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"underweight" poems
Today in an overweight society, The type of society that deals anxiety, Anxiety, anxiety, in this overweight society. Today in an overweight society, The type of society where diet pills are a normality, Normality, Normality in an overweight society. Today in the eyes of an underweight tragedy, Influenced so greatly by an overweight society, Tragedy, Tragedy, in an overweight society. Influenced by a society of fatty foods, Fear becoming a more common mood, The fear of falling into the normality The normality of this tragedy. The overweight society. Influence by obesity. Striving to be what their minds see, The minds of the children trapped, Trapped by this overweight society. Influenced by the skinny girls on TV Only followed by ads showing fatty foods society demans you eat Have a cheeseburger, upgrade to a large fry, yet still look like her, it's pounded in her mind. Young minds believe what they see. Morphed into the tragedy of society. A society where eating disorders strive A society where an 8 year old can consious you starve themselve to feel pretty. The definition of pretty based simply on TV Yet nobody questions this more than imperfect society. Elementary ages childern being fed fat then forced to stand in front of a mirror. Put a toy in poison and call it magic. Oh yes, what a fantasy. A fantasy forcing you into reality. The reality becoming your worst nightmare. The reality of your fears driven by society. I'm overweight, yet pizza is the best choice for a happy family. A society where mental illness strives. Why can't people open their eyes? Spoon feeding childern poison and expecting them to love themselves. In school teachers force health into thier minds. At home, parents feed them poison to save time. Re-creating, reprogramming their fragile little minds, yet still expecting them to feel fine. Feeling down? Have a happy meal, gain a pound. Overweight? Shame, shame, you must maintain the image. The image forced into your mind. This was our greatest fall. Upon dieting we call. Skelington stave me. Anorexia at it's finest. Anorexia thin and spineless. Some call you timeless. But only recently you made your debute. Make me feel brand new. Reprogram my mind. Make me feel fine. Thank God for thinsperation. Oh Anorexia, my new inspiration. Make me feel pretty. Just like the skinny girls on TV. Loosing pounds, one by one. Still weighed down by a ton. The weight of pleasing it. The nightmare society created. Influenced by what we see. Finally morphed into the tragedy of the normality of this weight obsessed society.
0
Apr 9, 2018
Apr 9, 2018 at 3:44 PM UTC
Weight Obsessed Society
Today in an overweight society, The type of society that deals anxiety, Anxiety, anxiety, in this overweight society. Today in an overweight society, The type of society where diet pills are a normality, Normality, Normality in an overweight society. Today in the eyes of an underweight tragedy, Influenced so greatly by an overweight society, Tragedy, Tragedy, in an overweight society. Influenced by a society of fatty foods, Fear becoming a more common mood, The fear of falling into the normality The normality of this tragedy. The overweight society. Influence by obesity. Striving to be what their minds see, The minds of the children trapped, Trapped by this overweight society. Influenced by the skinny girls on TV Only followed by ads showing fatty foods society demans you eat Have a cheeseburger, upgrade to a large fry, yet still look like her, it's pounded in her mind. Young minds believe what they see. Morphed into the tragedy of society. A society where eating disorders strive A society where an 8 year old can consious you starve themselve to feel pretty. The definition of pretty based simply on TV Yet nobody questions this more than imperfect society. Elementary ages childern being fed fat then forced to stand in front of a mirror. Put a toy in poison and call it magic. Oh yes, what a fantasy. A fantasy forcing you into reality. The reality becoming your worst nightmare. The reality of your fears driven by society. I'm overweight, yet pizza is the best choice for a happy family. A society where mental illness strives. Why can't people open their eyes? Spoon feeding childern poison and expecting them to love themselves. In school teachers force health into thier minds. At home, parents feed them poison to save time. Re-creating, reprogramming their fragile little minds, yet still expecting them to feel fine. Feeling down? Have a happy meal, gain a pound. Overweight? Shame, shame, you must maintain the image. The image forced into your mind. This was our greatest fall. Upon dieting we call. Skelington stave me. Anorexia at it's finest. Anorexia thin and spineless. Some call you timeless. But only recently you made your debute. Make me feel brand new. Reprogram my mind. Make me feel fine. Thank God for thinsperation. Oh Anorexia, my new inspiration. Make me feel pretty. Just like the skinny girls on TV. Loosing pounds, one by one. Still weighed down by a ton. The weight of pleasing it. The nightmare society created. Influenced by what we see. Finally morphed into the tragedy of the normality of this weight obsessed society.
