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Sep 2017 · 158
My muse.
Xyns Sep 2017
After all, I'm not confused.

Lately, I've been amused..

You're nothing but you've been my muse.
Sep 2017 · 420
Dastardly
Xyns Sep 2017
Life is an up and down roller coaster of disasters
Full of twists and turns and some dastardly *******
Pacifists passing fists passively; are they real or just actors?
We're not on the same page; we're in whole other chapters
You might just find that you're the most complicating factor
And in any moment that things can flip backwards
The best cure may be to forget and get plastered
When you've realized that there's nothing you've mastered
Sep 2017 · 314
"Coming. Terrified."
Xyns Sep 2017
You know this is for you, but I'll allow you to remain nameless
It may not even matter; you may not even read this
You probably won't because you're selfish and you're shameless
It's upon you that I'm forced to blame this
I don't know if I care enough to even post this
You know what? This is a write that I won't even finish
You've never cared about me; you don't even deserve the effort of this diss
Sep 2017 · 259
Stone
Xyns Sep 2017
I've hardened to stone
I'm icy with little emotion shown
I'm afraid I'll only be known
Once my brains are scattered and blown

Innocence and naivety had me fooled
All matters not if that trigger is pulled
If I'm lifeless and, around me, my essence is pooled
And the heat of my flesh has gone and I've cooled
Until then, I struggle to be energized and fueled
Sensitivities were smothered as survival overruled
Thus, naivety no longer seems to have me fooled

Perhaps if my brains are scattered and blown
Then I may finally be known
For now, I'll be icy with no emotion shown
Because I've hardened to stone
Sep 2017 · 236
denial
Xyns Sep 2017
Bury your every sin in my flesh
As I feel the rise and fall, the heaving of your chest

Etch your scarred memories into my skin
Learn to love the lust that forced you to give in

Let me put your self control to the test
And leave an impression with my moans and my breath

Let yourself let your morals bend
Ignore the fact that this high will have a bitter end
Sep 2017 · 313
Screaming
Xyns Sep 2017
I lived life surrounded by screaming
Realized all this **** simply has no meaning
I kept going but questioned my reasoning
Mentally, dark images are hemorrhaging
Desperate to put purpose to the breathing
Everything's so temporary; I'm comfortable with leaving
And I smoke too much; I hate it but I'm feening
Unsure what kind of love could alleviate my grieving
My trust has been tainted by all the deceiving
Don't want death; for my will to live, I'm still pleading
Often feels as though the voices in my head are speeding
All I desire is to subdue their screaming
Sep 2017 · 351
Constant
Xyns Sep 2017
You weren't supposed to leave
"Annie, you know I'll always be there"

You weren't supposed to leave
"Annie, you know I'll always care"

You weren't supposed to lie
"Annie, you know me best"

You weren't supposed to lie
"Annie, I love you to death"

You were my constant
You'd never left my side.
You were my constant
In that, I took much pride.
You were my constant
I'm all broken up inside.

You weren't supposed to leave
"Annie, what we have will never end"

You weren't supposed to lie
"Autumn, you're my very best friend"
Sep 2017 · 910
purple
Xyns Sep 2017
I want to text you
And to call you too
I want to update you on all the news

I want to tell you I love you
And that I miss you too
I want to make you laugh like I used to

I want to go back in time
To peek inside your mind
I want to press rewind
Beg you to change your mind

I want to hear your voice
To understand your choice
To you, my voice in only noise..

Sometimes I think I need you
Used to say you needed me too
I feel like a fool for believing you

I need to go back in time
See myself through your eyes
I need to press rewind
Maybe I'd realize that I'd been blind
Sep 2017 · 259
DC
Xyns Sep 2017
DC
Let me tell you what I'm trying to say
In terms a bit less ornate

I'm Gotham
.......
You're Batman
Always saving the day

As Green Lantern
You'd be my ring

But..

