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936 · Mar 2014
Winter in March (10 w)
aphrodite Mar 2014
Stop blaming the weather for why you've become so cold.
936 · Apr 2015
Enough
aphrodite Apr 2015
it only took one week for you to re-light the candle,
and it only took me six words to set afire
(i'm so sorry i ****** up)
you were reckless with heat and i was so easily flammable and ******* for coming back when you did

there's always been a whole lot of grey between us
it wasn't black and white from the start
i was always making exceptions and you were always doing the wrong thing,
but making it seem so right

it feels like the butterflies in my stomach have turned into bees
stinging and buzzing whenever we talk and
im far past the school-girl crush, with sweaty palms and shy giggles
my hands are shaky and there's a lump in my throat because this isn't romance anymore,
this is red eyes and fractured ribs.

you keep referring to her as "a mistake"
but i keep hearing you say "i want her back"
and i wish you knew that the more you try to disguise your anger as indifference,
the more apparent it is that you wish things were different.

i will always be the altarboy,
i will always wait for you on hands and feet.
i will never be enough for you.
*i will never be enough for you
**
904 · Dec 2014
4 letters
aphrodite Dec 2014
Love is not the way your father slams doors,
or the way your mother stays locked behind them at night.
Love is not the way your brother loses his temper,
or the alcohol disintegrating your grandfather's brain.
Despite what you have been raised to believe,
love is not waking up alone on Christmas morning,
or the hand that hit you wiping away your tears.
Love is not the screams of rage on Saturday night
and the singing of hymns on Sunday morning.
Love is not leaving a light on for someone who’s never coming home,
and love is not the empty trust fund with your name written on it.
Love is not the pain you grew up in.
Love is not the pain you grew up in.
Comment and fill in the blank: "Love is not..."
**
aphrodite Jun 2014
No one truly knows how you feel except you,
but who knows what tomorrow will bring?
When life is beating you black and blue;
remember: there is beauty in even the worst of things.
aphrodite Feb 2015
I liked you so much better when you weren't mine
Haven't posted in a while!
A lot going on and I needed time to process it before I could write about it.
So expect some new posts!
Hope you're all enjoying your Sunday afternoon.
824 · Jan 2015
untitled
aphrodite Jan 2015
"If I could paint a picture of how we used to be,
it would be a landscape of a field
with sunflowers that all look the exact same.
The exact same.
Over and over and over again."
This is a stanza from a poem I wrote, but haven't posted yet.
If you'd like to read the rest, leave a comment.
Aiming for 300 followers in the near future, so help out if you can!
Hope you're all well.
**
822 · Sep 2014
I think...
aphrodite Sep 2014
Life is moving fast and I am so slow
and it feels like I'm running after a train that  everyone else is on, heading where they're supposed to be
but I can never catch up in time,
I can only ever watch the people I love move forward.
I think I've lost a few people that I used to know -
and it hurts like hell
knowing that you can feel so deeply about a person
and have it mean nothing at all
.

And lately my head's been filling with dreams
dreams so big that they exhaust me
but I think I'm becoming a lot more like my mother than I planned to be
and it scares me to think of being locked up in this town forever.

Because lately I feel like I'm missing out,
like there's a whole world out there I don't know about
like there's a possibility that I could really be someone,
like I could go somewhere where things would change.

Lately I'm not sure what it means to be a good person
or what the right way is to behave to someone who ******* you over
But maybe lately I've been thinking too much...
I think lately, I've been scared of getting older.
Haven't written in so long that I'm not even sure if this is any good.
Anyway, it's just some thoughts I had.
Hope all is well with everyone.
**
822 · Mar 2014
Up all night
aphrodite Mar 2014
Hello, 2 am.
I've been seeking you again...
searching for a friend
to help me release pain that seems to never end.

Hello, 3 am.
Where do I begin?
Stuck in the same place I've always been
Committing my usual nightly sins.

Hello, 4 am.
Have you been missing me?
I could use your company
to keep me from falling asleep.

Hello, 5 am.*
Thanks for raising your sunny face.
It's been a long night,
but I'm glad I've outrun this chase.
"It's always darkest before the dawn"
I'm trying to remember those words when my nights seems the darkest, and I hope you all try the same.
**
791 · Oct 2017
GAD
aphrodite Oct 2017
GAD
there is a fire in my chest
that roars with every breath i take
i am suffocating,
choking on the fumes

at night, i am my own firefighter
i use the jaws of life to cut open my skin,
reach inside of myself
and extinguish whatever is burning me alive
until the flames re-ignite again in the morning.
786 · Feb 2014
Sweet (?) Sixteen
aphrodite Feb 2014
I was 16 years old and wanted to slice myself in half,
wondering if I would ever get the last laugh.
Wondering why the good things never last,
hoping I could one day go down the right path.

