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Xyns Jul 2017
I miss your loving
I miss your hands
The way you made me feel lovely

I miss your words
I miss your voice
The way you made time feel blurred

I miss your heart
I miss your warmth
The way you held me in your arms

I miss you
Xyns May 2015
I get such a rush
Everytime I feel your touch
Xyns Apr 2014
It's easy to lose yourself
In your dreams
And forget what actually is
Your reality
Xyns Aug 2014
How about we start at the base
Ground zero
The place of destruction
The beginning of the action
My brain

If you think you can take it
Go ahead, step on in
Welcome to what will probably be
The most traumatic experience
Of your life, yet.

It's a chaotic chronic
A twister of pain, little gain
No production, simply destruction
Addictive personality
Worrisome and stressful reality, honestly

I don't know just how to say it
Or how to express it plainly
So I'm gonna wing it
And hope you people can understand
That I'm truly not all there

Sure, I'm responsible
I'm a smart kid with a bright future
But I don't know if I want that future
I don't know if I want myself either
I'm internally deranged

I like the idea of wasting myself of throwing myself in the flames and playing hopscotch in the smoke rings
Of wandering oblivion
And living in eternal suffering

No, I'm never gonna be a drunk
Never going be a ******
Never gonna trade my soul
To the only one who knows
Just how far I really wanna go

I'm not gonna dive off that cliff
Into that endless abyss
That holds the cold embrace
If the sweetest, purest
Most adored lover's kiss

I'm gonna keep to myself
Leave behind the inhalants
The smokes, drinks, and capsules
And hold my daddy's hand
And stay my little girl self

Meanwhile, on the inside
I'm lighting your home on fire
Throwing your kittens in the river
Slaughtering your children's dreams
And revealing your secrets

Satan can keep his contract
I'll keep my soul, just like you want
But I'll inwardly express the pain
That is my life
Signs of a serial killer, right?

Well, remember
Whatever I become
You made me
Aided the monster
By caging me
Xyns Nov 2016
Not feeling
No emotions
I'm overdosing
Drinking potions
Brain exploding
I'm imploding

*I'm letting go
Of you
Xyns Oct 2017
I smoke 4 am cigarettes
For my 4 am regrets


Money, drugs, and cheap ***
Nothing more, nothing less

And coordinated train wrecks
With filthy secrets to confess

Beer breath and sad texts
Bred by my building stress


I smoke 4 am cigarettes
For my 4 am regrets
Xyns Apr 2014
It's okay to be afraid.
Xyns Mar 2014




Xyns Jul 2017
I tried to sit down
And write a poem about me

You know what I've found?
That that's just not me

I don't know myself
My inner thoughts are confused

I don't know myself
My identity got lost in the abuse

Truthfully, you make me jealous
You know yourself and you have talents

You understand how to have purpose
Thus, your days have meaning and balance

But I don't know myself
Though, I'm working toward that clarity

I don't know myself
So, I won't be writing a poem about me
Xyns Nov 2016
I wish you'd let me hold you
Let me really love you
Please just let me show you
That there's no one above you

In my mind, you're number one
In my heart, you've already won

I wish you'd let me know you
Let me really boast you
Please just let me love you
Because there's no one above you
Xyns Apr 2014
Falling for you
Was the best decision
I've ever made
Xyns Mar 2014
I can only break so much
Can only lose so much
Can only stumble so much

Until I'm permanently damaged
Until I'm a complete failure
Until I fall too far

And end up totaled
And end up lost forever
And end up in the abyss
Xyns Oct 2016
Go ahead shout, scream some more
My chest is aching, heart is sore
As I cry, bow out, and sit on the floor
You don't feel, get angry, slam the door
I'd say we're together at the core
But it's clear to me, can't you see
*Love doesn't live here anymore
Xyns Apr 2014
Do you know how it feels
To wake up worried if you'll make it home ok?

Do you know what it's like
To cry yourself to sleep every single night?

Do you know how it feels
To wonder if you're mother is going to abandon you today?

Do you know what it's like
To stress over whether your younger siblings will eat or not?

Do you know how it feels
To go to sleep hoping everything will stay calm?

Do you know what it's like
To call your dad and have him ignore the phone?

Do you know how it feels
To lose your own parents to crystal?

Do you know what it's like
To throw away your own father's needle?

Do you know how it feels
To barely make it through the day?

Do you know what it's like
To come from a shattered home?

Do you know how it feels
To blame everything on yourself?

