She bloomed like a flower. Not a rose, or a hydrangea, or anything so beautiful or delicate as that. She bloomed like the Joshua trees, like the corpse flowers. Like everything that lays dormant, waiting to show the world exactly how much they were underestimated.
-ALC May 10, 2023

The storm brewed,
Then lightning struck,
And the structures that once stood tall,
Crumbled to the ground.

You could hear an echoing gasp
Stretch out from the audience all around
Never expecting such destruction from beauty.

She laid in the rubble
Cause by her own building tempest,
Feeling as broken as the foundation she had built.
No longer sure of her actions, words, or thoughts.

She lacked an ability to restore and rebuild.
To rebound from the catastrophe crumbling beneath her body.
She bleed and she cried and she lay exposed and raw.
Having sacrificed more than her soul could give,
She suffered the ramifications in the most cataclysmic way.

Though as the storm rolled through,
Rain fell from the once damaging clouds.
Showering her broken body,
And washing away the debris and dust of a broken life.

The sun peaked through dappling her in light,
Blinding her with the promises of what could be.
She felt her fragile body healing,
Closing the fissures that had opened, leaving only scars.
And with shaking breath,
And tentative legs,
She stood.
ALC April 10, 2023

Faint lines leading down faint paths
Whisperings of lives come and past.
Difficult problems yet to be solved
And turbulent waters yet to be sailed.

Faint images come and they go
Each growing cloudy with the passing days.
Whispering of lives come and past.
Difficult problems needing to be solved,
Of turbulent waters set sail on before.

Faint whispers telling of faint pasts.
Traveling through foggy grounds,
And choppy waters.

Body heavy and tears run dry.
Mind gone quiet and tongue hung parched.
Legs collapsed and arms lay numb.
Intangible Conscious and Allusive Soul.

Succumb to the collapse.
-ALC 1/29/2023

And she sat with knees clutched tight to her chest on what was once their couch, looking at what once was their home, what once was their lives, and felt her body begin to shake. Felt the tears well up behind painted pretty eyes, and a scream bubble up behind painted pretty lips. She watched as she set fire to memories in her minds eye, destroying a future now gone.

You are not a thought on my mind.
You are not a passing glance.

You are the ruin of my cerebral cortex.
A scar permanently on my hippocampus.
The destruction of my inner peace.
The trigger for my fight or flight
AC

The tempest builds in its confined earthly cavity,
Swirling and crushing its source.
It roars searching for escape,
Thundering out with torrential rains.
Lighting sparks through veins
Escaping in blistering snaps.

The soul relishes in the primal storm,
Yearning for a greater release,
A larger typhoon to rip this earth away.
To shatter the shell constraining its rage.
It shakes with monumental tremors,
Succumbing it’s structure,
to rubble on the floor.
-ALC August 14, 2022

Oh sweet little girl
Wont you open your eyes
Wont you wake up,
Rise and Shine.

Oh sweet little girl
Wont you watch your tongue
don't be so vocal or else you'll be shunned.

Oh sweet little girl
Hold your head high
Have a straight back
With shoulders wide.

Oh sweet little girl
Don't play in the mud
Your shoes will be ruined,
Don't mess with the bugs.

Oh sweet little girl
You study so hard
Your effort is noted
But your grades are subpar.

Oh sweet little girl
Don't travel alone
There's people at night
Who want to take you home.

Oh sweet little girl
How you've grown
You're a women now
With a mind of your own.

Oh little women
How your drive, drives you.
How you reach for the stars
Even with lips turning blue.

Oh little women
That's not what we said
Don't speak your mind
You're bringing up dread.

Oh little women
Leave that feather on the ground
Leave that bug on the bush.
There's nothing to be found.

Oh young women
Your voice is to loud
The chaos you're causing
is shaking the ground.

Oh young women
You're choices are bold
They're for to strong.
Listen to what you've been told.

Ma'am
We've asked you to stop
We've told you again and again.
You seem to not listen
Your will wont give in.

Your voice is to loud
Your hair isn't right
You are far to willing to pick a fight.
You play with nature
You say as you please
You're breaking the parameters
of what we believe.

Ma'am
It's time to settle down
It's time to fit in
Stop all this ruckus
And follow the rules you've been given.

"These rules have been botched
The've been slashed through with red X.

The women are rising,
And trust me you're next.
We are coming up from the rubble,
From the ash and the dirt,
We come with a vengeance,
Someones bound to get hurt.

We've suffered and begged,
For your ears to open,
Yet you brush away our please
Refusing diplomacy.

