I shall say these words
Acrostic confession
May even add embellishments so
For if i spoke honest
I would not be confident,
No, never,
Ever again.

I remember
A time, forgotten,
Where i spent
Five years on her.

How could I have not
Seen the issue,
How did she
Captivate me so.

Learned my lesson
I have not, so,
She's my friend now
And she loves me so.

I remember
Talking daily
For years and years
I cried and cried.

I am drawn to love
Dynamic heart beats,
Of being torn
By those i love.

But, from that torture,
I learned a lesson.
If I persist,
I can make it gold.

Just like Janet,
Who's heart i broke,
She still my best friend,
And so shall you be.

Soft and tender
Is the Autumn.
Holy fire
Fills her skies.

The sheer power
of my old lover
Is apparent
In her waves.

I hold on to another day and
I watch the birds pass by.
I feel the cold autumnal wind
Caress my swollen eyes.

I do not know what it is i want
I know what it is i need.
I cannot force a persons love
Just as i can't force the seasons.

Don't be too hasty, please, for me
Take this break, keep the peace,
But don't let me break away
And float down another stream.

For you are the Whole of which I'm a part,
And, without you, I'm alone.

O Joy! Bright, beauteous being!
            Behold my jovial smile!
O Joy! Sweet soul, so sending
            My heart to golden isle!
O Joy! Great goodness, dearly
            Does my soul doth love!
O Joy! My life is yours so wholly!
            My gift from up above!

Oh my dear, sweet Honeybee,
Attention I have owed to thee
Every day I'll sure to be
Everything you wish of me!

I lay to rest and shut my eyes
What dream shall fall before I rise
I doze off into beauteous sleep
Oh 'I pray the Lord my soul to keep'.

Next I feel impending harm
Awe-stricken gaze peers to my arm
I watch as bugs crawl under skin
They journey in, oh journey in.

Maggots and worms and crawly things
My cries form sheer, horrific screams
My body decaying, a death-colored rot
My end be the only thing that I sought.

I woke up startled, scratching skin
Worried intruders had found a way in
Hours have passed, the feeling has not
Lord, in my mind, may my senses be fought.

Free verse is an addiction
A fully encapsulating feeling
Of emotional disarray
Being confined to set ways.

Why do I feel the
Urge to write?
In uneven lines,
In unrhyming ways?

It's pure, it's harsh,
It's memories incarnate.
Spontaneous streams,
Creeks of consciousness.

Arthur's kingdom, bright, so clearly shines
Among the grassy knolls of Briton
The Round-Table knights patrol the land
That Ol' Winter has clearly bitten.

With poor peasants freezing in their shacks
Their love for Arthur keeps them smitten
They don't remember the last they saw
Of the Almighty King of Briton.

The Round-Table knights now carry guns
And your tales have all been rewritten.
Oh what must we do to summon back
Our old sleep-stricken king of Briton?

The world is different now, my Lord
And in new tales may you be written.
With sword in hand, Lord please striketh down
The ****** New-Rulers of Briton.

To re-mystify, here's what i mean:
Imagine a well planned out, ancient scene
Imagine the Druids all clothed in white
Waving their staves, a pure, wondrous sight

Can you smell the fire burning?
Can you hear the kettle turning?
Can you see the embers rising on high?

Can you hear all the chanting?
The rhythmic drum bashing?
This is what i mean: Re-Mystify!

Bring back the comradery
Of dancing round, fondly,
A fire that's meant for a king!

Take all of your friends
And tie all of your ends
May the mystical triumph ascend!

I may still be sad
But I also am graced
With the moments of clarity
And feelings of love and bliss.

The wonderful wind,
So soft on the skin,
Wraps my body like a
Person I know.

The Sun so bright,
The leaves, cascading.
The beauty of the fall
Is a wonderful thing.

Im going to regret
Writing every single word
On my soul, flesh, paper, electricity
Flows from my being like
A star has exploded.