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65
Fat, fat, fat. All I see is fat. I am the "chunkiest", the "chubbiest", the "roundest" and the "ugly pig". I might as well be a rat, the biggest of the big. Fat, fat, fat, All I see is fat. I am "just right", "average", "normal" or "perfect size." They lie every single time, and hell, just 'like that'. Fat, fat, fat, All I see is fat. I am "too skinny!", "I wish I looked like you", "wow! Size zero jeans?!" and "underweight". Yet, I refuse to touch this cold, stocked plate. Fat, fat, fat, All I see is fat. I am "awful", "dying", Miss "eat something" and "throne of bones". Yet, this body will never be my souls rightful home. Fat, fat, fat. All I ever will be is fat. Even in a long gown and stuck to the end of an I.V pole, With doctors and psychatrists and loved ones crying and begging me to just "recover, please come home!" I am still fat. The hospital bed is empty, My bed is left untouched, There is a silence as the wearers in black all sob and stare silently at the body in the ground. Devasted and hushed... I see them, but can no longer speak. No longer able to feel, no longer live, Forced to watch time pass and hearts mourn... Their days now heartbroken and bleak. My  best friend doesn't speak, she now sits alone, My mother sobs every night, family reminded so often of my presence, The one who secrelty loved me has loved no more, Even my pets still wait outside my door. Those who knew me, only can remember me in the things left behind, Even the sun itself rarely shines. Dead, lost, gone. I am no longer fat, But I also no longer- belong.
0
Jun 3, 2017
Jun 3, 2017 at 12:59 AM UTC
Fat
Fat, fat, fat. All I see is fat. I am the "chunkiest", the "chubbiest", the "roundest" and the "ugly pig". I might as well be a rat, the biggest of the big. Fat, fat, fat, All I see is fat. I am "just right", "average", "normal" or "perfect size." They lie every single time, and hell, just 'like that'. Fat, fat, fat, All I see is fat. I am "too skinny!", "I wish I looked like you", "wow! Size zero jeans?!" and "underweight". Yet, I refuse to touch this cold, stocked plate. Fat, fat, fat, All I see is fat. I am "awful", "dying", Miss "eat something" and "throne of bones". Yet, this body will never be my souls rightful home. Fat, fat, fat. All I ever will be is fat. Even in a long gown and stuck to the end of an I.V pole, With doctors and psychatrists and loved ones crying and begging me to just "recover, please come home!" I am still fat. The hospital bed is empty, My bed is left untouched, There is a silence as the wearers in black all sob and stare silently at the body in the ground. Devasted and hushed... I see them, but can no longer speak. No longer able to feel, no longer live, Forced to watch time pass and hearts mourn... Their days now heartbroken and bleak. My  best friend doesn't speak, she now sits alone, My mother sobs every night, family reminded so often of my presence, The one who secrelty loved me has loved no more, Even my pets still wait outside my door. Those who knew me, only can remember me in the things left behind, Even the sun itself rarely shines. Dead, lost, gone. I am no longer fat, But I also no longer- belong.
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39
Fat was the first word people used to describe me when I was a kid And that didn't bother me much until I found out it was supposed to By the time I was fifteen I knew what it was like to be clinically overweight, underweight and obese It was the year of menthol cigarettes and baggy clothes Hunching naked over a scale shrine Mixing ***** with vitamin water, complimenting each others thigh gaps *The year breakfast tastes like giving up and the only time you feel pretty is when you're hungry* Not obsessed with being empty but afraid of being full Replacing meals with more practical hobbies like planting flowers or fainting And ever since I started evaporating, girls that never spoke to me, stopped in the hallway and had the audacity to ask how And when I told them I was sick, they told me I was an inspiration How could I not be in love with my illness? My eating disorder was the most interesting thing about me But how lucky I am now to be boring To look at a sandwich and see just a sandwich Not half an hour of sit ups or two spent hugging the toilet This is the year I find more productive things to do than googling the amount of sugar on the back of a lick and stick postage stamp The year the calculator in my head finally stops The year that I eat when I'm hungry without punishing myself And I know that sounds stupid **but that **** is hard** If you're not recovering, you're dying When people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I said skinny
0
Jan 24, 2016
Jan 24, 2016 at 12:30 PM UTC
If You're Not Recovering, You're Dying
You're a spoiled brat. Daddy's always bought you everything. Expensive clothing, expensive phones, expensive holidays. Daddy's cash even bought you friends. You think those girls actually like you? You think they can't see your spiteful ways? They're there for the $3 macaroons or souvenirs you gift them. You think anyone who does not wish to hang out with you is below you. You treat them like dirt. Every time I say Hi to you, you completely ignore me, as though I'm not even worth your time. You only hang out with the 'pretty' girls, or rather, your definition of pretty. Underweight while wearing revealing clothing. I've had enough of you. Wake up or you'll eventually have no one else and you'll be left on the curb, alone. But,of course, you'll always have your designer shades! That's a relief, isn't it?