So we come with our swords,
Our flames rising high
We come with our voices
Screaming out towards the sky."
-ALC Dec 11, 2019

This world will throw road blocks in your path
Disguised as people.
People masked with love and honesty
Men and Women adorned with fair hair and a sparkling smile.

This world will throw boulders into your path
Marking you with kisses and scars
Swaying you to stray from your goals
Asking you to give up your morals.

This world will send storms into your path
To push you back
And off the road
To hold you down.
Though through all of this,
We continue to walk
To run
Onwards.
Away from their grasping hands
And through the pelting rain and hounding thunder.
Toward the horizon shining with the ever-present idea of hope.
-ALC April 8, 2019

We are two wolves
Tearing at each other’s flesh
Biting in with savage need
Pushing and pulling for dominance.

We are two wolves
Working off of undiluted instincts
Of euphoric animalism.

We rip away our human pelts
And reveal our battle worn skins
Blemished with past wars and historic victories.

We are two wolves
Growling with pleasure and an insatiable appetite.
Digging our incisors into each other’s flesh
And grazing our claws down one another’s backs.

We score each other’s bodies
With nips, kisses, and tongue
Demanding one to admit the others rule.
To surrender and go docile.

But we are two wolves
Fighting each other
Each step of the way
With unadulterated ravishment.
-ALC April 4, 2019

I wake, drenched in sweat.
The sounds of the sirens echo through my nightmares
Dragging me back into this cold existence that no longer holds you.
As reality sinks back in,
And the memory of your permanent departure takes hold,
I melt back into the darkness.
The darkness of the sheets,
Of the night,
Of my mind.
-ALC March 13, 2015

I answer the phone,
And my heart stops.
My eyes blur,
And my world cracks.

I am on the ground
Hugging my knees to my chest,
And I am numb.

I don’t feel the shaking of my body,
I don’t hear my sobs that wrench from my cracking body
I don’t see the people stare at me as they witness my utter destruction.

My body is breaking.
My soul is shattering.
My whole world is growing dark,
And the only thing I can do is scream,
And shake,
And cry,
And wish to take you’re place.

I can’t fathom a world where I can’t call you
Where you won’t be there to give kind advice,
And stern reality.

With a shaking voice, I ask “How will I ever be the same without him?”
My stepmother responds “You wont.”
-ALC March 13, 2019

I am made of my brothers twisting grip,
as we grapple on the living room floor.
I am made up of saying uncle,
and laughing so hard at the dinner table that milk comes out of my noise.
I am made up of slobbering dog kisses, loving kitten purrs, and injured strays.
I am made up scrambling through bushes, slipping in dirt, and mudded shoes.
Of wild hair, wild eyes, and a wild grin.

I am made up of road trips and sunny days.
Of pool parties and family gathering where laughter is the only thing that echo’s through you’re ears.

I am made up of countless flues and colds that kept me homesick.
Of ditching school with my best friends to go to Disney land,
Of every Friday night being girl’s night for 3 years.

I am made up of heart break for lost love and lost friends.

I am made up of travel and moving away
I am made of studying in Australia,
Of my Danish and Dutch friends that I chose to make my family.

I am made up of smiling faces as I walk to school,
Of ravens over head, and redwoods straight in front.
I am made of scratched arms and bruised legs
Of callused hands and burning muscles.

I am made of a drive for adventure and new experiences
Of an aggressive spirit
And a curious mind.

I am made of freedom,
Of courage
Hope,
Happiness,
Sorrow,
Loss,
Heartbreak.
Of love
Eccentricity
And a warriors spirit.
I am made up of my memories, of the people I have met, and of the experiences that will never stop.
-ALC February 23, 2019

It’s amazing, how little it took for me to get over you.
It’s amazing, how I can go day-by-day without thinking of you.
So what stops me now,
From walking through that door,
That separates us both?

It’s Amazing that I can go day-by-day without thinking of you,
But right now I can’t even bear the possibility of seeing you.
So I’ll stand right here,
And stare at the door,
Wondering where we go from here.

It’s amazing how little it took for me to get over you.
But now I’m standing here
And I don’t even want to see you.

It’s amazing how little it took for me to get over you
And now I can’t even look at you.
-ALC February 15, 2019

I forgot what it was like to spar with witty banter
I forgot what it was like to be grabbed with gentle hands
I forgot that a conversation doesn’t have to be all ******
I forgot what it was like to date a man
-ALC Feb 9, 2019

I cannot run away from you
You're running straight into my heart
This pain is subsiding so slowly.
I can't breath this last breath
I can't weep this last tear,
You're everything I've ever feared.