I'm Superman, right?
You're my kryptonite

I'm the same for you..
We both know it's true..
#dc
Sep 2017 · 435
Auf Wiedersehen
Xyns Sep 2017
Sitting here at the keyboard
Fingers soar
Wrists damaged
I try to write something
Anything at all
That could express
What I feel right now

But it's not that simple
There aren't really words
None English,
None German,
None Latin,
That could adequately describe
How broken I am on the inside

I'm not really healing
Like I thought I could
And I'm not moving on
Like I know I should
I'm just burying you
Like I'm used to doing

There's so much confusion
So much pain
So much distrust
I'm ashamed
It took so much for me
To love you the way I did
It took so much
To break down the walls
And let you in..

But I did it
And I trusted you
I believed you
And look now
Here we are
Broken, alone
Torn apart
Maybe not you
But certainly me
Once again
I'm left, weeping

Goodnight
Goodbye
Auf Wiedersehen
I hope I never
Have to see you again
Sep 2017 · 121
Purple Haze
Xyns Sep 2017
Fall into this purple haze
The smoke makes my mind race
The heart, the hug, the love is gone
I'm left wondering in this daze
Rolling on the river
Feel my body shiver
Broken down, look around,
The whole world is burning down.
Sep 2017 · 240
Rebuild
Xyns Sep 2017
Suddenly I realized

The walls had crumbled
And were reduced to rubble

So I began to rebuild.
Sep 2017 · 282
What You Don't Know
Xyns Sep 2017
What you don't know
Is the details
Of your beautiful smile
I etched into my mind
As though
You could have slipped away
At any moment

What you don't know
Is that I memorized
The sweet sounds
Of your perfect laughter
Because I knew
You could have slipped away
At any moment

What you don't know
Is that, unfortunately,
You're still on my mind
Still the only one
Even though
You were never mine
At any moment
Sep 2017 · 380
Haste
Xyns Sep 2017
Eventually, we'll all have to resign.
Because, no matter how hard we try,
And no matter how hard we grind,
We can't stop the natural progression of time.

We're painted illusions
To give us delusions
Of immortality
A lack of morality
This mentality
The new reality


Eventually, we'll show signs of age and decay.
You can't hold on to a moment; you can't relive a day.
Simply put, don't let your time go to waste
And don't waste it trying to live it in haste
Sep 2017 · 467
Decency
Xyns Sep 2017
Maybe I've had an increase in confidence
Or perhaps this is something that I just think is common sense*

You see, the only thing I expect is respect and curtesy
I give it; thus, I expect to receive in return common decency
Don't act sincere then suddenly change on me
I've noticed that it happens constantly
And that's something I just can't stand to see
What I'm asking for is simply sincerity
Just be you around everyone and also around me
It isn't that difficult, honestly
Though, I've learned that to most people it seems to be

I've learned that the Real really are a rarity
It's unfortunate to have that type of clarity
I'll treat you the same way you treat me
I'll always stay the same, how I was initially
And all I expect is respect and always sincerity
That's common decency
At least that's I how I see it, you see
But I see some people don't see it like me
And I think that's just a tragedy
Sep 2017 · 663
Tunnels
Xyns Sep 2017
"There's a light at the end of the tunnel"
It seems that this tunnel may have no end

Worship false idols and wear empty titles
It seems that this may be the trend

Hate in diplomacy; drown in monotony
It seems I may break and not bend

There's a blown light at the end of this tunnel
It seems I may force it to end
Aug 2017 · 317
Monotony
Xyns Aug 2017
Seems like I spend my time in the same space

Contemplating the same things every single day

Struggling, hoping that I don't waste away

Seems my dark thoughts have come out to play

Wondering how long until these thoughts change

Or maybe all will remain the same

Either way, I know my words will fade..
Aug 2017 · 401
Melancholy's Bride
Xyns Aug 2017
The sun is bright outside
But, I swear, it isn't shining

