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Jan 2021 · 349
No Happiness Allowed
Amanda Kay Burke Jan 2021
Live a short while
Then say to me
Where you are your sight enjoys what it sees
Year after year passes
Doesn't seem so bad
Until you compare the good memories once had
Life seems to darken and get worse
Your road forks
Becomes a haunting curse
My love it does not matter the choice of your direction
Explore the world
Every road holds imperfection
In awhile you will discover if you haven't by now
Happiness more than Earth will allow
It doesn't really matter what you do because life ***** us all in the end
Jan 2021 · 100
October Memories
Amanda Kay Burke Jan 2021
On mind without consent
Cold October memories
Lost myself in my descent
Shattered to bits with ease

No reason for suffering
I was a complication
To the past I cling
Scream in frustration

Yet silently demons pace
I don't stand a chance
Dreaming of your face
Echoes of fading romance

Wishing traces of presence away
Dear
Hurts to hope
Will be a passing thought someday
Now I fail to cope

At the point my strength departs
Find my pieces are far too scattered
I write about as many parts
Betrayal proved never mattered

Praying to go crazy
Forget your name
I'm finding that too hard to do
Desperate to peel off the shame
Sticking to skin like glue

I ask what you want from me
Of your options I am the best
Leaves
Clothing long shed from trees
Makes me miss way our bodies undressed

Much like love
Foliage now dead
Under layers of snow
Yet you pretend like it's summer instead
Fantasies you won't let go

Once again you look past conflict
Flowers in your brain fully in bloom
However despair renders me a derelict
Then it forces me closer to my tomb

Life lately more like death
Must learn to understand
When your fear takes the form of breath
You'll have stood where I stand

And body races through my thoughts
Lingering
Winter's chill
All of the memories twist and tie knots
Reminding I love you still
Jan 2021 · 826
I Left My Heart At Home
Amanda Kay Burke Jan 2021
I took care to leave my heart home
I came over to your place
Stuffed with naive harmless thoughts
Were soon to be replaced

Your mind focused on one thing
You didn't let it show
You were a perfect gentleman
Letting tension grow

I bit lip with nervous teeth
You let me play song after song
Waited hours to make a move
Wondered what took you so long

I took care to leave emotions behind
Set on resisting temptation
Soon as we found ourselves alone together
Couldn't stop at just flirtation

You said
"No harm in cuddling"
I cannot put the blame on you
I am the one who nodded in agreement
Put arms around your body too

My poor senses never stood a chance
Never saw our collision coming
Forgot to release frustration prior
To seduction ended up succumbing

My mouth missed texture of flesh
Salty taste of skin
Had no idea how sweet the rush would be
Intoxicating adrenaline

It has been several months with no pleasure
Physical or otherwise
Out of the blue you appear
Was not ready for that surprise

Now you keep entering my skull
Throughout the day
Took care to leave my feelings at my house
Lust refused to stay
Sometimes its necessary to have that physical connection with someone even if you know it won't lead anywhere
Amanda Kay Burke Jan 2021
Cold indifference
Jealous of your frozen heart
How you don't feel things
Why cant I be like you?
Jan 2021 · 639
Costly Choices
Amanda Kay Burke Jan 2021
Everyone says
"Do whatever makes you happy"
Don't mention the cost of it though
You do not know the price until your choices
Come collect and tell you what you owe

In moments you don't realize
Consequences of what you do
Only after it's too late
You can see what would have been best for you

Some decisions too expensive
Until you get the bill you won't know
By then you can't go back and choose
Different directions to go

