A warrior
Self tamed,
A goddess,
Self evaluated.

A soldier,
Self taught
A carer,
Self motivated.

A friend,
Self moved,
A leader,
Self less.

Beauty comes in many shapes and sizes,
from wall street sharks to grumpy misers.

Models that grace runways and billboards,
when they speak could hypnotize hoards.

Actors that could dazzle and make you swoon,
Energy changes when they light up the room.

But does it matter when you are cold at night,
you could have it all but are you polite.

Does it match up when your baby grabs your fingers,
when over dinner a future lovers stare lingers.

When you turn and see they walk down the aisle,
together on the journey through every dark mile.

When their crinkled smile is shot at you,
did it matter who wore it best in two thousand and two.

Now the night is coming and your world has lost some light,
Ask yourself did you love, be loved, and were you polite

Looking for good in all the bad places,
searching and meandering,
forlorn for so long.

Hearing a song in a room of silence,
straining and deciphering
only to realize it only sounded like music.

Draining others for what I already had,
pilfering and pounding
when it was inside all along.

Live happened,
From moments of bliss to thoughts of
your actions don't scream rainbows and unicorn tears.

Love happened,
from hopeful futures to dreams of
what can I do to get by double bed back.

Tears happened,
from overwhelming sadness to notions of
even the nano second between the blinks is too much time missed.

Trauma happened,
from seizures of crippling doubt to musings of
how much time can I waste before I am not bored.

Strength happened,
from not leaving the bed for fear of trying to waves of
lil' old me did big all that.

*** happened,
from intertwining explosions of life to pleads of
just take me away from my self for five minutes.

Truth happened,
from realizations that we never actually had a clue to knowing
that a word can shatter everything quicker than a bullet.

I would have it every other way,
the love has gone, flown off
our marital bed is just another
grave to be robbed.

The last time I tried you shouted
"Look at me, what part of me screams roses."
You have worn me down over the years
So I responded, "I may be an empty shell but I still have feelings."

Bitterness flows hot through my veins,
substituting the burning desire and passion
My heart once beat for you.
Only you.

When did it all change I moan
from the wrong side of the closed door.
"Between the blinks" you quipped.
And then I knew.

The ability to bounce back after being ruptured,
to look left to right and have loved ones by your side.

You cannot vanquish demons with tears,
You cannot pay for a ticket outta here with tears.
You cannot rewind the clock and re-live with tears.
You cannot feed the flame internal, with tears.

The courage to do what is right regardless of annihilation.
To realize everyone is fighting for crumbs while the top dog eats the loaf.

You can say good bye with tears,
You can be silent but scream a million words with tears.
You can reinforce joyous moments with tears.
You can wash away the regrets from your face with tears.

To know the right time to shine and hold back to let others bloom
So how will we all face the world today? With a smile or with tears.

Door locked, key slide through the mailbox,
Memories left to scatter in the wind of change,
Mail cancelled, potted plants discarded,
Plans left in favor of someplace better or new.

Photos glanced at and appreciated.
Relics of old at this stage,
Shirts sniffed, folded and placed in the drawer,
Leaving familiar for something better or new.

Beds made for later, letter propped on the table,
against the empty milk jug.
Floor swept, dirt pushed under the rug.
Obligations dismissed for a challenge better or new.


First step taken on the winding staircase.
I thought it would be busier, I guess comfort zones
are final resting places for the content or down beaten
I was once like that but now I hope to be better or new.

Staying ***** as if by magic, so unobserved
but so powerful.
Important but taken for granted.

Without, we are stuck
two leaves blowing in different currents.

No way to merge at the middle of the rapid churning waters below.
No way to hold or touch or kiss or lash out.


No other place so haunting that you would grab my fingers and we would both leap, screaming.
"We tried our best
I think....."

Like a Ferrari gifted to a blind man,
false hope to a death row inmate.

She festered freshly. Red lips in a grey world
Too good for this world
but not pure enough for heaven

Woke up late
The issues of yesterday still intact,
Turned the pillow to the cool side,
And opened the window.

Tried to race my shadow down the stairs.
Bade family "Good day" and nestled on the couch.
Nothing narrates your day better than a
"Previously on..."

Took too long deciding what to do with my morning
that it became afternoon, time is sneaky like that.
Walked to the store with no intent,
I have a gift, I always end up in the feminine hygiene aisle or the ***.

Played some music louder than I should have,
my reasoning was if my bones don't vibrate then
the heavens won't be able to hear it either.
Was scared by a big dog even though it was muzzled.

Came back home, one armpit was sweatier than the other.
Lungs collapsing but I felt the doubts and ire abating.
Checked in with my people and cared about what they had to say.
It's dark now, the pillow is heating up for another long night.

