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Aug 2014 · 254
I know
Caitlin Aug 2014
I know who I am
I am me.
I will never be him, or her.
I will never be able to risk as much as he does.
I will never be able to see me in his position.
I will not be able to fill his shoes.
I was not made to.
I am made for my shoes.
For my position
My risks are my risks
I am me.
I know who I am.
Do you?
Aug 2014 · 223
Ties, No More.
Caitlin Aug 2014
I hate to say it....
But
I'm cutting ties with you,
My muse.
Aug 2014 · 165
Lost
Caitlin Aug 2014
Why does it feel
Like I'm LOST...

Without you near?
Aug 2014 · 210
Dreaming
Caitlin Aug 2014
I dreamt about you last night.
Oh, how is it possible for you to haunt me even now?

*And why does it seem like I want you too?
Aug 2014 · 2.2k
-Fine-
Caitlin Aug 2014
Feelings are never what they seem.
Especially if it's "fine".
I'm fine- Is the most used lie of all time. Besides have you read all terms of agreement?
Aug 2014 · 1.9k
CRY (12w)
Caitlin Aug 2014
I have that feeling,
Where all I need to do is cry.
I'm depressed...not sure why. I need to cry.
Aug 2014 · 297
You..
Caitlin Aug 2014
I see you in my dreams
You haunt me every waking moment

I imagine what you'd say if you were here
That we'd laugh about the same things

Make jokes like we used to
Get nothing accomplished like we used to

I imagine you walking in the door
And th  butterflies that erupt in my stomach

Every feeling that we ever encountered
Every advice you ever gave

Oh, how I wish you were here.
My muse
Aug 2014 · 259
my muse
Caitlin Aug 2014
I have lost my muse.
What to do now?
I have writers block.... it's terrible. Someone help- please?
Jul 2014 · 229
Saved (12w)
Caitlin Jul 2014
Saved
A blank page
in the story of my life

For You.
Jul 2014 · 437
Blank pages
Caitlin Jul 2014
I stare at the blank page in front of me.
Thoughts flee my mind,
The moment I need them.

I stare at the blank page.
Willing it to give me some idea,
Some clue as to why I am writing.

I stare at the blank page.
I stare at it, blank, lifeless and
Incomplete without ink running down its page.

I stare at the empty, white page.
It's powerless without, me, it's writer.
Utterly and completely

I stare at the blank page.
My power flows through my pen
And onto the paper.

I have completed
A masterpiece.
Jul 2014 · 1.7k
Wanted
Caitlin Jul 2014
I am damaged.
I am broken.

Something I wonder if I am ever wanted.
Jul 2014 · 226
Love (10w)
Caitlin Jul 2014
I love you
More than I love myself

It *****.
Jul 2014 · 300
Because
Caitlin Jul 2014
Because I am lonely, it means hiding certain things

Because I am kind, it means putting my own problems away

Because I am caring, it means not letting go- no matter  what

Because sometimes I can be mad, it means having a laughter break

Because I can be sad, it means I search for a shoulder to cry on

Because of being in love, it may mean that that I focus on the good and not the bad

Because I may be crazy, it means having people love me for the way I am.

Because I am me
Jul 2014 · 36.1k
Caring
Caitlin Jul 2014
I care.
and its the one thing that causes me the most pain.
It breaks me to see and to discover that the people that I care for the most don't care at all, not necessarily for me. But not at all completely.