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Jan 12, 2014
Jan 12, 2014 at 12:41 AM UTC
Spoiled Brat.
So this the story of My childhood lane I remember it clear Nothing but pain " You're so fat" I was always told I was living misery Just nine years old I starved myself I got underweight Got used to it all For I never ate Everyone noticed Thought I was fine I was really sick And bearly nine No one ever helped No one ever knew All the starvation And lies I could do They all assumed I was naturally thin Little did they know What I have been Continuously ill To this very day I can't recover I'm not okay
0
Aug 24, 2015
Aug 24, 2015 at 4:30 AM UTC
Eating Disorder
I woke up this morning and felt like doing some cutting Just for the heck of it. I didn't, if only because I had no reason I had no time I made two promises, And with them, I never lie. Got up, dressed, finished a project due by 2:30 Before school starts my brother comes down Scale in hand, telling me to get on so he can see if he weighs more Always wanting to be taller, weigh more So I can be his 'little sister' I sigh, step on. Expecting my usual of 90-92 86 Freak out mode: on. I forgot to eat properly over the last 24 hours, maybe that's it I only got 5 hours of sleep the last 2 nights, maybe that's it I've been really stressed by school, maybe that's it Almost time to go and somehow I still can't eat, I don't want to. I need to though. Let me explain this: I normally weigh about 92 pounds 95 is what I should weigh I need to gain weight anyway, but high metabolisms don't like that So usually I am 3 pounds underweight Today it was about 10. Go to school, should eat but don't want to Standing, waiting, anticipating what? Hand my friend three cookies, I tell the group my problem One cookie handed back(other two previously eaten) Told to eat by four friends, too hard to explain why I can't eat Numerous reminders to eat Lunch: I'm handed some chicken nuggets, ice cream Half jokingly threatened that I won't be talked to unless I eat Begged to eat Strangely: I have no such desire I have minimal amounts of body fat(less than 10 percent) But even so, I can feel weight missing, The absence of my already flat belly, surreal to think about I still don't feel like eating, not really hungry No other explanation Friend tells me to pig out when I get home Quiz bowl after school and I'm only ever so slightly hungry But not much A friend steals my gym shoes, mom comes At home I eat some butter and honeyed toast, tea, candied ginger, half a thing of crackers Report to friend # 2 who then proceeds to command me to eat more, and interrogates on why I'm not eating Tell friend # 1 as well, his approval expressed Dinner and afterwards I only feel hungrier... so strange. I check the scale again 89 Better, but still too low. I need to work on this...
0
Dec 7, 2012
Dec 7, 2012 at 11:57 PM UTC
inadvertant anorexia... is that possible?
I woke up this morning and felt like doing some cutting Just for the heck of it. I didn't, if only because I had no reason I had no time I made two promises, And with them, I never lie. Got up, dressed, finished a project due by 2:30 Before school starts my brother comes down Scale in hand, telling me to get on so he can see if he weighs more Always wanting to be taller, weigh more So I can be his 'little sister' I sigh, step on. Expecting my usual of 90-92 86 Freak out mode: on. I forgot to eat properly over the last 24 hours, maybe that's it I only got 5 hours of sleep the last 2 nights, maybe that's it I've been really stressed by school, maybe that's it Almost time to go and somehow I still can't eat, I don't want to. I need to though. Let me explain this: I normally weigh about 92 pounds 95 is what I should weigh I need to gain weight anyway, but high metabolisms don't like that So usually I am 3 pounds underweight Today it was about 10. Go to school, should eat but don't want to Standing, waiting, anticipating what? Hand my friend three cookies, I tell the group my problem One cookie handed back(other two previously eaten) Told to eat by four friends, too hard to explain why I can't eat Numerous reminders to eat Lunch: I'm handed some chicken nuggets, ice cream Half jokingly threatened that I won't be talked to unless I eat Begged to eat Strangely: I have no such desire I have minimal amounts of body fat(less than 10 percent) But even so, I can feel weight missing, The absence of my already flat belly, surreal to think about I still don't feel like eating, not really hungry No other explanation Friend tells me to pig out when I get home Quiz bowl after school and I'm only ever so slightly hungry But not much A friend steals my gym shoes, mom comes At home I eat some butter and honeyed toast, tea, candied ginger, half a thing of crackers Report to friend # 2 who then proceeds to command me to eat more, and interrogates on why I'm not eating Tell friend # 1 as well, his approval expressed Dinner and afterwards I only feel hungrier... so strange. I check the scale again 89 Better, but still too low. I need to work on this...
