Regret all you want
You'll always remember and
I'll never forget

The day you told me I was imperfect
And held it against me in contempt
Was the day I should have quit
But loving you made me feel strong
So I decided to continue on
And every second I chose to love you
Was a second I loved myself less
and less...
until somehow
you stopped loving me
even more than ever before.
Imagine the shocking realization
dawning over my ragged brain horizon:
Both of us love you
And neither of us love
Me.

Skipping out the door
I'm happy I'm happy I'm happy
If I say it enough could it be more true?

I say it again
Because that's how I cope
But I never imagined I'd be so conflicted

lips taste of lies
skin smells of fear
cheeks flame with shame
eyes swell with sad tears

Oh please

Happiness is not a mantle for use
To hide from painful truths
Nor is it a protective shield
To use on a ****** battlefield

So let the fake seep out on occasion
To make room for real reactions
For then you will find the genuine kind
Will follow in orderly fashion

Years of my tears dry to stale grit
Rusting my skin with crusting corrosions
of Yesterday's emotions frustrations devotions
With time, composting into a dirt coating
Renourishing layers of decomposition
Green seeds in germination with anticipation
Sprouting fresh roots of deeper perception

A Glowing. Growing. Living. New Me.

People look for the fountain of youth
But I am a fountain of words

I wield them like weapons
They slip from my grip
I spend them like bills
They steep me in wealth
I tuck them in my pockets
They spill from my lips
I give them as gifts
They stick in my teeth
I kiss them on cheeks
They slide down my throat
I stack them on shelves
They pile at my feet
I pack them in boxes
They stain my sheets
I burn them to ashes
They pow-

I hope you get it because
This **** is endless and
I forgot where I was going with this

The words I take from my left breast pocket
Come out like silly business cards
The ones I pull from my front jeans pocket
Come out like a nuisance, spare change
But the words that come easiest by far
Are the ones that spout from my heart
They glitter like gems with unending shine
So I give them quite often as gifts
Humble and pretty
Wrapped as brown paper packages
Tied off with a rhyme of twine
I gift them endlessly
To all and any
Without a thought of return in mind

Walk through my soul forest
and sense
Anciently evergreen and wise
Fresh dampness deep with life

Rocket through my mind galaxy
and know
Burning nebulas of inspiration
Infinite dustings of thought constellations

Fall into my heart ocean
and taste
Tides brackish with emotional brine
Love foaming on shells and shorelines

Breathing life into my body
Blooming peace into my life
Take a moment to see me
And these natural forces of mine

I don't know how to talk.
I don't know how to express.
I don't know how to understand.
I don't know how to undress.

I know how to feel.
I know how to see.
I know how to write.
I know how to sing.

So don't make me speak
let me endure until all is done.
Don't make me divulge
let me behold what can be won.
Don't make me learn
I beg you, let me inscribe.
Don't make me unravel
let me croon
don't let me die.

Candy-sweet ballads
****** heartache arias
Undying
soulmate
anthems

Everywhere I go
The soundtrack never changes
But no one else
seems
to notice

Red-rose shades of white noise
Heart-shaped confetti stuck in my ears
Jangling
omnipresent
sound waves

The song everyone is singing
Grates against my inner drum
It's not
the kind
I'm looking for

Forgive me, mother, not
For the things I have done
For they were done with the purest of intentions
Forgive me, rather, please
For the things I intended to do
Yet failed to bring to full fruition

And if you think it so just
To incriminate me thus
For crimes I have no evidence of committing
Your punishment I will accept
Like sweet nectar on my lips
And I shall live forever buried
In the turmoil of my everlasting shame

Her mind's a beautiful mess
Bundles of nerves pathways of stress
Neuronic implosions she's got no rest
You find her strange like she's compressed
Ready to blow if she hits a crest
So you slice her open run some tests
Find her crazy as expected unless
She's actually unbelievably blessed
With the capacity to think and process
Beyond all the pomp and dress
And elevate herself with finesse
Above that which is meaningless

If a man sees beauty
And approaches with intent
He soon retreats
In fear of brains

If a woman sees brains
And approaches in fellowship
She soon retreats
In fear of beauty

- Lonely

Unfog my brain with your sweet breath
Stain my lips with your honeyed kiss
Ignore the churning chaos around us
For we are the center of every universe

Stroke my ears with your dulcet timbre
Sprinkle stars on my dewy apple cheeks
Let us plead to remain this way forever
Without want for any other bliss

Don't make me do this
Don't make me hate you
Don't make me feel guilty
Don't say I didn't warn you*

I didn't make you do anything
You absurd impossibility
I didn't prompt your threats
Stop blaming me for your insecurity

That's it I've had enough
You're dripping with toxins
An utter waste of dialogue
I'm done.

There's something about the first of January
That makes us all say
Here we go! A fresh start!
Time to make some big changes!
But I don't know
Why is that so?
When you find something good
Something motivational
No matter how small
Some way every day
You don't need excuses
To make a certain day count
Any more than all the others
And you realize
Every day
Every month
Every year
Has the potential to be
As important, beautiful, and meaningful
As you make it

Swirly tufts of white
Flaking from the sky
They sting my hands red but
I couldn't be happier

Sprinkles of icy fluff
Blanketing all in pearly dust
They numb my cherry nose but
Nothing could be daintier

Whipped dollops of frozen frosting
Piping up wedding cake houses
They bite my cheeks raw but
This snowy night couldn't be prettier

I can remember from childhood
Was the night of that terrible fever
My bed was a plank
Wooden under my spongey bones
My sharp breaths hit my body
From an invisible assailant
Spiked blows to my mattress
That pierced my flesh clean
And punched wind right through my blankets

Then came the hoods
Surrounded my bed in inky blackness
They blotted out the stars
And smothered my night light
Even a young child would
Expect death after such a vision
Only one last shaky breath left
I was almost certain

Then it appeared
Almost angry and fearsome
My fair golden haired champion
A brilliant figure dazzling light
It punctured that dark shroud
Shred it to absolute pieces
And restored me
Back to this life

Everything you took from me
Summed up to everything I was
The hardest thing about it all
Wasn't letting you go
It was arranging a new me
You wouldn't ever know

the eyeholes are leaking again
syrupy soul juice on the outside
when it really should be locked in
hurry, wipe it away
drip it from your fingers
extracted venom on a bad day

it’s a one-way road
irreversibly changed once exposed
permanently evaporated with time
no longer enslaved to flow
no way to know if it was important
can’t scoop it back in, you know

What a question
skin woven as threads of canvas
interpret this face
quite a tapestry of biological traits
ask again like I’m not even a who
you’ll ring ring and ring
but artwork will never get back to you

I like words.
Each is often imperfect alone
But the skill lies
In stringing them together
In just the right order
In just the right way to convey
The galaxy in my mind.

I like words.
They stick smooth to my brain
Like the thinnest decoupage
Every inch neatly covered
Every crevice every crack
Every layer after
Every sheer layer.

You talk I'll type, no
that's not right
you’re not my dictator and
I'm not your scribe

I love you I hate you
neither seems right
get out of my head since
you're already out of sight

It was your fault it was mine
we laughed I cried
You said you'd be my sun, remember?
but I'd rather hug the night