Thoughts are racing inside
My resolve is successfully hiding

On this sad, broken carnival ride
There exists no desire to cease crying

No one in which to confide
Empty rooms, blank walls presiding

I'll be melancholy's bride
So, the loneliness isn't subsiding

Searching for the bright side
Something this life isn't providing

Yes, I'll be melancholy's bride
In my brokenness, I'll be hiding
Aug 2017 · 483
forgotten
Xyns Aug 2017
I read some old poems today
And I remembered you
I recall that letting things slip away
Was something I thought I'd never make it through

I read some old poems today
And I remembered us
I realized I couldn't let you stay
Things were so bitter, we didn't even desire lust

I read some old poems today
And I remembered you
Then I had the epiphany
That I had actually forgotten you
Aug 2017 · 485
Picture Perfect
Xyns Aug 2017
I wanna frame your every flaw
Hang them like paintings on my walls

I wanna capture your laugh
Before the wind carries it to the past

I wanna freeze your bright smile
To keep it with me for every slow mile

I believe you're worth it
To me, you're picture perfect
Aug 2017 · 312
Rare Is The Type
Xyns Aug 2017
I'm not here for your Prince Charming
I'm not here for your Romeo
I'm here for the troubled mind
Young spirit worn by an old soul
Cherish the rarity,
Respect the words as they flow

I don't want your Prince Charming
Disrespect to your Romeo
I want one with a stronger spine
Young spirit worn by an old soul
Rare Is The Type
Broken heart plated in gold

*Yes, Rare Is The Type,
Young Spirit Worn By An Old Soul
Xyns Aug 2017
We dreamers,
We have an addiction
Imagination,
That ****'s an affliction

See, those sounds
To us, it's like music
But our thoughts
They **** around and abuse it

Budweiser and nicotine
Put our minds at ease
Long nights and whiskey
Find our brains some peace

Misunderstood,
Find clarity in confusion
Self-destructive,
Lost in a hopeless delusion

Throne-less kings and queens
Peaceful-minded wild things
Let us find our release
Nicotine & Pipe Dreams
Started this at the end of 2016 and just now found the old draft and finished it.
Aug 2017 · 612
Just Another Day
Xyns Aug 2017
I don't want today to be just another day.
Will I wake up tomorrow still feeling confusing pain?
When you hear "love," will you think of my name?

I don't want today to be just another day.
Will you dismiss my words and toss them away?
Did you really understand the words I chose to say?

I don't want today to be just another day.
Will you think of my heart as a simple game to play?
Are you going to turn me into a tragic regret anyway?

I don't want today to be just another day.
Will you have more excuses to say?
Will I have to let you fade?
Aug 2017 · 744
...quite confused...
Xyns Aug 2017
For the longest I was confused
I wondered who I was
And what I wanted too

But now that my love has gone unused
I know exactly who I am
And what I want is you

Sadly, if I bring that up to you
I know that I'll be rejected
And given some type of excuse

This has got to be emotional abuse
Even if it's being done by myself
And not caused by you

Sadly, I do feel quite used
The question sits in my mind..
Should I let go of you?

I need to hear something from you
Otherwise
That's exactly what I'll do..
Aug 2017 · 323
Moving On..
Xyns Aug 2017
I'm not waiting anymore
I'm moving on
I'm sick of singing
Sad love songs

I'm not waiting anymore
I'm moving on
It's been a lost cause
All along
Aug 2017 · 315
-z-
Xyns Aug 2017
-z-
...

I wish I could lay with you and hold you tight

.......

Then maybe things would feel alright

...
Aug 2017 · 136
isolation
Xyns Aug 2017
Broken
Pretty, little pieces

Tiny fractures
Painted in glue

Together
We'll see if we fit

Tragic
Bathing in blue

It could be
Time that we quit
Jul 2017 · 266
Confessions #d
Xyns Jul 2017
I suppose it's time I admitted it
That's the only way I'll come to terms with it
I'm in love with you
And I love the things you do

I love your skin and your hair
The way you're yourself everywhere
I love your voice and creativity
And the way you radiate positivity

I'm in love with you
Yes, it's true
I'm in love with you

I love your eyes and your smile
For you I'd always go the extra mile
I love your words and your honesty
The way you haven't forgotten me

