i never understood the phrase
home is where the heart is
until i was shaking on the floor of
my hospital room and it was nothing
but walls
and even when i found the energy to
decorate with cliché little things
like fairy lights, posters, my
skeletal “art”
i felt the room swallow me whole
until i was nothing but a grain of sand
my new roommate was a wrinkly zucchini-girl
and i tried not to speak to her
but we heard each other cry in the night
and we never said a word
but i could feel her eyes on me
a girl down the hall
heard me talking about my addiction and
she told me she would pray for me
later that day she pushed me
into a wall and pressed her
lips against mine
then told me i was tempting her,
i was a sin
just waiting to happen
so i sat in the dark outside her room every
night before i went to sleep
and sometimes she would
come out
and hold my hands
and tell me she loved me

today is a Gone day
the kind of day where i can't
see past the blood on my fingertips
the kind of day where standing up
or thinking too long
makes my chest ache

today the world outside my thoughts
is cloudy and irrelevant
i want to sleep but my head is too loud
i can't even speak over the deafening sounds
those wretched voices reminding me
that i'll never be enough

today I can't leave my room
reality slips under me and i'm in a Gone world
my senses evaporate and i'm left in my head,
alone, again

today will disappear from my memory
in the stream of coming days
it's already starting to slip away
one moment, and it's Gone.

one day i will show you
the world hidden under my chest
until then, rest easy, my love.
the stories will come in time
sleep in my arms and wait with me
until that day

if my body disintegrated
and blew away with the wind you called wretched
leaving only dust and
memories and feelings
and the vague thought of my hand in yours
would you miss me?
would you even notice?

i'm turning into
the skeleton that i see
in my closet

stigma a small six letter word,
but blocks the way;
to unconfident to be heard.
you beastly biased blighted word,
you block the light your so obsurd.

stigma stands blocking our path,
scared alone or scared they'll laugh.
you discust me with your devilish way,
blinding us all through night and day.

stigma move over;
let me soar or fly.
keeping tears blocked to afraid to cry,
I PRAY.

stigma should be shunted,
let's educate the world.
seeking help not stunted,
speak up with spoken word.
I SPEAK.

stigma you shrink and weaken,
as my pain with few I share.
confidence growing faster,
now eased enough not to care.
IT HELPS.

stigma I'd like to see you crumble,
like an old still dry stone wall.
you will never see me stumble,
a voice to listen to all.
A FRIEND.

stigma you no longer have the power,
to quieten us from the 'norm'.
it be boring if all the same,
unique from day us all born.
EMBRACE DIFFERENCE.

stigma now disheveled,
in future hope your gone.
knowledge giving power,
to show us all your wrong .
EQUALITY.