This is not one of those stories about a demon who loves an angel.
We are both demons,
Demons can't love.
So what do we do now?

To: You
From: Me

Open this letter when you feel like you have no more reason to stay alive~
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Hey! Cheer up! It's just a bad moment, a really bad one. I know you can pass through it and later on you'll see that it wasn't that bad. I do know because I also have those moments, when I just want to break down and let go everything. So I know that right now it is that bad, with all those negative thoughts inside your head, with all those voices screaming that you're in pain, that you're not needed, that you want to get away from all this. Don't do that, don't get away from it, don't let those voices get to you, it's not your time yet, you have a lot that you should fight for. You have a lot of reasons to keep going and I'm one of them as you're one for me. And remember, I'm here with you. You're not alone in this.
                                                 
       ­                                           Sara Leal
                                                           ­                                      24/01/18

I fell,
Deep down.
I wanted to fly.
But my broken wings didn't let me.

Ink.
You're my ink.
A book.
I'm your book.
Write on me.

Big Teddy Bear,
This is for you.

Big Teddy Bear,
I love you.

Big Teddy Bear,
I'm addicted to your voice.

Big Teddy Bear,
I want to hug you until I'm dead.

Big Teddy Bear,
I would wait forever for you.

Big Teddy Bear,
I'm insane.

Big Teddy Bear,
I hope you know everything about me.

Big Teddy Bear,
I look forward to our future.

Big Teddy Bear,
Don't leave me, please.

Big Teddy Bear,
Heal me from your scars.

Big Teddy Bear,
Hold my hand.

Big Teddy Bear,
I promise.

Big Teddy Bear,
I won't let our love end.

Big Teddy Bear,
Don't send me away.

Big Teddy Bear,
I may be crazy.

But **Big Teddy Bear,
I love you so much.

I want to.
I really want to.
But I can't,
I can't get you out of my head.
And that's frustrating,
That simply freaks me out.
Because my thoughts are all about you,
You,
You,
And you.
And that makes me sick.
I don't like it,
I don't like how you have so much power in me.
But I can't.
I tried.
But I can't.
I can't get you out of my head.
My brain can't forget something that still has a place in my heart.

Words** can **** you,
But thoughts can actually make you suffer until you wish you were dead.
So would you prefer to die by words,
Or thoughts?

Your lips,
Against mine.
Soft lips,
Wet tongue.
Eyes closed,
Synchronized movements.
How can a kiss feel so good,
When demons aren't supposed to kiss?

Idiot,

I was an idiot,

Idiot,

I'm still an idiot,

Each time more idiot,

Each day more idiot,

Inevitably idiot.

And all this because I love you,

Because even after the **** that you do, I love you.

Because even after you hurt me again and again, I love you.

Now you understand why I'm an idiot?

Maybe we are all lost.
Maybe we lost to this game called life.
Maybe it was meant to be us doing the same mistakes.
Maybe it was my destiny to hurt you.
Maybe I'm not even a human being.
Maybe God didn't listen when I was crying.
Maybe my words were written to provoke something on you.
Maybe I was ordered to lie.
Maybe what's mine was never really mine.
Maybe your eyes were just a drug.
Maybe coffee was not meant for me to drink.
Maybe the alcohol existent in the world was not enough.
Maybe the smoke that I smoked was not that poisonous.
Maybe our meeting wasn't a coincidence.
Maybe I was created to love you.

People think I'm just a stupid girl who writes more stupid things.
What they don't know it's that the stupid things I write about is in fact my life.
So basically my life it's stupid.

People think I don't care about what they say about me, because what it's not true it's not going to hurt me right?
Wrong, absolutely wrong.
I would like to feel that way every time they tell me something less positive about what I write.
But I don't.
So basically I can't lie about how I feel when I write.

People think love it's true, magnificent and perfect.
You exist to prove that they are wrong.
So basically love it's just a word with legends.

People think that I'm a suicidal girl who hates herself.
What they don't know it's the effort that it takes to pass by another day, breathing, knowing that your life is ****, but still writing.
So basically I don't care about my life, but I care about my poems.

People think they know why I write.
But they don't.
Because none of them would understand that I write to heal myself, I write because it's the only way I can feel alive, they don't understand that.
So basically nobody knows me.

People think they know everything that they need to.
But they don't.
You know why?
Because they don't know me.
They don't know you.
I'm glad they don't, some of them are just stupid people like me right?
So basically the world it's stupid,

And I'm in it.

The more I tried to not fall in love,
The more I fell in love with him.
I'm still a person,
And he's just my weak point.
He could destroy me if he wanted to.
Actually, I wouldn't mind being destroyed by him.
I love him too much to care about what he does to me.