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51
My lunchtime consists of either not eating or stuffing my face till the words "fat *** crawl out of my friends mouth. The words sting me like a bee or a metaphor that's been overused like...being stung by a bee. Let's think about this for a minute though, think about whether or not I should feel guilty for my pleasures. I started starving myself sophomore year, the words breakfast lunch and dinner made me want to puke out the hatred I have for a body whose done nothing to me. At one point I tried to love myself, tried to show that food isn't the enemy it's just the voices in my head that tell me it is. "You should lose weight." "You're out of shape" "Fat *** these count for each stretch mark I have on my body that crept up slowly and silently on me like a murderer to his victim. One was from my dad, two was from my friends, three was from my mom cause she said I was so handsome, four cause I don't deserve to eat, five cause I want to be pretty. Six because guys like me don't get to be pretty.    It doesn't end easily or quickly. I've gone from overweight to underweight to a healthy weight to a weight where I pull back the flabs of skin so I can count my ribs one by one again. I've even gotten to the point where if somebody tells me I look good all I can think is that they're lying. I see a difference between fat and fat, the words itself form the gelatinous image you imagine when thinking of them, sounding sour as it comes off my tongue. You don't have to be a girl to have an eating disorder, a ****** up concept that society hasn't quite grasped yet.
0
Apr 29, 2014
Apr 29, 2014 at 7:57 AM UTC
My (eating disorder) lunchtime.
My lunchtime consists of either not eating or stuffing my face till the words "fat *** crawl out of my friends mouth. The words sting me like a bee or a metaphor that's been overused like...being stung by a bee. Let's think about this for a minute though, think about whether or not I should feel guilty for my pleasures. I started starving myself sophomore year, the words breakfast lunch and dinner made me want to puke out the hatred I have for a body whose done nothing to me. At one point I tried to love myself, tried to show that food isn't the enemy it's just the voices in my head that tell me it is. "You should lose weight." "You're out of shape" "Fat *** these count for each stretch mark I have on my body that crept up slowly and silently on me like a murderer to his victim. One was from my dad, two was from my friends, three was from my mom cause she said I was so handsome, four cause I don't deserve to eat, five cause I want to be pretty. Six because guys like me don't get to be pretty.    It doesn't end easily or quickly. I've gone from overweight to underweight to a healthy weight to a weight where I pull back the flabs of skin so I can count my ribs one by one again. I've even gotten to the point where if somebody tells me I look good all I can think is that they're lying. I see a difference between fat and fat, the words itself form the gelatinous image you imagine when thinking of them, sounding sour as it comes off my tongue. You don't have to be a girl to have an eating disorder, a ****** up concept that society hasn't quite grasped yet.
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2
Belly full of water Brush, spit, and repeat… Temporary painted cobweb of ****** Crust, synthetic yellow, and discomfort Constantly sightseeing shirts I don’t own Slim, disproportionate, and underweight My senior-prom photos exist, still 2009, RIP: Caniglia's Venice Inn, and tie-dye.