Never to have felt the wind of change upon your flesh,
to dazzle and dance on the precipice.
One jolt after another, character un-built..

Rarely to have left the bed unmade,
After nights of raw abandon, to gaze in a lover or a strangers eyes.
To let go and curse the parachute.

Teeth not brushed fail to bring forth the doom that was promised.
Un-cut grass does not shield waiting monsters.
Chipped paint and failing wallpaper tell a story.

A brush with the law wont quell the gossip mongers.
Alas, to be so safe quietens no mouth.
For they will talk anyhow and the sun will still rise, regardless.

Racked up some debt on the plastic,
ate all the things I know I shouldn't,
Kissed the stranger and texted first.
Took the time to smell the flowers.
No fear of hay fever or a restless week of sleep.

Let the kids eat whatever
The neighbors screamed uninterrupted til their hearts were content
Painted the mural I always needed to paint.
Quit the job that was destroying my will.
Rang my Ex and told the truth. For once.

Held my lover and meant it,
Inhaled them deeply as if their scent would see me on my way.
Thanked them from the bottom of weakening heart.
Smiled until it reached my eyes.
Danced under the tree unafraid of the threat of lightening.

Pierced my ****** and dyed my hair.
Sang a song and released it,
Wrote down my warnings for the future poets.
Finally got the ****** joke my dad told me years ago.
I had one last laugh

Please show me you understand,
You don't have to agree or allow.
Just nod and I will be exonerated.

Freed from this self imposed cage.
Your outstretched hand broke, bars, boundaries, walls and fences.
A feather kiss calmed the tsunami.

It could never be fifty fifty, with you and I,
ninety nine and one, for you always will be.
Just a strand of your essence would power my battery for life.

I live just to see you comfortable.
I cannot shield you from harm or hurt.
They wont come from my hand, heart or mouth.

But with my hand I will pick you up.
Will my heart I will love you back on your feet
My mouth will only sing lullaby's and praises.

Anything less would be cheap,
untrue and disposable.
Anything less than everything wouldn't be worthy.

Scars shone bright,
Still expected to set the table and serve.
Good enough to weep and use,
But not compatible enough to claim as yours.

You expect to benefit from my years of struggle.
With the same mouth that you used to kiss and explore me.
You cut me down with such force I cannot muster enough energy
For Vengeance.

Blessed are the ones who fit the mold
Conditionally loved is no love at all.
Held by the arms that were raised to me.
A kicked dog and its traitorous tail.

Inept, bereft and lonely.
Go to words for my bio.
Reborn now, new skin still raw.
Took as long as it took I guess, regrets take up time too.

When a wind touches me now, I feel a part of me blowing away.
Like ashes in the breeze. Unsure if it's the old me or new.
Figured I would find my people, they act similiar
But have the same traits none the less.

Everyone has a napkin to help dry my eyes.
Some crisp and ironed, most are already used.
Found a new one to add to the list of words I hate,
Soon. It takes its rightful place beside ****** and No.

Comfort blanket no longer bullet proof,
The fairy dust ran out long ago.
Big boy shoes are all scuffed.
I use them for dancing now not running.

The future is here,
Nestled at my breast,
Untouched by anything but
Undiluted love.

The past ceases to matter
from now is all that counts.
No prejudice or grudges.
A life seen through eyes only.

The only influences that have caressed you,
determination and perseverance
You are proof of that

Snow capped, secrets in the drifts,
Low light somehow made you stand out, blazing.
Cold chills meant to nestle harder.
You are the teacher, but we are not students.
Some needed to get away, others tortured by your depths.
A gentle bump can slay the unworthy,
No throne can match your majesty.
If we are good then you are good
You were here first.
We can never say we 'stood tall' again

A cosmic explosion of lies and hope,
a whirlwind void of dreams and scorn,
futile drags and optimistic pulling
A wish fulfilled is a wish no more.

Burning bright like the stars
by the time it touched ground it was lost
Swept away like unwanted replies.
Hand on heart a bluff no more.

Twinkling like tears from giants,
Sorrowful in meaning but powerful in intent
To look at it full on is the same to ignore it in hindsight,
orbiting the entirety.
A solitary solider or popular guardian angel

Heart is racing,
Been dying for weeks for this night,
Letting lose more necessity than requirement.

Gonna get ball deep tonight,
let the tatters remain where they lay,
Strip you bare and pump in your ****.

The first time,
Knuckles still wet from when it was my turn.
Please

Look in the mirror,
I play my usual cards
Dash once I smash your ****.