My hands tremble,
As I see you.
Love?
Fear?
No.
I tremble* because I know you are the same as I.
A demon on earth.

She was the suffer in person.
She was suffering.
Nobody helped her.
Nobody gave her a hand.
So one day,
She became her own hero.

Suffering,
I'm suffering.
A little too much,
A little because I don't know.
And if I do I don't want to tell you.
Tears,
I'm really crying over here.
A little too much,
A little because I can't do anything else.
And if I can I don't imagine myself doing it.
Created,
I was created like this.
A little too early,
A little because the pain chose me.
And if she didn't, I'm choosing her.
Loved,
I'm loved.
A little too much,
A little by you.
And I don't know why you love me to be honest.
Me,
You,
A little for me,
A little for you.
I'm yours as I want you to be mine.
**But can you really fight against my demons?

"I love you."
But you're not the one I wanted to love me.

They.
Them.
They are here.
And everything is because of them.
They control everything and anything.
The reason is from them.
They hurt you,
If you try to hurt me.
They hurt me,
If I try to hurt you.
The dolls inside of me love you,
But they hate you.
D o l l s.
They live inside of me,
And get out whenever they want to.
Sooner or later they always come back,
Because I am my dolls,
And they are me.
Do what they tell you to.
Only them can control what is ours.
Live with the thought that you can't escape.
Lie like you believe me.
So you can answer me like you mean it.

Now, do you know my dolls?
*And where are yours?

My words,
Have a lot more to say than you think.
My poems,
Have hidden feelings in them.
My outside,
It's not all that I have.
I have a inside too.
And every word,
Every poem of mine,
Is the same as I.

It's incredible isn't it?
Yesterday, we were together.
Today, we dont even talk.
It's incredible isn't it?
Yesterday, you said and promised,
That you wouldn't leave me.
Today, I see that you lied to me.
It's incredible isn't it?
Yesterday, I smiled with you.
Today, I cry alone.
It's incredible isn't it?
Yesterday, was love.
Today, is just a lie.

When love turns real*,
I wish you were an illusion.

We are all humans right?
Humans with fears,
Humans that shed tears.

Humans that should be treated equally,
Humans that shouldn't have to suffer without reasons.
Humans that have the right to choose what they believe in or not.

So why isn't this happening?
Why are we not being treated equally?
Why are we suffering without reasons?
Why are we being stopped from having the right to choose what we believe in?

Why all this?
This shouldn't happen.
This can't keep happening.

But I know I can't do it alone.
I need you.
They need you.

People are being tortured right now,
They're suffering so much right now.
They need us.

It might be them today,
But tomorrow it can be you or me.
And do you actually feel alright not doing anything about this?
Do you feel good not helping your own kind just because it isn't you or someone you know in person?

Do they deserve this?
Would we deserve it?
Being hurt for wanting to believe in what we want?
For having free will?

Is that a reason to be tortured?
To be killed?
To have our loved ones taken out from us and have them being hurt?
To be thrown away into prison?
To be brainwashed?
To be taken out everything we cherish and love?

No!
It is not,
And it'll never be a reason.

You and me know that.
Now spread the word,
And make the difference.

If you really call yourself,
An human being,
Let's end this tyranny.

My reason is yours,
My body is yours,
My life is yours,
My smiles are yours,
My hugs are yours,
My kisses are yours.
But my heart is not.

Wings.
I was supposed to have wings?
If I was then I probably have a problem.
Because I don't have them.
I never did.
Can I still be called an angel?
A fallen angel.
That's the name I received for not having wings.
Wings.
I wanted to have them.
Tell me,
How does it feel to fly?
Without pain?
Without problems?
Without tears?
Without scars?
Without a broken heart?
I want to know,
Because that's all the things my mom felt.
I was born like this because of her.
Without wings.
She broke her wings before I was born.
She suffered so much.
But she just wanted to prevent me of suffering like her.
Well,
I'm sorry mom.
But you failed.
Without wings I'm even worst than you were.

Now I got used to it.
To all pain and tears,
To all scars and fears.

Now I got used to it.
To my life without a meaning,
To my life without the act of smiling.

Now I got used to it.
To being hated by myself,
To not being loved by you.

Now I got used to it.
To being an useless human.

I know what I want*.
And no, I don't want you.

Losing you hurts.
But I actually didn't lost you,
You let me go.
And I can't do anything about it,
It was your decision.
I have to be comprehensive.
I have to.
Even when I don't want.