I have felt the deepest pain due to this "problem"
and no, I can't just stop caring.
Its not that easy.
Jul 2014 · 836
My Love (10)
Caitlin Jul 2014
My Love,
I wish I knew who you are.
Caitlin
I believe in soul mates and the fact the most of us have a special someone waiting for us in the world, and maybe I'm just a hopeless romantic, but I hope that I'll find my Prince Charming...
Jul 2014 · 1.0k
What I like most
Caitlin Jul 2014
What I like most is not the flowers
not the rising sun
or the falling moon

What I like most is not smiles
or fun
It is not the few looks of love
neither the looks of admiration

What I like most is not summer nights
or school days
It is not snow or rain

Now even though i like and even love majority of what I mentioned,
This is what I like most;

*The moment before a performance or rehearsal
Where we are all ready for our director to speak and instruct,
And we are silent.
Right before we take that first breath to begin the song,
Where we all feel connected, through Music
I am missing these moments now, during the summer, where all of the band kinds go our separate ways, but only a few more weeks before band camp!!
Caitlin Jun 2014
I didn't hate you.
I didn't agree with you on everything, however.
I wish that I had spoken up.
I hope that you are living a good life.
I wish that we were closer friends instead of enemies.
I wish you gave me a second chance.
I wish that you encouraged me more.
I wish that you at least told me something more than the one worded answers to all of my questions.
I wish……
Jun 2014 · 156
Life (10w)
Caitlin Jun 2014
What is the meaning of life?
To be or not?
Jun 2014 · 13.2k
Leaving
Caitlin Jun 2014
It seems like a lot of key people in my life are leaving
Or are in the process of leaving
Or already gone.

I often wonder why?
Why leave? Why now?

My grandfather passed away..
My band director quit..
My youth pastor is transferring..

Many influentual people have left.
I don't know what I'm gonna do…..
Jun 2014 · 24.7k
Clouds
Caitlin Jun 2014
The clouds always seem to want to float higher
As if the higher they go,
the closer they get to heaven.

Maybe that's true,
I wouldn't know,
I'm not a cloud

But if I were,
I'd want to go higher too..
I was at the beach the other day.. and the clouds inspired me to write this… enjoy.
Jun 2014 · 582
DREAMS
Caitlin Jun 2014
Sometimes I wish that if I just close my eyes
And dream..

Everything will go they way they should
That all the problems will go away,
And all the drama will disappear.

But that will never happen….
Jun 2014 · 158
truth (10w)
Caitlin Jun 2014
Tell me something

Besides the lies

You always feed me.
Jun 2014 · 271
So...
Caitlin Jun 2014
Today I am sixteen.
I don't feel older
I've always been older....
More matured.

But today I am officially 16.
Wow... 16 years of life.
I lived every minute if it to the fullest
At least I hope I did.

So... I guess the question is-
What am I gonna do now?
Jun 2014 · 323
Words
Caitlin Jun 2014
There is so much to say
That I'll never be able to get past my lips

There is so much in my heart
That I wish you knew

There is so much
That I feel I will break if I don't let it out somehow.
Jun 2014 · 257
Untitled
Caitlin Jun 2014
I keep things in
It's the way I work
I don't tell
My drama to
Everyone
Everyone doesn't need to know
So I keep
My mouth shut

I keep all my pain and hurt locked inside
I keep my ideas and opinions to myself
Who knows who would get offended

So I keep things locked up tight.
*Who has the key?
Jun 2014 · 610
Sometimes (10w)
Caitlin Jun 2014
Sometimes
I
Forget
That
You
Are
Actually

A
Human..
I let my feelings get in the way of what we could be- friends.
May 2014 · 1.1k
HOW?
Caitlin May 2014
How will I be able to say
Goodbye?

To those who helped create
Who I am today?

To those who held me
When I cried?

To those who I wish
I could have another week with?

To those who I said I hated
yet secretly held a place in my heart?

How will I be able to utter those words...
Goodbye

**I don't want to have to say them
May 2014 · 751
Back
Caitlin May 2014
He's here..
He's back.

I have to tolerate him sitting next to me again.
Our director says just tell him what you want him to do.
Like he'll listen to me.

I don't know what I'll do.
If I can do anything
And he's here until Monday..

What am I gonna do?
I can't breathe when he's around.
He is the creator of my butterflies that inhabit my stomach.
What will I do?

He's back.
He's here...

