They say that over time, it dissipates -
it will drain from you, evaporate like smoke.
It will descend upon you, destroy you;
but will soon release you, and fade.

But with time it instead grows stronger,
demanding to be felt.
It knocks on the doors of my soul,
its urgency to be let inside unrelenting and ruthless.

Like an unpredictable storm, it lands and ravages,
leaving just fragments of a heart already rebuilt.
What is gone is the will;
the resiliency dulled, the courage spent.

It's a deep-rooted ****, an unrivaled opponent;
It's a malevolent fire that refuses to be smothered.
The Hurt:
a wound that permeates, and remains.

Pacing in endless circles
Appearing to be chasing their tails
With nothing much to focus on,
Eyes reflecting haunted souls unveil
A ghost town abandoned long ago
With no signs of life and the dust
Rising up trying to hide the shame
Of a system which failed the public trust.
Street smells permeate the air;
Sanitation becomes a four-letter word.
There's no need for appetite here,
Not in this theater of the absurd,
And, well, I wouldn't feed the stuff
To my worst enemy if I had one.
It's a no-**** shelter with defunct inhabitants.
If resiliency of the spirit be overdone,
The ability to survive incredible odds,
Look at souls forever trapped in their cages.
As if to mock decency and humanity
The signs read "Patria o Muerte."

Despite the moon, the mood
     And stars on foreign skyline,
From having seen the Earth, this world, teeming
With life, with breath, and breath Almighty,
     And spirit in things which are perceived,
Still, I feel a deep longing, a chasm,
The feeling of missing, the want
     For reliving a lot of things,

Like the beaches on the South,
Sagada, Batanes, the tarsier,
The reefs, and the mangroves,
Our fellow Filipinos eating Adobo
And the so-soft fluffiness of rice,
In celebration of our heritage,
     Our famed resiliency,

I am a tourist all my life,
I remind my self,
     Until I found you,

For they are all yours, all finest things.
     You are the islands of our country,
And all these call me
As though to take me to you,
As though you were calling out to me
     For an embrace.*

© 2015 J.S.P.

she has spent eternities despising herself
searching in the mirror for the existence
of an ethereal reflection
staring back into her ocean eyes
whispering soft lullabies
an abundance of external lies
for it could never match
the true beauty and radiance
that resides inside


the most impeccable love story
is the one she holds with herself
for when she comes to realize
the resiliency of her bones
the captivation of her words
the radiance of her dance
and the effervescence of her energy
she drips in empowerment
like sweet honey
drips from the wildflower

Your smile could paint my entire existence
white

Because you are everything in the spectrum, reflecting
what it means to be human.

I'm black
darkening your days,
clouding up your canvas

Empty void
of the negative.

My feelings on the world are a complex dichotomy. If I could control the world, my rule would be to control nothing. To give freedom and agency to everyone and let every culture and kind shine as they do and **** superiority and focus on growth, not *******.

But, not all people aren't as communally minded as that. And though in theory I could change the rules, I can't change people.

In its own way, that's beautiful. The visceral strength and resiliency of humanity fascinates me, with the chaotic undertones that lie beneath every eye. I love the spectrum of pain and brilliance it brings. But it also makes a utopian world of understanding and lack of control impossible to keep people safe; because never will there be a human race that doesn't at least have some people craving absolute control.

I think this dichotomy within myself parallels my standing with humanity very well. There is something on most every end I can find fascinating: free will, selflessness, unpredictability, tenacity. But also I can never seem to be pleased with how humanity could be but never amount to.

Not that it gives me much trouble. I've always kept humanity at an arm's length, choosing books and stories over the flesh-bags in front of my face. The only thing I ever struggled with was not being normal with my human relationships, and trying to make my methods match.

My methods won't match because I might as well be an alien for all I care about directly interacting with humanity.

Yet, I love humanity, in a way. I could write about human transcendence and growth until I die. I am madly in love with human potential. But I don't love humans. I don't love a species that muscle arms its way into dominance and can be arrogant and small-minded. After all we've managed to accomplish, and we're still start wars over skin color and scapegoating? Its laughable, in a way.

I suppose I look at humanity as if I was an alien scientist. I have no way of measuring things or conducting research because I'm foreign, but I can see the greatness in their eyes and am floored by it. Yet I also see the violence in their eyes and am repelled by it. The most tragic, push and pull love of my life has been for this species.