My very essence has been transformed.
What catalyst has caused such change?
Alchemical reactions to extreme emotion
Solidified in the will to become
A free soul.

Bring about my decalcification!
Bring forth the rudder that steers me to victory,
And bash my ******* skull in.
Make me a free man, my soul,
Restore to me the primal essence.
That primitive vitality, Lord,
Let me become You.

You wish to know the secret things?
Those hidden things shown unto me?
The Mystery of Mysteries, of Divine Intervention?
Then follow me into the midnight plane
And let me show you a world unseen!

Look upon the starry sky,
Do you not see the heavens aglow?
Can you not feel the magic, thick
In the air, like shrouding smoke?

Then breathe the air, smell the trees
You're going to feel odd for now
But once you let the magic in
You'll never want to let it out.

What is it, how can we tell?
Are we forced into it, a cell?
A trapped enclosure, a set of ways
Dedicated to telling one how to be.

Not inherently bad,
But dangerous,
When we talk about
Dreaded gender.

Keep your codes for morals
Let me wear my skirt.
My dressed all lay dusty
Because I was afraid I would be
Looked at
As lesser.

No longer,
For I am truly,
Not akin to a single
Form of gender.

The one true way
That of self-realization
Comes from the acknowledgement
That I am me
Male, female, none, both.
I am Bede.

I nary wish to hide my penned
And quoted phrases, hidden in
My nonsensical rhymes, symbolic speech
No, I shall not let my words beseech

The sanctity of openness,
The sacred land of free excess,
My page, my land, looked for with care
Where I may lay my feelings bare.

Bring forth the peering eyes, behold!
A treasury of stories told
Within the madman's wealthy rhymes,
Looking forward, or back in times.

My heart is free, my soul unhinged,
My mind consumed by thoughts less grim.
All thanks to the Muse's daughter, sweet,
Within my mind, fear I defeat.

I hung blankets from my bedroom walls
And draped them over my windows.
My head lays down, thoughts abound
What is this that I'm doing?

Why am I finally able to dream without sleeping?
Finally awake to the glory of the world!
I'm able to think about adventures
With the one I love

Its like I'm clearer headed
Than I've been these past few years
And I still can't believe that I
Have gotten to where I am.

I can finally sit and imagine
Ponder of how I can be
Look in my minds eye and travel
Across land, air, and sea.

Not alone, nay, never
The worlds too vast for one
But share it with the one I love,
And I'll be forever blissful.

Oh beautiful, my risen Sun,
My glorious radiant divinity.
You, the enlightener of the skies,
Warmer of hearts, thrill of the mind.

Sing praises, I, to thy wondrous name!
Who shall thy be in my world?
The brightest star, brighten the moon,
And make the night lessened so.

So, sing I the praises of you, my Sun!
My honey-worded Muse,
May my praises shine greatly,
As thy beams of warmth and love!

You've done so much to fix my life,
Lord, let me count some ways.
I've not the need for **** indeed
I won't smoke for all my days!
My bank account is full
And so shall it be to-morrow
My heart, now full of song and love
No longer full of sorrow!

You helped me love myself again
By letting me be me
I cannot thank you enough, my joy
Because of you, I'm free!

You make all of my senses fail
In comprehending your beauty.
Soul and body, both pristine,
My life is changed by your love.

Can I truly speak my mind and not
Lose my train of thought?
Am I the one who's above all else?
If so, its only because of you.
Remember when I say that, verily,
Everything I love is in you!

I'm sorry I held on
Even though you made it clear
I should've been smarter
And I intend to be now.

I've got to guard my heart
I never must let this happen again
I trusted others to protect it
Yet, I couldn't trust myself.

I shall grow, and I shall be better
I'll be the hero I aspire to be
You'll be by my side, me by yours,
Friends until the dawn of the end.

You're not a sinner
You were always my saint.
You, higher than the Fathers,
You, greater than the archangels.
You, magnificent, magnanimous, though flawed
Me, a sinner, incomparable to your glory.

