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420 · Apr 2016
Half a Decade
ARI Apr 2016
Sometimes I hear you
Laughing loudly in my head
I can't make you stop.

It's been five long years
Since the last time your harsh hands
Claimed what wasn't yours.

I can still taste you
Like acid searing my tongue
I can't make you leave.

It's been five long years
Since your dark wandering eyes
Stalked my every limb.

I can still feel them
Roaming maliciously all
Over my bruised soul.

-ARI
417 · Sep 2015
K.H.
ARI Sep 2015
I wish I could hold her shaking limbs
Tightly in my arms.

I wish I could make her forget
The scale inside her head.

I wish I could take away
The scars she placed upon her flesh.

I wish I could wipe away
Self-hate pouring from her soul.

-ARI
414 · Oct 2015
One in The Same
ARI Oct 2015
There's a little boy
Drawing in his room
Momma comes and sees
A vibrant ocean blue

He says mom would you like to know
Why this painting is my life
And why this image in my head
Haunts me every night?

When you look at the ocean
You only take the time to see
What's on the surface
You don't know what lurks beneath

You see blue skies and birds
Hugging the salty water
You don't see the shark below
Devouring someone's daughter

And over in that corner
A ship has sunken down
It took a family with it
All the children drowned

But over on that beach
So many people play
They won't acknowledge the danger
For that would ruin their day

I feel much like the ocean
People only come when all is calm
But when everything is upside down
Suddenly they're gone.

Doctors post videos of me laughing
And photos full of smiles
But when I need the cure
There's silence stretched for miles.

They say I am a warrior
They call me brave and strong
But for this I've had no training
They've never been more wrong.

-ARI
412 · Dec 2013
Humming Bird Dreams
ARI Dec 2013
I smile as it seems to be,
The wind came to play with me.
For I lay in bed,
Ill for what seems like forever.
I cannot move or dance myself,
So the wind and my dreams dance together.
I watch as the humming birds made of lace,
come alive before my eyes.
I love to watch the sweet caress,
Of the lacy blinds against the open glass.
I love to watch as my dreams take me,
Dancing me out my small window
To the open land and tall trees,
To the light in the skies,
And the smell of the seas.
I laugh as I slip away into my dreams,
Now I can dance for myself.

-ARI
412 · Aug 2014
Chains
ARI Aug 2014
No one really understands why
they were born to live then sentenced to die.

There is no map made to show
which path to leave or where to go.

Most stay put in one little place
regret it not 'til death they must face.

Life's thick chains we do not see
wrapped 'round our ankles; we cannot leave.

I felt those chains once burning my skin
my heart had feared they would win.

Each year they grew a little tighter
until one day I pulled a little harder.

The first link to break was scariest of all
for I was afraid if I left I would fall.

I took one step forward then
my doubt had stayed and so I went.

-ARI
412 · Jul 2015
Please Child
ARI Jul 2015
Go
Run
Faster
Quickly
You
Must
Escape

Don't
look
Back
Never
Stop
Being
Afraid

For
Beauty's
Nothing
More
Than
Society's  
Torture

-ARI
411 · Feb 2015
Rivers of Red
ARI Feb 2015
I stand; barely breathing
Beneath the shower spray
As her blood drips slowly
From my finger tips
Mixing with the water
Dancing at my feet

I felt no remorse
Watching red fade to pink
For the only little girl
Ive ever made bleed
Is the one in the mirror
Always taunting me

-ARI
411 · Dec 2013
Self-Inflicted
ARI Dec 2013
Im just a little bit broken right now
Torn into so many pieces.
My heart is calling out your name
But isn't getting the answer it wants.
I know I should leave you right now
Since I always have to whisper when im around you.
But its easier said than done
Guess Im just gonna have to suffer.

-ARI
405 · Nov 2014
Dangerous Thinking
ARI Nov 2014
I did it again.
I thought about ending my life.
I stood there,
Lost deeply in my withering mind.

I wondered,
What would I feel like
The moment before
Meeting death?

Would I be
So relieved to escape?
Smiling like a mad lady
One who's found peace?

Would I be afraid?
Afraid to discover where I'd go?
Heaven or hell;
Do they exist?

How would it be
To close my eyes
And never again open them?
Would I regret leaving?