I know it's good that I admitted it
Maybe now I'll come to terms with it
I'm in love with you
Perhaps, one day, you'll love me too
Jul 2017 · 520
I'd Go Back
Xyns Jul 2017
The me that was lucky enough to wake up next to you
Was the happiest me that I ever knew

The me that got to listen to your melodic voice
I'd go back to being if I had the choice

The me that was blessed enough to hold your hand in mine
Should have known it would only last a short time
Jul 2017 · 233
•ו
Xyns Jul 2017
I miss your loving
I miss your hands
The way you made me feel lovely

I miss your words
I miss your voice
The way you made time feel blurred

I miss your heart
I miss your warmth
The way you held me in your arms

I miss you
Jul 2017 · 203
Burn Em Down
Xyns Jul 2017
I spent a lot of time building bridges
But can't maintain that **** anymore

So I'm gonna burn em down
Say **** em
And watch the ashes hit the floor
Jul 2017 · 392
You Must Be Blind
Xyns Jul 2017
Honestly, sweetheart, I don't see
Why you can't see
That you belong with me
And you want to belong to me
I go back to you; you come back to me
You're just as hooked, baby
That's clear to see
Oblivious, you try to seem
But, love, you can't lie to me
You're simply scared of me
Because I've evoked feelings
And you were sent reeling
You feel confused and guilty

You admitted I'm on your mind
I know you wouldn't rewind
You and I are the only two of our kind
Others like us are hard to find
You'd rather not leave me behind
I was yours; now you're mine
That fact has you in a bind
As we met, the planets aligned
There's no need for me to remind
Naturally, we were intertwined
Different than the rest of mankind
*Basically, you were made to be mine
So, darling, you must be blind
Xyns Jul 2017
How long will this poem be?
That, I cannot tell you
What do you think of me?
I wish I could tell you
I banked on you wanting to be with me,
But that plan abruptly and drastically fell through
I finally give up dreaming that we could be
Then you come and act like you used to
My friends say I should just focus on me
And simply be completely through with you
Truthfully, with that, I do agree;
However, my one weakness is still you

There are many highs that I have come to know
I don't just mean the Mary Jane that we used to blow
Tried amphetamines, buried my nose in snow
None compared to the feeling of being near you, though
That's why you're so hard for me to let go

Your love reminds me of the ocean; it comes in waves
You make me feen; you know I'm an addict
I know that must seem quite generic for me to say
I'm a chill gal but you make my thoughts become erratic
You've proven to be a drug, a craving here to stay
It's a feeling much like being wildly ecstatic
But the lows send my heart into such disarray
I'll nearly hyperventilate as though I'm an asthmatic
It'd be a lie if I denied wanting you today
You can call me a fan because I'm a proven fanatic
You buried my other interests; put them in graves
That touch is electric; my flesh feels like static

Without my fix, I'd say I'm genuinely jaded
When I was beside you, most things were clear
Otherwise, for things to make sense, I had to be faded
Many were concerned; my habits became severe
Frustrated because nothing made me feel nearly as elated

Even now, it seems, your clutches, I can't escape
But that may be due to the fact that I don't want to
You make me confident in my shape
Such confidence I only ever get from you
You blew smoke so thick, though you didn't vape
Even if I knew you lied, I'd accept your words as true
I felt lovely when, around me, your arms you'd drape
When hearing  your voice, there's no way I could be blue
I'd never had a substance with such enchanting traits
Once, you sang to me and away my anxiety flew
If there was no THC or money, we weren't too good to scrape
Yes, I'm hooked on many things but the strongest is certainly you

I'd be dishonest if I said I wasn't afraid
I'm scared you don't think of me and you'll forget
From your memory, I fear I may begin to fade
I have value but what if you don't think I'm an asset?
While, for me, there isn't a memory of you that I'd trade