I was 16 years old and couldn't think straight,
stuck on the idea that I'd always be too late.
Hoping that the boy would ask me on a date,
Seeing only predictability and self hate.

I was 16 years old with a hair clip and a lighter,
wondering why no one else saw me as a fighter.
Trying different things to make the weight lighter;
mixed in with the invisible's and the over-biters.

I was 16 years old and the timing was always wrong,
feeling like the road of self-destruction was too long.
Doctors telling me what I had known all along,
just waiting for the day that I could sing a new song.
Oh, youth.
aphrodite Jun 2014
Stop replaying that night when you drank too much and said the wrong things and kissed the wrong person.

Stop wishing you could take back the words you said in the fight that ended things for good.

Stop wishing you had gotten better grades in high school instead of taking up a habit that you still haven't broken 5 years later.

Stop wishing you had taken more pictures last Christmas because you didn't know it would be the last Christmas you would spend with your father.

Stop wondering if your best friend took what you said that one time the wrong way.

Stop hating yourself for staying quiet that one time you saw something you knew was wrong, but turned a blind eye.

We are all ****** up people.
We are all flawed.
We have all hurt someone we love, we have all broken things that can never be repaired.
But regret gets exhausting,
and eventually,
if you let it,
it will bleed you dry.


Forgive yourself.
I feel like the only thing I have to offer in my writing any more are things that I'm going through, and from my own experience.
I've kind of hit a writing block for a while now.
If anyone has a topic that they'd like me to write something on, please let me know!
I hope you all enjoyed this, and I hope you're one day able to forgive yourself for that one thing that you carry around with you everywhere you go.
**
737 · Apr 2021
13,041
aphrodite Apr 2021
kind eyes and crooked smile,
the inner child that shows its face in the morning
how strange to have been strangers once
how strange to be strangers once again
703 · Sep 2014
Holes
aphrodite Sep 2014
There are always people
who will want to pretend nothing ever happened
who will want to pretend that they didn't drive nails through your wrists
and that they don't see you bleeding dry through the gaping holes
There are always people
that say they want you to go far
and they tell you that if you dig deep enough, you'll dig a hole to China
but stand above ground, throwing dirt back in like a burial service
And there are people like myself,
who forget what they're writing about half way in
who have gaping holes in their wrists that were never from a cross
and bottomless holes in the pit of their stomach
that never led to China.
My writing has become so trash, but I don't know what to write anymore, so I write stuff like this.
Sorry.
**
aphrodite Nov 2014
I used to believe that nothing hurt more than disappointment.
Then I felt the pain of betrayal and believed that nothing could hurt more than the untruth of the one you loved most.
And now,
I'm throwing up from one too many cigarettes,
one too many drinks,
and I'm starting to believe that nothing hurts worse than feeling nothing at all.
Rough times.
**
aphrodite Apr 2014
You were supposed to love me.
But instead,
you reminded me of sitting in a dentist's chair
or not being able to find a matching sock
or early mornings and crowded public transportation.

And I was supposed to hate you for that,
but instead -
you reminded me of a new cashmere sweater
and the lullaby my mother used to hum to me as a child
and the books that line my shelves.

And even when you made me go numb;
I could still feel you every time I got a paper cut,
and see you in sun that sets late on a summer evening ,
and hear you in the wail of my alarm at 6 am on a Monday morning,
smell you in the daisies that grew by the trail,
and taste you in the bitter flavour of my medication.

There were versions of you in everything I hated and everything I loved in life
and now that you won't even look my way,
all I want is to stop living.
"I'm always writing about the same **** person. I think I'll love him forever."
**
aphrodite Mar 2014
I spend a lot of time thinking,
so I've had some time to make up my mind.
But you spend a lot of time drinking,
leaving your morals and reasoning behind.

I spend a lot of time reading,
because I crave the escape of a fictional fantasy life.
But you spend a lot of time bleeding,
because you crave an escape only found through a knife.

I spend a lot of time worrying,
because I fear you'll never make it out of this town alive.
But you spend a lot of time hurrying;
dismissing everything that matters to stay busy,
just to survive.

I spend a lot of time laundering
your ***** clothes with stains of blood
that just won't seem wash out.
But you spend a lot of time wandering;
always searching,
but never finding what love is really about.