Would I finally
Know how it feels
To be free without fists
Wrapped around my soul?

Would I be forced
To hear the words said
And feel the angered hearts
Caused by my departure?

I suppose with
all my thoughts of "what if",
I should just keep walking.
Maybe one day I'll find home.
404 · Aug 2014
Into Nothing
ARI Aug 2014
I felt the mountains fall
From the weight of all the tears
That poured from your wounded soul

I heard the heavens roar
From the pain which drenched the voice
Tearing from your throat

I watched the green trees tremble
From the twisted misery
Shaking your beaten body

Simply put
I watched your once lively light
Fade into nothing

-ARI
401 · Dec 2015
Life
ARI Dec 2015
She wanted to hang from her tree

But she was afraid to die.

So instead she built a swing;

She’s never felt more alive.

-ARI
401 · Sep 2017
The Unknown
ARI Sep 2017
I do not know what to tell you.
I do not know why I hurt.
I cannot tell you which moment
Tore my heart through my shirt.

I know not why my soul is bleeding.
There's so much I don't understand.
I wish I could explain to myself
Why my husband was an unkind man.

I never could quite figure it out.
Why I felt I was so broken.
I still don't know why my tender throat
Is often shredded by words unspoken.

-ARI
399 · Mar 2014
Little Ben
ARI Mar 2014
I sat there alone,
eyebrows scrunched in constant disapproval.
I was too busy focused on what I hated in life
To notice the small boy walking my way

He sat down next to me
On an old warped bench with rusted screws.
For a moment he simply stared
As though he were studying my expression

His gaze made me uneasy for some unknown reason.
I quickly became agitated and so
I clench my hands and screamed
In frustration “What do you want!”

From his small mouth came a question
So odd it took me a moment to
Hear what he had asked me
“What is it like to live”

“To live? You should know already,
for you are alive right now.”
My answer seemed to not be what
the boy was looking for.

He shook his head and said
to me “No, what is it like to live?
What is it like run outside when
youre small and scrape your knee?”

Overwhelmed with confusion I
simply laughed and said
“Boy, you should know. For
you are many years younger than I.”

“Well, what is it like to be a teenager?
To run around with friends and
no parents at your back? Is it
As fun as the older kids make it seem?”

”What about school? Is high school
as scary as people say or is
it exciting? What about college?
Did you go to college?”

“What is it like to love a girl
and to have her love you back?
What is it like to dance with
Her arms wrapped around you?”

“What is it like to grow old
and watch the world change
all around. Whats it like to
watch the people around you grow?”

For some reason I cannot explain
I quickly became angry; agitated
at such ridiculous questions.
How dare he ask such foolish things!

“ Overrated! Why are you in
Such a hurry to grow old?
High school is terrible and you
Will absolutely hate it!”

“I never went to college and
that is none of your **** business!
Love?! Love is a waste of time.
Love is an emotion that doesnt exist!”

“And growing old? Growing old
is wretched! My bones ache
My head is always hurting
And I have had to watch friends die!”

“All I see is the large amount of
Idiocy in this ever changing
World and it is a waste of life!
Do yourself a favor and dont think about it!”

Suddenly his shoulders drooped
the light in his eyes had dimmed
He looked away without a word
and for many moments sat still.

He then turned to me with pitty,
fear, hurt, and sadness in his eyes.
A voice so soft I almost couldnt hear,
Began to whisper from his lips.

“I never had the chance to run
Outside when I was old enough to
remember. I dont remember
how it feels to scrape my knee.”

“Ive never been allowed to go to
school. Too many germs that could
**** me, but my brothers dont like it.
I believe I would love it.”

“My uncle says love is like
magic that can heal all your hurt.
Ive always believed in magic like that.
I will always hope its true.”

“Every bone in my body aches.
When I sat next to you I did not
talk right away because I hurt to
Much to be able to say a word.”

“I have said goodbye to more
friends in six months than most
people do in their entire lives.
I am just another kid waiting in that line.”

“I dont see bad things in the world
Mostly because I make myself
See everything beautiful instead.
The only thing I am able to do is think.”

It was at that moment guilt had
hit me so hard in the chest I
couldnt take a single breath.
I had started to realize things about him.