As we were estranged, I admit I might have felt lost
And I was quite confused as to whether I was to blame
You felt cold, like the legend, the dreaded, Jack Frost
It sat in my mind enough that I doubted I was sane
I think I gave myself to you, but at what cost?
I felt left behind once you tasted minor fame
It seemed ,my emotions, you wanted to purposely exhaust
Yet, I believed days without it would be far too lame
Still, to the side, I felt that I may have been tossed
Meanwhile, to your heart I, solely, wanted to lay claim
Obviously, you see losing me would be a legitimate loss
You came to me feeling that you needed to explain

Back and forth, it seems like circles we run around
Regardless, my addiction to you has yet to expire
You're the loveliest unwritten song, the most beautiful sound
Darling, you burn brighter than flames of Hell's fire
*Unfortunately, I know, in you, love for me may never be found..
I know this one is a bit lengthy but I just kinda felt it...
Jul 2017 · 758
About Me
Xyns Jul 2017
I tried to sit down
And write a poem about me

You know what I've found?
That that's just not me

I don't know myself
My inner thoughts are confused

I don't know myself
My identity got lost in the abuse

Truthfully, you make me jealous
You know yourself and you have talents

You understand how to have purpose
Thus, your days have meaning and balance

But I don't know myself
Though, I'm working toward that clarity

I don't know myself
So, I won't be writing a poem about me
Jul 2017 · 773
I Want to Write a Love Poem
Xyns Jul 2017
I would like to write a love poem
Just for you
I would like to write a love song
To sing to you

But right now I'm longing
For someone to be here
And it's odd because, until now,
It was you I wanted to be near
You didn't feel the same
And, that, you made quite clear
You pushed me away
Now, in me, you evoke fear

But I would like to write a love poem
Just for you
I would like to write a love song
To sing to you

You exposed me to your art
And I'll admit it was handsome
Obviously, you stole my heart
But it felt like you held it for ransom
Admittedly, it was my fault in part
That hook just might be our anthem
I think I let it go too far
Now, I may only be part of your fandom

But I want to write a love poem
Maybe not for you
And I want to write a love song
Though I won't sing to you

You see, I've found somebody new
And they're almost as musical
They don't make me sing the blues
And, yes, I'm almost as comfortable
See, I found somebody new
And they're just as whimsical
But he doesn't remind me of you
And, to me, that's basically magical

So, if I decide to write a love poem
It won't be for you
And if I decide to write a love song
I won't sing to you

But every time I write a love poem
I'll think of you
And if I ever write a love song
*It'll be for you
Jul 2017 · 889
Bestiality
Xyns Jul 2017
I'm the ***** with the addictive personality
And erratic mentality
Constantly escaping reality
Causing my ****** up morality
I feel like an animal; you've committed *******.
Jul 2017 · 541
Krutch.x
Xyns Jul 2017
I want to explain the ****** up ****
That runs through my mind
No, I need to

Because I feel like I"m trapped in a monotonous circle of
"I need you"
I've got a shitload of scattered thoughts to **** through
My brain is a minefield
And lies are the only things I know to be true
Days get blurred by copious drug abuse
Amphetamines scream "*****, I know you!
And you need me! You know it's true!"

The night seems endless because the days burn cold
I'm digging six feet under to make my home that hole
My body may look young but my spirit has grown old
Hesitating to be bold
This **** has gotten old
My insides are rotten...yes, I'm filled with mold
And I'd give away my soul
But I'd be lying if I said it hasn't already been sold

They can't stop puffing ******
Even though the prices get steeper
I'd leave if he hadn't said that I am a keeper

But, babe, I'm a ******* liar
I wish I could ignore you but you're my heart's sole desire
So, sadly, I'm wired
Sobriety expired
Remember, babe, I'm a ******* liar

So, I'll make false promises like liars do
And please believe me when I say it's true
Because, ****, *I need you to
Jul 2017 · 365
fAntAsy
Xyns Jul 2017
Thoughts like jagged shards,
Little pieces of broken glass.
Splinters stuck inside the brain
Just survive, simply maintain.