I've learned lately I'm okay with being alien. But its strange to find a foothold in a world where I feel constantly at odds and different.

But I like strange, so I think its what works best.

Between humanity and me, things are complicated. Things are wonderful and painful and all worth the while in its own, ****** way. I suppose all I have is my words and I'll share them, and humanity can listen if it will. I hope it will. I hope it can help people who feel like aliens too, and maybe then being an alien and a human can be easier.

But for those things, we'll just have to see.

Your soul is like your fingers
Such calloused hands
How rough you are
How abrasive you can be
Doesn't measure up
To the toughness of your heart
I admire your resiliency
My only wish is that
You would soften up to me
Know it's okay to get cuts and scratches
And even to show off your scars
Show me your sensitive underbelly
Trust me enough to fall asleep next to me
Like how animals sleep tummy side up
When they feel safe
Shed your hard layers
Feel my gentle interior
Know that it will always be
Okay.

1.  The things that you have experienced are not your fault.  

2. Recovery requires humbleness and humility. Cast aside your pride, your ego; and accept the help given to you. It might not be the help you want; but it will set you free.

3. There is a difference between supporting others and carrying their problems for them. You are not Atlas. Do not try to hold up the world for other people. Their burdens are not yours to carry.

4. Blaming yourself for what has happened is for naught. You didn't bring this madness upon yourself; and there was no way of knowing or remembering. In the grand scheme, it doesn't matter. You are here now to recreate your life and soul.

5. Memory is a fickle siren's song. Do not forget what this ordeal has taught you; no matter how badly you want to burn it from your brain. Yet do not lose yourself to the past completely. It will only end in misery.

6. Einstein's definition of insanity is the paragon of addiction. “Doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results.” Remembering will be excruciating at first, but it shall save you.

7. Asking for the help of others does not make you a burden. The twisted sense of pride and self punishment that makes you believe that you must conquer your demons alone will attempt to devour you, but only if you let it.

8. Living in recovery requires resilience and flexibility. You will find a balance and acquire a new normal for your life.

9. Always remember: if you have done your best under the circumstances you are given; you have succeeded. No matter the outcome.

10. There will be days when you want to let go and fall back into the abyss. Do not give in. This fight shall endure eternally; but you will learn how to harness your light and resilience as strength and stamina to carry on.

11. To love unconditionally is to embrace the purest form of yourself.

12. Be gentle with yourself. You are struggling. You are surviving. You are growing. The divine music in your heart will guide your way.

13. Your experience, this life, and the universe are ineffable. You can try to explain it as best as you can; but it is impossible to capture it fully. This is okay.

14. Learning to be okay with the unknown is a difficult battle. Yet it is necessary for your recovery and mental health. As human beings, we crave understanding, yet we are unable to comprehend everything. Learn to sit in silence with this realization and go on living this cosmic dance.

15. There will be people who do not; cannot understand you. This is okay. Let them go and wish them well. You are a rare creature that not everyone can understand and appreciate.

16. You are worthy of unconditional love. Do not settle for anything less. Do not paint yourself as deserving of watered down, tainted attempts at love.

17. This life is a paradox. We cannot fully comprehend it. Once we understand this realization; we are open to wisdom.

18. Be mindful of who you open your heart to. Love everyone; yet only allow those who can love you unconditionally at your most naked and vulnerable a place in your soul.

19. You cannot change other people. If they cannot see your resplendent soul and love you wholly, free of conditions; let them go. Along your journey, you will find your family: the flames that burn in perfect synchronicity to yours.

20. Existential anxiety is part of the human condition. Recognize and accept it for what it truly is. This requires a balancing act: embracing these truths without ignorance, yet not diving deep enough for it to swallow you.

21. You will never not be broken. This, despite how painful it can be; is okay. Life is a cycle of annihilation, rebirth, stitching the pieces back together, learning, growing; and shattering once more. Ad infinitum. Yet in time, you shall learn.

22. Find a balance between the cynicism and overwhelming awe you have for life. This universe is perfectly paradoxical. Understand this in depth.

23. Sometimes, the best healing and recovery comes from being able to laugh at yourself. Humbleness and humility are key components. If you can laugh at yourself, you can heal.

