i still think of you often
whether im with people or by myself
i think about the way you touched me
the way your warm pink lips felt against my collarbone

then i thought about what actually happened

i dont think of you often
neither by myself or with people
i think about the way you hit me
the way your warm pink lips sputtered those words

i hope i never think of you

-k

i've always tried

tried to be THAT girl

the girl who has everything together

it didnt work out

in my 16 years of living i have never been more lost

he is gone and he broke me in the process
i healed
she died and i am now broken after healing for so long

she sold it after everything ive loved has left she really sold it
i am loving again
he hurt me broken and healing is no more
i am numb
i hurt me and i can now feel again but only for a little bit
i dont want to do this anymore
he is gone and im starting to feel
i still am broken
i am different and im starting to heal
i can still see my past
i am a different person now and my past no longer is looked at
i am loving, i am healed, i dont look back
i am better and thats all that matters

“I love you” he says
But I cannot love back
How am I supposed to love when he took advantage
How can I trust when he did it
“U know I do too” I say
Because I cannot say the words

He’s there
The rose lives
He’s not
The rose dies
Either way
I’m not living

He took it
From me
Out of all people
It was me

he didnt want anything serious in his life
but he was serious about that....

time is sacred
love is rare
he is one of a kind

my thought are filled with gasoline
they are toxic
they will burn those who try
to seek whats inside
its my toxic thoughts and mine only

water pours
expanding in the sidewalk
one day it was whole
but now it is everything but

any ideas for a good slam poem?

giggly
happy
well rested
at peace

until he dates you friend
then THEY are love drunk
and your sobered up

i will see you soon
once you have left
i will soon fade again

one you come back
i will come back less
once you leave
i leave for good

he talks about other girls
but i want to be the one talked about
he tells me he would hit that
i just laugh
i want to be whats on his mind half of the time
hes on mine

addicted to
you
you
you

its always been you

He said he loved me
But he said it to her
He said he was there for me
But said it to her
He said everything to her that he said to me...
But they were all lies
He said *******
And he said it to her

" leave a voicemail after the beep"

mom,
why do you do it
why do you put up with his lies
why can nobody see it
that when he hits you and denies it hes lying?

why cant i sick up for you

why can i be there for you

i hear screams and a body hit the floor
but i still stay in my closet
hidden in the clothes i never bothered to put away
i know they aren't dark circles under you eyes

but mom tell me this when dad looks at the girl
in a see through shirt and you say something
all of a sudden
when we get home
his knuckles are raw
and your bleeding
what can i do
i want to help

i'm sorry i know what pain he is causing you
i really try to help but im too scared
scared of what hes done
i cant fend for myself

mom,
please help its happening to me now
i learned to freeze and take it
but how do i cover the bruises and scars
why couldn't i learn the first time
or even the second

are you there?

mom please!

i got to go hes coming
i'm sorry i learned after you
i'm sorry you are six feet under and hes still alive

can i join you?

im so happy cant you see?
i laugh at everything
i smile in the halls
i help everyone else
im selfless
im so happy cant you see?

its a right
not a prize

flower pedals clog the drain
purple blue red and green
the water starts to rise
the boiling water burns my skin
the flowers sink
the water turns black
the tub starts to overflow
water everywhere
im strapped to the floor now
every breath is full of black water
till i cant breath anymore
the flower pedals go down the drain
the water dissipates
its clear going down
my body left exposed
the door opens
and im no longer gasping for air
im gone

im not going to give you credit
and say that you are the one that
you obliterated my life
because i can do that by myself

im not going to give you fame
by saying you tortured me
because i can do it

i am going to tell you
you made me strong enough to leave
and smart enough to know when to leave

im so tired
of being everyone elses image
i want to be me
but who can accept that
even i cant

its so effortless
the way its played
the way its created well
thats complicated
all i can hear is a symphony

he called me all these names
but i think i love him
hes my one ideal
he may have cheated me over
but i love him
hes my one ideal
i want one more day to cuddle
cause i love him
he is my only ideal

is it weird that i'm most comfortable
when there is grief next to me?
maybe because that what i feel most of the time...

i dont understand
what are they talking about
my mind is so scattered
my heart is racing
what are these notes
what the hell?

I'VE been crying

JUST quit hurting

TRIED to live on

TO you

FORGET the hurt

i've just tried to forget

my eyes are so heavy
they feel like weights

my mind is so scattered
it feels like a little kids drawings

my bed is so soft
i just want to stay all day

my mind so ******
its like i cant control it

its so hard to focus
its like there's a parade in my head

futile people are becoming less
of a run-in and more of a day-to-day occurrence
mental health is on a deep spiral because of the
trauma placed upon most women and some males
love has turned into a "thing" between people
what the **** is a thing
and why do most lovers have one
instead of a relationship
instead of a "thing" its now ****
and that is now accelerating
my sister, brothers, mother, dad, acquaintances, and strangers
i fear you all cause even a brother cant be loyal.

my life is full of ****
just like the world as of...
well always

2018
kids vaping
**** victims increasing
I.Q.'s lowering
kidnapping increasing
doing stupid **** is a trend

I know
that i am hurting
I know
masks are better, cuter, more mature
I know
somedays can be good but even then
I still evaluate myself
And see if im good enough
Im not, like ever
I want to be different
My mental illness
Well that can just go away
I want
To be
I want
this
I want
That

Your fingers are like razors
On my body
Cutting deep and sliding along every inch
You cut my insides
When i say it hurts it gets deeper
Making it one-sided consent
You cut the places you shouldn't have
Now i am scarred
And scared

His eyes blink effortlessly
His mouth smiles temporarily
His love leaves marks as long as
Gravity is on earth

The words you use to hurt me
Rip it like the used paper in my journal

Slide your fingers along my body
Your fingers like razor blades
Cutting deep
Along every curve, every crevice, everywhere
Kiss me where you want even my lips
I know i know
that kissing on the lips mean “too intimate”
But so is what we are doing
Keep it a secret and when it gets out
Let your voice box play the same scratched record
“That lying **”
Then come back and fill the holes of my heart
But i know you want to fill my other ones instead
Tell me you like it when i do that thing with my mouth
But little do you know my mouth
Holds power
Even though I am your greatest accomplishment
I am in your closets covered in dust
But is still always there for you
My body is washed of you
But somehow the water
Is red as i drain it
Use my body for a different kind of trophy
I want you to paint the world on my back
So i dont know whats to come of my life
you will be the death of me
My death is going to be a sleep with no dreams
And no point of waking up
Even with the slightest touch
Or the loudest whisper
The voice that made my day could be
The very voice that sends the feeling of nails running down my back
Claws like the ones on that guy who
Said he loves me
His voice so sincere when she talks to me
But too hurtful to believe

You are the reason i love
To write

I would always write to you in jail

You are the reason i don't know
When to cry

I would always cry when i saw
Your back turned because i was
Afraid it was the last time i would see it

You are the reason i write with
Such motivation

I would always be motivated to convince you
That you should come home

You are the reason i am afraid to love

I would always have a part of me that was shattered
After you left

He stares as I stand upset and distraught
A single tear leaves a trail tinted black
The sun shines as he thinks i should be taught
He grabs my soft delicate face then smack

I fell so graciously to the cold floor
My body numb and weak as he grabs me
He spoke with the ****** up words “stupid *****”
He pushed me down; finally let me be

I couldn't help just laying there in pain
My face bleeding red so blank and dead
He strips off his shirt with a dark bloodstain
him coming back okay is something i dread

I hope there is a day where i bleed out
But that is the only thing i much doubt