So bear in mind that every action
And mistake is a tattoo
No matter how costly our regrets
Every one we can never undo
An old one from 2017
Jan 2021 · 417
Excess Loneliness
Amanda Kay Burke Jan 2021
Having trouble adjusting
Constant loneliness
Experienced it before
Never in excess
A dream the closest I get to someone
Search for a face but still see none
Easy making reasons for why I am alone
Much harder ignoring truth already known
It pushes my ribcage so I can't breathe right
Gladly suffocate to keep it out of sight
It comes into peripheral without my permission
Against eye sockets allegations beyond admission
True stories block from my view just in time
Deciding to turn and climb
Is that urgent buzzing I hear in my ear?
With shake of my head I make doubts disappear
They fall hard
They land in my heart
Can no longer deny we are from now on apart
What a mess
Jan 2021 · 833
Mask (Haiku)
Amanda Kay Burke Jan 2021
I say I don't care
Laugh at problems like it's fine
Masking hurt I feel
You don't say you don't care if you really don't care
Jan 2021 · 105
Circus
Amanda Kay Burke Jan 2021
How do you do this to me?
All these years
Ditched me in my weakest hour
To face greatest fears

Let me make simple
Easy to understand
Swear this is the last time
I will allow you to have the upper hand

Me and damaged self-esteem
Fare just fine on my own
Better off without you
Even if staying forever alone

Never did I expect treason
Betrayal comes as a surprise
Stupidity is to blame for that
Consistently fed me lies

Fall apart in absence
Your touch is just as bad
Although it heals me
Behavior drives me mad

Think you come back around
Waste your time on me
Finally caught on to your ****** up games
It took so long to see

You say you are truly different now
Like a hundred times before
For some reason reality's clicked
I don't believe you anymore

Something you never admit
Could change if you wanted to
Sadly you enjoy the circus you live
Growing up is the one thing you'll never do
Jan 2021 · 113
Stop Pretending To Care
Amanda Kay Burke Jan 2021
If you want
Go separate ways
Reach goals on your own
All you must do is say
I'll leave you alone

Greatness you are looking for
Now will be yours to pursue
Obviously you don't care anymore
Stop pretending you do
Jan 2021 · 165
Seeds Of Paradise
Amanda Kay Burke Jan 2021
I feel arms around me in my dreams

Rippling beneath spotted fuchsia skies

The complexity
The composition of our chemical connection

Mind blown
The sheer splendor shown in each precise part of your precious presence
Magnetic matter mobilizing my concentration
Coaxing it your direction

Hands softening
They brush against your supple skin

Around shadow sparks dance
Visible in this impossible location

How your voice bounces off distant cliffs surrounding idyllic scene and returns to our ears like a boomerang navigating life's course home

On page are words captivating your attention you wouldn't bother to read in reality

Each breath inhaled for you

In silent regard
Sense this

You come closer
Turn your view to my body instead

To discover freely without intervention is all I truly desire

The pallete of colors world is painted in was chosen from the richest pigments fiction could manifest

Constructed in cranium with magical building materials

Touch the highlights of physical being

Fantasy far away as fairytales
Nearer than my own name

Every thought of you I doze is a seed that blooms into paradise
Jan 2021 · 211
I'm Okay Today (Haiku)
Amanda Kay Burke Jan 2021
I am fine today
For once I really mean it
Tired words I say
Jan 2021 · 1.3k
1/3
Amanda Kay Burke Jan 2021
1/3
I saw 25 years flash before my tired eyes
Third of my life is over
Older with every sunrise
God I feel old these days
Jan 2021 · 167
Mutual Dreamers
Amanda Kay Burke Jan 2021
The best way to fall asleep
Someone else's arms
Dream a mutual dream
Futures with a fairytale finish
How movie actors seem

Future belongs to decisions
That may be too much pressure to take
Shape the life laid out before us
One waiting when we wake

Create world where we're together
Can be reality for you and I
We can manifest fantasies
All we need to do is try
Jan 2021 · 1.1k
Yesterday's Rubbish
Amanda Kay Burke Jan 2021
Why did you toss me out the back door like yesterday's trash?

