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Ashley Kane Mar 2018
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Put a gun to my head and bang shoot me dead

Would you run through the door as I’m bleeding on the floor ?

Or would you stay and cry as my blood begins to dry?

Would you face the knot for the one you shot

Could u atone for your sins for the love that had been?  

Will a smile be on your face
As they put me in my case ?

When your done with me who will you torture next ?

Put a gun to my head and bang shoot me dead

(C) Ashley Kane FB
Wrote when younger stuck in bad marriage
Ashley Kane Apr 2018
Don’t Forget ....

To hold hands
                 To laugh at each other
          To share secrets
Cuddle up on the sofa
                 Consider each other
Kiss each other
                           Dance to music with each other in your lounge like no one is watching

To share silly antitdotes
      Share fears share dreams
                       And
                          Of
                            Course
                     LOVE

(C) Ashley Kane FB
Ashley Kane Mar 2018
Alone
And yet I’m not
Cold
And yet I’m held
Empty
And yet I have love poured on me
Dark
But light shines on me
Closed
With so many doors I could open
Turned
When I have so many to face
Unsexed
But not devoid of lust
Unbroken
But not functioning
Silent
But bursting with words
Hollow
But still filled with flesh
(C) Ashley Kane FB
Even when we are surrounded by people we can still feel alone and empty
Ashley Kane Apr 2018
I Wish I could love myself
Or
See my own beauty that others apparently see

I wish I could feel my body’s worth and potential
I wish I could live to be the best me

To fill myself with nutrition and goodness
To have wild ambition and love free

To fight for my dreams and feel full and high on life
Why can’t I do this for me ?

Why do I poison myself with sugar and gin
Why don’t I get up and move

Almost brain dead, catatonic
old and to broken
Just a big disappointment to me

My own expectations have fallen and gone
My self respect doesn’t exist

I exhaust from self reproaching jokes and I don’t expect anything of me

(C) Ashley Kane Fb
Me
Ashley Kane Mar 2018
Me
Me
The forgotten me,
I squint to see her
the she before the us
I can't remember her
what did she wear.....
how did she talk.....
did she dance....
did she laugh....
did she enjoy making love?....
she's so lost and forgotten, a pattern out of date.
no longer viable on this new updated model
i can no longer run her program the forgotten me isn't compatable
so i must put her to sleep along with us
This new Me this new version is harder to run
its not as quick or slick
but its strong and resistant with
plenty of armour
an upgrade for the forgotten me
A reflection on myself after coming out of an oppressive situation trying to identify with myself again
Ashley Kane Mar 2018
“A supposedly Amusing ode”

I lay here staring can it be?
A midlife crisis  come for me?
But no it’s not true oh it taunts me
After all I’m not yet fourty

But oh I’ve lived a life so carefree
No morgage payments await for me
No insurence upon my life
Not even a pension
I’m nobodies wife
I’ve born no child it’s not yet for me
It’s all lie ins takeaway and adult TV
I can go out when I please
I have savings never
Sometimes I drink to much but I don’t feel clever
But wait .... oh no maybe that’s not it .... maybe that’s not what’s the cause of this itch
Maybe now I’m realising I’ve had it all wrong
I bought the wrong book I’ve sung the wrong song

No rock and band sit upon this hand
I’m not sure why I don’t understand
Why have these ***** produced no fruit
Why does my maternal instinct feel so mute
I do not own these rocks and mortar
This cat here is my only daughter
My other half as bad as me
He just likes to snore and watch TV
Oh **** oh no it’s all to late
To fix my life get it straight
I must get married
I must produce life
Quick mark wake up and make me your wife
Hmmmm but that’s actually all quite expensive
And we are really not that tentive
To the young of age who make such a mess
The school run sounds like a lot f stress
And a morgage surely ties you down
What if I don’t like that side of town
Or county
Or country and want to live a life
Full of travel freedom and vice ?
Yes I’m sure it’s all ok
in our rut I think we’ll stay
With our own jokes and inside gags
Phew what a relief I can breath with no strife
And relax a little into mid life :)
(C) Ashley Kane
Constantly my life is, what’s ifs, what should I do, I should be doing more,
Then I remember I actually like it how it is
Ashley Kane Mar 2018
Unaware of you at first
You
     Crept  
              Upon me
And strike .....

Weeping
Winding me instantly
    Unable to account for the cause
Polluting and heavy
Once started
        It spreads through me

     Overwhelming me
     Tired and defeated
     Mocked of pride
     Put in place and offended
     But deserved ??
     self guilt and doubt stirring
                                      an ocean ..... a bottomless pit
Dragged up and upheaved
To cut the surface sharp and wounded
Still raw and open
Unrealised ....
          And ...... unaddressed
Get back down .... now go
Sink
&
Rest
(C) Ashley Kane FB
A poem about a sad memory striking is forgotton about at the wrong time and place
Ashley Kane Mar 2018
Please don’t pity my situation
I’m frozen in situ
Don’t smile and **** your head
Don’t say awww or that’s a shame
Don’t pat my hand and assume it will happen
Don’t tell me I’m missing out
Don’t tell me I’ll never understand until it happens to me
Don’t assume your life is more fulfilled then mine
Don’t pretend it makes you more mature then me
Don’t make me a faux Aunty to another friends fruit
Don’t joke about lending or sitting like it’s the same
Don’t imagine Yours could ever be a substitute for mine
That they could replace the ache in my heart or fill it with what it’s missing - even worse be greatful for the privilege
Don’t act like it’s a grand gester like your giving my life meaning