Your secrets may not be something my mind can fathom
Or my heart handle
You are still my favorite person
Even if my love may not be with you like it was

Did I assume, when writing last night
Amidst pain of fire and sweat
That Love would flee, would have strucken me,
As if they blood in my body's bereft?

I am never going to find another
No, never, not anyone so great
Your love for me may have faltered
But my love for you will stand 'gainst fate.

You'll always be the one who struck my
Heart and soul afire with flames
Of love and sweetened, kindly devotion
Even if one of our loves' to wain.

Never forget me, never forsake me
Please keep me in your mind
For maybe love will ferment again
When I am given the trials of time.

Oh God, my Lord, what have You done?
What can I do to remedy?
You made me fall so madly in love,
My life, You have taken from me?

Follow me, stick to me, never leave
Your heart may not be mine
But mine will forever be owed to you
And will stand the test of time.

I turned my back on God
Praying to those gods
Who rule over
Land, sea, and air.

I sing their praises,
Just like I used to,
And i got my answers,
My Muse remains.

They told me
What I already knew
Reminded me
Of why I see
Eternity within
Your finite form

Folkloric tales of fables and songs
Of rabid bands of wond'ring throngs
Of merchant men, of robbers sweet,
The hearts of all are sold as meat

Summer leaves
Falls arriving.
I knew that my
Thoughts were right.

I still love her
But she cares for another
And I couldn't imagine
The fading cries.

I was a lone
But now I'm troubled.
I wish that I had
Made her smile.

My kiss, electric,
To her, it's nothing.
I am truly glad
I found this out.

I wish for nothing
Besides the better.
I want to sing
My heart's true song.

I walk into the mossy wood,
The Sun above me shining.
Around me I can feel it warmth
And I see the ray's wide-winding.

As source, it gives me light and heat
And gives the moss it's green
Through grace, I shall be warm again
Even when I'm left dying.

Perspective changes
Questions asked
Glad I chose
To not believe my mind.

Oh, Ambrosia!
Feed my soul,
And fill my being with song!

Olympian gods
Could feast on your love
Until the dawn of the new age.

Oh, Ambrosia!
My most favored drought
Please, quench my thirst, oh great one!

You, most admirable of beings!
You, giver of eternal fire!
You, oh might lover of gods!

A hop, jump, and skip away
Was the happiness I found today.
I can truly say in every way
That I've found my way back home.

I said what all I had to say,
We listened to our music play,
And as we laid down spoken lays,
You healed my heart of sorrow's song.

Thank you, dear, oh blessed be
The eyes that see what I can see,
For whenever I look to thee,
I know that I found my home.

Patience
Something I am working on
Something I will be using greatly.

I will be patient.
You are going through so much
And I am going to help make it better.

Help me be patient
Teach me what it is you need
Let me into your heart to stay

Please be patient
Don't wander off so quickly
Maybe we can love again

Patience.
It's a beautiful thing
For lovers, and friends.

I didn't know
By teaching things
Of salvation and of death
I would be tossed
Into such a state
No wonder I'm a mess.

How dare I contemplated the Lord
As if He told me to?
How dare I teach the ways of God
To those unwanting few?

It's said thoughts of suicide
Can accompany prelest
And I saw the damage the demons caused
When I decided to speak.

I know now what I've said
I've only learned from books
That's why my mind is troubled so
Plagued with Hell's fishhooks.

I need to fight back the thoughts
That well up in my head
I need to fight the demons back
Unless I'd find me dead.

Suicide, depression, please spare me, please.
I just want a single day of release
I would like to not feel like sleeping all day
And I want to win my life back.

But, alas, I chose my fate
And now I've got to heal my mind
I feel like dying, I cannot see
The light that I once had

Stowed away in darkened halls
In murky crypts it's kept
The mighty it has humbled
And, oh, every widows' wept.