He had very little hair on his head and his
Cheek bones seemed to be sunken in. His lips
Were chap and he had a little tube inside his nose.
I couldnt understand how I missed that.

“Boy? What is wrong with you?
Are you ill? And why ask me
all your questions? Surly
You could see Im not a very nice man?”

A sad smile began to appear on
His face and he looked at me and said,
“I was sitting by my mom when I saw
you staring at the trees like you were mad.”

“The wrinkles on your face told
me you have lived a life filled with
so many emotions and I just had to know.
I needed to know what it was like to have a wrinkle.”

With that the boy rose and this time I watched
as his small body slowly limped to his mother.
She rushed to his side and placed him
in a wheelchair that he was simply too small for.

Only a few feet away from my bench
that boy turned around and said
“My name is Ben, it was nice to meet
you but you need to remember how to smile.”

A few weeks went by and I couldnt forget that boy
so I went to the hospital by that park and asked
the nurse about that little boy named Ben
and asked if I could see him.

“He told me you would come by..
Though he thought you would come sooner.
Ben passed away three days ago. His cancer
Came back to quickly and too hard.”

I stood there shocked not knowing what to do.
This child that I have been thinking of
constantly, expecting for him to be here,
Was now gone for ever and the world didn't know.

I left on weary legs and sat on that same bench.
“Love is when a child notices you and smiles, even
when you yell at him. Love is when someone changes
Your life for the better. Love is definitely magic little Ben.”
399 · Dec 2013
Fixing Her Mistakes
ARI Dec 2013
With my eyes cast upon the floor
I make myself walk away
I don't even care anymore
What those people have to say.

They can think what they want to
I know what's actually real
Because they don't even have a clue
About the way I feel.

They see the scars upon my skin
So they think they know my story
They say Im nothing but a sin
But they've no right to judge me.

Ive done many things I do regret
And have mended a few mistakes
Though I know I haven't finished yet
I keep going even as my heart breaks

-ARI
396 · Mar 2015
As You Have Loved Me
ARI Mar 2015
Lay down beside me
Lights off; Hearts open

Wrap your arms around me
Bodies warm; Cheeks grazing

Tell me the stories of your life
Souls dancing; Eyes laughing

Show me all your sorrows
Minds understanding; Wounds healing

Teach me everything about you
Worlds uniting; Moons colliding

Let me love you,
As you have loved me

-ARI
396 · Dec 2013
Hello 19
ARI Dec 2013
Excited is how she feels,
As she watches the hands on her clock
Move closer and closer to midnight.
She knows she has made it,
Lived to be another year older
Even as many had doubted her.
Goosebumps cover her shaking arms,
She is so proud of herself
Until the clock strikes 12.
Then all of a sudden she feels like Cinderella,
All the magic of the night has disappeared
Leaving her to be the same sad girl she was before.
Only now she feels worse,
Knowing she had a taste of wonder
Fearing she will never have it again.
Not sure of what to do next,
She waits for someone to acknowledge her
To let her know her life is valued.
Instead the same thing as before happened again,
She was left alone to sing the saddest birthday song to herself
As she whispered "Hello 19"

-ARI
396 · Nov 2018
Please
ARI Nov 2018
My brother,
Please come back.
I need you so.

-ARI
394 · Sep 2017
Eternal Nonsense
ARI Sep 2017
Soul deep exhaustion
Penetrating my 'ever weary bones.

All the bad in my life
Crowding my throat; Suffocating me.

Life's twisted imagery;
Gut wrenching hate waltzing in my head.

I cannot find freedom
From ever changing scenery in my heart.

-ARI
392 · Jul 2015
More Than Just a Toy
ARI Jul 2015
Broken doll
With tarnished eyes
And limbs all bent
In different directions

Broken bear
With ears torn
And button eyes
Gone and forgotten

Rocking chair
With chipped paint
And both arms
Lost to splinters

Your life
Came from
A loving maker
Who shared you with a child

A child
Who's warmth
And laughter grew
Because their growing hearts had you.

-ARI
391 · May 2016
I Want
ARI May 2016
To forget
Your name
Your face
Your smile

 I want to Forget

Your hands
Wrapped around
My arms as if you
Owned  ME.

