Loves of my December,
frozen from the beginning
of my endings,
and the fall of my anguish.



In the winter of my solitude,

I trace the wrinkles
of fainting memories.
Breathing out a sigh of surrender
for the unspoken, the paths
unwalked, the doors unopened,
and the ghosts of love that remain
draped in the painful cloak of longing.

Yet, amidst the cold, I find grief
blooming like a flower in the snow.

For in the mirror of my December
I have found not just
the echo of what was lost,
But the prayers of April—
the goddess of renewal,
the angels of spring,
and the dawn of new beginnings.

How can I not rejoice?
For in this darkness,
there is light…

What did I do in my last life
to deserve you in this one?
Did I save a dying child?
Plant a thousand trees
in a barren land?
Or did I wander in a past life
so deprived of love and warmth
that heaven decided to correct
this injustice by blessing me
with the gift that is you?

This is why I believe you
are either an angel sent to deliver
me from the precipice of despair
or a love letter sent from God
to a past life of mine where
affection, kindness and companionship
were simply strangers and ghosts
to my longing human heart.

Your love is the marriage
between the love that I am
and the boundless love God
has for me, made flesh.

You are my love, my life, my Eden.

You are the answer to a prayer
that never left my lips,
the fulfillment of a longing
I never knew I harbored.
Every moment has been a journey to you.
For you are the hidden treasure,
the quest, the path, and the destination.

Deep beneath the tapestry of my skin
you have woven your gentle smile,
your orange laugh and your lovely face
into every string of my once guarded heart.  
Even the cages of my ribs have opened themselves
to you, so that the heart of yours and mine
possess no concept of distance.
When your heart is struck by sorrow,
a mist comes over my eyes and
I can see your troubled face reflected in
the mirror of my own tears.
When you are dancing in the company of Joy,  
a warm smile runs across the canvas of my lips.
Our two heartbeats now one, have synchronized
to the silent melody of Love.
You will forever silently echo in every space inside of me,
like the hymns of the wind
singing in an empty boundless canyon..

Does true Love stretch across the canvas of Time and echo in the deepest recesses of our soul, unearthing every memory that was lost in our transitions. From one life to the next, a faint glimpse of what we once knew, guiding us back to each other like a constellation only seen by our eyes.

She said to me,

“Slow the pace of your touch.
You are blooming gardens inside of me
before Spring has had the chance..”

At the edge of our galaxy,
under the violet light
is where I found you.
I waited til the Sun shut his eyes
And the Earth grew silent.
Then with my heart on both knees,
I proposed to yours with a ring made from
the petals of your favorite flower.

“In your eyes is where I’ll sleep.
In your heart is where I’ll dream.
In your smile is where I’ll live.
Promise me the eternity of an eternity
spent in your arms. And I will promise you
the immovable sky will come to envy
the way the stars have left her side
and have chosen to live in your eyes..”

Love is not a ebbs of emotions
that flow from the human heart.
Nor is it the reciprocation of
understanding promised by lovers.

Love is a dervish twirling
at the center of every cell.
Singing in the heart of Heaven’s soul.
With no notion of itself or another,
just Love and the silent music
of this ecstasy.

What you mean to me
stretches like a redwood far
beyond the forest of this life.
It’s as if my love for you
has a Soul of its own,
and that the warmth of your heart
is the Heaven it seeks..

Our eternity has come to an end.
Yesterday’s Love is now but a distant dream,
drifting away at the speed of death
with no agent of regret to slow it down..

My heart has sat within the field of our love, patiently waiting for you to return to the center of your heart and remember the pathless path that leads to this field.

Spring came, I laughed with orchids, prayed with trees that bow their branches before the setting sun, and learned the song of the bees that sing to the flowers within this field. But you, mylove, were nowhere to be found..

Summer came, I witnessed the innocence and harmony of nature, I watched the rays of the radiant sun make love to our fertile earth and bloom a garden in the hues of her emerald aura. But you, mylove, were nowhere to be found..