I spend a lot of time thinking,
so I've had some time to make up my mind.
You can carry on your drinking,
I've decided it's time to leave you behind.
Trying to organize all of my stupid thoughts into a poem, as always.
**
aphrodite Feb 2014
There are many things I can tell you, and many things I cannot.
The amount of battles I've won is much less than the ones I've fought.
But I've got lots of knowledge buried inside my skull
Some of which is morbid, but most of which is dull.

I can tell you how to sweep the kitchen floor without leaving behind crumbs,
I can tell you how to twist a doorknob without using your thumbs.
I can tell you how to get to Union Station from the West-bound train,
I can teach you different pranks that will drive your brother insane.

I can tell you how to sear small burns into your delicate skin,
I can name you all the different pills that will make you thin.
I can tell you how to hurt yourself in places no one will find,
I can tell you how to arrange your coke into a perfect line.

But there are things I cannot say, for I have not discovered:
How to find hope, how to be kind, or how to be a lover.
I'm still learning how to drive my car in standard,
And I'm still trying to figure out how to behave in a polite manner.

Every day I learn, and every day I fail
But my burning desire for growth will always prevail.

Because although I am destructive and ill and cold
And though I am young and foolish and bold
I am still looking forward to what the future will hold
Because there are many things I can tell you, and many things to be told.
Wrote something fairly optimistic for the way that I'm feeling right now.
Hope you enjoy.
**
674 · Mar 2015
For You
aphrodite Mar 2015
A cell is not a home,
those bars keep you too far away.
We all try not to think about it too much,
and like this we keep ourselves sane.
We dance around the topic and I pretend not to hear Mom howling at night because if I don't acknowledge it, then it doesn't exist.
Has your vision faded to black and white?
Do you pretend that if you don't see the colour orange hanging from your body,
that you're just in another place?
Another empty room?
Another lonely night spent with  strangers at a location you're trying to make home?
You've always liked the way your hair looked long,
do you still like it now?
Have you began to hate the things you once loved yet?
Like cartoons, or colouring books, or the drugs that twisted and knotted your brain cells?
The drugs that sent you there?
The drugs that keep you there?
Have you began to resent every memory you have of us growing up?
Who do you see when you have nightmares?
Whose name do you curse when you awake in a cold sweat?
A cell is not a home
and those bars are going to ruin you.
**
aphrodite Feb 2014
I didn't cry for two years,
Because I refused to let myself feel.
I promised that I would save my tears
for something that deemed my emotions real.

It was a method that helped me get by -
Not questioning why certain things felt so heavy to carry,
I never let myself feel the urge to cry,
Because the thought that I may never stop was an idea too scary.

And then I saw you
and I didn't know if anything would feel worse,
than the way you said my name
Or how your eyebrows raise when you curse.

You messed up my two year streak.
You interfered with my way of living.
And now I always let the water leak
from my eyes until my emotions are swimming.

So I'm sick of writing poems about you,
and I hate that you made me cry.
These are my last lines for you,
this is me saying goodbye.
This marks the first day of letting go of someone who never wanted to be held onto...
(I will say this every day until those words will finally feel true.)
654 · Sep 2014
Roman Rule
aphrodite Sep 2014
Good girls in rows of frilly dresses and kitten heels and pigtails
seated with black tie fathers and black eyed mothers
in the sea of hymns and Church bells.
Don't fidget with your fingers,
don't stare at people too long,
don't ask why.

Good girls in short kilts and knee high socks and dark lipstick
seated next to boys in khaki's with hands that move like serpents
in the sea of rumours and stealthy glances.
Don't kiss in the stairwell,
don't talk too loud,
don't ask why.