Crumble like a house of cards,
Under the weight of a broken past.
Scenes on replay, definition of insane.
Mental stability, a fantasy to obtain.
Jul 2017 · 289
Untitled
Xyns Jul 2017
I just need an escape.

A way out of this place.

I'm in a bad mental space.
Jul 2017 · 348
xinx
Xyns Jul 2017
Drain me.
Substance heavy, sedate me.
Mentally erase me.

Just like I do you.

Save me.
Emotion weary, intimidate me.
Critically hate me.

Just like I do you.

Engage me.
**** me over, break me.
Ironically elate me.

Just like I do you.

Taste me.
Emotion weary,
Sedate me.

Please ******* erase me.

So I can you..
Jul 2017 · 183
Untitled
Xyns Jul 2017
Who is she?
Who am I?
Sing me to death
Your love's my lullaby

Sunken cheeks
Blackened skies
She's out of breath
Her veins now hide

But who is she?
And who am I?
I suppose you noticed
I am she
And she is I.
Jul 2017 · 540
Cxld
Xyns Jul 2017
He was a broken soul
From a broken home
His heart's a hole
With no self-control
He'd let his emotions go
But he already felt his heart go cold
Jul 2017 · 1.1k
Will You Miss Me, Dear?
Xyns Jul 2017
Have you tasted the salt in the air?
Blown with wind,
Love, this tension hasn't given in.

Can you feel the sharpness in the air?
The desperate stinging wind,
Like knives, it cuts, it wounds the skin.

Did you hear my name in the air?
Fate whispered in your ear,
Sadly, you fled, riddled with fear.

Do you smell the musk in the air?
"A cavity in my chest"
I see you know that phrase best.

Could you feel the loss in the air?
As you looked in my eyes,
And let my reality be based in lies.

...
And will you miss me, dear,
Once you notice I'm no longer here?
Jun 2017 · 671
XOXO
Xyns Jun 2017
She was beauty
Sweet to taste

She was faulty
Made in haste

She was lovely
Bound in disgrace

Her creator was not kind
Her creator was wise
Her creator was not kind

She was beauty
Pale porcelain face

She was faulty
Cracked in her case

*She was lovely
Jun 2017 · 805
void.
Xyns Jun 2017
But what is this chasm?
What is this place?

In between surreal and reality

This break between mind and space
This space barren and blank

This empty truth I cannot embrace

Its depths void of escape..
Jun 2017 · 1.5k
Blow
Xyns Jun 2017
4 lines down
Half a gram to go
Sorrows drowned
Becoming hooked on *blow
Mar 2017 · 375
Untitled
Xyns Mar 2017
Oh, so fleeting were they
The years we spent together..
Mar 2017 · 655
Childish Things
Xyns Mar 2017
Words once so tangible
Phrases so easily written
Character after Character
Flowing so elegantly
Cascading flawlessly
Dripping from ****** lips
And filled with a ******'s confidence

Artistic expression
Which can only flourish
In the shallow waters
Of innocence's temper

Dreams clinging foolishly
Fueled by nonexistent beliefs
In nonexistent things
Unknowingly temporary
Oh, so faithful were they
As they faded into memories
And we drained every ******* bit

Purity once so present
Talent once so black and white
Blurs into grey, stoner stories,
Pipe dreams, and *Childish Things
Dec 2016 · 663
ascent x
Xyns Dec 2016
You thought it would be innocent
Always thought I was heaven-sent
A demon, from Hell I made my ascent
Dec 2016 · 617
Confessions #c
Xyns Dec 2016
"Laughter is the best medicine."
That must be true
I wouldn't believe it
Had I never met you

Your smile was enchanting
A brightness to rival that of the North Star
A single smirk could warm my heart
Sadly, so estranged, we now are

I'd love to deny I developed feelings
And my expressions are elementary
But your words gave things new meanings
And I know this is rudimentary

You were, to me, simply poetry
You made me melt, then fall apart
I can't deny, you took my breath away
Your presence, I can only call art

Free as an Autumn leaf
You moved as the wind blew
For me, if only momentarily
And with the breeze, away you flew
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