24. Turn your experience into something positive. Giving it meaning will assist in boosting your resiliency and ease in coping, growing, learning, and healing.

25. There will be days when you'll have no idea how everything will work out. Do not let these days end up dragging you back out to sea. Instead, learn how to dance with the unknown: it will strengthen your resilience and confidence in fighting through the fog.

26. "No" is a complete sentence. End of discussion. Do not feel like you must rip yourself open to please other people.

27. You have a beautiful soul. Do not feel like the act of declining to take care of/help other people in order to focus on your own mental health detracts from the radiance and kindness within your being. Humans can be like black holes threatening to **** you dry. Taking time away to nurture your own wellbeing doesn't make you any less of an altruistic individual.

28. There will be times in this life where there isn't an answer, a quick fix, or any single solution. It's hard to come to terms with, but sometimes the best thing is to simply have a support system that loves you unconditionally and will listen to the tempestuous song in your heart.

29. True, genuine empathy is simultaneously the most sacred gift to possess and the most mentally exhausting curse. Learn how to balance both sides so you don't burn out like a dying star.

30. There are only two certainties in this life. The first is death. The second is that nothing is ever given, promised, guaranteed, or certain. There will always be a touch of existential anxiety around this realization; but it gets easier to process with time and wisdom.

31. There will be days where you find yourself back amongst the circles of hell. It will be painful, infuriating, and exhausting. Keep moving forward. You have learned how to walk through the flames; so let your resilience guide you. Your tour abroad will end with time.

32. Learning to sit in silence, stillness, compassion, and neutrality with the dawning comprehension, surrender and the willingness to be vulnerably honest with one's soul is simultaneously the most difficult and purifying tasks to endure. To do so with love, stillness, and compassion elicits the catalyst for our true growth. Healing commences once we remember to bloom; embodying humility and stillness.

33. There is Divinity within the fabric of One's Soul. Embrace and embody this, releasing all which does not serve one's continuing growth.

34. Understanding stems from experience. Knowledge is obtained by integrating the lessons gleaned from understanding. True wisdom occurs through allowing neutral compassionate silence to flow through the soul when faced with that which wounded you from the start.

35. Self care is not selfish. Taking time to water the seeds of growth and unconditional love does not insinuate that one is egocentric or self absorbed. We may only truly uplift others by granting ourselves the same compassion.

36. This life is absurd, full of moments which test our resiliency and development. Occasionally, one will shatter from these bewildering shifting pauses. This is okay. It does not signify weakness or failure. Pick up the pieces, rebuild and seal the cracks; and learn to greet true absurdity with humor and compassion.

Conjecturing on the intimate remnants of your heart
surmising on the proper way to dissect its parts
delving into the chasm that holds your most private illusions of grandeur
bewildered by the vast expanses, these weathered lips simply stammer
the complexity of the concept left me stifled, mouth failing to make any attempts at offering kind words
as the reverberations of vocal chords became the only sound we heard
ricocheting off the precipices of your heart's unsurmountable walls
useless like hands digging the sands in fruitless attempts to draw
the full force off the ocean from a shallow hole
I stared at the blueprints of your heart's desires failing to find the control
every route on the schematic
seemed as if inner city traffic
flooded with passengers never fulling knowing when they will reach their destination rightfully so, at the center of your attention
as I sketch out the dimensions
factoring in the time it will take to find the route that leads me back to you
I marvel at the resiliency of your heart, then drive straight through
beyond these hallowed walls lies a future I was destined to reach
I shred these maps, light a match and burn all the blueprints of me...

The breath in my chest
Scraped against my esophagus
As the preacher read his
Introductory scripture and a
Mourning loved one doubled over
In grief and despair as she
Struggled to bid adieu;

The hairs on the back of my neck
Stood horizontally and
Perpendicular to my concrete floor
As I heard the sweetest soul I know
Choke on her sobs on the
Other end of the receiver,
As she struggled to understand
The onset of pain and finality
She was forced to swallow;

My stomach hollowed and
Acidic anger bubbled and carved out my insides
When I read my best friend's texts,
A series of words
That seemed too cruel to be true,
A riffraff of  interrogatories and
Unsettled punctuation,
Summarizing the momentary suspension
Of her resiliency
As she processed the
Breaking of her heart;

And now I lay motionless
On my mattress,
Hot tears masquerading behind my
Tightened eyelids as I writhe in
Empathy,
Alone in my incapability
To end the pains and the woes of
Those around me,
As my body thus must then grieve
For me.