Autumn came, the butterflies told me stories of their harvest and their resurrection through death. I helped the Earth paint the leaves of the walking trees in orange, brown and red, and I learned the faith of a withering rose dancing in the light of the sun. But you, mylove, were nowhere to be found..

Winter has come, and you are nowhere to be found, mylove. The earth of my body is not made to withstand the absence of the sun. Shelter I must seek or I will die in this field, cold and alone. It seems I am doomed to hold you, only in my memories of you.

Grateful I am still! For in the haven of my memories my heart will find solace, as death carries me to a world where Love is found.

goodbye ..

Beyond the clouds of my mind,
up above In the heavens of my heart
therein lies the Love I seek.

My soul’s dark night is not a night
but an eternal dream that knows no end.
For I am the seed buried beneath the soil,
resting in the womb of the dark Earth.
Unaware that the radiant face of the sun
is happily smiling just above me..

Our love is wrapped in the glowing wings of a rising Phoenix. The pain that once burned us will become the womb through which our joy is born from

The palette of hues that create
the portrait of our Love,
need both the shadows of your beauty
as well as the highlights of your essence.
So please, do not conceal your
darkness from me.
For what is a portrait of Love
without the hues of pain
that amplify the radiance
of our shared Joy.

“How am I to love you” I asked.
She replied

“Remove your veils before you make Love to me.
Do not shower me in empty compliments
that reek the seeking of my approval.
I need no words to remind me of my beauty.
Beauty is but one of my infinite names,
Grace is but one of my infinite forms.
Approach my temple only when you have recognized me as yourself. Til then be gone!
I do not seek a boy to raise or a man to groom,
only a King that has surrendered his ego to the
great Mother. The magic I contain Is sacred
I know this! The rivers of Eden pass through
my temple often, and many approach looking
to quench their thirst for eternity. Be present with
my body for it is the blueprint to heaven,
within this womb contains many rooms with each leading to paradise. If there is not care and reverence in your touch turn back. Approach no further.  When you have adorned yourself in your own love. Understood the child quietly resting within you. When the light of sincerity radiates from your lips.
Approach me, call to me from your inner silence
and I will meet you in the field of love where our hearts are free and roses sing to the hymns of angels”

Just as the sun chases the moon
counting down the hands of time
until their union.
I too am the same.
When I gaze into the eyes of infinity
I bare witness to the eternities
I have spent in your embrace.
We are lovers
who fallen from the same star
our union is written in the
libraries of heaven.
Our love story told
throughout the cosmos.
In the thinning of the veil,
when the lips of the moon
meet the crown of the sun
and the shadow of their love
swallows the earth.
Meet me in the field
that exists between here and now.
When we return to each other,
may we only speak
the language of our hearts.

There is a honey that
falls from the moon
when my soul, the bride of God
removes the final veil that kept me
from gazing at the face
of my one true Love.
As the sacred child within
spreads the roses of our love
across the church for all
to rejoice in our reunion.
And we recite the vows
that will bind us
beyond death itself.
I know now in this
timeless moment,
you have always
been with me.
Our separation was but a
beautiful dream.
Grateful I am, to rise
from the bed of forms and names.  
To unite Here Now in
Holy Matrimony.

“Why do you strip me of
what makes me beautiful?
I was tall, graceful and
my form was loved by All.
But now I am naked
clothed only by my longing to return
to that which I was.  
I was met by a flame that
promised me glory and immortality
How could I be such a fool
to believe in such a dream ... “

The Wind replied

“The initiating flames
that kissed your crown
and cleansed you of all form and name
launched you into my loving arms,
so that I may unveil your true essence.
I have not stripped you of your beauty
I have only invited your beauty to become
timeless and eternal.
Your sweet gentle fragrance is now
One with me,
no longer confined and
caged by time and space,
resting solely and fully in the
ancient present.
My child,
Rejoice!
you are free just as I am
unbound, empty and
untethered from this world.. “

To my dearest Love.
I pray you don’t go after
a man who is handsome
or wealthy, or even a poet.