Sweet moments swiftly kicked far from your life without a second look or thought

Something innocent at first grew to be such a ****** excuse for a relationship

You cannot ever undo your mistake

I will never let anybody else throw my love away ever again
Some things cant be fixed
Jan 2021 · 451
Too High To Count (Haiku)
Amanda Kay Burke Jan 2021
Number of night stars
Like how many thoughts of you
Is too high to count
So true
Jan 2021 · 353
We Love To Be In Love
Amanda Kay Burke Jan 2021
We love how it feels to be in love

Because it is not as bad as being alone

So far but still so close
I know we used to be in love but it's a two way street and lately I only see myself on the road
Jan 2021 · 252
Goodnight Fear (Haiku)
Amanda Kay Burke Jan 2021
Your ghost visits me
When night falls I dream of love
Sweet dreams to our fears
Jan 2021 · 124
Slowing Down Disaster
Amanda Kay Burke Jan 2021
Just seconds until end of mankind
Heart beats even faster
Millions of thoughts race through my mind
No signs of slowing down disaster
Let's go back back back to the disaster
My hearts beating faster
Holding on to every word you say
-Sugarcult
Jan 2021 · 942
Happy Birthday Sherlie
Amanda Kay Burke Jan 2021
Happy birthday to sherlie
The best person I know
Another year has passed by
You continue to grow
Though we are not as close as before
The love that I hold in my heart
Has only gotten stronger with time
Even when we are miles apart
One from my facebook memories
Jan 2021 · 82
Died And Went To Hell
Amanda Kay Burke Jan 2021
I've died and gone to hell I think
Tortured hundreds of ways
Times have never been darker
Ran out of words I dare not say

Every letter comes up to the back of my throat
And forget how to make them sound right
Rhyme and reason spilled on paper
Because my windpipe is too tight

If I was still alive and well
Each time I try to take a breath
I would inhale air into my lungs
Not suffocate like meeting death

Die a little more every day
I'd stop it if I were able
Have no choice but to become a ghost
An invisible body
Unstable

Amount of change I've experienced
Lifespan doesn't even compare
To the process of decomposition
Decaying skin I wear

Sense no longer lives here
It's only madness in my mind
Cannot form a rational idea
Ever since you left me behind

The noise of the moving planet
Has faded into the background
Now that I haunt my family home
Television static is the only sound

I listen for a heartbeat
Or a pulse of any sort
But when referring to any signs of life
My senses come up short

No blood courses through these dusty veins
There lies no color in my skin
Drained of remaining energy
A walking corpse the vessel I'm in

Temperature of my tissue has dropped
Down to an icy degree
Muscles frozen in place by fear
Shadows consuming all I see

Bit by bit my spirit rots slowly
My heart already still
Numb to every emotion but one
The agony is too strong to ****
Jan 2021 · 728
Drinking Bullshit
Amanda Kay Burke Jan 2021
Give an explanation for the lies that you tell
Drinking in the ******* cause you do it too well
And I find a way to get to the point I need to reach
I want to learn the lesson pain is trying to teach
And I will not give up on all the time I was with you
Many songs I wrote for us without intending to
I wish I was inspired
A new muse instead
These words paint your face cause it's stuck in my head
I have attempted to take your picture down but can't seem to make it move
Sinking into inky sea of love I can't remove
In tears I drown my pain and flood this whole **** place
Can't produce enough liquid to fill this empty space
I was inspired by that scene in alice in wonderland where she cries and floods the room
Jan 2021 · 620
Stopped In The Name Of Love
Amanda Kay Burke Jan 2021
I am always in a hurry
To get you out of my mind
Love stops me at every turn
Can't leave you behind
Though I have tried
Jan 2021 · 426
Spot Of Blood
Amanda Kay Burke Jan 2021
I sit to write this poem and what do I see?
The paper holds a spot of blood
Better inspiration there couldn't possibly be
More accurate metaphor for who I've become

I remember how the planet buzzed when I felt alive
Wrote fun about simpler subjects
Now notebook is the only safe space to confide
Slew of hidden horrors
Stories
Regrets

I remember each
"what if"
I let slip away
I'm feeling low
Their ghosts drop by
Taunting with foggy images of wasted yesterdays
Thrown away to get high

My back pressed against a wall
Words I hate to admit are true
Guess I was wrong after all
Said people don't change but they do
Just sometimes not for the better
Jan 2021 · 121
I'll Always Love You
Amanda Kay Burke Jan 2021
I said I would always love you
Statement I still mean
I don't know what to do
Wish we were still eighteen