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Jun 15, 2016
Jun 15, 2016 at 12:42 AM UTC
Wet Paper Towels
I don't like to call myself anorexic anymore because I no longer skip meals I haven't thrown up over a toilet and I haven't weighed myself in a year but the thoughts still exist my mind still counts calories for example there are 420 in the saltine ******* I just ate which is already half way over my daily calorie intake or would be half way over my daily calorie intake if I was still anorexic which I'm not even though I haven't thrown away my scale yet It just sits in my room like a prized possesion Like a priceless talesmen I gained from my last adventure sometimes I look at thinspiration just to remember how good it felt not that I save the photos to my phone anymore not that I recite the words they say in my head my favorite one though not that I have a favorite one would be having collar bones that collect raindrops because I could do that If I really tried I could get skinny enough to capture the rain to walk outside, feel the drops, and have them stay I still never finish my food not that I'm counting calories anymore but if I was the extra pieces of food on my plate would still count \ even when I eat food just to spit it out not that I do that anymore not that I'm anorexic again because I'm not I still think I'm fat but who doesnt I mean if you saw me in a dress you would know what I mean I started wearing baggy clothes again not that I have to hide how skinny I am Because I'm not even starving myself You know I gained 22 pounds? Not that that's a problem 105 was underweight but being in the 120s is not okay maybe I'll cut back a little on what I eat but I'm not anorexic trust me
0
Feb 26, 2017
Feb 26, 2017 at 1:38 AM UTC
But I'm not anorexic
I don't like to call myself anorexic anymore because I no longer skip meals I haven't thrown up over a toilet and I haven't weighed myself in a year but the thoughts still exist my mind still counts calories for example there are 420 in the saltine ******* I just ate which is already half way over my daily calorie intake or would be half way over my daily calorie intake if I was still anorexic which I'm not even though I haven't thrown away my scale yet It just sits in my room like a prized possesion Like a priceless talesmen I gained from my last adventure sometimes I look at thinspiration just to remember how good it felt not that I save the photos to my phone anymore not that I recite the words they say in my head my favorite one though not that I have a favorite one would be having collar bones that collect raindrops because I could do that If I really tried I could get skinny enough to capture the rain to walk outside, feel the drops, and have them stay I still never finish my food not that I'm counting calories anymore but if I was the extra pieces of food on my plate would still count \ even when I eat food just to spit it out not that I do that anymore not that I'm anorexic again because I'm not I still think I'm fat but who doesnt I mean if you saw me in a dress you would know what I mean I started wearing baggy clothes again not that I have to hide how skinny I am Because I'm not even starving myself You know I gained 22 pounds? Not that that's a problem 105 was underweight but being in the 120s is not okay maybe I'll cut back a little on what I eat but I'm not anorexic trust me
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44
When I was just a little kid I never liked a **** When I grew up it didn’t change When I went to work. I didn’t much like pranks and such And most practical jokes, Whoopie cushions, pulled out chairs And winking, leering blokes. It was much more annoying to me When the liars got to win. It made me want to call them names And kick them in the shin. How anyone ever thought well of them Made no sense to me. They should have been taken to task And called the enemy. Schoolyard antics Made me frantic When they harassed the weak The underweight, those in glasses Those whose noses were tweaked. Why didn’t their parents teach These creeps to be more kind? Or keep them home full time, I’m sure nobody would mind. Now I hate to watch the news And see how many got elected. If the average voter doesn’t know At least they should have suspected When billions of dollars disappear And nobody is ever put in prison. That means there are jerks out there And that doesn’t take a lot of wisdom. I sometimes wish Kafka was right And the evil woke up differently. Maybe they could be one foot tall And not quite reach my knee. Then we could see the crooks arrive And lock them out of our conventions. We’d just have to lglance to know That they have dishonest intentions. Schoolyard antics Made me frantic When they harassed the weak The underweight, those in glasses Those whose noses were tweaked. Why didn’t their parents teach These creeps to be more kind? Or keep them home full time, I’m sure nobody would mind.
0
Nov 26, 2016
Nov 26, 2016 at 10:50 PM UTC
JERKS
When I was just a little kid I never liked a **** When I grew up it didn’t change When I went to work. I didn’t much like pranks and such And most practical jokes, Whoopie cushions, pulled out chairs And winking, leering blokes. It was much more annoying to me When the liars got to win. It made me want to call them names And kick them in the shin. How anyone ever thought well of them Made no sense to me. They should have been taken to task And called the enemy. Schoolyard antics Made me frantic When they harassed the weak The underweight, those in glasses Those whose noses were tweaked. Why didn’t their parents teach These creeps to be more kind? Or keep them home full time, I’m sure nobody would mind. Now I hate to watch the news And see how many got elected. If the average voter doesn’t know At least they should have suspected When billions of dollars disappear And nobody is ever put in prison. That means there are jerks out there And that doesn’t take a lot of wisdom. I sometimes wish Kafka was right And the evil woke up differently. Maybe they could be one foot tall And not quite reach my knee. Then we could see the crooks arrive And lock them out of our conventions. We’d just have to lglance to know That they have dishonest intentions. Schoolyard antics Made me frantic When they harassed the weak The underweight, those in glasses Those whose noses were tweaked. Why didn’t their parents teach These creeps to be more kind? Or keep them home full time, I’m sure nobody would mind.
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50
I'm trying so hard to fit in, But the pressure is high to be masculine. I go to the gym everyday For at least 4 hours - that's the way to keep on losing all of this weight. I can't remember the last time that I ate. Water fasts, laxatives, diuretics galore, This is an illness no one should ignore. 1 stone, 2 stone, 3 stone gone, Nothing left for my body to live on. But nobody listened when I asked for help in this, Because I am a male my struggles with anorexia went amiss. I became dangerously underweight, My organs began to fail - now I know my fate.