Rotunda of doors
Select an arbitrary gateway
Rotate a frigid bronze **** and dislodge
Gaze into an opaque, stone encircled realm
Proceed through the division
Inhale damp, stale earth
Hesitate in a moment of hair-raising atmosphere
Ignore and tread slow
Ignore the echo of the sole warmth emanating in rapid succession from within
Ignore the nagging to turn back
Do so anyways
Realize pupils dilate when the entrance is not visible
Debate possibilities
Feel pointless muscle movement pulling white eyes for stimulus
Exhale tension melting air
Whine and tread against small stalagmites
Extend palm forward and to the side
Grasp for sight
Grab nothing
Constrict throat down
Acknowledge and accept the situation
Continue onward
Stumble against a solid
Release pain
Trace the direction of hopelessness
Follow with purposeful motions
Brush against another impediment
Successfully avoid
Allow air to flow against dry tongue
Taste lifelessness and potential
Release resolution and determination
Gain momentum
Allow ears to beg for rays of sun
Decide resiliency
Pant and expend time
Sense vision assimilating
Investigate the environment
Crouch and take in the floor
Gasp and whimper
Behold bones
Three sixty and engage all faculties
Cower as truth speaks: labyrinth.
Lift chin and only stone above.
And collapse, collapse onto knees in dramatic fashion
With back arched over, hands grasping and pulling at hair
Fight against reality.
Terror eviscerates.
Submit on to the parasitic solid inorganic void.
Become more bones.

Lori Armstrong
August 1998


Standing tall and silent, like the Sentinel guards of the Forest,
They appear to be listening to Words of Wisdom from an
Unseen, wise, and wonderful Mentor.

They respond in a shy, childlike, gleeful laughter,
Which is Felt, more than heard, by the passerby.
Happy with the whispered answer,
They slowly start to move in a Graceful rhythm,
A sweet and enchanting Dance.

Their outstretched arms surround each other,
Presenting the massive creation of a joy-filled group hug,
A bond of Camaraderie is their own as they sway back and forth in Unison.

Like children playing the game, “I’ve got a secret”,
They seem to simultaneously hide the Mysteries throughout history,
Yet, unwittingly revealing every Moment in Time
They have ever witnessed just by their Presence.

If they could speak, what would they Speak of?
Would we Understand?
Would we Listen?

If they could cry, how deep would their Tears flow?
Do they cry and we are just not ready to Hear?
Would we wipe their tears? … Or cry with them?
Could we truly feel their Sadness? …Their joy?

Could we share in their Trials and their Triumphs?
Do we dare try, for could we endure what they have Endured?

Would we sing along to their Songs of Yore?
Would we understand the Passion in their Words?
Could we carry the Harmony, …
Feeling the Peaks and Valleys of the expressions in their Music?

Their wisdom in age is Unfathomable.

Their vulnerability to man is Reprehensible.
Yet, unfortunately, Comprehensible.

Their story is one of Peace, Love, War, and Chaos, …

But still so Silent to so many.

Their grandeur is taken for Granted, …
And yes, even Exploited.

Their majestic silence is Comforting, appreciated Individually for their gift,
Solitary in the meaning to the receiver.

Breathtaking is their Beauty.

Admirable is their Resiliency.

Gloriously enthralling is their History.

The Creator’s History.

The History of a Gift.

Self improvement isn't always
Easy but nothing ever is
When it's worth equals your birth
And no longer do I feel cursed

Cause control with moderation
Accountability and resiliency
Needs alignment so my assignment
Is to create a formula like science

That leaves me less defiant
And use my rolodex of excuses  
Cause that laziness is useless
Or maybe I'm just to stupid

But you don't have to be smart
To learn from a mistake
That I inadvertently force on myself
Mimicking the traits of ****

Without the date so I try to escape
To make my life better
Cuz I believe it's never too late
Wait....they say never say never

Which is more convoluted than clever
So whatever, I just wanna be better
So I leave this motivational letter
to remind most hardship endeavored

Are created by me so whether
I call it bad luck deep down I know
lobotomy of proper ideology leaves my life like our Economy, and its told

Philosophy states success is made when preperation meets opportunity
And it's been hard prepping for what can feel like a dead end but... No