Do you know what it's like
To be a child like me?
Xyns Mar 2014
Dropping my third can on the floor
I can't even stand anymore
My heart races and my pulse pounds
Fear grips me in its icy embrace
Why can't I stop?
All self control, I have lost
Will to move on, I have none
I wipe the drops off my chin
Then I crack open another can
Put it to my mouth and tip it up
Downing it all, I just can't stop
thud thud thud
My heart almost bursts through my chest
My vision blurs
My words won't come
I feel my body **** as I cave in on myself
Four cans down, Two to go
If I'll survive, soon we'll know
{Monster Energy}
Xyns Jan 2015
She's a soft cool rain on a hot summer's day.
She makes me laugh with the funny things she has to say.

She's the beat of my heart, and the air that I breathe.
She's the sun and the wind, and (Autumn's) golden leaves.

She's the pride that I feel when I know she's done what's right.
She's that warm feeling I get, when I remember tucking her in at night.

She is homework and a busy social life.
She has this beautiful smile that could light the darkest night.

She is the scared feeling I have when she stays out late.
Or the feeling that I am losing her, when she wants to date.

She's the mixed emotions I have, as I watch her mature and grow.
I tell myself she will never leave, but, I know in my heart that someday she will go.

I hope the man that steals her heart, will treat her like a queen.
Because she deserves so much more, than a man that treats her mean.

I will always cherish the heart wonderful times we have had.
The best part of my life was being her dad.

So now you know who she is, she's my little girl.
I love her with all my heart and always will
Written by my dad.
Xyns Dec 2015
I miss the way things used to be
Back when it was just you and me
In the backroom, smoking a doobie
Making love better than they do in the movies
Showing each other crazy new things
Giggling, we were always laughing
Holding each other like otherwise we had nothing

Now, i sit here all alone
I only see you through my phone
It's been so long now you've been gone
And we're both finally almost grown
And neither of us has wanted to move on
I thank God I get to call you my own
And right now I can't stop staring
                       at your picture on my phone
Xyns Oct 2017
"He's just not that into you"
I wasn't special
No social breakthrough

I know you don't look back
Not like I do..
I didn't matter like that..

My smile doesn't occur to you
And you don't recall
The way I believe in the music too

The prospect of getting attached
You loathed so much
You practically had panic attacks..

So I busy myself to ignore you
It hurts to accept
What I know to be the truth..

You don't hear that specific track
And think of those days
In your kitchen when I made you laugh

You've been quite cruel..
Looking back..
I should've thought less of you..

Because now I know you like that
And I know I'm a fool
Even today I'd still text you back..

Walking on eggshells, fragile rules
******* boundaries
Established as if I don't have feelings too

I wish you missed me back..
And I know you never will
I'm nothing to notice your days lack

I suppose I'm a proven tool
And now I'm just your fan
And a ******* fool..
Xyns Dec 2014
Yeah. It's different.
But I love variety.
Xyns Mar 2014
I hate it when I am told I am good enough
I hate it when anyone is told that

I want to be better than enough
I don't want to barely make the cut
I don't want to be settled for when there is better

I want to be told I'm the best
I want to be told I'm at the top

So to everyone reading this

You are NOT good enough
You are THE BEST
Xyns Apr 2014
What would I do without your smart mouth?
Drawing me in, and you kicking me out
You've got my head spinning, no kidding, I can't pin you down
What's going on in that beautiful mind
I'm on your magical mystery ride
And I'm so dizzy, don't know what hit me, but I'll be alright

My head's under water
But I'm breathing fine
You're crazy and I'm out of my mind

'Cause all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I'll give my all to you
You're my end and my beginning
Even when I lose I'm winning
'Cause I give you all of me
And you give me all of you, oh

How many times do I have to tell you
Even when you're crying you're beautiful too
The world is beating you down, I'm around through every mood
You're my downfall, you're my muse
My worst distraction, my rhythm and blues
I can't stop singing, it's ringing, in my head for you

My head's under water
But I'm breathing fine
You're crazy and I'm out of my mind

'Cause all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I'll give my all to you
You're my end and my beginning
Even when I lose I'm winning
'Cause I give you all of me
And you give me all of you, oh

Give me all of you
Cards on the table, we're both showing hearts
Risking it all, though it's hard

'Cause all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I'll give my all to you
You're my end and my beginning
Even when I lose I'm winning
'Cause I give you all of me
And you give me all of you

I give you all of me
And you give me all of you, oh
John Legend. This is a masterpiece. This song always brings me to tears.
Xyns Mar 2014
When I see your face
I see my future

When I hear your voice
I hear perfection

When I feel your skin
I feel indestructible

When you hold me close
I know it's all okay

When you say my name
I get addicted to the sound

When you breathe on me
I get hypnotized

When you say you need me
I fall in love all over again
Xyns Apr 2018
only space
a blank place
withheld from grace
simply replaced
Xyns Apr 2015
In a world void of loving arms
Hollow when it comes to affection
She'd fallen too often for false charms
And was resentful of any connection
A safe haven to her, but to others, harm

