I got my bags all packed and I’m ready to go
I’m standing outside of your figurative door
And I’m ready for the flight or to fall of a cliff
But if it’s alright with you I’d rather not miss out on us
'Cause your face is all I need to stay sane
I’ve spent my life getting in my own way
So I could use something good
I really need this to work out

Of course the way things have been going
It might be smarter to just cash out
But you’re on my mind
And the things that you say hurt me most of the time
But I’m sinking fast so it’s alright
I’ve tied my stomach in knots and I’m ready to know
I’ll put it on the line if you’d just give it a go
'Cause I wanna be the only one to hold you
So close and so tight
And if it’s cool with you
I’d really love to spend the night
You said you never wanna be saved

Well, that’s ok because I really wouldn’t know how
Just know that the best that I'll ever be
Is whatever you make me and wherever you are
You’re on my mind
And the things that you say hurt me most of the time
But I’m on your side
'Cause I know I’m not easy to deal with sometimes
But I’m sinking fast
So it’s alright. All we wanted was what we were
And what we were was young and naive
I found my place in this world
It’s in your wake

You’re on my mind
And the things that you say
Hurt me most of the time
But I’m on your side
Because I know I’m not easy
To deal with sometimes
But once in a while
I wish you would tell me if you even care
Because I’m sinking fast, and I need you
I need you to know that I’m alright

i have written numerous times in many ways,
hopefulness is my gift,
just as it is my worst curse.
i can hope for several things,
hope i pass this semester
hope i lose that extra weight
hope my broken heart will heal
hope the winter comes quickly.
i can hope for a lot of things
but that hopefulness will sink into my pockets
and drag me down if i'm not careful.
hope is dangerous, just like fear.
i can hope that one day, you'll love me again.
i can hope for my appetite to leave me and never come back
i can hope for some physical pain to lesson the emotional pain.
but it will always be hope that carries me throughout today.
i dont know what will happen.
i could see the love of my life tomorrow
or ultimately get hit by a bus.
i dont know what the future holds.
or if i even have one at all. all i can hope for -
is that it gets better somehow
that i dont become who i love so dearly,
-van gogh
-sylvia plath
- ernest hemingway
because this sadness - could last forever.

your smile