Cause faith isn't just for religion
You must calculate your vision
Cuz any goal met must first be set like premonition the first Provision

Of many on a desired mission
no longer will my present position discourage me cause courage.Be my currency even if currently conditions

Leave me impositioned by decisions
Of the past that finally crash
When it chases me to grasp
The changes I've made but that

Is the bad karma I rightfully have
Wooven like its tapestry that flows
So without a needle&thread; or learning to knit i still knew how2sew

forced to reep it and keep it asan
Expensive lesson given
Ramification and consequence
Once written will later find u wishin

That the epiphany now hittin me
Didn't need so much time to see
But the sams transgressions may
Also be a blessin, a present of me

Who is evolved from who I use to be
But still knowing its nor enough
So more consciously I move on as it cautions me to live lawfully tough

And although premature I grew up
This reflexion will be my incubator
better late than not seein the indicator to act as my Instigator

The initiative initiating creator
So if you judge me for early labour
That conceived the belief Received i only hope it relieves knowing these

Words are left to show your deceived
But if that's the cost I wagered
Then this poem now stands a receipt for dues paid and mayb one day later

I can be refunded or if nothing write it Off as a cost of business
Or even education bridging the gap
Of inflation since my occupation

Leaves me expendable so vacation
is taken at club prescription med
So metaphysically I fly to my own
Tropic island gettin out my own head

Where I dare swim in the despair
Of being overwhelmed by damage
left by dumb adolescence to manage
The mess it collects so i bandage

damage i caused Unnecessarily
Physical and mental damage
mislabeling Addiction as a habit like affliction warnings were in spanish

Walking around while I fly high
Not realizing I was being ravaged
So if i end average its stil better than
The full picnic basket short a sandwich

That I was, with a side order of
A chip on my shoulder
Which I learned to swallow with my
Pride which is y i got fat when older

Which is a built Im jacket as colder
It will definitely get til karmas done
Dishing out what outta be awfully
Close to described as ******

A relationship maintained constantly
And a futures what it's costin me
Basically karma holds the **** u emit
Like it was a bag of your colostomy

Only it gets tossed back onto me
Which sparked nostalgia in my head
Hearing my mothers voice echo
Now making sense of why she said

I was **** for brains or **** head
Like my dad often used
Not as abuse but to give truth
Of what becomes of wasted youth

The rebirth of our nation
rests in motion.
In a country mounted
on revolutionary (Freedom of) Speech
fear of falling off the balance beam
permeates our culture's streets
Rock bottom is visible.

The next step in a row of stones
might require more than a skip
but the heavy heart of resiliency
                         must persist,
preserve the embers that
burn in the enduring hand
of our Statue (of Liberty).

Cope with the wilted white flowers
Look to the rising sun
every morning it emerges with
tired eyes, sleeping flames,
garden beds greeted with mist.

Listen to the music of mighty mitochondria
Let the DNA of "bend don't break"
and swords of endorphins thrive
'til their final breath.

Fight unmerited power
with a rigid, rebellious fist
and a voice armed to the teeth
from the mouth it speaks.
Fight 'til the white of bone
and then some.

This is the long anticipated
wake-up call from Mother Gaia;
it comes in the form of tears.
Don't let them drown us,
create new
streams, rivers, lakes, and oceans
so they wave with every
spun cycle
of Earth's journey
around the sun
of a

Can I trust you
The way I’ve trusted
Those
Before
You?

For the first time
The world looks
Like a
Dangerous
Place

The lens shifts
From rosy
To grey

I have
Believed
Something good
About humans
With a complexity that
Shapes each life

And now this
Monochrome
Film
Covers my eyes
And I see something
Plain
And dark
And worth fearing

Do I know you
In my soul
With my intuition
In my gut
Or am I a fool
To believe
That you wouldn’t
Break my heart
That I won’t become
Another song
Another movie
Another shattered being

Is it a right of passage
That I’ve never endured
Perhaps it’s a lesson
I've been waiting  
To understand

Trust
Fear
Hope
Resiliency
Soul
Path
Healing

Where I sit now
Is in between the lenses
The way that
A dreary day
Makes your eyes squint
With cloudy
Overcast
Light

I readjust the glasses
Over and over
Again
Trying to find the
Position
That both
protects me
And let’s me see
With clarity
What lies ahead