Lone wolf,
What happens to me happens to me.
Words seldom fall from my money maker about you.

Secrets are safe with me,
no bro talk about what you were born with,
and things that you weren't

When it's time to get **** wild.
I do, do you too, and three's and four's
not happy until everything and one is spent.

Act all normal and demure
to get by.
When the bell goes I go and sow all the seeds.

We all meet to get **** wild.
Not for props or bravado.
Just to be.

Woman to man to man to them.
It courses like a river.
Flowing and merging, over lapping never ending.

Creator of worlds,
Things I could never do
Words I would never speak.
With a swift stroke
I could save the planet or create
Long lasting misery.

I am mighty there.
My people may mock
As long as they fear.
Every changing landscapes,
Evolution even I am unaware of.
With each letter I change the game,
become what I want.
Until I know what I want

You swept
Scattered sticks and stones,
Applied salve to scars,
Blew my bubble,
Wove my safety blanket
Ignited passion and desire
I couldn't live without you or us
You wont ever know.

You don't have to love me back,
Just say I see you, and we will let that be that,
You just have to know I am around,
Just a nod of your head, nothing too profound.

You don't to commit or anything,
Just know I listen to the words they sing.
Please don't block or ignore, I am not a creep
I won't as you to hold my hand, I won't ask you to leap.

You can live normally, free and true.
It's my cross to bear that I am not for you.
Please take care with my heart, it may not always beat your name.
One day I could be gone, for once not to blame.

So all I ask is that you let me adore.
I have conjured a fantasty life, we need not explore.
I took a big step revealing my thoughts
Distantly yours, crosses and noughts.

Can you live with the 'could of's'?
I will have to now,
Or not.

I could have kept you company when the world deserted,
The gift that kept on giving, per say.
Or not.

It's irrelevant how we came to be in each others space
I was there at the end
Or not.

We didn't ask for this
We both just received.
I hope the hands that were wiped clean
were fresher than the sheets.

I could have changed the world, yours for definite.
I could have scaled the charts, my star brightest among them all.
Or not.

Of course I could have brought shame to your last name.
Dragged you down and ruined opportunities
Doing what you did could be a new start, set you free.
Or not.

Did it make you wary of the world, every action and reaction?
every lingering glance curbed by memories in the stirrups.
You could add branches to your tree in the future
Or not.

A prison sentence
One could only dream about.
Encased with warmth and calm.
Let it be dark and stormy everywhere else.
I don't fear the rapture now.

Folded and marooned.
Heart beats forming a staccato theme tune.
Others may wish for peace and health.
I just pray for an endless night.

I think about the factors that led to this entwining.
It best not to know or overthink.
The fear would ******* my hope.
We stripped, made love and now the third act.
I mutter a mantra to balm any edges.

"Not everyone gets held back."

I have hung up my relationship cap,
Muddled down with nonsense and all of your crap.

You say I went left but I was always right,
I just gave you the flowers so you couldn't pick a fight.

I was braver than I thought when I walked out the door.
Didn't really care that I littered the floor.

With fragments of photos and memories together.
You did him in our bed, who knew you were into leather!

I changed all the passwords, ate all the food.
Logged into your accounts and deleted all  your nudes.

Took the dog, Netflix account and the goldfish too.
Broke your Nicki Minaj Cd's but kept EryKah Badu.

I salted your garden, ****** in your pool.
I that angry so I broke every house rule.

I don't care about dignity, I may be alone,
But I am petty as F$@k and made you read this poem.

Still waiting, but entertained.
A stolen kiss led to my patience.
Mind occupied with the taste of your lips.
Body emblazoned with the taste of things to come.

Sun finally sets.
An end to a day full of warmth.
Darkness soon to cast its shadow.
The best love happens in the dark.

Regret won't creep in,
If you retract on your promise.
Busy bones form my being.
There will be other kisses and other sunsets

It was solitary,
Seemingly erected from nothing and nowhere,
At a time when It was unknowingly
Needed the most.

A purple haze enveloped the base,
Faint neon light buzzed,
Mimicking a heartbeat.
The car engine finally conked.

Desolate and enchanting,
A siren call if you will.
As it is in life, hesitation seeps
When you have a choice to push some buttons.

Purred to life underneath the initial caress
Inner motor jarring to action.
'Discover your fate.' The tinny voice announced.
On a dark and lonely road, the question apt.

"Could it be you have fought what you
Ultimately seek.
The courage that ebbed, introduced you to
Weak."

"The passion that once burnt has
Tainted your soul.
A bigger picture unseen,
Left you unfilled yet whole."

"So turn around and be gone,
Live life like you do.
The car engine didn't die.
It was never about you."