Good girls with black eyeliner and opened wounds and glazed eyes
seated next to nothing in particular and nothing that matters
in the sea of emptiness that's left behind when they are alone.
Don't let your smile falter,
don't stare at the black pit of your stomach,
don't ask why.
I tried to write something I was thinking about, but couldn't quite put it into the words I wanted. Ended up like this. Hopefully you can interpret it in your own way. Hope you're all doing well.
**
653 · Oct 2014
Graces
aphrodite Oct 2014
...And I've seen what it's like to have good days,
really ******* good days.
Days when things go horribly wrong and surprisingly right but you see how much your mother has sacrificed for you
and how the sky looks so ordinary but it will probably never look the exact same way as it does right now
and  the sun shines on your best friend in a way that makes you feel happy to be alive.
I am happy to be alive.
I don't know what that means in terms of progress,
But I know it's October again,
and this Thanksgiving I am able to say the words that I couldn't say last year:
**I am happy to be alive.
"Day by day, nothing seems to change, but pretty soon...everything's different."
I think the U.S. celebrates Thanksgiving on a different date, but for everyone celebrating today... Happy Thanksgiving.
For reading my writing, for commenting and reposting and following me... For sharing your own work, for showing me that there are people out there who know exactly how you feel...
For that, I am thankful for all of you.
**
642 · Nov 2014
19:31
aphrodite Nov 2014
i loved you like a hot air balloon that was never coming down
but all things run out of fuel eventually
and the higher you get,
the harder the fall.
all good things must come to an end.
**
611 · Feb 2014
10
aphrodite Feb 2014
10
When you're living in a war,
nothing scares you anymore.
aphrodite Mar 2014
I've never really loved the look of "perfect" on a person.

But I've loved crooked teeth
and chapped lips
and the rips in his sweater
and calloused palms
and acne scars along his jawbone
and eyes that are slightly slanted upward
and pant legs that are too short
and watches worn with the time set two minutes early
and hair that always looks the same
and loud voices in libraries
and quiet whispers at crowded parties
and twisted ****** expressions
and dilated pupils
and the way too much of his gum shows when he smiles
and beauty marks in secret places
and the same white t-shirt worn over and over again
and eye colours that are indistinguishable
and cold, blank stares at 3 am
and hopeful stares at the break of dawn
and messy writing that's hard to read
and untied shoe laces
and lisps
and stutters
and jeans worn too low
and fists that make holes in walls
and breath that reeks of coffee
and lips that taste of tobacco
and eyelids that are heavy after a long day
and fading bruises
and bushy eyebrows
and clumsy feet
and hunched postures
and hands that are always too cold
and bandages stuck onto odd places
and cologne that's a little too strong...

 because I think that showing what is imperfect is what makes a person worth loving.
Accidentally deleted this one, but I changed the title and I'm reposting it.
Again, I hope you enjoy it & comments are always welcome!
**
583 · Oct 2014
We are The Fall
aphrodite Oct 2014
Fall is less beautiful at night

When the wind is blowing and you've forgotten your jacket and there isn't enough sunlight to illuminate the colour of the leaves and finally you see the season for what it really is
A season of death.

But we try not to think about it too much.

We are the crack pipe babies,
the suburban rats that lay in fields at 2 am.

We are the children of the night,
We smoke till we can't feel the chill of October anymore.
(we smoke till we can't feel the chill of anything anymore)
We are the boys and girls with holes in our gloves and rips in our boots and parents that swear to love us for the beautiful colours we have grown into to.
But they are colours of dried blood, and rust on metal and stained teeth.
They are the red and brown and yellow of autumn leaves.

We are the Fall.
But Fall is so much less beautiful at night.
We are crunch beneath your step,
we are the decoration on your porch.
**
aphrodite Feb 2014
I would give everything to not sleep alone tonight,
I have tried so many drugs to make this burden feel light.
But nothing is helping to rid these beasts out of sight!
Show me something to end this nightmare,
give me something to win this fight.
i do this to myself every night and i wish change werent so difficult.
504 · Nov 2014
Wish I wasn't
aphrodite Nov 2014
I see you in the chair on my front porch when I'm alone and it's dark.

It all goes quiet after a while.

It's easy to lose count of how much you've smoked when the air is cold.
Whether it's puffs of cold air or puffs of cigarette smoke,
I can't tell
It doesn't matter anyway.

**I'm still thinking of you.
**
501 · May 2018
On letting go
aphrodite May 2018
they say if you love something, you should let it it go.
if it comes back to you, it was always yours
if it doesn't return, it was never yours to begin with
you've came and gone so many times that i've let you turn this home into a hotel room,
let you turn the bomb shelter of my arms into just another pair of limbs -
let you leave a vacancy between my fingers where yours once intertwined with mine like a promise.

these days i keep a lock on the door,
guard my heart with my arms crossed.
I keep my hands to myself.
they say if you love something, you should let it go
sometimes letting someone go is the same thing as pushing them away
sometimes letting someone go means holding onto yourself
sometimes letting go means not letting them return,
no matter how hard it is to lose something that once belonged to you.
495 · Jan 2019
2019
aphrodite Jan 2019
You have never been worthy of the love I gave to you -
I will love myself til I don't miss yours anymore.
490 · Mar 2014
Hope Springs (10 w)
aphrodite Mar 2014
Don't look back, love -
the past only brings bad luck.
486 · Apr 2014
1:24
aphrodite Apr 2014
Sleeping alone does a strange things to us,
and the dark distorts our view.
So don't believe the things you tell yourself so late at night
because none of it is true
.
A shorter version of a poem I previously posted, inspired by the song "Parachute" by Cheryl Cole.
481 · Mar 2014
Lua - Bright Eyes
aphrodite Mar 2014
I know that it is freezing, but I think we have to walk.
I keep waving at the taxi's, they keep turning their lights off.
But Julie knows a party at some actor's west side loft...
Supplies are endless in the evening,
by the morning, they'll be gone.