Pass me that ****,
I don’t even smoke,
I just need me some hope,
Because I’m depressed,
Yet it’s treated as a joke.
Wondering when,
I’ll be like Georgie’s boat.
Cause I don’t know,
How much longer I can float?
But I’m trying my best,
To find ways to cope.
Even when I be,
Confusing my father with a ghost.
Who knew trauma,
Was like walking a tight rope!
And because I hate drama,
I follow my usual tropes.
By slipping away just like soap.
Never addressing the problems,
That has lead me down, these treacherous slopes.
Not sure where I’m supposed to go now.
All I know is that I’m going down.
And the inner walls, can’t protect me now.
With the bottled up emotions spilling out.
But unlike a Jordan Peele movie,
I don’t want this to Get Out.
Because it may damage the relationship,
That I’ve fought to have now.
However, my dads alcoholism is out of control now!
And I no longer feel safe within his home now.
It’s no wonder that my mental health is waning!
I suppose it’s crazy.
Wishing for a father that was healthy.
Such a sentimental fantasy.
When in actuality,
He blames my mother,
Even though he was the absentee.
And it was up to me,
To pick up the pieces,
Of my heart, that you left for me.
And growing up to be,
A man that you could never be.

Hook:
I’ve decided that, I won’t put up,
With the *******.
Of the narrow minded.
To high on their pulpit.
To see the trauma, I be trying to cope with.
(Yeah)

For I know my worth!
Cause imma resilient child,
That fought to live ever since birth.
An infant chiseled from earth,
Knowing that changes might hurt,
But if I never start.
I’ll never go,
For every high, there are lows.
Just how it goes.
That’s what I’m told.
Gotta be like Batman,
By being brave and bold.
In order to juxtapose,
Being exposed to the decomposed.
That life may hold.
Even if it might be,
A ******* lightning bolt.
Whatever the pain may be,
I’ll never give up hope.
Just got to reframe,
The toxins into antidotes.
Call that the anecdote,
Of these rhymes I done wrote.

Hook:
I’ve decided that, I won’t put up,
With the *******.
Of the narrow minded.
To high on their pulpit.
To see the trauma, I be trying to cope with.
(Yeah)
I won’t put up! No I won’t put up!
Nor will I give up! Never gonna give up!
Layed down too long,
And it’s about time I got up.
Been sleep walking too long,
So, it’s about time I woke up!

Recently.
I've been trying
to stay grounded.

Accepting the challenge
for the pursuit of
self recovery

This way I can
increase my chances
reduce relapses,
and on my journey,

I look before me.
a mirror projecting
the flesh
the bone
but not presenting images of resiliency, determination,
self discovery

The Inner Me…

Cause’ Dear self,
dear visionary, dreamer, aspiring writer, undying fighter-
you are all these things.

and when it all becomes too much
and you want to let go,

Dear self-

I hope you know,
there’s hope you know.

So keep your head on your shoulders
pick up the pieces
that have been scattered around

Dear self,
remember to keep your feet
on the ground.

we are not alone.

we have the cackling call of the
wise old crow
and the warbling whistle of the
persistent loon,
to remind us of that....

we are not alone.
we have the magnificent trees,
our sisters,
limbs outstretched in a forever
welcoming hug
providing shelter and shade and
authentic beauty just because
they can,
to remind us of that....

we are not alone.

we have the near-unbreakable rocks
and stones pregnant with resiliency
and raw grit, bathed in
curious colors from the
spark of life;
pinks, mauves, apricots, greys
and deep brick reds,
to remind us of that....

we are not alone

we have the playful wind and sky
weaving her many moods and contradictions,
orchestrating the elements while
caressing our skin and kissing our hair
never abandoning and always constant,
to remind us of that....

we are not alone.

we have the vivid green grass
full of ***** and willpower,
fearlessly embracing its
bold freshness and
seasonal rebirth, chanting:
"live boldly in THIS season in
THIS hour in THIS moment
because the only constant is change!"
to remind us of that....

loneliness is not a place
but a perspective.
not a feeling
but a thought.
not a reality
but an illusion.

nature is our constant comrade
showing up every single day of our lives,
regardless of the weather -
to not only breathe life into us
but right along with us.

she is us and we are her,
as we destroy her, we destroy ourselves
as we show her reverence and respect,
we show reverence and respect to ourselves,
and our Creator.

so don’t be a ****.

happy earth day
2018

Inspired,
guts required
sweat,blood and tears
racing heart masking fear.
Relentless desire to be the best me,
leave a legacy of resiliency.