And I will wait for you to work it out
It's already been so long
Should know by now what you care about
Anyone besides you for me is wrong

So why is process taking so much time?
Confirm what you desire most
All the distance we managed to climb
Now you consider stopping at
"Almost"

Please remember you used to feel
The way that I still do
That the love we share is real
Couldn't take you not loving me too
That would be too much
Jan 2021 · 112
Your Year To Take
Amanda Kay Burke Jan 2021
Do not look back at where you've been when you can gaze at sights located where you're at
Right here
The present

Look forward to transformation

History happening every single day

Happy New Year's
It is yours for the taking
You never know when an opportunity is yours until you take it
Jan 2021 · 275
Evidence
Amanda Kay Burke Jan 2021
Evidently don't feel like I do
Can tell by the way you say
"I love you too"
When questioning the truth
Fail to explain why
Don't expect a perfect answer
You don't even try
Jan 2021 · 98
Why Bother?
Amanda Kay Burke Jan 2021
Someone asked what YOU do for me
The answer was something they'd never see
You never ask me questions like that
Just to start
Love how you aren't determined to drive me and my family apart
Looked downward and replied
"You would not understand"
Mentally counted reasons silently on my hand
I used to stick up for you and argue
Now I realize they'll never see my point of view
If trying they just mock me while I turn bright red
I no longer bother
Reminding myself instead

Accepting me the way that I am
Work your hardest to see me smile however you can
Remembering things I have said in passing long ago
Talk because you listen
Even when info you already know
Repeating same story you have heard a hundred times
You see it makes me happy
Don't even mind
The person who makes me feel comfortable in my own skin
Believing I'm beautiful no matter how fat or thin
Who sees me at my best and has been there for me at my worst
Despite having your own problems
Put mine first
You encourage to be the very best that I can be
Show me things you love when none of them I see
You look at me with the same warmth as the day we met
As if I'm not completely ruined yet
You have more faith in me than I have in myself most of the time
Regardless of everything
Are proud I call you mine

Though I have made so many mistakes in the past
Around you seems like the suffering won't last
This makes me sad because I wrote it when we were still together
Jan 2021 · 199
Night After Night
Amanda Kay Burke Jan 2021
If only this was guaranteed,
And everyone would get a happy ending,
Then maybe everything could be easier.
But I don't know what will happen,
Or if it will work out between anyone.
So I'm taking it day by day,
And thinking about you night after night.
Jan 2021 · 79
Part Of Me
Amanda Kay Burke Jan 2021
Breaking one piece at a time
Use them to build a wall too tall to climb
Again build defenses surrounding my heart
You ******* a kiss and armor falls apart
I will get extra locks to secure the front door
Never enough
Always need more
No security measure too extreme or strong
Around you they don't seem to last long
The protection effect you somehow render obsolete
Most advanced shield useless at your feet
Making steel and iron look like fences of paper cards
You waltz right through the entrance to the center of what it guards
No material immune to your touch
What that means for me is that I care way too much
You have wrapped around your finger from the moment you stroll in
An air of confidence that yells
"Do not even try. You'll never win!"
As you flash an easy smile
Wink one baby blue
Left with the realization there is nothing I can do
You sweep me off my feet faster than a witches broom can fly
Makes no difference if I look away or directly in your eye
You know to disarm any weapon I produce
Has taken half a lifetime to figure out there is no use
But maybe the trick is not to defend love at all
I'll attempt to embrace emotion and fall
And be on offense for the first time since I was broken
No more hiding a veil of words unspoken
I will make you see why I have been so afraid to connect
I was hesitant to let down high walls mistakes *****
Everything that is safe
Completely free from risk of danger
Also lacking luster

Sorry took so much time to open up and let you see
It turns out you not only understand
You are a part of me
So guess this is the part where I say happy birthday
12:03 am
Sorry for delay
As fun as it is to watch you grow older by another year
Scary because past memories also start to disappear
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