With a slit of her frail wrists
A bottle of gin, four shots in
She considers the suicide olympics
In this life, she'll never win
All she wants is to end this

"You can't have your cake and eat it too."
But all she ever wanted was a friend
Pain was all they ever put her through
No one ever considered lending a hand
She had never met anyone who had been true

They come alone with kind eyes
They make promises and call her beautiful
It all renews her faith in guys
Then the brokenness they cause is plentiful
And her anger reaches new heights

So now she's here, all alone
Slumming it with the worst of them
The high she feels is her home
At least this way, her life won't end
*She's better off on her own
Xyns Mar 2014
Let my lust overtake me
Let my sins forsake me
Let my anger erode me
Let my joy escape me

May this void replace me
May this addiction erase me
May this trust evade me
May this truth awaken me

I'll give in to the battle
I'll surrender my weapons
I'll open the floodgates
I'll learn these lessons
Xyns Apr 2014
My ears are always listening

My mouth is always explaining

My arms are always open

Yet you always run away
Xyns Sep 2019
Even in the darkness
I still see you

Even in the sadness
I still think of you

Even when I’m sleeping
I still dream about you

Even when it’s over
It all begins with you

It’s always you
Xyns Jul 2014
We were living in a dying flame
Ashes among the embers
Stuck in the reality of shame
While we slept in the abyss
Finding any other man to blame
To save our already lost souls

Around the world, the devil crept
Leaving evil pleasure behind
Demons were all to remain
In the place of the lord in vein
And as our God abandoned us
We tasted the cries of the insane

Asking for opinions and tips. Maybe some ideas. I'm still working on this poem.
Xyns Oct 2014
This is a note
To you.
I'm sure you'll know who you are if you read this*

You've become a weakness for me
Someone I can't stop thinking about
You're on my mind constantly
And I know this is crossing that line
That was drawn last night
But there's a chance you'll never read this
And I'm not telling you in person
So, really, this is alright to do

You're one of the greatest people I've ever met
And for some reason I can't get you out of my head
I can't focus on anything
Sometimes it's internally embarrassing
Also, I can't comprehend why
Someone like you, so wonderful and unique
Would ever even think of someone like me
Someone so drab and boring

I'm supposed to be doing math right now
But these thoughts kept nagging at me
And since I'm not supposed to tell you personally
This is all I can do
And at this moment i feel ten times better
Than what I used to
And you'll probably never see this..
But at least I got this off my chest.
Xyns Jan 2015
I don't even remember
How happiness felt

And think that's the worst part

That I don't even have
A memory to hold on to
Xyns Jan 2015
This is probably not going to trend
You probably won't click that heart down there
I'm sure no one will re-post it
And not a single person will comment

This is an unpopular poem
Written by an unpopular poet
Using unpopular words
Expressing unpopular thoughts

I understand no one will want to read this
No one will take the time to consider it
Not a soul will get what I'm saying
And I'm positive nobody will like it

I don't think people are put on Earth for a reason
I don't think we have any destined significance
If we did, where would the beauty be?
We'd all be bound for one thing, one destiny

Who would want that? Really?
That strips away our freedom to choose, I think..
And I'm sure many of you are going to disagree
And you're going to fling at me your religious beliefs

I just don't think that way; it doesn't make sense to me
I don't see the mystical powers you all so desperately believe
Or the God you say is here to take care of me
I don't understand why this is something you could believe

So here you have it
An unpopular poem thing
Scripted by an unpopular poet, me
This is something I'm sure no one will read..
Xyns Mar 2014
I read a poem today
It wasn't particularly new
It wasn't written a long time ago
By someone long dead
But it was real
It was written in truth
And experience

I read a poem today
It wasn't short and simple
It didn't lose my interest
As though it were long and boring
But it was nice
It was deep and engaging
Relative to this young heart

I read a poem today
It wasn't that of rebellion
It wasn't so typical
To which I have become accustomed
But it was honesty
It was entirely genuine and
Was a bit of a tearjerker

I read a poem today
It wasn't expected
It didn't give you thrills
As many of us seek
But it was perfect
It changed this heart of mine
And opened realization of the future
Xyns Apr 2014
I breathed in the fumes
The leaking evidence
Of what I was about to do

I bit down on my lip
Distracting myself
From any lingering compassion

I sliced open my wrist
For I wanted to be Sure
That I bled the vile flames

I sprinkled my life
Over the surfaces
That were soon to perish

I lit the match
Threw it into the pool
Of my very essence

I watched the scene
The crumbling families
I knew I had ended everything
Xyns Dec 2016
You thought it would be innocent
Always thought I was heaven-sent
A demon, from Hell I made my ascent
Xyns Sep 2017
Sitting here at the keyboard
Fingers soar
Wrists damaged
I try to write something
Anything at all
That could express
What I feel right now

But it's not that simple
There aren't really words
None English,
None German,
None Latin,
That could adequately describe
How broken I am on the inside

I'm not really healing
Like I thought I could
And I'm not moving on
Like I know I should
I'm just burying you
Like I'm used to doing

There's so much confusion
So much pain
So much distrust
I'm ashamed
It took so much for me
To love you the way I did
It took so much
To break down the walls
And let you in..