When things are awful and bad don’t tell me you stay for them and use them as an excuse to not walk away
Don’t tell me if I had I’d under stand
Don’t make me feel incomplete because I haven’t - I’m already feeling it
Don’t call me lucky because I sleep in
Don’t say “nice for some” when I go out it isn’t my choice
Don’t assume this is about freedom
Don’t pretend it will happen one day
Don’t put your false hopes onto me
Don’t assume he will leave me if I don’t deliver - we’re much more then potentials Ps
Don’t assume it’s because of the weight
Don’t give me a gimmick or tips
Don’t tell me your storys
Don’t talk about it or predict about it
Dont tell me about feelings in your waters
Don’t treat me like this is my only purpose
Dont think I get hurt because you grow and blossom in a way I can’t
Don’t assume I’m bitter and resentful
Don’t pretend I can’t be happy for you
Dont treat me like I’m broken like my whole exsistence revolves around a broken womb

.......I’m so much more
.......I’ve seen so much more, felt so much more, grown and lost
.......I live so much more and want so much more
.......I have more plans and options then you can imagine

My back up plan is full of love and life still!!

(C) Ashley Kane FB
Not to offend - I think someone out there will understand
Ashley Kane Mar 2018
So tired so very very tired.
My torn shredded body is weakened by the day,
By labours unappreciated
Kindnesses unseen ,
Jokes and smiles forced upon a face starting to crack with time and dull with age.
Bones ache and scrape
And hands become to tremor
Eyes start to fail and mind is even slowing .
I count down hours till I can relax with you.
Our collaborative aim to labour in vain to save
So that we may have some enjoyable kind of life
A shared life for soul mates
But this rat race is cruel and working is never quite enough
And despite good intentions
And despite wants and wishes
Dreams of adventures
We are drained from life
And so we sleep
(c) Ashley Kane
Just really really tired from work and poor and wishing could focus or do something more enjoyable
Ashley Kane Mar 2018
Speak
Let me hear your thoughts
Shout
So loud I can feel your heart
Scream
So silent I’m drowned in your soul
Touch
So soft it will melt me to tears
(C) Ashley Kane
Ashley Kane Mar 2018
I am waiting for you
For your call tonight
I feel as cold as ice, yeah
Wishing you held me tight

But I, I am not in your thoughts tonight
Though it hurts me to think it boy
I will still will it so
Coz I can’t bare to be alone no more
Wishing you would come for me

But I’ll tell you it’s ok
That you’ll fall in love someday
That this loneliness will end
You know you’ll always be my friend
oh but what is the point of my heart now for me - feel so numb
Knowing your love won’t come

How I wish I could make it so
Force the care from you
Enough love for two

But I know you keep searching
I’m not on your mind
But I’ll help you there
I know I’m not your girl tonight
Even in your arms
I’m not the one you wish to hold so tight
How I wish I could make love for two
Make forever just me and you

Feeling such a fool you see
Wanting your soul so near to me
Want your heart to want mine to
Knowing it will never be
Knowing the love won’t come
(C) Ashley Kane FB
Secondary title
“Simons song”
This is what happens when you are young and fall in love with a friend
Always remember what a gift friendship is
Ashley Kane Apr 2018
Spring where the F are you
How can I work on my allotment when you tease us with rain and snow
The beast that comes and undoes and freezes
Stopping new growth in its foot steps
Making ground cold and hard
Outhouses burst pipes like a fountain held in suspended animation
And only to a robins delite
Winter a cruel mistress who just won’t quit
I yearn for my new love ! For the warmth of sun on my skin
For roses to bloom
And birds to sing
Spring
..... hurry the F up already

(C) Ashley Kane FB
Ashley Kane Mar 2018
It’s like a thick
comfort blanket that coats me and tells me it’s all going to be ok
-your smile
It’s reassurance and love, a friend a rock
-your smile
It understands me, and guides me. It stands against the world with me
-your smile
It’s what I work for , look forward to and crave
-your smile
It fills me with deep joy and a happy heart that beats for us
-your smile

(C) Ashley Kane
For mark
Ashley Kane Mar 2018
I really hate those school Cliche groups
The jocks, the skaters the nerds
How did this childish survival ways bleed into our societies heart

I hate the way it sticks into adulthood
How sad as adults we still have this need to be liked and wanted by peers
So much
So desperate are we
That we
****
Pick
Poke
Sneer
Bully
Seclud
Judg
Hateful hateful world

I want to see strong wild men in the wind standing tall speaking there minds and saving the abused

stood next to them strong Amazonian woman equal and proud

Intellectual characters being right, debating discussing , RANTING on their soap box next to the argumentative and rebellious types
Sticking it to the man with all their might

I want to see the witty and the ****** speak up and say there peace
Socking reality and bluntness to you
Bowling over your cliche
And next to them ...
The advocate of the underdog standing  strong
I want you to hear our voices our views our arguments
I want you to stop bending and straighten your spine against the wind of oppression
To enlighten your fire your flame
Soul recharged
Eyes open to the realities and ignorance
To truly take into your conscious brain
The man
The rule
The emperor structure of unfairness of life
Stand against this gale with all your differences
Unique diversities
Proud to be that spark that can only shine like you do
I just want you to be the best you
(C) Ashley Kane
Angry writing after thinking about some injustices at work - I still get fustrated even in areas where it shouldn’t matter that we are a face fits society in many ways

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