

The flutter of my heart,
the laughter escaping me,
and I how I desperately wanted
to kiss you.

I reached out,
you were all I ever wanted,
but I reached too soon.

The ground crumbled around my feet,
and I was 6 feet under
my heart filled with despair.

#sadness #relationship #depression #breakup #love #unrequited

Dark Eyes

Remus Feb 2015

Dark Eyes

You cause hurt like my retainer.
My mouth has no taste
since we never laid a hand
upon the other.

But you caused sleepless nights,
anxiety attacks worse than the others.
I listen to sad songs
since you hated all of those.

I need to face you in person,
but to do that I have to
look into your dark eyes
and make you cry.

#depression #anxiety #friendship #relationship #you

Dear Whoever This Concerns

Remus Jun 2014

Dear Whoever This Concerns

Dear whoever this concerns,

I have come up with a solution with my little problem.
My little problems that concerns sexuality.
I must know what gender I like at this very moment.
I little innocent 15 year old who struggles with this more than she struggles with breathing.
You asked me if I would date her and I said yes, but I'm not gay.
You asked me if I would date him and I said yes, but I'm not straight.
You told me I was confused if I didn't know who I liked.
What body parts I wanted to touch when I had ***.

I've said many times how I do not wish to have *** and you never
cared.
"You're too young to think like that" my mother would say but
am I?
All of the other kids are having *** and kissing and I don't want to.
I really just don't want to, but it's because I'm 15?
Because my hormones haven't kicked in?
I don't believe so, and it's not that you raised me to not want that.
I believe there is something that we don't know yet.

Maybe if we didn't give a **** about what we yearned for.
What we wanted when we fell asleep at night or woke up in the morning.
What we think when we look at someone attractive.
Or what we think when they talk or laugh.
Or what their body looked like in a certain outfit.
What we thought of their haircut.
The possibilities of thoughts towards the same and different gender
go on.

But what if we didn't care about that?
What if we solely focused on whether or not they made us happy.
It doesn't matter their personality, only if they made us happy.
Happiness is important like my father told me.
To not be happy is a sad thing and it breaks others hearts.

So I have decided that if I'm happy when I'm with someone then that means I'm happy.
I don't care their personality, appearance, their history, or anything like that.
I will focus on how they make me feel.
How they will make me feel will be happy.
Something I've never really been.

Not really a poem, but I like it.

#love #gay #relationships #happiness #past #boys #girls #history #same-***

Distant

Remus Feb 2015

Distant

You see me, but you don't hear me.
You touch me, but you don't feel me.
You kiss me, but you feel nothing.

It's cold between us.
This distance hurts me.
You don't like it when I speak late at nights.
You tell me it's annoying you when I smile into a kiss.
When I laugh, you tell me to shut up.
I know you don't love me, but I love you.

I see you, and listen to everything.
You touch me, and I shiver beneath you.
You kiss me, and I feel everything.

I honestly had no idea how to reach you anymore.

#sad #heart #depressed #relationship #you #distant

Don't Fall in Love

Remus Apr 2015

Don't Fall in Love

Don't fall in love with me.
I will tear you
to bits and pieces
with love, affection, and
poetry.

I'll tell you how
beautiful you look,
and when you ask
"How do I look beautiful"
I'll say
"Well darling, I must get going now."

I'll leave you breathless
in kisses
because you'll never want
to stop but
I'm already in my car
ready to go.

Don't fall in love with me
because I'll become
a female version of
John Green.

I'll write you poetry and
make you the love interest
in my novels,
but there's a reason why I
never finish anything.

I'll fall out of love,
love is boring
and when you
fall in love with me
I'll become uninterested
because I can't chase you
anymore.

It's all in the chase,
because I like getting
what I deserve
but when I get it,
it's not what I wanted.

#love #depression #hate #relationship #john-green

Do you?

Remus Sep 2017

Do you?

Do you love me like I love you?
You let your mind wander every night as you stare up at the stars,
Thinking of me.
School is the place where your heart yearns the most, for I cannot be there.
You sit during math picturing me sitting next to you, laughing at your jokes.
Opening your eyes,
Math class is still just you sitting next to some boy who isn’t me.

