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352 · Jul 2014
All in your head
Lani Foronda Jul 2014
It's all in your head,
They said.
All the thoughts.
All the figures.
All the shadows.
It's a figment of your imagination.
A mere variable added to the equation
That was never there.
From the start it was just you-
No one else
Nothing more.
One day
You built a safe haven
Because you wanted a place to hide.
On the next
You created a friend
Because you didn't want to be alone.
But you need to wake up-
Oh,
You must!
Child, wake up and see that this fantasy
Will never be your reality.
As good as it seems
It will never be.
Stop smelling the roses
And see the thorns that are pricking your side.
You think it's so sweet
But really it's just poison down your throat.
So wake up.
Wake up before this dream
Becomes your prison.
May 28, 2013
349 · Jul 2014
Untitled
Lani Foronda Jul 2014
You're looking for a soldier
Who'll stay and fight.
Hold that gun high and proud.
But I'm the one who'd pull the trigger
On myself.

You're looking for safe ground
A place to rest your tired feet.
But every where I step
A crack in the pavement is made.
My feet is battle scarred by the bits of brokenness I've walked on.

You can train me up for battle
As hard as you want.
Put me through all the courses
Run all the laps needed
Make me to be the ideal fighting machine.

But as hard as I try
To stand my ground,
Someone always has the upper hand.
A  bigger gun
More bullets.
And bang
I'm left for dead.
April 22, 2013
Lani Foronda Jun 2014
The hour I knew loved you
Was not in late morning when you pulled a chair up for me.
It was not in mid afternoon when you brushed my hair out of my eyes.
It was not before sunset when you say goodbye and pulled away.
It was not at 3 am when you whispered “I love you” as I fell asleep.
No, it was not during any of these.

The hour I knew loved you
The sky was on fire.
The sky bled of the secrets you had so desperately crammed into your veins.
The sun tore through the clouds--
Blazes of orange, red, pink, purple, yellow streaked across the horizon.
Your desire was written in the unfathomable distance from where I stood.

The hour I knew loved you
The world was in a flood.
A torrent of rain pounded against my frail windows begging to be let in,
“Hear my story. Hear my story.”
They reverberated through the halls of my lonely house.
It was frightening and dangerous and yet the most beautiful sound my ears had ever heard.

The hour I knew loved you
The earth broke open.
A great divide tore between from where I stood and where you longed for me to be.
The dark abyss contained the great monsters of time,
Clawing out to drag another victim to his grave.
My bones shook and my body ached as I stretched myself across the gap.

The hour I knew loved you
My heart broke into two.
I broke my ribs to make room for your beating heart of loss and love.
I straightened my spine to carry your burdens;
I crushed what little I had of myself to give you a place to stay.
& what a great privilege it was to have you take refuge in this broken body of mine.
May05,2014
Lani Foronda Jul 2014
you'll     fall     in     love     and     i'll     be     happy     for     you.
July09,2014
In other words my heart will break once more like tonight.
332 · Sep 2014
557pm
Lani Foronda Sep 2014
Just let me burn the night away.
Burn it like the bridge once laid.
Watch it turn to ash
As the wind
b
   l
     o
       w
          s
it
F      a      r
F                a              ­r
away.
May 01, 2012
320 · Aug 2014
I don't
Lani Foronda Aug 2014
I don't need to be your everything.
Just let me be someone.
Let me be me.
While you can be you.
So then if life let's us be ourselves together,
Then I think that would be wonderful decision it could make.
November  22, 2012
Lani Foronda Jul 2014
You don't know what it means to love because you aren't looking at Love.

You want what love can give you-

The security

The ignorance

The company-

But you have yet to think about the receiving end.

Love is not what-can-I-get-out-of-this

But

What-can-I-give-to-you.

Love is selfless

Not self-seeking.

Love isn't something that you feel.

It's something that you do.

Love is standing right in front of us,

Yet we are too blind.

You know that all those "you" and "us" and "we"?

It should really say "I."

L-o-v-e is something that still doesn't make sense to me.
May 20, 2013
311 · Jul 2014
Under these sheets
Lani Foronda Jul 2014
Under these sheets
My problems lay.
My pillow lies next to me
When it really should be you.
A soft imprint still sits from where you last were.
A mere trace of who you used to be.
A ghost of what I used to believe.
But like every word you ever said,
It's all gone.
All that's left is empty sheets and lonely nights now.
April 28, 2013
Lani Foronda Jul 2014
Was I too damaged
Too broken
To fit in that perfect little world of yours?
Was I too much
To handle
In regard to where you stood?
I suppose I should feel like it's
My own fault.
I should be stronger.
I should hold my head higher.
I should be better.
But I laugh at the voices in the back of my head.
Who are you to tell me who I am?
So if there's not a spot next to you,
Then that's fine with me.
Allow me to pick up the pieces
And be on my way.
Because if I've learned anything at all,
It's to leave before you are left.
August08,2013
301 · Jun 2014
i fear for you soul
Lani Foronda Jun 2014
i fear for your soul
because it's not at rest.
it's constantly wandering
to and fro
between the world you thought you knew
and
the world you know now.
& my heart aches
because i want you to know
Who i know.
but i'm afraid that i don't know how to tell you.
i'm scared of the questions you'll ask
the fears you've grown in your head
the uncertainty that's been rooted.
i'm scared because this is all real-
all too real.
but then again
what is fear compared to an eternity in hell.
December06,2013
I am still praying for you.
297 · Jul 2014
Five lines
Lani Foronda Jul 2014
You're like a passage of my favorite book-
Perfect company on a rainy weekend.
Tell me all the things I'd love to hear.
Spin me tales of love and loss.
Create the endless possibilities that we have to offer.