Someone **** me please?
May 2014 · 365
I never
Caitlin May 2014
If you saw me now..
I never knew that I could..

I never knew I could fly,
Until you showed me my wings

I never knew that I could that the leap
Until you showed me the cliff

I never knew..
Why didn't you tell me?
May 2014 · 156
Friends (10w)
Caitlin May 2014
I thought you were my best friend.

*I thought wrong
My best friend recently cut ties- for a really dumb reason.. I'm mad and sad right now but this was all I could write- for now.
May 2014 · 361
Years
Caitlin May 2014
Born- my parents hadn't planned me.. I wonder why?
One- life is good- no worries except if I should drop this bowl on the floor- I think I will.
Two- same old, same old- I'm beginning to talk..
Three- learning all about the interesting things in the house- is that a stove?
Four- pre-K, I'm learning that my brother is a little weird...
Five- kindergarten- I don't really enjoy school at this time..
Six-school starts- I'm weary at first but then I start to love it. I also get my first look at love- his name was Jonathan- but then he moved
Seven-I get to see my first taste of snow, breathtaking
Eight- I begin helping the special kids at my school- I think one if them falls in love with me.. I was the only one who could calms him down.
Nine- I begin my journey of my obsession with books. Ms Newman helped with that.
Ten- I enter fifth grade- my last year- I loved my teachers- they were preparing us for the middle school changing of classes
Eleven- middle school- I'm in band, playing french horn- it was exciting. I loved it. I also learning about real friends during this time...
Twelve - in band again- I play a solo- and I did good. I form a club at my school first priority. My brother has an open heart surgery- I realize how precious life is.
Thirteen-eighth grade- I cried at the end of it- mainly about band.. I made a lasting relationship with my director, Mr. Williams and Mrs. Larson- I loved being with the band.
Fourteen- high-school- I wasn't prepared for the drama and problems that would arise- I meet my largest problem- my section leader in band- let me tell you that I loved marching band it was(and still is) the best.
Fifteen-I was still having problems with my section leader- now turned drum major.. But I think that we are good now..I also fall for him as well. So..
Sixteen
I haven't gotten that far yet- only two weeks and I'll be 16, but let's hope that my life has taught me well.
May 2014 · 240
I am (10w)
Caitlin May 2014
I am a force to be reckoned with

I think..
May 2014 · 181
Numd
Caitlin May 2014
I beleive that I have become so numb to the pain that when I have a tidal wave of emotions coming at me...

I become afraid.
And I usually break down..
May 2014 · 465
For her
Caitlin May 2014
The talk that I'd like to have with you
If I have the courage..

To her:
I hate you.
I can say that honsetly.

It kinda started when you lied to me-
I was just asking a question-
But even then he was manipulating you.

I thought you were better than that.
I looked up to you.
Why'd you go and do that to me?

But then you  tried to hide the fact that you were dating him from me.
Did you think of me as a threat?

And then he left.
And impacted us both-
You weren't the only one in pain.
I loved him too!!!

But then you went and changed.
You became a b---h
I'm sorry it's the truth.

And then at footloose when you asked me if I'd seen him-
And I  gave you a sarcastic answer:
"He's doing what he does best- sitting"
You got all defensive,
And I warned you..

And you said- he thinks he's in love with me-
I wanted to yell-
What about you?
Do you love him?
Because I know what my feeling are.

You just never saw them.
Get out of your own world.
Look at the one around you.
And to think you'll be leading the band in a few months...

You are a sad sob story.
Too bad no one wants to listen
Personal thing- might aply to life as well, depends on how you look at it.
May 2014 · 10.2k
Choices (10w)
Caitlin May 2014
One choice
One decision
A thousand regrets

I am sorry
May 2014 · 4.1k
High school band
Caitlin May 2014
This is what I'm a part of
High school band
Very different from middle school band
All mature teens (most of us)
Coming together and making the most amazing thing in the world

We make love and hate
We make peace and war
We make red and white and yellow and green an blue and purple
We make tears and smiles
We make laughs and screams
We make.