I WANT TO FORGET

Your voice
Ripping through
My once innocent  mind
Scarring me forever

But I Remember

Your hands
Pushing me to
My knees because
You "deserved  it"

I remember

One ***** hand
Over my mouth
The other
Bruising my leg

I will always remember

My trembling  voice
BEGGING you
To STOP but
YOU didn't want to.

-ARI
390 · Dec 2013
Waters Freedom
ARI Dec 2013
You take my hand,
And Ill take yours.
Give me one last kiss,
Take just one last breath.
Walk to the edge,
And smile big.
Don’t look down,
Just jump right in.
Fall into the cleansing water,
Together we will resurface.
We will bob in the water,
And smile to each other.
Our laughter will fill the ocean,
As our tired souls are renewed.

-ARI
384 · Mar 2014
Her Sadness
ARI Mar 2014
I swear right there
on my window pane
Was a blanket of tears
which tied to the rain
Causing damage to the wood
and cracks as a drain

-ARI
382 · Aug 2017
What Do I Do
ARI Aug 2017
When everything inside me
Feels so...
Small?
376 · Nov 2015
I Knew
ARI Nov 2015
I knew
Long before
He ever said a word
For my
Name no
Longer danced from his lips.

His hands
Too cold
For someone who loved him
As he
Gently touched
Fingers now clenching cheap whiskey.

I knew
Long before
He ever accepted the truth
For my
Kiss never
Made him smile like that.

-ARI
374 · Sep 2020
Cancer Steals
ARI Sep 2020
Our babies need more
than our prayers  
They need more
than our likes and shares.

Their innocent eyes
drowned in tears
Mommies and daddies
drowned in fears.

Our babies need more
than wishes
Their bodies
covered in stitches.

Their sweet little hearts
are breaking
Their vibrant souls
‘ever aching.

Our babies need more...
367 · Jul 2015
Insanity is Her Hell
ARI Jul 2015
Hair falling from her scalp
Like the fraid ends of a rope
Finally giving up.

Flesh peeling from her bones
Like a bright red apple
Being skinned.

Liquid pouring from her eyes
Like the angry summer clouds
Screaming for peace.

Fear twisting 'round her thoughts
Like rusted barbed wire "tattooed"
Inside a gnarled tree.

-ARI
366 · Nov 2015
I Learned to Live
ARI Nov 2015
Seven years ago today
I was sitting in the dark
With my eyes squeezed shut
And my arms wrapped
Too tightly around my legs.

I rocked myself slowly
Hoping to calm the flames
Devouring my heart
And spreading too rapidly
Across my entire being.

My phone was left abandoned
On the kitchen table far from me
For I feared the next call
Would carry the news
That your heart no longer beats.

Seven years ago today
I was told your brain was dead;
Your body close to follow
And I cried for the next five days
Then you were gone.

I didn't cry for six years
For you took a piece of me
To your grave the day you died.
You died. I thought I died too.
But he brought me back to life.

I still miss you, my friend
I do believe I will miss you
For all the years I have left
Im sorry it took me so long
To listen to you, but I finally

Learned I am still alive.

-ARI
356 · Sep 2015
Reasons
ARI Sep 2015
You look at me
As if Im already broken
Soon Im going to shatter

For I can not seem to explain
The reasons for the demons
Knocking on my door.

-ARI
353 · Dec 2013
Melody Made of You
ARI Dec 2013
You’re the song stuck in my head,
That plays across the strings of my heart.
You’re the beat I tap with my hand,
The melody I get lost in.
You’re the notes loud and strong,
The notes I cant help but sing to.

-ARI
351 · Jan 2014
I Want You
ARI Jan 2014
I want to feel the weight of you
Pressed lovingly against my back.
I want to feel your steady breath
Playing across my delicate skin.

I want to hear your deep laughter
Drifting through the warm room.
I want to hear your soulful singing
Meant only for my listening ears.

I want to touch your heated skin
While we dance around a campfire.
I want to touch your roughened face
After you haven't shaved for a few days.

I want every inch of your mind and body
While you have every inch of mine.
I want you forever and always in my life
Mostly, I just want to find you.