But I did it
And I trusted you
I believed you
And look now
Here we are
Broken, alone
Torn apart
Maybe not you
But certainly me
Once again
I'm left, weeping

Auf Wiedersehen
I hope I never
Have to see you again
Xyns Sep 2014
I never colored my hair
I parted it down the middle
My glasses were always *****
I never wore makeup
Hoodies were my closest companion
My ***** had not yet grown
My **** what flat as a table top
I didn't really have friends
My only escape was self harm
Baggy clothes were all I wore
I barely ever spoke
I held more secrets than I could count
I was miserable.

Thank God It's Not Back When
Xyns Mar 2014
"It’s like I'm in the dirt, digging up old hurt
Tried everything to get my mind off you, it won’t work
All it takes is one song on the radio you’re right back on it
Reminding me all over again how you ******* just brushed me off
And left me so burned, spent a lot of time trying to soul search
Maybe I needed to grow up a little first"
Bad Guy by Eminem
Xyns Nov 2017
Little knots

Dull thoughts

Sit as it rots

Boiled in pots

Inhabited lots
Xyns Apr 2014
Taste the sin
Breathe it in
Feeling the sting
Of the poisoning

May the rage
Never fade
May the truth
Be bulletproof

Let it just fall
Simply lose it all
Why try to stay
If you're pushed away

Love the contract
Eternal contact
Such a great lie
You'll want to die

It hurts to be
Giving in totally
To the darkness
You'll be worthless

But it's all necessary
For liberty.
For what is light
With nothing to fight?
Xyns Mar 2014
Change my mind a trillion times
You'll never shake me

Try to kick me while I'm down
I'll rise instead

Choke me with your words
I'll spit out a rebuttal

Throw yourself in this fight
You'll never come out alive
Xyns Mar 2014
I'm drowning in the pain
Floating on the flames

In love with yesterday
Making friends with the stains

Let the heat rise up
My soul is on fire

I'll ignite on the inside
I'm in love with the burn
It's a Beautiful Kind of Pain
Xyns Apr 2014
I cry, beg you please
Scratch desperately

Why not me?

****** words
Empty minds
Broken hearts
Lost in time

Open the doors
Let in the contraband
Crimson stained skin
Take me, I'm yours

Guess it's only right
To give in to the fight

You'll eventually leave
It's only for tonight
Xyns Mar 2014
I want your love
I want your everything
I want no one else to have you
I want you to Be Mine
Xyns May 2015
We'll either mend each other
Or we'll each tear the other apart

We'll either make it through this
Or we'll get lost in the recklessness

We'll either fall in love
Or it's love we'll get sick of

Either way it goes
**There's no other way to know
Xyns Dec 2014
My best friend
Knows me
Better than I do
Xyns Jul 2017
I'm the ***** with the addictive personality
And erratic mentality
Constantly escaping reality
Causing my ****** up morality
I feel like an animal; you've committed *******.
Xyns Aug 2018
I cannot make you feel.

I cannot make you real.

And as I sit in the silence and stare
It seems I no longer feel you there
And I know that you’ll never care

But I can’t keep lying...
Xyns Apr 2014
I'm happy one minute
And then you flip
And so do I

One minute I'm in love
And rightly so
But then you decide to speak

You like to take anything
That brings us joy
And crush it

Well, we won't pretend anymore
You've lost now
It's all over now

We aren't under your control
You're just going to lose us
But we belong here

And so I'll fight for them
Against you
And do what I know to do

So while you flip and flop
Change your emotions
I'll be emotionless

Because none of us can stand it
Any longer with you
Living Bipolar
Xyns Nov 2017
They see my dimming embers

Nobody sees me hopelessly pawing at the ashes of who I once was

They see my empty stares

Nobody notices the red tears that have forever scarred my cheeks

They see my freshly cooked arms

Not hearing the profanity I screamed at myself as I singed my flesh

They see my crumbs and leaks

Nobody knows the violent contortions of my withering essence

They see me drowning

Nobody acknowledges my cries as I fight to keep my head above water

They see me jump off the deep end

But nobody knows the depths of my tortured, charred, shallow loneliness
Xyns Apr 2018
It makes me sick to my stomach
How I play your laugh on loop in my head

My artist has kicked the bucket
All grey dances with the devil..
the colors are dead

Serums and cocktails to ease my stomach
I'm sober but I'd rather be blank instead
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