With this ring I thee wed,
Never assumed those words would leave my lips
But they did.

Unsure of what the word vow actually meant or entailed.
All I knew for certain was that vows are fragile.
Broken and they can end worlds.

What comes next?
I do not know, with you by my side.
I do not need to know, or worry.

I just want a love like the ring I gave you.
Wrapped around you and shining,
Your body, heart and mind wrapped inside.

We don't hold hands any more,
You don't say thanks when I hold the door.
We seem bogged down and too busy,
If I left tomorrow, would you miss me.

We used to dance so care free,
Light dimmed, bodies close... free
Music pounding, our lives out to sea.
Breath on skin, meant to be.

We don't ask how we are anymore.
It's toast in mouth, rushed coffee, out the door.
Basic texts, "We need toilet roll"
Bruises the core of my now solo soul.

We used to dance so true and spry,
Our body language couldn't lie.
Enraptured with each other, on the floor.
A dusty samba, alas no more.

There is no need for us to just fade away.
We let life and routine lead our way.
Brushing off our dancing shoes, prelude to prancing.
Life's too short, Kathy, why aren't we dancing?

You make me feel different.
No longer the odd man out
even when I am alone.

Around you its real,
I strut not slouch.
No longer wasting smiles.

I tried and tested the adage
'You cannot break your own heart'
I never thought I would be that focus group.

I guess I just love you Is All
Need you Is All

I didn't know I was waiting for someone like you.
You opened my eyes and cleared the clouds.
My heart beats so hard it hurts, if this is love then....
****!

I guess I am just hoping Is All
Just thinking out loud Is All

You showed me the color of glass.
You only have to stay for a day, or 2 or 3, Forever max.
We will have a life that other are jealous off.

We deserve no better,
We deserve each other.
Each other is enough.

I'm just wanting Is All
I'm just craving Is All

If I let go,
Would you reach for me,
Buffet the wind so I could float.
Even if it was far away from you.
Could you.

Zoomed right out
Insignificance crept in,
Getaway tokens tucked,
Pent up angst, unfurled.

To flee the familiar
Not doing this to cause hurt
It just has to be this way,
Staying is not viable.

Need new air to breathe,
New faces to avoid eye contact with,
To make the unknown my known
It's my goal and only.

In search of enlightened souls,
to caress my core.
Been loved in the past,
Am willing to think about trying.

Looking for new stars to count,
New smells to turn my nose up at.
The frigid life is no longer happening,
Dying is better than meandering.

Confidence should find me,
On what ever page of the atlas I inhabit.
Former acquaintances should forget.
For it is whats best.

Wanting to go but scared to fly,
closed eyes forever, one final sigh,
An escaped tear, a rattled breath,
A battle well fought, winner is death.

Blame the heavens and their greedy skies
Loved ones remember the fractured lies.
Legends cut down, myths created
Existence understanding but never abated.

Moss covers the forever bed,
offers and pleas, take me instead.
The final destination is one we all crave,
Dying is easy, you just lay in your grave.

Waves crash against the shore,
Bronzed Goddess laid bare,
I know you're looking,
I never care.

I feel your shadow
on my skin,
"Yes you can oil my back"
Lean forward, begin.

Coarse hands at work
Warm hands for play,
Looking forward to the splash
You can swim in my bay.

Lying beside me
Tilt my shades to view,
Your buoy propping up,
'Bout time you grew.

Taken in your arms,
greasy protection from the rays,
Secluded beach,
Sand for days and days.

Storming my own sand castle,
no need for a bucket,
my merman on the towel,
"Here's my clam, now **** it."

Matching the motion of the ocean,
Sand angel underneath,
they can hear my moans,
from the lighthouse to the deep.

All over tan,
no visible line,
Claim your salty liquid
as mine all mine,

Nature the best place to ***
I think as I grown,
You're wet from your swim,
Could never get this wet playing on my own.

Taste remains on lips,
Sweet scent on fingers,
Vivid memories scorched,
Internal desire still lingers.

Hair air blown and tossed,
Cheek lovingly stroked,
Burning pure passion
Vibrant embers now stoked.

Calmness ultimately present
Company offically confirmed
Heart currently divided
Life lesson learnt.

The pen is mightier than the sword
can create kingdoms or infamy.
If you choose the correct ink.

Constantly bashed,
rinsed daily,
used as an artist's ashtray,
or a hippies necklace,
Enough contained inside
to suffice and survive.

Moods form the swirls
and my lattice artwork,
You held me once in
wonder and awe,
Now you sell me on your
wicker stand.

