Why did your lying make you mad?

5 am calls my name,
And drives all my dreams away.
I wake with a start
Trying to calm my beating heart.
As I look out my window.
Am I still sane?

5 am calls my name,
With rays of light peaking through.
I am not sure what draws me awake
To look out my window at you.
I know my eyelids can’t play this game
And wont let me stay to long.

5 am calls my name
Feeling restless and awake.
Yet my thrumming heart quickly calms down as I see your name,
And my limbs grow heavy at the sight of you
Pulling me back down to sleep.
-ALC June 25, 2017

I am happy you found her,
Just hold her tight,
Kiss her right
Love her immensely,
And make sure to cuddle at night.

She will be your new shelter
For all your shattered pieces to reside,
And I can only hope,
That you will always treat her right.
-ALC June 21, 2017

“Did you move already?”
“Yup.”
“I am so sorry, I really meant to hang out with you before you left!”
“And I was really hoping to hang out with you before I left, but I got tired of trying. I got tired of putting effort into something that you weren’t willing to put effort into as well, so I gave up trying to get you into my life, and let you slip away.”
“… I am sorry, I have just been busy.”
“I know you have, and I don’t blame you for being busy, you have a life to live, and so do I. It is what it is, no point in staying caught up in it. You know what ***** though; I kept hoping that I would hear from you. Every day I gave myself a little bit of hope that you would call me, or something! And each day I let myself down. I did this tell the last day, and even a little while after. I did it until I finally realized I couldn’t put any more faith into you. I did it until I realized that you meant more to me, then I meant to you. So I began to slowly undo the bonds that you unknowingly put into my life, and started to let you go.”
-ALC 6/11/2017

One box down with another to go
Slowly they pile in rows and rows.
I start to think,
In this brain numbing task,
Of all my life that has come to pass.

I think of faces,
Of all shapes and size.
I think of the ones that have made me laugh and cry.

How life does change
And we must go with the flow,
Because now the boxes are stacked high in multiple rows
And not a single speck is left to show
Of the life that I once had here,
Except for the marks on the walls,
And the memories I will hold dear.
-ALC 06/11/2017

Zip your lips
Don’t utter a word
Don’t let all of your thoughts be heard,
Because if you do,
You know what they’ll say,
That you’re just being mean,
And to go away.

Zip your lips
Don’t say a thing
Don’t let the thoughts
Flow from your brain,
Because they’ll tell you your wrong
And that you’re simply not right
That you should just walk away instead of starting a fight.

Zip your lips
And stare off like a doll
Because you weren’t made to think at all.
You weren’t meant to have such a wonderful gift
To be able to open your mouth and say what you wish.

Zip your lips
Or better,
Just walk away,
Because you're not allowed to say
What you want anyway.

One last time can we do this dance,
Of uncertainty and shuffling feet,
Of awkward laughing and teasing greetings?

One last time can we intertwine our hands,
Curl into one another
Hold each other’s gaze with unspoken hopes?

One last time can we see each other,
Be near each other,
Indulge each other?

One last time can we make these memories
That will leave my soul filled and my heart empty?
-ALC May 24, 2017

He grabbed at her wrist as she began to walk away, pulling all her attention back to him. He locked his eyes with hers and with such surety to his voice he told her “our paths have crossed, and even though they are separating now, one day they will join together again, and I will never let you go”.
-ALC May 24, 2017

I will strive to be strong in the face of uncertainty
I will survive
And thrive
In the face of uncertainty.
I will hold my head high
Even with a soul so low.
With an abyss opening in front of me
I will not halt my roll
I will walk straight into the unknown.
-ALC May 7 2017

I wish I met you sooner,
So time wouldn’t feel so short,
Because now I’m counting down the clock,
To the part where we depart.
Where I move twelve hours away,
And our strange adventures come to an end.
Where everything I hoped would happen
Now has an expiration.

I wish I met you sooner,
But I am happy that we meet at all.
Because I feel like your part of what changed me,
That now has me skipping brave and tall.
You remind me of what I was
And what I want to be again,
You help me look at the world
As a new adventure that’s waiting to begin.