When I think about those thoughts, I see nothing but fear,
I see nothing but you,
I feel nothing but a tear,
I  feel nothing but the perplexing pounding in my chest, my heart.
I do nothing but breath my silent breaths
Slowly, painfully, slowly, calmly, slowly.

I do nothing but hear the sweet clicks coming to me slowly,
I do nothing but it rises in me; the fear,
I do nothing but it comes more hastily; my breath,
I do nothing but feel so happy; it's you,
I do nothing but it pounds more rapidly; my heart,
I do nothing but they begin to appear; the tears.

I'd do anything to keep these tears,
I'd do anything to make you move more hastily; you're to slow,
I'd do anything to keep this uncontrollable heart,
I'd do anything to keep my hated fear,
To get rid of them would mean to get rid of you.
I'd do anything to keep these trembling breaths.

I want to feel your breath,
I want to wipe away your tears,
I want to be to close to you,
I'd stop being to slow,
I want to take away your fear,
I want to calm your beating heart.

They could be one; our hearts,
It could be ours; each breathe
We could tame it; our fear
They could vanish; our tears
Together we could be to slow
It could be us; me and you.

I love this world of fears and tears
I love the beating of slow hearts
I love the feeling of your breathing

It sooths my soul,
Easing me into a secure state.
Persuading me to lift the corners of my mouth
And smile a sparkling grin.

Then it snaps,
And screams nonsense in my ear.
Causing alarm and panic to kick me in the gut.
Causing my head to spin,
And my stomach to clench.

It tries to sooth the whirlwind it has lead me into,
To put me back on steady ground,
To breathe through the confusion.
It whispers soothing lyrics to me
To lift my spirits once again,
Encouraging me to smile
Imploring me to steady my nerves.

But panic for some unknown horror has already sunk in,
And the alarm bells are screaming in my ear.

With gasping breaths,
Clenched fists,
And a pounding head,
I release myself into sleep
Where even My Voice doesn’t have control over me.
-ALC January 18, 2019

I can’t breath,
Air stuck in my throat,
Caught as I stare wide eyed.

I hear the click, click.
I hear my heart pounding.
I know what is going to happen.

My muscles are bunching,
Ready to spring forward
Ready to let out a screech

A foot steps in the door,
And I smell your scent,
Whooshing in with the cold air
That slips in through the cracks.

My eyes grow wider in circumference,
My lips are parted,
My muscles are taught,
My fists are clenched,
And as you finally enter into our house
And look at me.

I spring with a screeched,
Wrapping you in a tight embrace,
Kissing your face repetitively.
We fall to the ground laughing
Curled into each other.
-ALC January 18, 2019

Did our friendship die in England,
Or did it die when I came home?
Cause the only thing replaying in my mind
is how you used to say,
“you can tell me anything” and
“I’ll always be your friend”.
That all seems a lie now…
and we promised each other we wouldn’t lie to each other…

I am not sure what to do now.
If I should stand still as you walk away.
Or if I should dance into motion once again to try and get you to stay.
I knew you wouldn’t fight for me.
I always knew that it would be a deadly end.
I just didn’t know it would be so silent,
Or so permanent.

You are made of fire and ice,
You are made of so much pain
And I wonder if our finale
Will leave you halting, all the same.
-ALC January 4, 2019

I am so sick of being censored.
Of not saying what I want to say,
If I want to scream “****”
To the world,
who will stop me saying “nay”.

I am sick of being censored
Of not telling people how I feel.

I am sick of holding in my feelings
It does indeed make me feel ill.
So ill I fear I am about to snap
And let all  of my feeling spill.

I am sick of being censored,
Of biting back my tongue.
Soon enough I’ll snap right through,
And there will be nothing left to be done.
-ALC January 4, 2019

I am an amputated bird
with wings that no longer soar,
and I sit in my perch wondering where to go.
It seems like a struggle to hop around
when I once used to glide.

I am an de-clawed lionness
With fangs that have become dull
and I stare at the planes around me
wondering where all my passion has gone.

I am a mute wolf
glaring at over the valleys
to quite to call my pack back
to scared to hear the silent echo.

I didn’t cry for our loss
I didn’t mourn it at all,
And it just goes to show
That we wouldn’t have lasted long at all.
Because as I have said,
My heart isn’t here
My chest is hallow,
And my thoughts unclear.
Because the man I love
Doesn’t see me at all;
Yet you love me so reverently
And you were quick to let us fall.