We are a band.
We make music.
No one will get this unless you've ever been a part of a band- not like a rock band but an actual band- with trumpets and french horns and flutes am tubas and clarinets and trombones and saxophones.. It is breathtaking. What we do..
May 2014 · 187
Mine (10w)
Caitlin May 2014
If I give you my heart
Will you protect it?
May 2014 · 181
See
Caitlin May 2014
See
How can you be so blind?
          I'm standing right here...
Ummm, I kinda just started to sing and make up words and this was part of it... So enjoy- I think....
May 2014 · 172
You....
Caitlin May 2014
What power do you have?
To make me feel this way?

Why have I fallen hard?
Even harder, in the time
We've been apart

Why do I run when I see you?
What can I not bear to face you?
What am I afraid of?

*How can I be afraid of you?
May 2014 · 177
Here (10w)
Caitlin May 2014
You were here.
I was there too.
But I hid....
Why do I have to run and hide all the time?
May 2014 · 2.3k
Confusing
Caitlin May 2014
I don't like to be confused
It's not an emotion that I handle well
I don't like to feel confused
It makes no sense to me at all

Can someone please
help me not be confused??
Please?
May 2014 · 160
Optional (10w)
Caitlin May 2014
Sometimes I wish
That some things in life
Are optional
May 2014 · 251
Why?
Caitlin May 2014
Why is it that,
When I read love stories
And listen to love songs,
I start to cry?
Why?
Caitlin May 2014
The difference
three little words
can make.

What are yours?
I kinda wanted to see if you could get what I mean. Three words that what I'm asking- It can be a sentence or three individual words...
Thanks
May 2014 · 1.8k
Fear (10w)
Caitlin May 2014
I am afraid
My lack of confidence
Makes me
*afraid
May 2014 · 309
Bleed (10w)
Caitlin May 2014
My heart bleeds.
Emotionally bleeds
My heartstrings are pulled tight.
May 2014 · 576
Pep talk
Caitlin May 2014
You can do this.
It's no different than before
Well actually it is.

He's not there.
But he could be
No he can't.

I can do this.
It's ok to make a mistake.
I think.

I can't do it.
I'm gonna fail.
I get so nervous I can't breathe
I'm not gonna do it.
I can't
I won't..

I have to.
I have to.
I can.
I will..
You know what I'm taking about..
May 2014 · 247
Why
Caitlin May 2014
Why
Many people have asked me why I haven't done it
What I'm afraid of..

It's not just that I'm afraid
It's that I can't bear to accept the fact that he's gone.
That I have to fill his shoes
That I'm expected to.

I feel like maybe this is the one thing I can hold over his head.
Ha! You left and look that's what happened- it didn't sound right..

I don't know anymore myself.
But it all comes down to tomorrow.
We'll see what happens
May 2014 · 394
My devil....
Caitlin May 2014
You know how in the cartoons
The main character has,
When making a decision.
A devil and an angel
On either shoulder

Well, lately
I think that I have one
But my story has to go back..

I've always had my angel
Since I was little.
But it wasn't until high school
Where I met my devil

He impacted my life hugely.
Then my angel started to fall
for this devil.

I know it sounds cheesy
But my angel knew
that he was a devil
But she chose to sit back
And see where he leads

Angel eventually fell in love.
With what she knew about the devil
And she didn't question it.

Then our story takes an interesting turn-
The devil left.
Abruptly, without a word
The angel was devastated

She didn't know what to do.
She was stuck

She sat and tried to figure
Out what she had to do.
She picked herself up
And simply moved on.

But it's not as it was that simple.
She still though of the devil
Every single day.
Whether it be intentional
Or not.
She still cringed at the thought
Of him doing the same thing to someone else.
Someone else falling to his charms
She still wept.
She still fell apart.

*But my angel is still there
Caitlin May 2014
Hate it when
You fall apart


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