When everything is lonely, I can be my own best friend.
I grab a coffee and the paper, have my own conversations
with the sidewalk and the pigeons and my window reflection.
The mask I polished in the evening,
by the morning, looks like ****.

And I know you have a heavy heart,
I can feel it when we kiss.
So many men stronger than me have thrown their back's out trying to lift it.
But me, I'm not a gamble.
You can count on me to split...
The love I sell you in the evening,
by the morning, won't exist.

You're looking skinny like a model with your eyes all painted black.
You just keep going to the bathroom,
only say you'll be right back.
Well, it takes one to know one, kid...
I think you've got it bad.
But what is easy in the evening,
by the morning, is such a drag.

I've got a flask inside my pocket,
we can share it on the train.
And if you promise to stay conscious,
I will try to do the same.
Well, we might die from medication, but we sure killed all the pain.
But what was normal in the evening,
by the morning seems insane.

And I'm not sure what the trouble was that started all of this.
The reasons have all run away, but the feeling never did.
It's not something I would recommend, but it is one way to live.
'Cause what is simple in the moonlight,
by the morning, never is.

It was so simple in the moonlight, now it's so complicated.
It was so simple in the moonlight...
So simple in the moonlight....
This is one of my favourite's, if not my favourite song.
I find it poetic and I love the melody. Let me know how you like the lyrics and give it a listen if you haven't already!
**
474 · Jul 2017
Something
aphrodite Jul 2017
the memories form a lump in my throat,
the nostalgia - a hard pill to swallow
4 months since you ripped my mouth off your hook and i'm still trying to find my voice to speak
i tell myself its time to write something
write anything, just let it be something
462 · Nov 2014
This is not poetry
aphrodite Nov 2014
I imagine it may never get better.
**
443 · Mar 2014
Hope (Yellow)
aphrodite Mar 2014
Oh, there is something!
Something that shakes my spine.
Something that pumps blood to my heart,
something alive in this body of mine.

Oh, can you feel it coming?
Can you picture the prisoners breaking free?
Can you hear the children's laughter?
Can you see the monsters flee?

Oh, it is rising!
Rising from deep inside of me.
Something that is yellow,
something that could set me free...

Oh, how exciting!
When you think you've seen some light,
Though it is dim and far away,
It is still within my sight.

No, I'm not sick of fighting,
but I'm sick of falling on my knees.
Now nature is showing me it's beauty
and magic is calling out to me.

Oh, can you hear them calling?
Can you see the Angels of the Seas?
They float atop the violent waves,
they carry the ocean's breeze.

Oh, I've stopped my crying.
The wound in my side no longer bleeds,
I see shooting stars falling
to grant the wishes our souls need.

So, I'm not lying
when I tell you I'm doing okay.
Though it hasn't been too easy,
I'm still breathing for a new day.

Oh, how hard I'm trying!*
To fight for those four letters.
I've been battling for courage, strength and beauty...
For hope to make me better.
Today, I am happy that what is on my mind is the message of hope.
After a series of heavy poems, I hope you find this refreshing.
**
424 · Jul 2019
Summer Love
aphrodite Jul 2019
he can't breathe in summer without smelling my perfume
those mid-july kisses always destined for doom
december comes around all too fast,
faced with blurry memories from our past
spring gives birth to a life that don't feel new,
*** the grass ain't greener, just a different hue
time apart from you don't seem to fly by
but when the Sun reaches its highest point in the sky
it somehow always brings him back to me,
hot and sticky nights with my baby
423 · Apr 2018
Before Paris
aphrodite Apr 2018
Ran into you at 2 am,
swore I'd never do this again...
But you rolled over in your sleep,
held my hand like a promise to keep
I knew I loved you then,
now my heart belongs to 2 am
aphrodite Mar 2014
Stop blaming the world and changing your mind like the weather;
you should know by now that people aren't meant to stay together forever.
When you finally let go of the past,  I hope you feel light as a feather.
And when you stop biting your tongue - you'll learn to never say never.
Just a thought that I thought I could share.
I hope you're all having a good night.
**
358 · Apr 2020
Daisies
aphrodite Apr 2020
when the goodbyes are for good,
after months of caving into yourself,
sadness spilling out of yourself,
you begin to let go of the things that only ever almost existed -
but died before they could live outside of your mind:
the weekend getaway to new york city you almost booked,
the christmas lights on the roof we almost put up,
the 'i love you' that you almost meant.