Do you adore me like I adore you?
Sitting at home, just looking at photos of me while you smile
Thoughts about me race around your head,
And you want to tell me, but keep them in.
Reasoning is I could never feel the same,
But I most likely do.
Whenever I sing you to sleep over the phone,
Sleeping is easier, but will refuse to admit it.
It’s your favorite sound,
My voice
The way it does anything for you.

Do you see me like I see you?
Every moment you see me is like the first,
How I enchanted you while playing the saxophone
And singing on Instagram.
You feel the skip of your heart every time we speak,
But never tell me.
Late at night your mind wanders to me whenever you feel desperate,
You’ll never tell me though.
Sometimes my freckles appear to be dirt,
But you say I’ll just be a muddy boy.
You love the random clusters, although I’ve never heard that.
One of the biggest things you will never tell me is
I’m the boy of your dreams,
The one you want to grow old with.

How much do you love me?
How much do I need to hold on or let go?
How much are you giving me?
How will you tell me all these things?
How can I make you love me?

I love you with all my heart, but how much do you love me?

#love #relationship #unrequited #fear #want #need

Drowns

Remus Feb 2015

Drowns

music drowns out
sound
like words drown out
thoughts
or how people drown
you.

#depression #thoughts #you

Drunk

Remus Feb 2015

Drunk

He left
I cried

He called me drunk
so I let him
talk.

He rambled on about how
he still
loved me.

I told him
he was drunk and
to leave me alone.

No more contact for
months until
he appeared at my
door
with all my things
and a bitter goodbye.

#depression #relationship #you #breakup

Evident

Remus Mar 2015

Evident

Anger seeps through my veins
like blood seeps through a rag.

Hatred is in the front of my mind
like front row tickets to a concert.

Betrayal is evident
like the way Van Gogh used paints
to make certain features evident.

I loved you,
or I tried anyways.
Everything I had was put
into you.
But I hit a breaking point,
you can't control me.
I can control me.
You are stone,
and I am marble.
You are flimsy,
while I am sturdy.

I'm sorry that I hurt you,
but I don't love you
anymore.
I don't want you to think
I love you when
I no longer do.

#love #depression #anger #hatred #life #pain #sadness #betrayal #relationship

Fail

Remus Sep 2014

Fail

You and I
we were supposed to
supposed to
to, to, to-
What were we
supposed to do again?

Oh yes, we were supposed
to work.
But you had to go and drive
a six inch knife into
my tiny chest.

But thank you anyways
for ******* me over
and hurting me beyond
repair.

We were supposed to work,
not ******* fail
and you made us fail.
And you made us
grow distant.
But I'm the one who
initiated it so
I apologize for that,
but only that.

#love #life #hate #relationship #failure

Fear

Remus Jun 2014

Fear

"Are you afraid?"

Yes I am afraid.
I'm afraid of so much
like the endings to books,
actually loving someone,
having to tell my mother
what I am.

I'm afraid that my family
will hate me,
that my friends already
do.
That everyone who sees me
labels me as
Miss Confused.

I'm afraid of death and life
and everything in between the
two.
Maybe I'm afraid of myself
but I don't truly have
a clue.

I know I'm afraid of who I will
love one day.
What if they hate me now
or what if they think I'm weird?
What if it's the person I broke up
because I didn't love them
anymore.

I'm afraid of a lot of things
and everyone knows it.
Because a world without
fear.
Is like a world without
law.
It's unruly and unjust.
And you do stupid
things that can
get everyone
killed.

So I'm afraid of the alternative,
the thing I fear most
in this world.

#love #fear #worry #afraid #death #you #someone

Fish

Remus Jun 2014

Fish

We're like clouds
Always close but
normally too far away.

We're like animals
in different categories.
You're a feline while
I'm a fish.

You say it's written all over me.
From the way I speak
to the way I dress.
I'm innocent and you find it
pathetic like you find a fish.

#love #hate #pathetic #friendship #innocent #ex-friendship

Fix You

Remus Oct 2014

Fix You

"I'm going to fix you."

How can you fix something
that isn't broken?
How can you expect me
to not feel offended
and scared over
a statement
like that?

"It was late, I didn't know what I was doing."