I didn’t cry for our loss
I didn’t shed a tear,
Yet it still feels strange
That you are no longer near.
-ALC December 24, 2018

You held me in the rain, with tears coming down my face, and told me that your feelings for me hadn’t changed. I knew we wouldn’t be together, but somehow that impacted me greatly, and gave me some warmth in the cold.
Then weeks later you snap at me for asking if you can hang out. You yell at me demanding that I chill and calm down. So I took a step back, and I gulped a deep breath, and I said goodbye to everything, that I had once considered our friendship.
-ALC December 24, 2018

I didn't think our last words would be,
"Okay, I'll leave you alone."
And I didn't think we'd go out so quietly,
or so permanently.

You are the most completely, utterly, positively heartbreaking thing I have ever felt.

Falling for you was so effortless,
that my heart is still bruised from the crashing halt.

I can't help but fall for you,
over, and over again.
And my heart still smiles,
knowing we weren't meant to make it till the end.

I think we would be amazing together, just not in this life.

Kiss my hand,
and hold my check,
and tell me of great adventures.
But don't just whisper them in my ear,
Make them happen,
have them appear.

You were the madding chaos in my mind
The thought I kept thinking all the time
I begged for a piece to fall free
And those thought to drift away from me.

You persisted for years
As a thought on my mind
Even without a hello
Or an endearing goodbye.

After all the thoughts,
One wish came true.
Finally I would see you.
And with that hello
And a smiling goodbye,
I could send all those thoughts out
Into a clearing sky.
-ALC
11/30/18

She stabs the black object into the gorge,
of her victims now open body cavity.
She smears the blood as it follows her strokes,
Smearing the victim with shades of color.
Her tears roll down her cheeks
As she tries to control her sobs.
Each memory opens a fresh wound in her heart,
And she releases that pain with another anguishing
Slash,
Another added detail.
She pulls back to see her work,
Looking down at her hands smothered in the blood,
From her weapon.
She smiles
Whipping away the freshly spilt tears,
Smearing colors across her face.
She admires the creation of her heartbreak.
-ALC November 15, 2018

It’s not the want to escape from it all,
I know I will come back to the same point.
Like every living organism I will returnee to where I began.

It’s not the need to feel the burning in my legs,
Or the stinging in my lungs.

It is the ache in my heart that always causes me to sprint,
In any direction,
To feel the power of my own body pulsing me forward.
It’s the begging of my soul,
That has me leaving at a dead sprint.
Returning with a blood red face
And an open heart.
-ALC November 15, 2018

I hope that song
Doesn’t sound the same
And you can’t listen to it
Without hearing my name.

I hope that view
Doesn’t look quite right,
And that you can’t stare off
Without me in your mind.

I hope that seat
In the coffee shop
Feels much to big
Without me in my spot

I hope that food
Doesn’t taste quite right
and leave a bitter flavor in your mouth all night.

I hope I have ruined
Your everything
Because you have destroyed
Me entirely.
-ALC August 11, 2017

This is my safe place
And its my jail cell.
I cant stand to be in here
Now that I’m not well.
The walls confine me
And torture my soul.
The window it bribes me
To jump through its hole.

My room is my safe place
It hides all my deeds.
It allows me to let loose
And be a little more me.
But now it’s my jail cell
Binding me in.
I can’t stand to be in here
Where I fear there’s simply no end.
-ALC

Hold me in a dark embrace
In the black stillness of the night.
Vanish the light from the day,
Allow only the stars to come out to play.

Hide me in an obsidian blanket
Where I can sit in quite silence.
Let me disappear into the night,
Silently watching as an owl in flight.

Include me in your onyx cover
So that I may think in cleaver wonder,
As the moon creates a soothing calm
And my body stills in your nightly song.
-ALC

I see the stares
And I hear the whispers
I look at their faces
Sporting my blisters.

I hear the gasps,
And I see their faces,
And I see the confusion,
As they wonder if I am in pain.
As I lay flat on my back
With air wheezing from my lungs
A smile spreading across my face
And a laugh escaping from my flattened body.

I stand up, ready to fight
As I brace myself for another attack.
We glare at each other,
Sparks in our eyes,
And a grin on our lips
Wondering who will make the first move.

I step forward
And lay on the punches
Ready to receive them right back.
He grabs my arms,
Trying to stop my assault,
But we tumble to the ground
And both start to laugh.

People stare in awed horror
As I take a man to the ground,
And are in shock when I pin him with my knees.
They are gawk as we both stumble up laughing,
And their faces turn white as they see the bruises
That sprout along the length of my body.