This thing is kept in lock and key
In spikened treasure chest
But there's no gold, nor silver here.
Oh, let me tell the rest.

The bane of wives, the horror of lives
The husband's fault so clearly.
To kids, they cannot handle it.
Adults, we hold it dearly.

The end of all good things, if not
Kept neatly under wraps.
Like Pandora's box, once opened up
The whole of your world may snap!

The treasure's called Anxiety,
The box's name is Worry,
And the key is just one single thought
Left in your mind to scurry.

So keep your thoughts together
And let not one be your end
For if you open Anxiety's Box
You'll surely lose a friend.

Rosey-colored petals, dear
Is that not what you're finding here?
Amidst a shore of colors dear
Though not the colors of your home.

Red and black, oh rage abound!
Dark cries and wails, a sea of sound
Waves they crash, sea foam surrounds
Oh you are still so far from home.

The salty air echoes despair
For there's no hope to find down there
Your doom does Eldritch voice declare,
"You're trapped and never going home."

Fast falling rain and
rumbling thunder.
A healing refrain,
a sky torn 'sunder.

Great are the clouds
that heal the land.
The Lord's great blessing
for fields of Man

What lies above the tops of trees?
The field in which the bluejay flies.
Far-soaring through invisible seas
With white-foam clouds; We call the skies.

Can birds deduce the here and there?
From breezy-field to where it lies?
For when it flies up in the air,
Oh, does it know it's in the skies?

Birds care not for the 'next day'
They bend not to anxiety's sway
Be like a bird and you too may
Be happy wherever you lay.

I am going out today
To see where I can go
Maybe I won't return again,
Lord i dont even know.

Would it be a blessing or a curse
To just put down my pen?
Why do i write, I feel contrite
To never write again.

I won't let my dreams,
Remaining dreams,
Be stamped out,
But I won't let them rule over me.

But my dreams keep me
Holding on
To the life that
Others find so dear.

Who do I have?
What do I have?
Am I truly alone?

When my friends dwindle
And I've got no one,
You're still there.

Even when everyone
Around me
Can betray me.

You're still there.

So am I ever truly alone?
No, never, you won't let me.
For this, I appreciate you most.

I will never hide
No matter how much I ache
I trust you to look away
If you truly wish to.

Thank you so much.
I will be better.
I'll be a good friend to you,
and I'll keep my emotions out of it

I'm sorry, my love, I failed you
My arms fall to my side
I lay my weary head to rest
And rise to feel like I've died

Arisen in panic
In worry, in fear
Anxiety stricken
With no sleep near

Please forgive me, love
I hope it went well
I love you so much
Though I feel like hell

May tonight mark a new beginning
The marks i left on my skin
Are no more to me
Than obstacles.

You, oh sovereign, reign with me over the world.
I meant every word I said tonight,
May my love forever ve heard.

My dearest friend, oh sweet lovely dear
Romance may not be our goal,
But the road of the everlasting
Is paved with the  stones of friendship!

I will remember
My dear, oh medicine.
Ananke, bless me so.
Inevitability,
Compulsive necessity,
May I remember
Her embrace.

Every day I walk through life
Unknowing of where to go
I only have a vague idea
Of what I'm 'sposed to know.

I'm unsure of my calling
I'm unsure of my life
I'm not too keen on these machines
That cause me all my strife.

I live a life of lying
Of looking into eyes
And telling people I'm okay
That I've still got all my tries!

But one thing is for certain
This one's not left behind
The one thing I am certain of
Is Love's right-wondrous rhyme.

What's shone since the beginning?
Since light first graced the sky?
'Twas Hatred's broodish, helly face?
No! Love's the one, says I!

So one thing is for certain
This one's left to remind
Of why I keep on chugging
And a-rollin' down the line.

That's Love is my whole reason
For dancing this foreboding dance
And if I am not careful
I could lose my last chance.

So learn to romp and tango!
Bully, my boy, dance right!
For if we Love, what have we lost?
Not nary a beautiful night!