If they cannot see
The beauty that I see,
The strength,
The resiliency,
The loveliness,
And how amazing you are,
Then they are blind.

constructed mentally, Over time
by our subconscious an imitation
as a defense mechanism built a prison on our visions, with Limitations  

in hopes failure can bring solace avoided is feeling voided
but so is opportunity,
So what good is impunity
if u have no ...immunity

To ******* preventing annuity
Internally u need unity
Cause self doubt can help hold u back when nothing else did so stupidly

U let the biased opinions
poison ur community
a hard lesson To learn when that lessons ur only gratuity

But how can u think Intuitively
When presented with all the theories
The factored potential risk, variables
And that's why I always fear me

Before my enemies or my obstacle
Cause if I'm not mentally stable
I won't be mentally able
And then eventually ill be hateful

Cuz essentially the playful
And light hearted always go
A little further, cuz his approach
And most self confidence shows

That even if he fails, he knows
Hell bounce back brilliantly
its not how many times u Fall,
but if u keep gettin up: Resiliency!

While at the same time learning humility and building these characteristics are prognosticators and measure predictions and see

When u wish on a star, that's me,
Go twinkle twinkle, &don;'t let them
****** ****** all over ur dreams and that includes you, who like them

Self sabotage  when ur self doubt
Comes out psyching ourselves out
Only after discovering someone else
Who made u second guess what u felt

So go in front of a mirror and peer
What appears when u get naked
Your ***** Now that u know u still have em
Take a mental picture and save it


Use the ****, to take life and **** it
break it, then erase it
Cause nothing can be written
About a destiny you didn't make yet

You act to manifest it
Don't eat their ******* reject it
If u already did dont digest it
Throw it up like a bulimic or anorexic

Supermodel.....how rude! Point is
Like H u need preparation fast
So u can get rich enough to payoff
Closeted Skeletons from the past

That's the plague of a dull heart in a
colorful world.

You never understand the hues radiating
from a person's soul.

You never fully comprehend the array of
fireworks behind one's smile.

Except for the writer herself.

She has a way with words.
She choreographs them in her mind and
then she watches them in awe, as they
dance on her paper.

She has a heart of rainbow calla lilies.
Always see's the best in people,
Disregards the worst.
This is the resiliency,
Of the writer' curse.
-Z.H.

The world around me has become more alive
But not happy
They are awake
And they are angry
We are the fallen
But not defeated
No matter how many battle wounds we endure
We will not hemmorage
For we are the sensitive but not weak
Observant with tired eyes
Our voice trembles but we speak
Oh but when we speak
You won't forget a single word
The world around me is testing me
They are ravenous but they won't break me
Resiliency has become me

Today was the first day of class.
You should have seen all the people.

Everyone couldn’t have had class, some of them must
have been gawkers, the types that slow to watch
flat tire changings and car wrecks.

Some were carrying maps - freshmen.
Like student drivers they clogged the paths,
drawing a few looks.

They gaggle together like geese,
Jeeezus - shut UP and get ON with it, freshies! I thought.
Not ungenerously - I remember being lost - back in the day.

I have class, myself - in both the intrinsic sense - of style -
and in the “research for credit” ‘check in on the first day,’ kind.

Still, we’re parading, and I’ve always loved parades.
My one regret is that there are no mimes or elephants.

ok.. poetry..
Stress is somewhere in my propinquity.
See, it’s known to stalk this vicinity.

I’m not a freshman, so it hasn’t struck yet,
but when it does, and it will, you can bet,
that initially, it will shake my tranquility
and end our start-of-year festivities.