You expect me to believe that with
your perfect sentences
and awful grammar that
you always seem to have.
I may be young,
but I am not
dumb.

"I was going to **** myself if it wasn't for you."

Manipulation is so wrong,
and I'm sick to my stomach
now.
How could be like this to
a human being?
I'm sorry that I am no longer
your friend,
that I'm scared to be near you
because of the things
you said.*

I've been in situations like this
before
way too many times
and I'm done.
I'm not dealing with
any of this
anymore.
I don't deserve it,
no one deserves this.

So as I'm crying for
the first time in months,
I hope you've truly
understood that
words are stronger
than you thought they
were.

#love #broken #sad #depression #life #hate #pain #death #you

Flames

Remus Feb 2015

Flames

Pay attention to me.
I'm burning out
briskly.
Run your fingers through my hair
and pretend for once
that you have no care.
Tell me lies
and deceive me before
either of us tries.
Love is a series of games
that no one likes so
we watch it as it goes up into flames.

#love #depression #fire #relationship #you

Fly Alone

Remus Sep 2020

Fly Alone

Desire to fly alone and soar again
And continue to grow, becoming strong.
Enemies fear me greatly, for my gaze
Is causing the competition to work.
Receiving points, I crave so much to stay
Collide with the attempt of winning but not
I embrace defeat so gracefully
Support around overwhelms me greatly
I fear in what is really on their minds
Disappointed in myself for stopping us
Victory will hopefully wait until I fly
Because I want to fight on my own

#meter #angst #haikyuu #hopefulness

Foreign

Remus Aug 2015

Foreign

You left me after you promised
you wouldn't.

You called me a child,
told me to grow up,
told me that I was never good
enough.

I don't know why I held you in my heart
or why I thought that you could love me,
but I did.

I was foolish I admit,
but there had to have been a time
when I looked like the sun
in your eyes.

There must of been a time
where my texts
made you grin
and maybe you loved me.

The past is the past,
I know those words from a
Disney character,
but that's all you have to say.

I wouldn't be so angry
if you had just told me
that I wasn't for you anymore,
that we just weren't right.

You had to go
kiss her,
love her,
forget me.

You forgot me so much
that my name was
foreign on your lips.

She laughed out of victory,
while I stared at you
looking for something left
in the boy I once knew.

#love #sad #life #pain #hurt #relationship #you

Forgiveness

Remus Mar 2015

Forgiveness

You show up
asking for an
explanation.
I don't have one.

You ask why I'm
so cold hearted
but what do you
want?

Do you want me
to bend over
and pour my
heart all over your
shoes as I
beg for your
forgiveness.

I don't want your
forgiveness.
I don't need your
forgiveness.

Like how you
didn't need me
when you
cheated
4 months
ago.

#love #depression #hate #betrayal #thoughts #you

Formal Attire

Remus Dec 2014

Formal Attire

We sat in a field dressed in formal attire.

This is what we get for leaving my mother's wedding.

You kept asking if we would go back,
and I simply don't have an answer.

I've spent my entire life running from things like this,
and never returning since I can't handle it.

But then I met you and I could come back to you.
I could tell you that I hated you and I loved you at the same time.

Before I knew it we were kissing in this field,
and I had no control over the situation.

Articles of clothing were being pealed off our skin and I stopped you.
I couldn't do this;
not like this
not now.

You apologized and gave me back my black dress,
and I gave you back your white button up.

"I currently love you."

The statement made you smiled and you nodded.

"I currently love you too."

And with that we got up and went back to the wedding,
even though we smelt of hormones and love.

#love #life #depressed #friendship #relationship #story #wait

Former Lovers

Remus Feb 2015

Former Lovers

3 years.
That's how long it's been.
Sure, we're still friends
but you started dating her
and didn't tell me.

You don't deserve
anyone's attention,
especially mine.
They don't know
the things you've
questioned
or all the lies
you've told.

You're a
liar, thief, wrong,
and a former lover
to me.

That's why I hate you,
and most former lovers.

#love #depression #hate #relationship

For You

Remus Jul 2015

For You

A heart laid on the floor,
millions of pieces shattered
and you didn't take second
glance at it.

My eyes were full of tears
and my chest was empty.
What did I do?