I pray you seek a man
who understands
your heart and the wounds
and bruises it may carry,
and how to tend to it
when they are reopened.

Your heart will come
with instructions.

They will be written
in your eyes, in your smile,
in your laughs and in your cries.
They will be printed on all the things
that move your soul.
I pray you find a man who is
wise enough to read them.
But more than anything
I pray you will come to
know, love and understand
your own heart first before
entrusting another to do so.

Trust me when I say to you,
That you are closer to Love,
Than the fish are to the sea.
Closer than the clouds are to the sky.
Closer than the trees are to the Earth.

“How can this be”
I asked

Why don’t you look
inside and tell me ...

In these moments with you
I can feel the oceans in me
rippling with gratitude.
Eternally grateful I am,
for the space you have created
in my world.

The warmth of your love
has healed the many wounds
of my fathers before me.

An angel you are.
An answer to all of
God’s daily prayers
as well as my own.  

I have built altars
in your name
within this temple.

Please mylove,
Come take a glimpse
into my heart
and know how much
you are loved.

But if the winds of Time
should come for me tonight,
I will return
but not as a boy.
But as a butterfly.
So I may continue to circle
around her light ..

Behind those almond eyes,
lied an unexplored Nebula.
For all the men she had
given her time to,
only sought to
appreciate her surface.
Far too afraid to drown
in her depths.
To get lost in her mysteries,
consumed by her magick,
and transformed by her love...

Your light is only a threat
to those who have yet
to believe in theirs.
Promise me you won’t
sweeten or dilute yourself to appease the tastes of others.

God requests only one thing from you,
and that is to be yourself.
For when the time comes to return to
the heavens from which you fell from,
at the gates you will not be questioned on
the tasks you completed or
asked about the things you acquired
but rather on two things how did you love
and if you were yourself

— letters to my daughter

Once upon a time ..
There was a woman in pain,
waiting for a brave Prince
to ride into the forest of her mind,
slay her demons,
rescue her from this awful place
and remind her of her freedom.

But for some reason
her brave Prince never came.
Maybe he saw the dark forest
and countless demons
and immediately ran away.

But this somehow was a blessing
and a very tough lesson
for the woman to face.
So she stood up and knew
what she had to do,
She had to rid her mind
of that which was untrue.
She was not a lost woman in pain,
She was a Goddess with amnesia,
that had forgotten her own name.
Then she realized there was never
a forest she needed to escape
or demons that needed to be slain.
Only spaces within herself that longed
to be loved and embraced.

Despite the oceans between us,
the countless wounds left behind,
and the many years spent away
from each other.
My heart still asks about you . . .

It is because of you my Love,
that I have mistook
this Earth for Heaven ..

My Love,
if you are truly an Ocean
then please,
baptize me in the waters of your Love.
I wish to be born again,
in you.

I speak of a Love that goes beyond infinity.  
An infinity that will continue to echo on
across time even after this shell
withers away into infinite pieces.
An infinity that knits two separate hearts,
two separate souls
and unifies them as
One heart, One soul.

From within these infinities is where I exist,
Silently piecing together the
shards of our forgotten existences.
From within these eternities is
where we are always together,
both this lifetime and the ones to come,
forever lost but somehow always found,
broken yet completely whole, in each other’s arms.

Your existence is truly a gift
to all who experience you.
I am forever grateful to be here
on Earth at the same time as you.

I only wish to Love you
in the way a gardener loves
the flowers in his garden.
With only encouragement,
understanding,
and laughter
as my gardening tools.
I have no desire to pluck you,
I only wish to water you
with my Love.
Nourishing your soil.
Soaking your roots with
positivity and kindness.
Supporting your ascension.
And when your petals wilt away,
I will create a space for you to bloom new ones.