I wish I met you sooner,
But that’s just not how it happened,
And I am not sure that it would have been the same
If it had been any other way.
Because I wasn’t ready tell let others in
And I would have been to shy,
But you have me smiling,
**** near every time you say “Hi”.

I wish I met you sooner,
So our adventures could just go on,
And I fear that when I move away,
This will all be gone,
But I’ll hold my breath in expectations
And hope for the best.
Because even though I wish I met you sooner,
I am happy we at least got this.
-ALC April 23, 2017

There’s a little bird singing in my room,
Hiding behind currents always peeking through.

There’s a little bird hiding in my room,
Singing a soft melody all about you.

There’s a little bird singing all night long,
Of all the good things you’ve ever done.

There’s a little bird singing in my room,
Now I can’t help but to sing along too.
-ALC April 7, 2017

Isn’t it funny how some paths just stumble across each other?
Like a rock that is skipped across a river and happens to sink onto a bed of gold,
That’s what it felt like when you entered my life.
Like I had been jumping and skidding across the surface,
And right when I thought I found my footing and who I was,
I sank and saw your glittering light.
And as I sunk closer to your shine, I began to think of your glow all the time.
And your existence was so full of life.
You got to see fish swim by and rocks die.
You got to be beautiful even if the world didn’t see you,
Always glowing bright in the simple fact that you were you.
And finally when I landed on your soft shine,
I felt like everything would be fine,
Even if you would never be mine.
-ALC March 23, 2017

If your wondering where I am and why I have changed, I wondered into the forest and didn’t returnee the same.
-ALC

The bird sings into the silent night
And puts all the frogs to shame.
The crickets lower their violins
To be able to hear the echo of names.
The names of all the beautiful things
That makes up this little world.
The names of every flower,
Twinkling star,
And little girl.

The bird resonates into the silent night
A solo opera for open ears,
It bleeds its soul into the darkened sky
Only audible for a few to hear.
The creatures wait on baited breath
To listen to its song.
To hear the melancholy tune
Stretch out all night long.

The bird ***** in its little tree
With eyes only half closed,
It sings a sweet soft melody
To nature down below.
It sings of tomorrow’s promises,
Of all the laughter and the joy,
The bird sings us a lullaby
To help our dreams come alive.
ALC March 17, 2016

I get excited bubbles,
That burst inside me,
Leaving me leaping through the air in glee.
I always felt odd,
Knowing there was never truly a cause,
For this excitement to ignite within me.
Though as I have gotten older,
The less I have cared,
If anyone thought a child of me,
As I skipped blissfully through the air.

Though now you have joined me,
Us two peas in a mutated pod,
Us two ******’s against all the odds,
Us two soul mates bound together by the gods.

You are the ying,
And I am the yang,
Because we look so different
And yet are the same.

So now I have someone else to accompany me,
On my wild excited spree’s
As we skip down the halls,
You and Me.
-ALC February 2017

I want someone who is self-confident and doesn’t need me to complete them.
I want someone to go adventuring with, but also someone who is willing to just be alone.
I want someone mature and willing to take risks and try new things with me.
I am of course not looking for this person in the near future, but its kind of a nice idea to know what I am looking for.
I know there will be lots of guys along the way that will pull at my heart strings, but all in all, I want someone to adventure and take risks with.
To help me live each day as if it is my last, and to help me remember to look for the simple beauty in life.

Oh there’s a storm-warning happening outside my door,
And I don’t know if it’s figurative or more.
Cause there pulling me down,
They wont let me see.
So I struggle and fight, till they leave me be.

My dreams are clouding up my head,
Pulling in the breeze.
They keep whispering sweet secrets that I may never see.
And they won’t let me go
The wont let me be free
And the storm-warning keeps tugging at me.

Oh there’s a storm-warning happening outside my door
And every one is yelling that I should wait some more.
But I’m running toward the entrance
I feel close to my escape,
And as I pull the handle back
Cold wind blasts my face.

This storm is blowing outside my door
And I run into the fray begging it for more.
I feel the stinging drops tare at my skin,
And I feel the pounding of the wind,
Commencing me to begin.