I ran away with you,
I felt something for you,
I gave my everything for you.

What I didn't realize is that
you were in the arms of
someone who didn't love you.

Maybe it was the fact was that
you loved someone that
wasn't me.

I didn't know how to cope
on being presented as
your partner in crime
and then all the sudden
you were in love with
someone else.

So as you walked away from
my shattered heart,
I tried to walk closer to you.

But you told me that the moment
someone shatters
they can't be anything to
you.

This is really bad and I apologize.

#love #heartbreak #sad #depression #life #pain #hurt #you

fragile heart

Remus Jan 2016

fragile heart

we were meant to
fail from
the start.

didn't want anyone
wrecking my
fragile heart.

two beating hearts
all alone,
and oh so different
from one year ago.

once we were
on the same path,
but now we're
straying from that.

you blame yourself,
but you shouldn't,
you should only blame
her.

she was the one
to destroy all of
my trust
for anyone and everyone.

I wasn't anything precious
to her,
but to you
I'm the sun
and you're the
planets.

please don't beat yourself up,
but sometimes we all just have
to leave someone
we love.

#love #heartbreak #sad #pain #relationship #thoughts #you

Get Over It

Remus Nov 2015

Get Over It

"Get over it. If you're not going to come out then don't complain."

I get that my "complaining" may seem
annoying to you,
but you've obviously
never experienced
gender dysphoria before.

I live in the realm of it
with every wrong pronoun
to filling out applications
and having to choose
the girl option.

You're blessed to have
the parents you have
who love and accept you
no matter what.
While my parents would
put me in therapy
if I even
dared
to come out.

Don't tell me to get over it.
Don't tell anyone to get over it.
Unless you're telling yourself
to ******* grow up
and get over yourself.

You say that you're
gender queer as well,
then treat people
with the respect
you want.

Let me cry into your shirt
because I'm not a girl,
but I'm forced to see one
in the mirror
everyday.

Let me call you in the middle of the night
because it's gotten bad
because I feel every
ounce of my self hatred
late a night
when no one is around.

Just be there
because I didn't tell you for no reason.

I trusted you to be
careful and kind
to me, to my secret,
but you had to be
bitter and tell me to
get over it.

#sad #depression #hatred #life #pain #gender #thoughts #queer #gender-queer

Goal

Remus Jan 2015

Goal

You were my goal
of 2014.
I would have you
along with
happiness.

I had you for a second
before I tore away
screaming.

You aren't my goal
of 2015.
You cause me
tragedy & despair.
But now I'm
your goal of
2015.

That is where
the problem
begins.

#love #heartbreak #depression #life #you #2015

Gone

Remus Jan 2015

Gone

We were a matching pair,
but as soon as you left
the game appeared to be fair.

Never mind the noises in my head,
I just want to know that you're okay
all alone in your bed.

No more arms to wrap me,
but you have someone for sleep
while I'm just left be.

It's not that it's bad to be gone,
but I miss you too much
for you to be done.

#heartbreak #life #pain #depressed #relationship #you

Hold

Remus Sep 2017

Hold

I hold on to you
do you hold on to me?

I clutch your shirt tightly
are you only clutching mine slightly?

I fall in love with you every day
do you feel the same?

Do you miss me like I miss you?
Would you kiss me, like I’d kiss you?

Should I take my heart back?
Or should I stay on track
fighting for us to be connected
once again?

#heartbreak #relationship #love #sadness

Holding Our Breath

Remus Apr 2014

Holding Our Breath

Holding my breath as a child
Was so difficult.
I use to cheat
And pretend that I
Wasn’t breathing when I was.
Growing up is like that.
Seeing who can survive the longest
Without a breath, but we’re all cheating.
And in the end
No one going to win.

#life #growing-up

Hypocrite

Remus May 2014

Hypocrite

I have a friend who is a hypocrite.
She says to not call yourself ugly
for it's not the truth
but she calls herself ugly all the time
when she thinks I'm not listening.

She tries to hit me when I say I do not look nice,
but if I ever tried that she would hurt me.

She is a hypocrite since she's doing things
that she thinks is good for me.
But she does the opposite to herself because she thinks
it's the truth.

#friend #ugly #hypocrite #female-association