0
Jun 13, 2016
Jun 13, 2016 at 3:57 PM UTC
Dying To Be Thin
Society is disease Spreading, coursing through my veins Choking my lungs Polluting my brain Skin, bones, eating disorders is beauty Being underweight is **** stomaching to much emotionally not enough physically Maybe i should take on smoking to get me through the day Maybe i should do drugs to take the hunger away Society expects too much and gives to little This world is so corrupt.
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Aug 25, 2013
Aug 25, 2013 at 3:49 PM UTC
Ugly
am i insane that i want a label for this thing living in my mind i can't enjoy food without making it a numbers game carbs and calories, carbs and calories not too much meat but keep protein up fats are okay as long as it's not oil and you know the exact caloric value measure every bite weigh everything round up add it up twice just in case you were wrong the first time i'm not even close to underweight but i can't stand without getting faint they tell me it's my bipolar acting up but do you know how many times someone has looked at me and said "you're not my usual type, i usually go for the really tiny ones" god, i'm making it sound like it's worse than it is, i'm teenage girl trying to be dramatic, right? but why can't i look at a photo of myself without wanting to cry
0
Aug 22, 2016
Aug 22, 2016 at 1:32 AM UTC
label
it's so terribly sad that unless you're located in a place with no or little food people are criticized for their weight put in boxes [overweight] [underweight] and there's no [perfect weight] instead there are people on diets to gain or to loose to attempt to get the [perfect weight] there are adults teenagers children who only want food they're in their own box they're [starving]
0
Jul 13, 2013
Jul 13, 2013 at 6:21 AM UTC
weighing boxes
1...2...3...4 I don't want to be underweight anymore. My intention was never to go this far you see But overactive self criticism got the best of me. Determined to gain life back. But sometimes put off track by the illusion of control from my perfectionist mind I sometimes find myself in a bind My mind at war What for? The voice is not a choice But recovery is Constantly resisting the urge to restrict So I will no longer look sick Life is tough. Life is rough. But if a group of small people can change how I see I can learn to accept just being me.
0
Jul 26, 2017
Jul 26, 2017 at 11:23 PM UTC
Being Me
Please grasp me, press me to your chest. Hush my frenzied inhalations, I can bear this pain no longer. Dip your fore-finger, across the roughed wake, of my cheek. Blot away the trauma. Rest your chin dangle its weight my head -jeering- screeching little girl- clutches her temples. It flickers, clarifies. Back and forth, Rocking, in fragmented, jerking motions- her underweight figure slammed along. Blood purges with each maddened- hoarse gurgles the spittle deposits at the overhang of her lip. Snagged in the animosity, of gnawing, writhing inhumanity. TASTE IT rusted copper An ashing purple, crusty and running over engorged rims of milky cocoa. Darling, tip out your tongue, lap up the shrivels of failed organs and deprived marrow. Images, flicker. Pulse, with the steady throb of an aching yawn. shift Reality sweltering Chilled moisture scoffs- the nape of your neck. Muddled, focus, focus. honing in back- and- forth. Rocking back and forth, no good. Not good enough. No help. Flicker malicious snarls. Fluctuating horror, impales your upper thigh. -SILENCE- Whispering -hush- -hush- don't let him hear hush whispers Make it STOP whispers -hush hush- help ME
0
Dec 6, 2013
Dec 6, 2013 at 8:00 PM UTC
****** House
You call me a freak? You, who has no real friends? You, who has only followers? You, who intimidates instead of being friendly? You call me a freak? You, who has never studied a day in your life? You, who reads on a fifth grade level? You, who is failing all of your classes? You call me a freak? You, who calls yourself fat when you’re clearly underweight? You, who is afraid to eat? You, who is all stick and bones? You call me a freak? You, who wears outrageous, “fashionable” clothes? You, who wears four-inch heels to gym class? You, who wears enough hairspray to make your air look like plastic? Yet you still have the nerve to call me a freak? You, who smiles confidently when I don’t respond? You, who widens your eyes when I smile back? You, who stares speechless when I roll my eyes and walk away? You, who can’t comprehend why I don’t run away in tears? You, who doesn’t know why I just walked away? You, who can’t figure out my true thoughts on you? I pity you. I pity you for your fake friends. I pity you for your future. But most all, I pity you for the fact that you have to put others down to make yourself feel good.