"That isn't poetry, it's just thoughts on paper"
That's why my opinion it's different of yours.
That's why everyone has their own opinion.
If it's not poetry for you,
It is for me.

Words come in,
Tears come out.
Can my silence be so painful?

My tears come out because my eyes can't contain the pain,
As my mouth do.

My silence, it's my suffering.
The suffering I can't let anyone see.
I can't be that weak,
To let them know.

Humans,
The most cruel beings existing on earth.
What it hurts the most,
Is that I'm one of them.

The same person who suffers,
Can provoke pain to other people.
What's humanity after all then?
We lost it?
Does it even has the right to be called like that?

I'm a pitiful being,
Yes, I'm.
Always complaining about my pain,
Like other people don't suffer too.
They do,
But I do too.

So let me be,
Even for an instant complain!
Because there's a lot of things about me that are wrong!

I want to complain about that.
I want to scream them all.
In a another world where I'm not human,
And I'm finally,
Alone.

I didn't answer you,
I thought you were a ******* trying to win a bet or something by talking with me.
I was mostly right.

3 a.m,
It's the hour when I usually get out of my bed,
And go smoke one more outside,
Two more,
Three more,
Basically until my need it's satisfied.
What it's never.

Remember,
This was never a love story.

Sara,
People keep calling my name.
Sara,
Silence it's all they get from me.
Why?
I don't talk with people who pretend to like me.
Sara*,
That's my name.

There's a depressive side of me?
No.
That's how I'm.
When I'm not like that,
Is when I'm really pretending.

She,
Why nobody helped **her?
She helped everyone that she knew that needed help,
So why didn't anyone help her?
She was so happy,
With her beautiful and honest smiles,
With her deep and sincere feelings.
She was a beautiful person.
She was,
She's not anymore.
For one simple reason,
She didn't know how to help herself.

"Are you drunk?"
"No."
I ask another glass of that thing I don't even remember the name now.
"You're drunk."
"No."
My head starts hurting,
But not more than my heart.
I couldn't stop the question.
"Why did you dump me?"
You glared at me,
Silent.
"I will take you home, c'mon."
"No."
You try to take my arm again.
"You're drunk, just admit it."
"No."
I couldn't even see you well now.
I couldn't see the eyes that made my heart beat so fast so many times before this.
"Okay then I quit."
And you did,
You walked away.
But you already had quit before this anyway.
That's why I'm here drinking alcohol,
To gather some courage to punch you while I can.
Well, maybe alcohol it's not enough.
Or I'm not drunk enough.
Yeah, maybe that's it.
*I was never drunk enough with you.

Under the rain,

Shoeless,

Soulless.

Her time is busy with loneliness,

And not only loneliness,

But depression too.

But she doesn't want to know.

She doesn't want to know about her so much cuts in her wrists.

She doesn't want to know about her tears in conjunction with the rain.

She doesn't want to know about the floor full of stones that hurt her feet.

She doesn't want to know about the blood that falls from her face because of the punches that she took from her father.

She doesn't want to know about the bruising caused by her run away from home.

She doesn't even want to know about herself.

She just walks,

Under the rain,

Shoeless,

Soulless.

Can someone take this pain away?
I want to forget everything.
But at the same time I don't want to.
It was so beautiful,
But it ended so tragically.
Why do the most beautiful things end?
Why do the perfect moments end up being just memories?
It seems it was yesterday that everything began.
But actually,
It was yesterday that everything ended.
It hurts.
So *can someone take this pain away?
**Please?

I think I miss you,
But then I re-think it.
And I see I miss the things I was able to do with you,
I miss the way you tried to make me feel when I was sad sometimes,
I miss the way you loved me until some point.
But I don’t miss you.
I just would like to have what I miss back,
But I can’t,
‘Cause that would mean I would have to have you again.
And I don’t want that.
I don’t want that pain again.
I only want the happy things you were able to give me.
I want the piece you took out of me,
The love you took out of me.
But I can't have it back.
So tell me,
Will I be able to love again without everything that is missing?

Loving someone,
I never thought I could do that.
I never really thought I could be loved.
In fact, I think I don't deserve it.
Not even a little.
I mean how can a person like me deserve this love?
It's just a beautiful thing,
I can't possibly deserve that.
I don't deserve it.
But I'm still glad it happened though,
I don't care if this is selfish of me.
I don't care if it's wrong to steal this person from a better one than me.
I don't care.
I just want to stay with him,
Forever.
Like in a fairytale,
A real one.

Kaboom*,
My brain exploded.
I'm okay my heart it's still intact,
He's used to explosions.
Your explosions*.