It will creepily creep, destroying my sleep,
until I prove my scholastic resiliency.
.
.
Songs for this:
Violently Happy by Björk
Schoolin' Life by Beyoncé

Reflexion can bring depression
When reality is perception
predicated on a view of deception
Leading a manifestations progression

That shatters the complexion
Showing false feelings that lessin'
With the realization, or implication
Your aspirations are now lessons

That leave you less than copacetic
As dissipating is how impressive
You thought you were but pathetic
Is all you are, and so poetic

Is justice, and just this embedded
Is enough to make one emasculated
An epiphany, that's description be
A prescription seen to mask u hated

By the you subliminally traded
When morals and ethics do not
Seem to grow lessons as possessions
Show no imperfections, but got

Ramifications, that stand complaisant
When complacence seems apt
But that impatience, is now a patient
That's not embracin your thought

Until aspirations and inspiration
That was on vacation comes back
With inflation for the duration and is
Stationed threatening to smack

A reality check, as fallacy sets, at
The front door, on the door mat
As Persistent without resistance
As a fiend imprisoned by a crack

Addiction, that conditions the track
Of your life, filling its path
With inept regret u once had swept
Under the carpet for a debt that

Haunts the future, so u adapt
Or stay learning nothing and lack
A vision that helps position what
The collision causing impact

Has now been givin, so just collapse
Or accept the challenge& fight back
So you can disappoint and appoint
A future controlled by u or fact

Is that every hater who laughed
Every person who said u lacked
Can eat the **** given when their vision predicted there isn't a hack

Or given to counter act
The retardation of ur handicap
So my mission, is to take what I'm given, and make a livin that has

Something that pride can intact
Remain, as a brain shows the dead
Can resurrect like a man whose ***
Lets him be ***** after ****** past

Symbolizing that in fact
That a comeback before an end
Is possible and is plausible,
More so than Christ rising again

No I'm not anti religion but when
It's time to be brave, what'll aid you
Is not a multiple layer of prayer cuz
Despair, can only repair and save you

Not Jesus Christ or Buddha in life
Cause respite and redemption
Can only be implicated once infiltrated
Is the integrated affection

That failure uses to comfort you
And lead you to ultimate denial
So you believe the deceived, that convinces u what u achieved is vital

When it's minuscule and limits you
To a pity fool it's pitiful
So it's time to leave a mark, not a ****
Cuz a stink left as a residual

Leaves only a bad smell no visual
Be a man who's original
Don't follow footsteps, and hook left
Like u cook **** for a digital

Scale that weighs the individual
Not just the drugs and it states
That you are exactly what u will be
An expendable person who makes

No difference, cause indifference
Leaves you equal to pigeons
A scrub who only gets love from those who can't get above their addiction

Either that or your in a prison
Built by your bad choices now left
To be a constant reminder of how
You are blinder than a finer kept

Lemming, who gave away an ending
Full of purpose and worth
For possessions with no progression
Givin no lesson, a birth

Made in vain, and when the pain
Strains and stains your life
You'll remain in with the pain
You slowly obtain and might

Be susceptible to sleepless nights
Unprepared for the endless fights
But when insights not a set sight
You relinquish the potential unlike

The one fate expected in spite
Of the ignorance, saying "psyche"
As it takes. The bliss it Gives,
Cuz likes a ***** when despite

The chance given for flight
Glory, greatness but it's height
Is stumped when even Forrest Gump
Succeeded when less than bright

Was he, but resiliency, invites
And provokes a hope that lies
In Every man that believes he can
Execute a plan, that dies

When you accept all the lies
That insist incessantly, ur trail
Will never lead or proceed to a day you'll exceed or hail

So when the greed impales
With desire, and greed, it's salt
Will cost you the dreams you tail
Prognosticating the reason u fail

remembering to let go
of what i've been
clenching in my fists
for so long
hurts

in the same way
the hunting blade did
in the raeman cabin

at first it's all shock
and the blood explodes
and it squirts
everywhere
and it's on my face and hers
and my clothes and hers
and the floor and the walls

i just looked at her
and said,
"i cut my finger"

and when i went
outside
everyone gathered
around me and stared

i'm not even sure what that
has to do
with what i began with

perhaps it's the shock
of something tearing into
you so deep
when you least expect
it

or maybe
it's the sustenance
that still pours out of me
despite
my desperate want
to hold it all inside

or the fact
that no one can help
but gawk with their
gaping mouths
at you as you're
losing vitality by
the seconds that pass
in slow motion,
but so quickly, all at once

and then all you're
left with
is a deep aching pain
that reaches
places you didn't know
would feel the gnawing throb
that settles in deep
and won't soon vanish,
but rest assured
when you lay
on your
pillow
surrounded
but your
curls,
resiliency is not
something
that you
were slighted of