The storm blows me through its grasp,
Telling me its secrets,
As it beats me slash by slash.
And though I stumble and fall,
I don’t feel afraid,
No, not at all.
For this storm can hold me in its grasp,
But I know that it cannot last.
And the winds will fade
The storm will end
And suddenly,
My life will begin.
-ALC February 22, 2017

I have become adept at turning it off
And shutting down all the sound.
I have become quite confident
In my capacity to not let love be found.
I have allowed my heart to stay in a state
Of self preservation for so long,
That melting the ice that now surrounds it
Could take far too long.

I hold on to this freezing core,
Like a bear to the frozen ice caps.
It keeps me afloat,
And lets me know,
That my heart belongs to no other.

And though I shiver
In this cold
Of self-preservation.

It’s so much better
Then all the heat
That comes from your love and admiration.
-ALC February 11, 2017

I’m exhausted,
I am a wreck,
I have put on a show,
And I did not slip.

I showed you my home,
While you smiled with tears
And we both felt the grieving
From all those so near.
We realized our loss
Was not ours alone
And we gathered together
In this just right sized home.
We mingled,
And conversed.
We shared our stories
And our tales,
And we all agreed that while in this world, He prevailed.

I feel the loss so deep
That it could cut down to my soul.
But I feel the love all around me,
As you gather in my home.
-ALC February 10, 2017

I AM NOT GENTLE,
I am not soft,
I am not a fragile doll, so please do not scoff.

Do not look surprised by the bruises on my legs,
Do not be shocked by my lack of faith,
Do not warn me of lives great loss,
Do not tell me to not get lost.

I want to wander
And climb
And cheer.
I want to be lost,
And full of fear.

I want to fall down
And get back up.
I want to get scratches,
To be covered in cuts.

My porcelain skin
Will soon be cracked,
And yes you may stand there and start to laugh.
Though you’ll never see
The fire inside
That devoured this fragile soul
That you think resides.
Deep in my being
It will hide
Because this lion will conquer
And rule the whole pride.

No I am not a gentle girl,
This I have never been.
I have never thought of life
  As willing to just let me win.
So here I will push on
With my bruises as friends,
And conquer this world
And then,
Yes, I will win.
-ALC February 5, 2016

My knuckles they burn
For fresh contact to take place.
Be it a wall
Or your face,
Just name a time and place.
My soul is an inferno
Ready to scorch this earth.
To begin the mass extinction
Like the ones we’ve unearthed.

I can’t contain the rage,
It bubbles inside.
It shoots off like little rockets,
And in your mind they reside.
They burrow their way in
To a deep dark place
And there they will fester
Tell you can’t find their trace.

My body burns
With all I hold back.
The temper I control
Just cannot last.
Its about to erupt,
From every atom in my being,
From every crack in my skin
To destroy all I am seeing.

I will go out like a planet
Taking its last breath
Before erupting into a light
That will be seen far from this earth.
-ALC February 5, 2017

I feel myself clinging
To every cell in my body
Trying not to surrender
To the yearning calling.

You slip your fingers
Under my shirt
And I feel my heart
Stutter with a leaping burst.

My body pulls closer
As we rock in a slow rhythm
To a slowly quickening beat
As we become more *** driven.

My body reaches out for you
Craving your touch;
But my mind begs to stop
We have gone far enough!

What a bad idea
This has all become,
But wow wouldn’t it
Be so much fun.
-ALC February 5, 2017

When you look at me, do you see the vortex of pain behind my eyes, or do you just see my pretty disguise.
-ALC February 1, 2017

I want a song that makes my soul come screaming out my mouth.
-ALC February 1, 2017

Spread out on the ground,
Lies a love that held no bounds,
Lies a love the had to die,
Lies a love that said goodbye.

Spread out on the ground a mosaic heart resides
Full of weeping colors
And longing questions of “why”?
-ALC January 23, 2017

I want to lunge at it,
I want to tear it to shreds.
It drowns me with my own grief.
This false grief,
This false grief that fills my body with weight, that wasn’t there minute before.
I hate it.
I want to rip at the pages and re-wright them.
I want to change the damning end that sends the destructive words to my eyes.
I want to carve out his name,
I want to carve out the man’s name that shot the fatal wounds.
Yet
Yet, I see the bigger picture.
I see the ending gives justice to all that has happened.
I have given her the shock value that she has wished for,
And I love it.
-ALC