0
Feb 18, 2010
Feb 18, 2010 at 5:15 PM UTC
It Girl
fingers ice cold identity pinned on arbitrary digits spilling the rotten flowers from her insides counting pumps of panic juice one, two, three. not enough. she scrubs until her hands are red and raw. four, five, six. they're not clean enough just yet. waking up freezing and covered in sweat, voice filling up volumes, feeling every person who has ever touched her skin. sitting and shaking in spanish class, quietly looking up the number of sleeping pills she needs to get into her wretched body in order to disappear forever. craving the feeling of the cold blade on her hot skin the red ribbons erupting onto her sheets blinding anger, sadness, grief turns to physical pain staring at "severely underweight bmi" girls scribbling on her injured wrist what she needs to get to that point. she's almost there. **** yourself. **** yourself. **** yourself, she writes. **** yourself. **** yourself. **** yourself. **** yourself. one day, she breaks, dying a thousand deaths as sirens wail peeling the tape off the IV they attached to her vein hearing her mother cry liver damage. severe blood loss. hallucinations. stitches necessary. psych ward? she's convulsing. must be in shock. finding herself surrounded by broken girls and boys in a white-walled facility made for lunatics, just like her. smiling through session after session until they say, she's ready. scraping through as she plans how to keep the dead flowers just for herself. months later, finding herself in another home for lunatics tiny quiet shaking girls just like her being fed sugar water through her nose on her eighth day, saying a single first word to her therapist. okay. sharing a room with a wrinkly zucchini of a girl turning pink and crying when the soft soul walks in the room, finally giving her a beautiful flower to hold. all her hidden blossoms spilling out of her chest ugly, shameful plants finally revealed for the first time in many moons, she's no longer ashamed of them. falling in love with the girl two doors over, erupting into giggles sneaking around the milieu wearing rose coloured-glasses, fingers intertwined. sitting in a circle of winter girls, our flowers resting on our laps, our fingers warmed by the touch of one another.
0
Dec 4, 2019
Dec 4, 2019 at 11:49 AM UTC
lunatics (tw anorexia OCD SI SH)
fingers ice cold identity pinned on arbitrary digits spilling the rotten flowers from her insides counting pumps of panic juice one, two, three. not enough. she scrubs until her hands are red and raw. four, five, six. they're not clean enough just yet. waking up freezing and covered in sweat, voice filling up volumes, feeling every person who has ever touched her skin. sitting and shaking in spanish class, quietly looking up the number of sleeping pills she needs to get into her wretched body in order to disappear forever. craving the feeling of the cold blade on her hot skin the red ribbons erupting onto her sheets blinding anger, sadness, grief turns to physical pain staring at "severely underweight bmi" girls scribbling on her injured wrist what she needs to get to that point. she's almost there. **** yourself. **** yourself. **** yourself, she writes. **** yourself. **** yourself. **** yourself. **** yourself. one day, she breaks, dying a thousand deaths as sirens wail peeling the tape off the IV they attached to her vein hearing her mother cry liver damage. severe blood loss. hallucinations. stitches necessary. psych ward? she's convulsing. must be in shock. finding herself surrounded by broken girls and boys in a white-walled facility made for lunatics, just like her. smiling through session after session until they say, she's ready. scraping through as she plans how to keep the dead flowers just for herself. months later, finding herself in another home for lunatics tiny quiet shaking girls just like her being fed sugar water through her nose on her eighth day, saying a single first word to her therapist. okay. sharing a room with a wrinkly zucchini of a girl turning pink and crying when the soft soul walks in the room, finally giving her a beautiful flower to hold. all her hidden blossoms spilling out of her chest ugly, shameful plants finally revealed for the first time in many moons, she's no longer ashamed of them. falling in love with the girl two doors over, erupting into giggles sneaking around the milieu wearing rose coloured-glasses, fingers intertwined. sitting in a circle of winter girls, our flowers resting on our laps, our fingers warmed by the touch of one another.
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I once knew a girl from Addison, Illinois. She had extremely curly hair. A bright smile. And big brown eyes that twinkled from her happiness. She was the chubbiest of babies. Born at 8 pounds! However, she grew up. Her eyes stopped twinkling. Her hair stopped curling as much. Her smile faded. She lost so much weight. Underweight, she was. Oh how I wish to see that same child. Born in Addison. 8 pounds. With sparkling eyes. How I wish to see myself as a young, healthy child.