-ARI
351 · May 2019
Sometimes
ARI May 2019
I feel like a feather
Floating atop vast ocean waters
Far from land
Just waiting for the waves to drown me

That anxiety alone could suffocate me

-ARI
350 · Dec 2013
Her Life Given
ARI Dec 2013
Don’t forget her,
the girl that waited for you.
She is the one,
the one who saved you.
Don’t forget,
She is the reason you are still alive.
She gave up her life,
So you could keep yours.
Don’t look,
She doesn’t want you to see her drown.
She doesn’t want you to see what you did to her.

-ARI
349 · May 2014
Game
ARI May 2014
It makes me sick
Seeing young girls
Showing their friends
Shallow cuts littering their skin.

It makes me want to scream
Hearing them talking
Seeming as though
They are trying to outdo the others.

Why cant they see?
See just how seriously
Dangerous this game
They are playing truly is?

They must know
Surly they must
How terribly addicting
Such a release can be.

I remember that moment
The first time
You hold that sharp razor
Nervously floating over your skin.

That first shock
Knowing you have done
Exactly what you swore
You would never do.

First I had an overwhelming high
It was as if my heart
was slamming excitedly
Against my tender eardrums.

I was immediately caught
Stuck in a trap
I couldn't free myself from
I was so lost.

Years passed, people left
My body changed
I was older and so was everyone else
My addiction became stronger.

The blade became knives
Knives became safety pins
Those became broken glass
Eventually I didnt care what was cutting my skin.

So to all those girls
Who use self harm as a way
To get attention you need or crave
This is not a game to be played.
343 · Feb 2014
We Are Not The Same
ARI Feb 2014
He said: "I love you"
And I replied,
You cannot love me.
For how can you love another,
When you don't love yourself?

I am the same as you,
With hopes, fears, and dreams.
My heart beats just as yours does,
My body scarred just as yours is.
A past burnt into my mind just the same.

I breathe, I cry, I bleed,
All of which you do also.
I am not better than you,
Nor am I the exact same.
But you could never love me
If you hate yourself so much.

-ARI
343 · Mar 2018
Men
ARI Mar 2018
Men
I will be completely honest with you
Im currently drunk as I write this.

For tonight a man stirred the anxieties
That have been buried in my bones.

My mind cycled through every moment
I have ever felt fear caused by a man.

My body hurt in every exact spot
My skin has ever been bruised by a man.

My heart screamed in agony
From every lie a man has fed me.

Tonight I drank until all I could feel
Was round glass resting on my lips.

You see, tonight a man wanted me
But I was far too scared to kiss him.

Tonight I said no, for I was uncomfortable
And stood up for myself.

I am so proud of my progress in self worth
And yet I am still hiding behind *****.

-ARI
342 · Dec 2013
Lost Ones
ARI Dec 2013
Seeming to fall from the sky,
Tears of an angel,
As pure as the innocence of a child.
Soft droplets,
Cool against my burning eyes,
Caressing my already wet cheeks.
My tears and sorrow mixing with the rain,
Seeping through my skin and drowning my soul.

The sound of the rain hitting the pavement,
Sounds to me like weeping children,
Searching for their loved ones.
Am I a lost child,
Where are the people I love,
Are they ever looking for me?

My heart sinks for those children,
For the ones who hurt,
For all those who are lost.
I cannot see them nor can I find them,
But I can hear them,
I can feel their pain as if it were mine.

-ARI
339 · Feb 2014
Sadness is Never Silent
ARI Feb 2014
Not a word or sound
come from your trembling lips
But the tears upon your face
Seem to scream the things
You will not say

-ARI
331 · Mar 2014
For All the Ill Children
ARI Mar 2014
Close your mouth
open your mind
Take a step back
can you see them now?
Can you hear their cries?
Or feel the scorching pain
That's twisted behind their
Bloodshot eyes?

Theyre locked away
inside themselves
while their small bodies
Fight something cruel
we cannot see.
A real-life nightmare
of which devours
their once lively dreams.

-ARI
327 · Jul 2015
Lies
ARI Jul 2015
Hush.
Dont speak,
For their mouths
Repeat all words
Their ever listening ears can pick up.
Sadly they are not always truth speakers
People get hurt
From lies spread.
Watch your
tongue.
280 · Jan 2018
If We Ever Meet
ARI Jan 2018
You will
Either hate me or love me
There is no in between.

If you hate me
It will be because
My Kindness rips apart your soul

If you love me
It will be because
My heart pacifies your mind.

-ARI

— The End —