The knowledge of her death kills a piece of me.
I sit, light blaring at the page, hoping for her to wake up.
I sit, hoping this is all just some terrible hallucination she is having.
My stomach twists as I see his face in my head.
Him, the one that learned how to love her, then lost her.
Sadness, guilt and pity swirl through my body.
I can only imagine the deep pain and loss he is feeling.
All of it is to savior for me to bear
I laugh whipping away my tears
This is silly.
I have watched them from a far this entire time.
Their faces are made up,
Constructed, sculpted, from the words that burn into my eyes.
Yet I feel this pain,
This pain I feel in my being must be the same pain that he feels now,
Staring at her life less body
Limp,
Gone.
I want to lunge at the paper
I want to scream, cry, and laugh.
This is twisted
I hate it for sending me to this emotional place,
But I can’t help but continue,
Loving the action and thrills it sends along the ride.
Her death kills a piece of me.
-ALC

Don’t talk
Don’t speak
Don’t beg!
Don’t look at me with so much dread!
This world isn’t held up by my hands!
You weren’t made to follow my commands!
Go,
Leave,
Before I plead!
Before this world crashes on me!
Before my hate and love explode with a fire
Of all my dying desires.
Of all the pain I have ever felt
And all the need that keeps me knelt,
By your side for much to long
Burning my insides all along!
Don’t talk
Don’t speak
Don’t beg!
Don’t think of me inside your head!
Don’t fill yourself with so much dread!
Don’t ask for me to return instead.
Don’t think
Don’t whisper
Just breath,
Let everything settle
And let everything be.
-ALC January 16, 2017

Are you kidding me?
Your joking right?
You think that that was all a big lie?
You think I took your emotions as a game
That it was just a 3-year fling.
How funny,
…Oh honey,
You have over thought it all again,
Well there you go
Down the rabbit whole,
Made of your own design.
-ALC January 14, 2017

You bark
You whine!
So many times!
Sometimes I can’t stand it anymore!
You cry,
You plead ,
You need me, please!
Just give me a little time.
I will teach you all my tricks,
I will show you this whole world!
You will be my side at every step
And I couldn’t want anything more.

You shaggy tail shall wag
During every single trip,
And slowly your whining will stop
As your view of this world will tip.
I will help you forget your fears,
You will forget that you once had pains.
I will show you that this world
Is made of some amazing things.

No one shall ever hurt you,
No one will ever scream,
I will hold you tight at night,
And you will help to protect me of the lurking beings.
You will be my guide,
In this world of ups and downs.
We will hold each other up
And help each other bound!
-ALC January 14, 2017

It’s amazing how we change.
It’s amazing all our games,
Were made for not a single thing
Then to tear us apart and give us shame.
I look at you and wonder still
How we made it work so well,
And I wonder how we made it last
When we were both stretching onto such different paths.
I look at me now and feel utterly free
To be the person I can be.
To stretch my limits beyond your grasp
And take on such a challenging path.
I look at you and all I can see
Is a boy becoming what he wanted to be,
A partier wanting more
From a life that he completely abhors.
I wish you more from life then this
Stumbling and bumping and continuing to miss
The true struggle that makes you feel so free
The one that every person truly needs.
-ALC January 14, 2017

We are all breathing for something great in life,
but most think the answer is love.
-ALC January 7, 2015

He rests besides me,
Gentle as a sheep.
So quietly does he sleep,
Twitching, but not making a peep.

Slowly he will rise
And blink straight at me.
I am his line of sight
The only thing he thinks he needs.

Gently he will smile at me,
With glowing eyes,
Showing all the passion he could ever comprise.

I am his whole world,
And I am happy to say,
He is mine.
And I know he would fight for me
Till the day that he will die.

And vigorously those tears will fall down my face
Anguish jumping from me in every space.
They will whisper to me
“He is in a better place.”
But he is mine,
In every aspect of time and space.

Anger will slowly fill those tears,
As I look at our past years
And know you gave me all you could.
If only I could give you all you should
Have gotten within those loving years
Of dedication through my fears.

Love will slowly seep for me
As I sleep alone and dream
Of your furry face upon my lap
And your smiling eyes that made me laugh.
-ALC January 2, 2017