0
Nov 4, 2013
Nov 4, 2013 at 10:27 PM UTC
8 pounds.
i stand below the line my ribs stand out on their own i am not thin enough i need to be only bone i'll starve the demons out of me purge until they're gone i won't let food touch my lips i've been too big, too long the voices that i hear they tell me i'm not good enough no one will ever love me because i weigh so god **** much ------ i stood below the line they said i was underweight but all i saw was fat and all i felt was hate i cried the demons out of me wept until i was numb i didn't let people see the monster that i had become the voices that i used to hear told me i had to go that if i wanted freedom my blood would have to flow.
0
Dec 1, 2014
Dec 1, 2014 at 3:32 AM UTC
Below The Line
i was happier a few months ago. sadder, too, more depressed; but happier with myself, with my face, with my body (even if i didn't realise it; "you never know what you have until it's gone" is true. scrawny, underweight body, sharp cut cheekbones, jaw practically pushing out of my skin—i miss you guys) my mornings were dedicated to porridge and being on time for college, and coffee so dark, my friends asked: "what's the point of using milk?" the point, my friends, is that even though i am dark and bitter, with a temper so hot i have to spit it out (in insults, in graphic descriptions of premeditated ****** lest it scald my tongue— there is still some good within me. not much, but there it is: just enough to taste it if you close off other senses and focus. really focus. i think it is about time i sought out my self-destructive methods of happiness once again. i am tired of feeling like my own enemy when i am already certain that the world is out to get me.
0
Jul 7, 2016
Jul 7, 2016 at 7:03 PM UTC
nostalgia of a sort
"They're going to see how fat you really are if you eat in front of them. "   no, they'll know I'm working on recovery.. this is recovery "You didn't eat breakfast, so the day is already off to a good start. Why ruin it?" i need to eat... food is good for me. it is fuel "Food is fat. " youre wrong "Am I?" ... "When you were in that awful place and they made you eat you gained, didn't you?" yes but.. "You. Gained. Weight. " my heart was in trouble "They were lying. You weren't even underweight yet. We haven't reached our goal. " maybe.. "We can still reach our goal. " i don't know "See? That wasn't so hard. Like old times, a lie here, a lie there. It's nothing. " nothing.. "You're doing much better. " i feel so tired "That's from carrying all that extra fat on your body. " they want me to go back to treatment "NO. Everything we've worked for would be RUINED!!" i don't feel good "You're fine. You're beautiful. You're thin. " my chest hurts "You just need to do more cardio" "Hello?" "We reached our goal my love. Congratulations. You're all bone. "
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Jul 18, 2016
Jul 18, 2016 at 1:19 AM UTC
ED
We all have things about ourselves we dont like Each and every person is their own worst enemy. Seems ironic that where I type should be called the "body" When all there is to it, im not happy with my body. I could never stand to look at myself in the mirror, I am not overweight, more ideal for my height but nearing underweight I dont have my face covered in boils and acne, though my back is acne ridden, not that I care I am very very tall, I hated it I think most of all I hated that certain area of my body... How could anyone take to it..? The day you saw my body you told me you loved it My height was perfect and that it was right height to be able to cuddle into my chest You told me I had a nice body and abdomen, I started to love myself. One day you saw me in nothing, and at the moment I thought youd no longer love me the same you told me I was **** So why is it I still cant love me, why is it that even now that area is the one place Im not perfect... Do I dare even type it..? ...I have no obligation or need to but suddenly I wasnt perfect My perfect imperfection Suddenly you thought differently, viewed me in your head different and It just wasnt the same I never loved myself, you helped me to love me but despite my best efforts I could never help you to love your body... Now I struggle to love mine...and find sorrow in you not loving yours... We are perfect as we are...If only we believed those words...
0
Jun 14, 2015
Jun 14, 2015 at 2:10 AM UTC
Perfect Imperfections (His Side)
I've always been small, underweight, and short. Maybe that's why my dreams have always been big, larger than life. At 3 I was going to be a Queen and rule the kingdom. At 5 an astronaut was my calling. By 7 I would be president. At 12 a noble prize winner in medicine, curing every disease in the world. 15 a world traveler offering aid and ending injustice. 16 taking over the world seemed more my style. Now I'm 18 barely an adult and my biggest dream is love. Earth shattering, world changing, unstoppable,contagious love. After all these years I want hand holding, cuddles, lame jokes, stupid fights. I want taking his hoodies, date nights, cooking food, dancing in the rain. I want romance, I want hard and easy times, the good and the bad. I want commitment. I want him to be mine.
0
Sep 6, 2014
Sep 6, 2014 at 4:12 PM UTC
Dreams