Friends have wept over the loss
of their inner pearl,
I held no such treasure.
Just possibilities of where I have been.
Patiently await the day you hold me to your ear again,
So I can hear your heartbeat

Packed my bags
Flew the next week,
Ignoring the doubts,
I got fulfillment to seek.

Misunderstood accent,
Mispronounced name,
Ashes to ashes,
Foolish, its still the same.

Vague history,
Mistakes erased,
Broke and dream poor,
Resolve unfazed.

A new chapter,
closed door,
Figuring it out,
What I want and more.

Suddenly time becomes like a living thing,
a crushing weight that you have to endure
Fight the fight to go on,
Voice croaking, song unpure.

A second is an hour,
A minute a day,
Soaring high to be grounded.
Fleeing to stay.

Broken back, weary limbs,
Coerced by this fractured web,
Days are short, nights too long
Heartbeat and time start to ebb.

If I knew what it was
I would know how to help it,
I could soothe its scars
Caress away the doubts.

Free it so it soared.
Defeat the shackle bearers
When they came for it
They came for me.

Laugh in your face,
"This was only ever gonna end one way Darling."
Nothing that hurts this much could be fake.

We are soulmates you and I
I have accepted it
Its cute that you resist but have a devilish
gleam in your eye.

You held my hand and I believed you,
Just focus on that.

In the Dark

I have loved and mourned in the dark,
secrets kept to my self.

As the dawn light
spreads across the room.

I shake off the notions that
they ever really happened.

Knowing when I sleep I will re live them,
I do not hate the thought

So innocent then,
No predators or shaming,
No clamoring for likes or retweets,
Just outdoors and skinned knees,
Rarely stopped to disrupt the flow
with a self taken photo.
Imaginations abound,
Once a cowboy now a sailor,
tomorrow to be continued.
Friends for life not followers for a day,
Memories in mind
Not a timeline

It cannot be love,
I only dream about you and shrink
when you look my way,
My heart may quicken
I don't put too much thought into it
My sweaty palms on the other hand
Maybe I should see a Doctor
It cannot be love,
You don't even know my name,
I know yours, but you came up on my feed
Get over it.

I don't get jealous when I see you smile at her
Just wanted to know where she bought them shoes,
Jeez, put me in jail why don't ya.
Never once did I imagine you in bed beside me,
I may have kissed the pillow and held it all night,
But I was cold,
It's not a crime so chill out.
The doodles where I took your last name
were just so I could test the pen still had ink.
No need to send out the invitations just yet,
But I always thought a July wedding would suit.

You are frosty,
Think yourself unlovable,
The walls you built have kept
Light and warmth out.
Most would be wary to scale them,
Not me, I see through the ice,
I may slip and fall
But warm hands melt cold hearts

Prodded skin,
Outwards, within
Hope courses like
Wild horses.

I will kick this stuff
Get back to the right rough,
Deservedly sore,
Fealty a'more.

Heavy lidded eyes,
Controlled by the lies,
Love is stronger,
Hold me a little longer.

Body so cold
But my heart is so warm,
This landscape, my landscape
Pushes my wings to keep beating.

If I feel now I would not be sad,
For I wish only to land up
the manicured lawns of Aristocrats.
I would have earned my sleep.

Raw is how I feel,
the brooks, the hollows, the trees
all seep into my mind and bones.
Utter joy and contempt, a mixture.

I should have flown away more often,
My nest in the turret was always a haven,
and natures prison,
I would have earned my hope.

Lowest of the low,
Not much point now,
Have no further left to fall.

Clench to my comfort
All to play for now,
Rock bottom is the best foundation.

No ******* just killer heels,
Raincoat covering my gifts.
You loosen your tie and slip off your shoes,
Anticipation all over your face.

Computer chair swiveled towards me,
Grind on you slow,
Your big soldier salutes.
Mounting your desk, swish my hair.

Jackets on the ground now,
My legs spread and in the air,
Your hungry for me Sir,
I will hold all your calls.

Tongue punching my lily,
Slick and ready,
Your starving for me now,
I will cancel your 3 o clock.

Door locked, you are naked bar
the tie and maroon dress socks.
Long day at the office dear,
Gonna have to work overtime.

Pounding me now, your Rolodex fallen
I take the minutes of my moans,
Been wanting this for ages,
CEO was always my favorite position.

Dripping, your package filling my ******,
Corporate stress meets carnal greed,
Desk and I taking a pounding,
I now know what goes on underneath your suit.

Braced against the filling cabinet,
"I will get right on that, Boss,"
Your hand on my ***, thumb in my mouth,
Always the best at securing raises.

The little secretary that could,
My name in the past,
I take minutes as you nut,
Dictated, but not signed, Lyla