I know I am aggressive,
I have never been a gentle girl
Always a warrior at heart
Ready to take down the biggest beasts,
And my bruises and cuts are my battle wounds
That I wear like trophies
Telling stories of my conquered foes
-ALC September 11, 2018

I can tell by your wants, you crave me,
This I know without a doubt.
I can tell by your voice, you miss me,
I wish I had more time to spare.
I can tell by your actions, you need me,
Though I am not sure what I can do.
I can tell by your eyes, you love me,
But I am not sure what to do.

You can tell by my wants, I am wandering,
There is nothing you can do.
You can tell by my voice, I am fading,
But I haven’t lost interest in you.
You can tell by my actions, I am drifting,
Thousands of miles will do that too.
You can tell by my eyes, I am unsure.
I am unsure of every part of you.
-ALC August 18, 2018

Don’t love me with gifts
Or extravagant affairs.
Don’t hold me with promises
That might not be there.

Love me with experiences
Littered with fun.
Hold me at night
And kiss me in the sun.
-ALC April 30, 2017

You fight with your words
And You fight with your fists
You fight just to see if You can make others ******,
But You wouldn’t fight for me.

If I called You out
On all the words that You spout,
On all the ******* that You give
And the narcissistic way that You live,
You would be livid with me.

You would shut down on me,
Give up on me,
And slowly
You would try to forget about me,
But You would never fight for me.

If I told You rashly
How brashly You were reacting
How petulant You were acting
You would loose faith in me,
And be dissuaded from me.
You would begin to hate me.

You act like You love me
And say such sweet words of nothing,
You coo to me in the morning
With happy eyes brightly shinning,
And You swear that You care
But if I were to slightly ruffle your hair,
You would retreat to God knows where.
You wouldn’t fight for me.

You wouldn’t apologize,
You wouldn’t stand by my side
Asking for it to all reside.
You wouldn’t fight for me.
-ALC December 25, 2017

I hate you.
I hate you because I fell in love with you.
I hate you because I fell in love with the real you, and not just some idea I had of who you could be.
I fell in love with your soul,
The complete essence of who you were.
How you were so confident in the goofy human you had grown up to be.
I fell in love with your soul
Before we even held hands,
Before we ever touched,
Before I could stop myself.
I fell in love with you without even kissing you.
I hate you because I fell in love with you,
And because I haven’t stopped.
-ALC March 21, 2018

I am used to knowing what’s going on inside your head, but now I am not even sure if you still feel for me like you once did, and I know that our seeing each other will be fewer and farther between. So I cry, not because I feel like this is a break up, but because my heart has broken in the death of a friendship that I had begun to rely on so much for everything. I cry because I know I have lost such a dear friend.

The sand sinks beneath my feet,
And I feel myself slipping in.
I know what lies bellow me,
Yet still I don’t give in.
Maybe this will be the fall I need,
To snap out of this trance
I have placed myself in.

I watch as earth crashes down bellow me,
I watch as it is dissolved
Into the chasm below me.

My body slips forward,
And I push toward the momentum
Needing to get lost in something,
To feel the sharp snap of fear.

The earth squishes into my sneakers,
And water soaks into my feet,
Earth falls away from me.
I lean in.
And fall.
I Fall into the crevasse
I have opened up before myself.
-ALC November 24, 2017

Sometimes I feel overwhelming emotions,
like my mind is about to explode from my body to be free of this spinning vortex of emotions that makes up my soul.
Sometimes my eyes water with no reason,
And sometimes my body shakes and quivers with convulsions and sobs; and I am not sure where this pent up sadness came from,
Or where its origins lie.
Sometimes a smile sparks across my lips with such stunning simplicity that I am not sure where the rays of light are derived from,
Or where this untapped energy is being sourced.
Sometimes I use up the whole vortex, and am left in the shell.
Not quite happy, not quite sad.
And these are the moments I fear.
The moments where my body feels hallow
And my mind begins to scream at the quietness of my soul.
-ALC September 17, 2017

They ask me
Will you date him?
Will you love him?
Will you guys finally be together?
And my response lies with a drifting gaze of
No.
I cannot date him,
I cannot love him,
I cannot be with him.
For I gave my hearts away seasons ago,
And though I have asked for it to come back countless times,
It stays within reach of someone who has yet to grab it,
And hold it,
And treat it with compassion.
So I say no,
Because my chest is hallow
And my blood has run cold,
And I hold no room in my body for a miss matched puzzle piece.
I say no,
Because I fell in love with someone who has no idea,
And my heart has yet to find it’s way back to me.
-ALC August 7, 2017