You're a blanket on a lazy day-
Safe, secure, and comforting.
Wrap me up and hold me close.
Cover us up from head down to our toes.
Share me stories that you'd only tell your pillow to.

You're like a song playing on the radio-
Singing a sweet melody all day long.
Dance along to the music with me.
Spin in circles until the world's a blur of color.
Feel my heart in sync with the song's beat.

You're like a cup of coffee-
Liquid happiness on Sunday mornings.
Wake me up when I'm only half here.
Bring me back down to earth
After a long night away.
July 25, 2013
292 · Aug 2014
"This&That"
Lani Foronda Aug 2014
I'm at war
In both
My head
and
My heart
These days.

I'd love to do this
But something tells me
To do that instead.

I need to stay here
But oh, how I wish
I could be over there.

I'd rather not feel this way
Anymore.
It seems much better to feel nothing
Instead.

The heart is such a fickle thing.
Always changing.
Always certain about being uncertain.
My mind is just the same.
Always rearranging.
Always sure about being unsure.

I'm tired.
Worn out.
But
Something
Is telling me to
Keep going.
Keep pressing forward.

But then again-
I don't know.
April 13 ,2013
285 · Aug 2014
Untitled
Lani Foronda Aug 2014
Teach me how to love
Because I don't think I can.
My heart's been broken
Over and over again.
Squeezed glue between the cracks
Taped the pieces together
Just for the hammer to come back down.
Thus in your arms I am
Left bruised with nothing more
But stories and scars.
November 24, 2012
278 · Jul 2014
R e g r e t
Lani Foronda Jul 2014
Regret is being locked in a room with mirrors plastered on every possible stretch of wall. Everywhere you turn you can see yourself in all your glory. You see the dirt underneath your nails from each passing night. You see the redness of your skin from where you had obsessively scrubbed clean. You see the blisters on your fingers from desperately clutching onto the burden you constantly bear. But what you don't understand is that- yes, regret is being locked in a room, but you are the one holding the key.
July 16, 2014
275 · Aug 2014
Untitled
Lani Foronda Aug 2014
I'd sing you a song
But we've grown out of tune.
A simple melody we were
Basic notes strung together
In hope to be something beautiful.
But notes turned long
And the tempo changed
As we crescendoed toward the final measure.
I'd write you a story
Except the ending's already here.
We were never a blank page from the start-
Already ink stained from the constant rewriting of our chapter.
We wrote and we wrote
Until
Our pens gave out mid sentence one night
From all the
Scrawled out words
Crossed out mistakes
And unwritten secrets.
I'd paint you a picture
But the colors have run dry.**
My palette of reds and blues and greens
Have mixed to a murky gray.
The paint brush has grown stiff in hand
As I stare at the mess I've made.
What used to be something wonderful
Has become a blur of
Bad timing
Indecisiveness
And "oh wells."
Where there used to be a picture
Is now just an abstract version of
What could have been
But
Never will be.
April 11-12 ,2013
273 · Jul 2014
untitled.
Lani Foronda Jul 2014
i have no title
because there aren't enough words in the
universe
to describe what I'm feeling.
it's like there's a puzzle-
a very large puzzle
with many pieces.
the pieces are all put together
clicked right into
place but
there are some areas where there's nothing.
just awkward curves and
g a p s.
it's complete but not.
i know the pieces that are missing.
one has a curve like this;
another has a smooth edge over here;
this other one has a stroke of blue on the right corner and some
black near the middle.
i know them like the back of
my hand.
but.
i don't know where they are
anymore.
the puzzle used to be complete
a time long long ago.
it was a pretty picture
bursting with colors galore.
everything was good
everything was all right
until someone came along.
he poked and prodded
at the puzzle.
making the pieces shift to the left and right until it was one ublmjed up mess.
for awhile it sat
simply sat
as a big mess.
as time wore on the pieces were put back together.
it wasn't easy-
not once.
it wasn't fun-
there was so much to risk.
it wasn't quick-
time just dragged on.
yet it was worth it.
but the puzzle still has its missing pieces.
i don't know where they are
but
i know where they could be.
i've tried looking for them and sometimes i feel like i'm so close.
i'm so close that i can touch them
grab them
bring them back.
but the moment my fingers are about to graze them,
my vision blurs
and i can't see.
& i've lost them yet again.
June 22, 2013
267 · Jul 2014
Untitled
Lani Foronda Jul 2014
no matter where life takes me
no matter where life takes you
no matter how many the miles between
remember that we are both
underneath the same sky
and for that I will be grateful.
July 22, 2014
Lani Foronda Aug 2014
"yes. . . and i don't know if it's going to work."
August 05, 2014
I asked him if he had put any thought
into us and our future
and this was his response tonight.
He's breaking what little is left of me
(after all he already has my heart).
251 · Jul 2014
Old journal writing
Lani Foronda Jul 2014
You say you're on a quest
A journey
To find the truth.
You turn over rocks
Look underneath the bed
And search between every crack.
You squint
Hoping your vision blurred
Will stir
Something new.
Maybe you overlooked something
Perhaps you missed what's right there.
Like they say,
It could be right under your nose-
Hiding in plain sight.
But you constantly run
Constantly avoid
Constantly turn away
From what's in front of you.
So how can you say that you're searching for truth,
When all you do is run away?
December 28, 2011
Lani Foronda Jul 2014
"i     love     you,     but     i     think     i     love     her     too."
July 24, 2014

— The End —