you learn to let go of the potential happy endings:
throwing our caps up at the graduation we almost made it to,
the hidden trail we almost hiked,
the new year's eve kisses we exchanged for almost 4 years in a row.
but there are things that still swell beneath the surface -
every exhale threatening to spill the words i almost said,
every memory embedded in a cinematic masterpiece so beautiful that it can only be viewed through rose-coloured glasses.

so i lay them down here:
a graveyard for every almost,
a cemetery for every possibility,
a sanctuary for every end of the line disguised as a new beginning.
and i let them rest in peace.
i bring them flowers once a year,
daisies because they remind me of your smile.

i pay my respects and mourn the love that could have been.
i thank you for almost being the best thing that ever happened to me.
i thank you for the laughter that almost lasted forever.
i thank you for almost loving me without end.
307 · Feb 2014
It never rests!
aphrodite Feb 2014
Oh mother,
I can't bear to see you cry
That's why I'll bite my tongue
Instead of saying goodbye.

Oh lover,
Why are you so shy?
I'm starting to get bad again
You're the reason why.
the timing is all wrong and this was not what i wanted.
195 · Mar 2020
Getting Under
aphrodite Mar 2020
last November, you said, "I'll always be here when you need me."
so thank you for staying gone.
176 · Aug 2020
In Another Life
aphrodite Aug 2020
thousands of light years away
on an island off the West coast of Venus
there is a cottage built of moonstone
with a stove that runs on stardust
and a violet retriever with antennas for ears
who roams the yard and barks into the void.

there is an ocean where our love runs deep,
so we bathe in the memories of our past lives
and ride the wave of our endless future.
we smoke moon cheese when the sunrises,
we drink from the milky way as the sunsets,
we collect the shooting stars that granted us all of our wishes
and put them on display in glass cabinets.

and though a version of us exists on Earth,
in a world of pandemic and isolation,
where the stoves run on gas and the dogs foam at the mouth,
where the oceans are tainted and the stars are out of reach,
it is enough to know that thousands of light years away,
there is a cottage on the West coast of Venus,
where you and I live in perfect harmony.
170 · Mar 2023
every rose has it's tHorn
aphrodite Mar 2023
i read the poetry i used to write for boys i never think of any more
and it makes me sick to know you're next.
to know all this heartache really is temporary
to know i miss you as bad as i do right now and in a year,
it will only be a poem.
you will only be a poem.
151 · Mar 2020
<3
aphrodite Mar 2020
<3
confess to me your sins,
the blood you ran cold,
show me your scars
and i 'll love you tenfold.
bare me your soul,
let me tend to your pain,
lay down your weakness
i'll love you whole again.
144 · Jan 2020
2 Hours Up North
aphrodite Jan 2020
there's something in the quiet about this town,
the vacancy after the sun goes down,
the trucks backed in to their wide driveways,
headlights fading into distant rays.

the only movement outside is the gentle fall of the snow,
and the darkness seems to have an odd sort of glow,
no sounds of children, music, or the roaring of a crowd,
but the absence of noise has never been so loud.

there's something about the quiet in this town,
that reminds me of how peaceful it was to have you around,
during that first snowstorm of the new year,
whispering truths of our greatest hopes and fears.
the grey in this sky like the hue of your eyes,
as familiar as the nose kisses you gave me goodbye.

you'd hate this place: too cold, too far, too much of nothing to do.
but something in the quiet of this town that reminds me of you.
142 · Jun 2020
non-essential
aphrodite Jun 2020
nothing about these moments feel fair,
time keeps passing and i fear that i am growing younger,
that i am becoming more childlike.
i feel small again, like i need to be held.
i tell myself i forgive you,
but i fear the resentment that threatens to surface,
and i'm terrified that it doesn't matter anyway.

i still love you. i don't know if i'll ever stop.
maybe you need me more now than ever,
because i need you, too.
but i fear this nostalgia only exists in my mind,
and i'm terrified that it doesn't matter anyway.

— The End —