I don't have a "him" or "her" to gawk and talk about
Nor do I have a vice or a vanity to pour.
I don't believe victims are mythical, and so, I do have one thing I can sing.
Loneliness is involuntary.
You can tell me that all it takes is "going out" and meeting people...
But say that same thing to Frankenstein.
Did you forget that all you need to lose that chance is to be devalued?
And must I remind you that ghosts aren't frequently seen?
A moth to a dragon has no existence, like the shadow to a flame upon a candlestick.
But that's not my point.
Solitary living is voluntary. Choosing to push people away, gathering only yourself and living your day...
But what about those who want people, yearn for romance, cry out at this shallow cold world for why they seek those who lie, cheat, ****, and steal from them, but dismiss those who are more likely to remain honest, aid, save, and protect?
Loneliness is involuntary.
No one would beg to feel nonexistent unless you got to receive what we yearn for.
Solitary is voluntary.
To choose yourself, because you don't trust anyone else, even if you too can be your worst enemy.
Whether one will read this or not.
This came from my heart.
And it's a real discussion that people avoid.
Mental health is real and so is the stigma.
A shallow heart is easy to scare.
A deeply broken heart can shatter a world.
Why isolate someone because they may not physically appeal to you?
Whether it's because they're "strange" or "unattractive".
Isolation can break a soul...don't be the one to turn a blind eye.
Obviously, you probably won't see this if you don't read it, but I suppose I should explain why this may be personal.
I struggle with loneliness. I'm often in a state in which I lack support or single in my life. I've been this way up until this year, and I have a theory that it's much bigger than I really know. I've lost many potential friends, even before a complete school year could finish, and this is consistent with every year, hence why even though this year may be a little different, I don't feel much better. I've lost family members, my entire family, and all to nothing but distance and a lack of support. If I've done something to cause it, I've never been told so.
Actually, it's quite the opposite. I've been told many good things and complimented on my care and genuine consideration of those I invest in; that i'm personable, loving, kind, attractive, funny, weird, "but in a good way", and a lifetime type of friend.
What boggles my mind is how I receive the opposite treatment. These things have been said by multiple people and more than once. My loneliness, at one point, was so bad that I became desperate to keep people around, which obviously did NOT work in my favor. This year has been a good year so far, more than less...but to speak the truth...I've lived a life as a ghost without really being given the choice.
And this sudden change in my life, this year...scares me.