I lost a friend.
        They started it
                and I finished.

Saying goodbye to
        everything I loved
                about them.
                        I turned away
                                and never came
                                        back.

I'm sorry,
        but how was this
                for the best?

Best for you,
        but never me
                because I'll miss you
                        more than you ever
                              missed me

No more
No more
No ******* more

So done with you and how
I was the first yet last
choice.

I constantly lived in fear
you would pick him over
me.
A girl you were supposed to
******* love.

But no,
you were falling
for others and you want
me to like you again

It's your 15th birthday
and I wished for you to have
a happy one.

But I still get the feeling
you don't want me to
speak to you.

So your brother and I
begin to grow close
and all I wish is for you
to love me again.

It's cold,
the bed
we once
shared.

I'm alone,
now that
your heartbeat
has ceased.

We no longer
share a
connection,
well that
was after
you left
me.

So why do I cry
over someone who
could never love
me back again?

You and I
we were supposed to
supposed to
to, to, to-
What were we
supposed to do again?

Oh yes, we were supposed
to work.
But you had to go and drive
a six inch knife into
my tiny chest.

But thank you anyways
for ******* me over
and hurting me beyond
repair.

We were supposed to work,
not ******* fail
and you made us fail.
And you made us
grow distant.
But I'm the one who
initiated it so
I apologize for that,
but only that.

And apparently I am
some sad little girl
who is lost and alone,
that can't make up her mind because she stutters
all the time.

But actually
I'm not sad nor am I alone,
I've had mind made up for several months now
and I'm my own person one hundred percent of the time.

Once asked who you loved
you tensed up.
Do you remember the
countless times
We told each other
'I love you'

I do and I regret them.
I wish I had never said
those three words.

Maybe then
I wouldn't feel
so attached to
you.

That would be nice,
to not have the feeling
I have to be your friend
even though I hate you
so much.

My body began to shake
I didn't know what to think.
You wanted to talk to me,
to have an actual conversation
with me

Why though?
I'm not complaining, I'm just
confused.

You're this wonderful person
who makes me happy just
seeing you and I'm,
well I'm just a person with
one million and one
problems who can't even be in
a proper relationship without
******* it up.

So why do you want to be my friend?
Did I finally do something right,
is this my reward because I love it.
I love this reward more than
anything
in the world.

In the moments before disaster
I fell in love.

He was beautiful,
Why was he so beautiful?

I wanted to hold him close
And make sure he was alright
But in the end I was the one that
Crumbled and he,
Well he was the victor of disaster.

Everyone believes in a
different cause.
Your cause could be
women's rights
and mine may be
if ranch is a breakfast food.

So if someone says that they
do not support your cause
do not get angry
because you may not support
theirs.

I miss you more than anything

They say take a pill.
But I don't want to.

They say I need to be
Stable.
But I don't want to

They say I'm not myself
But I am.

They finally say that
they love me
When they found me dead.

When I was younger
I snuck kisses to a kid
during nap time.
The teacher had to
separate us since
I wouldn't stop
kissing them.

Now eight years later
and I hate recalling the
ever so burning
memories.

People don't believe the
story.
Seeing that I'm not
attractive
and that I'm so
awkward.
They say I make it up,
but no I'm not.

I was going to marry
the kid.
I really thought I loved them.
I loved how they smelt.
Or the way they laughed.
The way they said my name made me smile.
I was a little seven year old
who fell in love.

I wonder where they are now.
But I would never know
since they shut me out of their
life.
After I left the daycare I saw them
once.
They ignored me as our mothers
spoke.
My mom got onto me for not
talking to the kid.
I couldn't bear to tell her
that I had kissed that kid
that I really had liked them.

I couldn't tell her because that kid
was a girl and I'm a girl as well.
"She'll hate me" I told myself
So I've never told her about
the shared kisses and moments
between me and that other
little seven year old.

And if I close my eyes
even for a moment
you might be gone
and I'll be alone
again.

Dear whoever this concerns,

I have come up with a solution with my little problem.
My little problems that concerns sexuality.
I must know what gender I like at this very moment.
I little innocent 15 year old who struggles with this more than she struggles with breathing.
You asked me if I would date her and I said yes, but I'm not gay.
You asked me if I would date him and I said yes, but I'm not straight.
You told me I was confused if I didn't know who I liked.
What body parts I wanted to touch when I had ***.

I've said many times how I do not wish to have *** and you never
cared.
"You're too young to think like that" my mother would say but
am I?
All of the other kids are having *** and kissing and I don't want to.
I really just don't want to, but it's because I'm 15?
Because my hormones haven't kicked in?
I don't believe so, and it's not that you raised me to not want that.
I believe there is something that we don't know yet.

Maybe if we didn't give a **** about what we yearned for.
What we wanted when we fell asleep at night or woke up in the morning.
What we think when we look at someone attractive.
Or what we think when they talk or laugh.
Or what their body looked like in a certain outfit.
What we thought of their haircut.
The possibilities of thoughts towards the same and different gender
go on.

But what if we didn't care about that?
What if we solely focused on whether or not they made us happy.
It doesn't matter their personality, only if they made us happy.
Happiness is important like my father told me.
To not be happy is a sad thing and it breaks others hearts.

So I have decided that if I'm happy when I'm with someone then that means I'm happy.
I don't care their personality, appearance, their history, or anything like that.
I will focus on how they make me feel.
How they will make me feel will be happy.
Something I've never really been.

I have a friend who is a hypocrite.
She says to not call yourself ugly
for it's not the truth
but she calls herself ugly all the time
when she thinks I'm not listening.

She tries to hit me when I say I do not look nice,
but if I ever tried that she would hurt me.

She is a hypocrite since she's doing things
that she thinks is good for me.
But she does the opposite to herself because she thinks
it's the truth.